“Susan you are now a grown up girl, For God sake don’t dream so much especially during the day, Auntie Alan warned Susan.”You must go to work.Im tired.My bones are weak .I don’t understand that why You dream so much.Life is something very practical.These dreams will not full fill your needs.“.Auntie Alan said very concernedly” ,The animal sleeps but man dreams.”replied Susan.”You must go to parliament and becomes a speaker, You would be a great Speaker”. adviced Auntie Alan very sarcastically.Next day on breakfast table Susan asked her auntie,” would you mind lend me some money”. “Don’t make a mockery, what would you do with the money,I don’t have money for dreams”.replied Auntie very wryly.Susan left her breakfast and went out of the apartment.She was very gloomy.”Hey Susan why are you so much distressed. asked Fred.”Fred I need some money”.said Susan very humbly.” How much” asked Fred.At least a thousand dollars.”What , what will you do with this amount”.asked Fred very firmly..” I would travel to other city for some good job” answered Susan turning around. .”Listen, don’t go after glamour, don’t do great expectations.find some job over here in this city.”adviced Fred.
“I know you are my best friend،if you are not in a position to lend me than don’t lecture me”.said Susan angrily.”No,if you go far,I would be alone,I love you”, replied Fred very charishly. “Than leave it”, said Susan very angrily.”OK ,I would lend you the amount, but when.”asked Fred, “Right now” said Susan very eagerly.”ok I’ll be here in an hour.”said Fred.Susan went inside the apartment and started her packing”.where are you going”? Asked Auntie Alan,”l don’t know” replied Susan in a very irresponsible way. “What do you mean I don’t know and where would you move where you cant afford to travel ? worriedly said Auntie “It’s none of your business.”again she replied very rudely.” Listen I must warn you, You are an inexperienced and raw hand girl, Wolves would slash you out”.But Susan very unworriedly doing packing.”Listen Auntie, you always make a mockery of my dreams but I must tell I’m going by bus but I'll back by plane”, “Yes,why not,You are a celebrity,I guess a chartered plane.” Auntie Alan made a very bad face.As Susan went out,Fred was waiting.He lend him the amount.”Fred I’m thankful to you and she passionately kissed him””ok bye” and she took her way.
• A very beautiful bus arrived at the terminal.She was looking very attractive in white dress”Would you please mind give some directives to find a cheap place to stay”?asked Susan from the terminal receptionist.” “Yes lady if you go just by Walk, on the left side of the road you will find a building known as' Mrs Davis guest rooms', “that place is very decent”. Guided the receptionist.She Ireached the Guest Rooms very easily and she stayed.. Next day she went out to find a job.She entered in a Bar room,there she met Mrs Smith,she hired her as a wine server .
She was very pretty. Many customers wanted to interact her,go to dinner make her a guest for a night but she straightly refused to all.Next day As usual, Hall was jam packed.In the meantime a gentleman entered and sat at the corner of the hall. He was richly dressed but looking quite lost and dismay.She asked the bartender about him.He told him that” he is Mr Ebanzer.He is a business tycoon.Go and served him well”.Susan brought her the drink.He needly drank it.Than she again brought a drink,he again drank it in one gulp.Susan brought five fillments but he drank it in one go and asked Susan to bring more.”Sir,if you don’t mind this was your fifth fillment you have had”. Mr Ebanzer eyes became red “you bloody tramp,are you my wife,you fucker, go and bring me more“.Said Mr Ebanzer Very desperately.In the meantime Mrs Smith stepped in.”Mr Ebanzer,Im extremely sorry,she is a new comer ,she doesn’t know the rules of business,she became homely”.Mrs Smith also scolded Susan in front of every body.She became very frightened and tight..The word “Tramp”was tramping in her mind.She threw her napkin and ran out of the hall and went straight to her room.while snapping the key to the whole,she felt some thing scrawling at her back,became scared and turned like a bullet. It was Mr Jaffer, her old neighbour.”what are you doing,why are you scrawling your hand on me”She screamed at the old man.”I watched you daily,I want to spend time with you”said Mr Jaffer.”I don’t know you and don’t talk to me like this”she said warningly.But that old man was very stubborn”I’m alone , need someone to love me,spend time with me”.Said Mr Jaffer very calmly.He at once took her hand and said”such a tight skin you have”.Susan immediately released her hand.”please come with me just for a night,please don’t turned down me".But Susan walked towards her room.”You dirty bitch" .Mr Jaffer shouted.What kind of the day is,Every body is abusing and scolding me.I like rat just ran away ,I don’t have any say.Everybody wants to use me and then throw like a tissue paper.she was thinking very badly.Infatuation arises and went to bed with a heavy heart.Next day as she stepped down, she saw Mr Smith waiting.and said”.” just passing here I thought to pick you”.She sat in his car.On the way he smiled and Said "Susan make love with me”.”What, stop the car,u rascal, you are a married man” said Susan shoutingly.He started nagging” my wife is tipple,doesn’t give me time”. The car stopped for a signal,she immediately dropped out from the car and went to wards taxi.Auntie Alan was right,these wolves will slash me,I better go back and search a job there.Fred was also right.I can’t stay here any longer. Today I would talk to Mrs Smith to find out my replacement.
