In the City Of Love

Submitted into Contest #50 in response to: Write a story about a proposal. ... view prompt

253 comments

Romance

One.

I am in Arizona out for a weekend. I look down and pick at my tangled hair. It touches my lap and looks like there are eggs caught on my locks. Standing in the middle of the Grand Canyon Park, I see a slender man. He looks like he is in his late twenties. His front tooth is chipped. His hair is held back by gel. He takes out a ring, gets down on his knee, and murmurs something. The woman he has knelt before cheers. Yeah, she practically cheers. Ah, they are getting married. The woman is very beautiful. Her hair is blonde. A fairy tale kind of blonde. So blonde that it almost looks silver. She isn’t wearing any makeup, yet she glows. She is dressed in a knee-length black dress. Black. Noah's favorite color.


Two.

I am in New York. This time I see a girl being proposed to right in the middle of the Brooklyn Bridge. She is no older than me. Her hair is a cascade of black curls tumbling down her back. She is wearing a red sleeveless dress. What a daring color. Her lips wear nothing except for the big smile when she sees her boyfriend (or maybe her fiancé) proposing her. Her fiancé/boyfriend is a very tall guy, With shoulder-length hair. Unlike the girl, he is dressed up in nothing formal. Just a black sweatshirt with a pair of army sweatpants. And yeah, a pair of Nike sneakers too. I am very impressed with this guy's idea of a ‘perfect proposal.’ They get to have the epic New York City skyline as their backdrop! New York. Noah' s favorite city.


Three.

I am in Greece. Wandering and wandering in Santorini, I haven’t been able to see any proposal as yet. The sun is going down, and so does the man in front of me, on his knee. He is nervous. Or maybe he isn’t? He smiles and wrings his hand. Then smiles again. The woman he is about to propose is calm as ever. What a beauty she is. Her hazel eyes shine like orbs in the night. She is dressed up in an orange ankle-length dress and white Adidas. Her beautiful dress reflects off the oranges and pinks of the sky which beautifully contrasts the city's stunning white walls. Perfect for a romantic ambiance!


Four.

I am in Rome. Standing in front of the historic site of Colosseum makes me realize just how much I hate the subject of history. So far, I haven’t encountered a couple as yet. I am minding my own business, never even by chance lifting my gaze when suddenly, I bump into an old woman. She is a cute little thing. Her eyes are as small as a bead. The corners of her mouth are slightly turned up. “Hey, young lady. Watcha doin' out here, all alone?” But, before I can answer, she gets dragged into the middle of the place by an equally old man. What an adorable couple they make. Unlike all the couples I saw earlier, he doesn’t get down on his knee, he just holds her hands and says, "Will you marry me?” and suddenly people start to crowd around. Some tearing at the beautiful sight and some cheering all along. Wow, what a spectacle! Witnessing a spectacle. Noah's favorite hobby.


Five.

I am at the Opera House in Sydney. It is almost dusk. The slanting of the setting sun gives an almost warm orange tinge to the sky. As I descend the lane, I approach a man dressed up in the same attire as Charlie Chaplin. He is doing a pantomime: acting without words. He is calling...me? No, it is the woman behind me whom he is addressing. He has a red rose in his hand. He acts weirdly, yet every action of his is crystal clear. He raises his hand, makes a pleading motion, and then gets down on his knee. The woman is at a loss of words. She is dumbfounded at the sight. Her face is damp with tears. Quickly, she nods her head and the man puts on the ring in her right hand's third finger. Isn't the ring supposed to be in the third finger? Sighing, I leave the sight because this woman is not me and the man is not Noah, either.


Six.

I am in Italy standing amongst the Venetian Gothic architecture, and dreamy lampposts lighting up the streets at twilight. No wonder this is just another choice of another couple. The proposal has already been done. I'm near St. Mark’s Square outside the Basilica. I follow the couple through the entrance of the San Giorgio Maggiore church to see them get married on the spot. Douce!


Seven.

I am finally in the City of Love. 

Noah's city. 

Paris.

The seventh year, he had said.

Seven years after my parents' death.

Seven years after his parents' death.

I am back, Noah! Back again.

Where are you?


Above the frenetic city hubbub, the honking taxis, and swarms of pedestrians marching on their missions, the sky is comparatively moving slow. The movement of the clouds is barely perceptible and even the birds wheel in slow lazy arcs. But this juxtaposition is lost on the citizens. No-one even looks up. And suddenly, the sky above is alive, growing at each passing moment, a constantly changing canvas for the world to see: an endless canvas on which colors are tossed upon. Noah. Noah. Noah.


