In the City Of Love

Submitted into Contest #50 in response to: Write a story about a proposal. ... view prompt

253 comments

Romance

One.

I am in Arizona out for a weekend. I look down and pick at my tangled hair. It touches my lap and looks like there are eggs caught on my locks. Standing in the middle of the Grand Canyon Park, I see a slender man. He looks like he is in his late twenties. His front tooth is chipped. His hair is held back by gel. He takes out a ring, gets down on his knee, and murmurs something. The woman he has knelt before cheers. Yeah, she practically cheers. Ah, they are getting married. The woman is very beautiful. Her hair is blonde. A fairy tale kind of blonde. So blonde that it almost looks silver. She isn’t wearing any makeup, yet she glows. She is dressed in a knee-length black dress. Black. Noah's favorite color.


Two.

I am in New York. This time I see a girl being proposed to right in the middle of the Brooklyn Bridge. She is no older than me. Her hair is a cascade of black curls tumbling down her back. She is wearing a red sleeveless dress. What a daring color. Her lips wear nothing except for the big smile when she sees her boyfriend (or maybe her fiancé) proposing her. Her fiancé/boyfriend is a very tall guy, With shoulder-length hair. Unlike the girl, he is dressed up in nothing formal. Just a black sweatshirt with a pair of army sweatpants. And yeah, a pair of Nike sneakers too. I am very impressed with this guy's idea of a ‘perfect proposal.’ They get to have the epic New York City skyline as their backdrop! New York. Noah' s favorite city.


Three.

I am in Greece. Wandering and wandering in Santorini, I haven’t been able to see any proposal as yet. The sun is going down, and so does the man in front of me, on his knee. He is nervous. Or maybe he isn’t? He smiles and wrings his hand. Then smiles again. The woman he is about to propose is calm as ever. What a beauty she is. Her hazel eyes shine like orbs in the night. She is dressed up in an orange ankle-length dress and white Adidas. Her beautiful dress reflects off the oranges and pinks of the sky which beautifully contrasts the city's stunning white walls. Perfect for a romantic ambiance!


Four.

I am in Rome. Standing in front of the historic site of Colosseum makes me realize just how much I hate the subject of history. So far, I haven’t encountered a couple as yet. I am minding my own business, never even by chance lifting my gaze when suddenly, I bump into an old woman. She is a cute little thing. Her eyes are as small as a bead. The corners of her mouth are slightly turned up. “Hey, young lady. Watcha doin' out here, all alone?” But, before I can answer, she gets dragged into the middle of the place by an equally old man. What an adorable couple they make. Unlike all the couples I saw earlier, he doesn’t get down on his knee, he just holds her hands and says, "Will you marry me?” and suddenly people start to crowd around. Some tearing at the beautiful sight and some cheering all along. Wow, what a spectacle! Witnessing a spectacle. Noah's favorite hobby.


Five.

I am at the Opera House in Sydney. It is almost dusk. The slanting of the setting sun gives an almost warm orange tinge to the sky. As I descend the lane, I approach a man dressed up in the same attire as Charlie Chaplin. He is doing a pantomime: acting without words. He is calling...me? No, it is the woman behind me whom he is addressing. He has a red rose in his hand. He acts weirdly, yet every action of his is crystal clear. He raises his hand, makes a pleading motion, and then gets down on his knee. The woman is at a loss of words. She is dumbfounded at the sight. Her face is damp with tears. Quickly, she nods her head and the man puts on the ring in her right hand's third finger. Isn't the ring supposed to be in the third finger? Sighing, I leave the sight because this woman is not me and the man is not Noah, either.


Six.

I am in Italy standing amongst the Venetian Gothic architecture, and dreamy lampposts lighting up the streets at twilight. No wonder this is just another choice of another couple. The proposal has already been done. I'm near St. Mark’s Square outside the Basilica. I follow the couple through the entrance of the San Giorgio Maggiore church to see them get married on the spot. Douce!


Seven.

I am finally in the City of Love. 

Noah's city. 

Paris.

The seventh year, he had said.

Seven years after my parents' death.

Seven years after his parents' death.

I am back, Noah! Back again.

Where are you?