The canvas of darkened colors stretches over my head, gloriously brilliant in the dipping sun. My heart, caged like a bird in my chest, thrums with a strange sort of feeling as I see the clouds vanish into thin wisps and the moon rising in the sky. The ethereal light the budding stars give off reminds me of iridescent, sweeping rainbows; the moment of stunning epiphany when I'd first gazed into Noah's eyes. It was beautiful.


He told to me to wait.

"My lady?"

For seven years.

Noah. Noah. Noah.

But, he never told me why.

"Tris? Oh, come on, Tris."

Why after seven years?

Noah. Noah. Noah.


There he is. Down on his left knee, the handsome Noah. "Beatrice Miller? Will you marry me?" My stomach flips. So, this is how it felt. This is how the black-haired lady must've felt. This is how the old woman must've felt.


I don't know what to do.


So, I just stand till Noah wipes my tears.


So, I just stand till Noah inserts the ring on my left hand's fourth finger.


So, I just stand till he envelopes me in his arms.



15 Of The Prettiest Places To Propose









July 12, 2020 10:38

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253 comments

Ken Coomes
19:20 Jul 12, 2020

A nice, romantic story. It raised many questions for me, which leads to my wanting more. I think that's a good thing for a writer to elicit. I feel like this had more errors than your last, maybe in your haste to tell the story? Worth the read, and the like.

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Batool Hussain
04:12 Jul 13, 2020

Thanks for the feedback.

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18:30 Jul 12, 2020

This was so cute! I like how you built the suspense and intrigue with the numbers between each scene. I did spot a good amount of grammatical errors, but other than that great job!

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Batool Hussain
04:13 Jul 13, 2020

Oh, could you please point out the errors? Thanks.

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Mara C
17:25 Jul 12, 2020

Wonderful! Heartwarming! Lovely! Love the way you have written this - love the counting in-between each paragraph, really adds a build up of anticipation and excitement! :D

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Batool Hussain
17:34 Jul 12, 2020

Thank you so much, Mara! It means a lot. Btw, I love how cool ur name sounds .Ma-ra!

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Mara C
17:39 Jul 12, 2020

You're welcome! :D And thank you as well ^.^

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Emma Chatterton
15:06 Jul 12, 2020

I love this, it's such a sweet story. I love the anticipation which is built up by the counting between each paragraph.

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Batool Hussain
15:21 Jul 12, 2020

Thank you! If you don't mind, please give it a like:)

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12:53 Jul 12, 2020

Very nice job. You really set a scene with each section. And I really liked how you set it up onto sections

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Batool Hussain
12:59 Jul 12, 2020

Thank you. Such a comment coming from a great author like you means a lot!

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12:23 Jul 12, 2020

This was lovely, especially your descriptions! Beatrice's loneliness really came through, and I'm so glad she got her proposal. One technical note, when you say "the moment of stunning epiphany when I'd first gazed into his Noah's Eyes luminescence of a glittering rugged diamond" I wasn't sure whether you were talking about Noah's eyes or a diamond named after Noah. Still, a wonderful read

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Batool Hussain
12:24 Jul 12, 2020

Thanks for the feedback, Emilie! Your words mean so much to me;)

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Sparrowhaven Press
12:25 Jul 12, 2020

You're welcome!

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Syeda Fatima
11:52 Jul 12, 2020

I was in tears the whole time, such a beautiful scene captured in every kind of pose possible! well done...

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Batool Hussain
12:00 Jul 12, 2020

Aww, thank you! If you enjoyed it, please give it a like( Don't mind);)

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Shivani Manocha
11:10 Jul 12, 2020

A sweet little story about the universal yet specific nature of love. Good job! You are a great writer. I have read some of your other stories as well. I just feel that if you could be a little more heedful towards the use of punctuation, you will excel in this field. For instance, when you write "She isn’t wearing any makeup yet, she glows", maybe the comma should have been placed before "yet". In a similar way, in the second paragraph, when you write "And, yeah a pair of Nike sneakers too", I feel the comma should have been after "y...

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Batool Hussain
11:15 Jul 12, 2020

I appreciate your feedback, Shivani. I am truly flattered by your remarks;)

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Shivani Manocha
11:33 Jul 12, 2020

I am glad to know that. Looking forward to reading many more stories from your end.

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Shivani Manocha
11:23 Jul 16, 2020

Hey Batool! Could you please check out my next story and let me know what you think about it? Any advise you have will be appreciated. Thanks!

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Samantha Chills
11:04 Jul 12, 2020

This is beautiful! I loved it:)

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Batool Hussain
11:15 Jul 12, 2020

Thanks.

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Abigail Slimzy
16:37 Jul 20, 2020

Pls I want enquire, if you Mistakenly delect a story can get back is there means of getting a selected story back?

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Batool Hussain
16:44 Jul 20, 2020

I'm sorry. I don't really understand what you are trying to ask here. Could you please explain?

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Nancy Drayce
12:55 Jul 19, 2020

Lovely story! ♡

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Batool Hussain
13:22 Jul 19, 2020

Thanks.

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Orenda .
08:54 Jul 19, 2020

Hey Batool, I'm pretty sure I've given a feedback to this wonderful story☺ but i just wanted to know how you insert a picture in here. Thanks:) Have a great day ahead and keep writing amazing stories for us huhuhuhu

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Batool Hussain
09:19 Jul 19, 2020

Hey! I copy the picture and then paste it wherever I want to:)

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Orenda .
09:21 Jul 19, 2020

Ooohh, thankssss!!

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Batool Hussain
09:23 Jul 19, 2020

I c from ur profile that you use Instagram, whats you are acc's name?

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Orenda .
09:28 Jul 19, 2020

https://www.instagram.com/bacon_on_the_top/ there you go:))

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Orenda .
09:25 Jul 19, 2020

One more thing, i searched for your name-storyliciouss on insta, but your account ain't showing:( Did ya delete it?

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Batool Hussain
09:32 Jul 19, 2020

Nope

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Orenda .
09:38 Jul 19, 2020

https://www.instagram.com/bacon_on_the_top/

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Batool Hussain
10:16 Jul 19, 2020

I changed my name @harkenvoid

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Tiffany Hua
23:50 Jul 18, 2020

This is truly remarkable, I loved the anticipation building up, and I was into the story from the start to the beginning! If you have time, please read mine! I'm hoping to hear constructive criticism on how to make my stories better.

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Batool Hussain
05:49 Jul 19, 2020

Thank you. And, sure;)

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M J
22:57 Jul 18, 2020

Wow! I love the format of the story. It's very creative. I also like the addition of the photo, it adds more color to the story. Would you mind checking out my new story? Thanks!

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Batool Hussain
05:49 Jul 19, 2020

Thanks. Sure!

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18:51 Jul 16, 2020

One thing i must say! Your writing skill is soo meticulous and divine that no matter how you develop your plot, it holds the capability to bind the reader with your imaginary and creativity. The way you put a picture in each of your stories makes it more lively and alive. You're a gifted writer. Keep up the good work. Kudos!

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Batool Hussain
03:43 Jul 17, 2020

Thank you! This means a lot to me ;) You made my day!

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Charles Stucker
07:06 Jul 15, 2020

Wow. So far, everyone but me has taken proposal to mean marriage. Each scene broke cleanly and kept to the established pattern of witnessing a proposal. I wondered about the count until seven, when it becomes clear each proposal was during a different year. It almost felt like she was cursed to always be the witness and never the participant. Being the evil wretch I am, I might have preferred that ending.

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Batool Hussain
07:27 Jul 15, 2020

Thank you. I hope you liked it. Your feedback means a lot :)

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02:43 Jul 15, 2020

This story is so romantic destined to have an air of expectancy about it. There is a common thread of two lives meshing into endless love surpassing the moon, stars, and world with no limits. Each couple eager to view the wonder of living through the eyes of the other.

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Batool Hussain
03:27 Jul 15, 2020

Thank you!

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Cheri Jalbert
23:09 Jul 14, 2020

I enjoyed reading this lovely story. Loved the descriptions, so vivid drawing the reader deeper into the tale. The characters came alive in each city. Great ending.

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Batool Hussain
03:28 Jul 15, 2020

Thank you!

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15:10 Jul 14, 2020

What a narration! I loved this story. Your description of characters and the proposals spanning different cities is amazing. The anticipation built up all through the story and it's fulfilment at the end was so heartwarming. Kudos! ✌️✌️✌️

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Batool Hussain
15:14 Jul 14, 2020

Thank you so much! This means a lot;)

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B H
15:03 Jul 14, 2020

This is so heartwarming. I really loved the build up to the propsal. Beatrice's anticipation was described perfectly. I loved it!

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Batool Hussain
15:13 Jul 14, 2020

Thank you so much! Also, I like the fact how both of our names have the same initials (B H) lolz

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B H
15:28 Jul 14, 2020

Oh yes!

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