Above the frenetic city hubbub, the honking taxis, and swarms of pedestrians marching on their missions, the sky is comparatively moving slow. The movement of the clouds is barely perceptible and even the birds wheel in slow lazy arcs. But this juxtaposition is lost on the citizens. No-one even looks up. And suddenly, the sky above is alive, growing at each passing moment, a constantly changing canvas for the world to see: an endless canvas on which colors are tossed upon. Noah. Noah. Noah.


The canvas of darkened colors stretches over my head, gloriously brilliant in the dipping sun. My heart, caged like a bird in my chest, thrums with a strange sort of feeling as I see the clouds vanish into thin wisps and the moon rising in the sky. The ethereal light the budding stars give off reminds me of iridescent, sweeping rainbows; the moment of stunning epiphany when I'd first gazed into Noah's eyes. It was beautiful.


He told to me to wait.

"My lady?"

For seven years.

Noah. Noah. Noah.

But, he never told me why.

"Tris? Oh, come on, Tris."

Why after seven years?

Noah. Noah. Noah.


There he is. Down on his left knee, the handsome Noah. "Beatrice Miller? Will you marry me?" My stomach flips. So, this is how it felt. This is how the black-haired lady must've felt. This is how the old woman must've felt.


I don't know what to do.


So, I just stand till Noah wipes my tears.


So, I just stand till Noah inserts the ring on my left hand's fourth finger.


So, I just stand till he envelopes me in his arms.



15 Of The Prettiest Places To Propose









July 12, 2020 10:38

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253 comments

N. Thorne
01:18 Jul 14, 2020

The imagery in this story is very good, especially the Paris scene. As a reader I could see everything you were describing so great job! And I've been there seeing others getting engaged and waiting for it to happen to me so I could relate to the emotional build up!

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Batool Hussain
03:49 Jul 14, 2020

Thank you so much

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Maha K
16:59 Jul 13, 2020

Wow!!! Loved reading it.

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Batool Hussain
16:59 Jul 13, 2020

Thank you!

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Corey Melin
16:51 Jul 13, 2020

Very well done. I can relate in a way as I travelled to numerous places single seeing many couples. Beautiful ending with a beautiful picture. Makes me want to go back to Paris.

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Batool Hussain
16:53 Jul 13, 2020

Thank you so much, Corey! I'm so glad that it was relatable;)

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Sav G
16:44 Jul 13, 2020

Nice story! The movement from each scene to the next was great, but I think it might have moved a little fast.

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Batool Hussain
16:48 Jul 13, 2020

Thanks for the feedback;)

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Zan Lexus
15:55 Jul 13, 2020

Beautiful story.

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Batool Hussain
16:22 Jul 13, 2020

Thanks:)

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Arvi Krish
08:33 Jul 13, 2020

Wow! Lovely story.

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Batool Hussain
08:37 Jul 13, 2020

Thanks!

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Tim Law
11:02 Jul 13, 2020

Loved it Batool... You have painted such a beautiful picture, I almost feel like I was there too celebrating each beautiful proposal, each special moment. Well done mate.

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Batool Hussain
11:09 Jul 13, 2020

Thank you so much

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Deborah Angevin
10:03 Jul 13, 2020

This is such a relatable story! (I just got proposed myself and felt exactly the same as Tris :D)

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Batool Hussain
10:08 Jul 13, 2020

Really? So happy for you!

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Deborah Angevin
22:59 Jul 15, 2020

Thank you! :D Would you mind checking my recent story out, "Orange-Coloured Sky?" Thank you!

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Batool Hussain
04:00 Jul 16, 2020

Sure

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Philip Baker
08:13 Jul 13, 2020

Great story!

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Batool Hussain
08:18 Jul 13, 2020

Thanks:)

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Jen Park
07:10 Jul 13, 2020

Wow, amazing, Batool! I kind of expected the ending but it was such a pleasant read! Though your descriptions are short and simple, it is enough to paint remarkable pictures in my mind! I could easily understand how Beatrice felt even though you mentioned nothing directly about her emotions. What a good example of show not tell! I certainly have a lot to learn from your stories. Also, nice picture in the end. :D

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Batool Hussain
07:31 Jul 13, 2020

Thank you so very much

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06:34 Jul 13, 2020

Lovely romantic tale! Loved the feel of going around the globe witnessing love all over!

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Batool Hussain
07:32 Jul 13, 2020

Aww, thanks a lot

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Andrew Grell
23:37 Jul 12, 2020

I liked the pacing of the story and I liked the details; I've been to most of those places so it rings true to me. But I'm not clear on why Beatrice didn't just go to Paris if she knew that's where Noah lives. Also, and I'm guessing English is not your native language, you have some preposition issues. For example, you don't propose someone, you propose TO someone.

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Batool Hussain
04:03 Jul 13, 2020

Ah thanks. Glad that you were able to relate to it. And, yes English isn't my first language. Thanks for reading and commenting;)

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PAMELA ABWAO
18:55 Jul 12, 2020

You know how to play with word to convey the message

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Batool Hussain
04:12 Jul 13, 2020

Thanks.

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Miles Gatling
18:10 Jul 12, 2020

Great story! Marriage, a milestone in life and such. Nice foto too.

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Batool Hussain
18:16 Jul 12, 2020

Haha! I like that 'foto.' Thanks for the feedback;)

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Red Herring
18:05 Jul 12, 2020

This is an interesting concept-- a proposal within a proposal. I enjoyed the idea that there was this condition to be met, almost as though it was a fairy tale spell that Noah was casting for everlasting love, so perhaps something interesting to integrate would be the why he set this condition. I felt curious about this, because if some man told me--- wait seven years, travel the world, watch other people have happy beginnings--- I would be quite peeved. I probably would have told him to bugger off. I was a little disappointed with the main ...

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Red Herring
18:10 Jul 12, 2020

Actually, I'm re-reading it more, and now I notice the "come on, Tris." I think I was off-course because she describes him there as "my beautiful Noah." Maybe show a bit more distance, like "the beautiful Noah."

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Batool Hussain
18:14 Jul 12, 2020

Thanks for such a LONG feedback. I am over the moon! And, I love your advice at the end;)

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Red Herring
18:17 Jul 12, 2020

Regardless, I enjoyed it, as it makes me think and I feel for the woman!

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Batool Hussain
18:21 Jul 12, 2020

I can't thank you enough for this, Nadia;)

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Red Herring
18:30 Jul 12, 2020

Of course, you're not a writer without a community! I really liked your other piece so I was curious to see more!

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18:03 Jul 12, 2020

Woahh this is a great story! I love the way you formatted it and talked about all the proposals all over the world! Made me want to get married 😂😂!

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Batool Hussain
18:14 Jul 12, 2020

Haha!

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Urooj Asim
17:51 Jul 12, 2020

Loved it!!!

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Batool Hussain
17:53 Jul 12, 2020

Thank you;)

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17:49 Jul 12, 2020

Beautiful I love how you built up to her proposal. And I loved the proposal of the old couple. Very good job.

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Batool Hussain
17:49 Jul 12, 2020

Thank you so much!

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Aqsa Malik
16:37 Jul 12, 2020

Hey, I finally got around to checking your works haha! I'll start off by saying that I love the imagery you use to bring out scenes, especially that of the sky (is the sky something you're really fond of? you describe it perfectly at different stages!). I especially loved the imagery of part 7 where she's describing the sky in Paris-it was wonderful and felt magical! I also like your use of the short sentence style, it's one of my favourite styles of writing! There's just some things I noticed that I'll point out: -in the beginnin...

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Batool Hussain
16:58 Jul 12, 2020

Thank you so very much. I truly appreciate your feedback;) * Yeah, you guessed it right, I am truly fond of skies🤗 * I'll correct your spotted mistakes immediately. As you may see from my profile, I'm really new to this site. I thank you once again!

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Aqsa Malik
17:18 Jul 12, 2020

Of course! We're all here to help each other become better writers :D

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R L Brewer
23:46 Jul 12, 2020

I saw the conflict as the longing and the waiting, which is probably what the prompt was leading to, but it's all good. Anticipation was building up and it was clever.

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Khizra Aslam
16:20 Jul 12, 2020

Your narration is so good. The whole story was playing in my head like a moving scenario and everytime a new couple is described, the curiosity in me increases. And the end is so romantic 😍

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Batool Hussain
16:59 Jul 12, 2020

Ah,I'm so glad that you liked it;)

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