As she entered the hall,a customer shouted”Hey Susan has come, come here my darling, you have spoiled our nights .That valorous person stood up and tried to hug Susan.As he touches Susan’s hand, Mr Ebanzer stood up and with a great fist bumped that man and
went to his table and sat there.she brought her famous brand.”I’m sorry last night I became very rash at you,I’m very much perturbed and I don’t know the way out”.He said it very apologetically. “Some business problem” She asked.”No ,no my business is doing very well,I have a domestic problem”.Mr Ebanzer answered”Actually my wife was expecting , last week she had fallen down from the stairs and had a miscarriage.Doctors said she would not become mother again in life. My parents are very curious for a baby, and if they knew about all this happenings they would die.im the only son of my parents.I have multi national projects,I’m filthy rich, first time in my life I’m stucked very bad”.said Mr Ebanzer and took a deep straight sip.Susan became contrite and said” today I hurt you”.”it’s ok “ said Mr Ebanzer. Susan wanted to stir him little.”Sir,I beg your pardon why don’t you marry again”. “No ,no I love my wife dearly”said Mr Ebanzer very nicely.
Susan was thinking about Mr Ebanzer, that how she could help him.
Next day as she entered the bar,the bar tender told her that Mr Ebanzer came and He was asking about you. Again he would come at three O’clock.
Exactly at three O’clock he entered the hall and after a little search he beckoned .Mr Ebanzer was looking in a very light mood”Susan,I don’t know how I start my words”.Mr Ebanzer said in a very low voice.”Sir, you can say everything, you are our respectable customer,we are proud of you”.susan said very calmly.”Tomorrow I would come at One O’clock and would go out for a lunch and will have little discussion”.He said and step towards the bar tender and gave him some tip and smiled to Susan and went out.
.Next day he came. and they both went to a very splendid hotel.As they entered the room,he opened the closet.Closet was full of beautiful dresses,sandals, perfumes.This is all for you “he said very happily.” For me but why”Susan asked very stuntly.”You are my Special guest”.He again said.”But Sir why I’m so special to you,I’m very ordinary person”.Susan said very humbly.”Now you are not an Ordinary person,your life is changing now dramatically”said Mr Ebanzer with a winking eye.He opened a refrigerator and had taken out two French juices and poured it in the glasses.
Then the dinner served.They had a wonderful dinner.”Susan, you don’t know you are very wonderful.very helping,a great sympathiser.You have many qualities”.He came near to Susan,she became scared and tried to make a distance .”Make your self comfortable”.You must have been thinking that why I have brought you here,want to talk to you a very serious matter. when I was coming from the bar suddenly an idea splashed in my mind” said Mr Ebanzer .”Sir what idea”. Susan interrupted him.”yes,I’m telling you,” Every cloud has a silver lining”, You must have heard this proverb and you have the solution for my problem”.He said. "what solution I don’t understand”Susan asked hurriedly .After a little pause, “he stood up and said I want to make a deal with you”.said Mr Ebanzer very seriously.”l told you about my problem yesterday for that I will give you million dollars for that you have to become a “surrogate mother”.please help me,I would be ruined.My whole business empire would be collapsed, there would be no legal heir, okay make it two million dollars and for God sake done it.”He said and sat quietly.Susan lost in thoughts,on the one hand there are Two million dollars and on the other hand I’m loosing my verganity…. didn’t know what to answer.”To win some thing to loose some thing” she thought in her mind.and after ……….ten minutes she said” okay with nodding smilingly. Mr Ebanzer sprouted up from his chair and desperately started kissing her.”what ,what are you doing but how will we manage all this situation”. Susan said while stepping back.”I have covered everything,I talked to my wife, Lyla,.she is totally convinced.Tomorrow I would take her to the doctor for check up, we will pick up you and you will go with us to our house.said Mr Ebanzer . They rushed to the car.They drove to the guest room, Susan collected her luggage and They both came back to the hotel.Mr Ebanzer was very excited . Susan was thinking that tonight we are alone,he would definitely go with this night . But Mr Ebanzer was a super gentleman, He just kissed her on her lips and parted for the night.
The whole night Susan was thinking about the coming situations.
At 12 O’clock Mr Ebanzer along with Lyla came to her.He handed over the Bank’s documents to Susan.Two Million dollars were transferred to Susan's account.Susan became a Millionare over night..Lyla was very beautiful and down to earth person,very simple and humbled by nature.She greeted Susan as one greet her sister.She said” you have saved me and my entire family.I am very grateful to you”.
Susan eyes filled with tears.
At about 3, o’clock they reached home.”House" was a small word,it was a large building with so many gardens, Drive way was about fifteen minutes.The whole building was marvellous .She thought that she had entered a grand palace.
Mr and Mrs Williams Johnson,Ebanzer's parents,were waiting.
What does doctor say?asked Mr Williams Johnson.Mr Ebanzer says that “it is all going well.””Thanks God”.parents expressed gratitude”But Ebanzer who is this lady”asked Ebanzer’s mother.”She is Susan , my friend's wife,she is also expecting, incidently ,they both have a same month of delivery,her husband is away on business trip,so she was alone,he requested me to care of her.”Mr Ebanzer said all this very confidently. Mr Ebanzer's mother came near to Susan and kissed her on her forehead.
Susan's room was just next to Mr Ebanzer's room.Next day Lyla came to her room and said that she is going to her parents house and would come after a day. She left in after noon.At 10, o’clock ,night, some body knocked the door.Susan Opened it very slightly and Mr Ebanzer stepped in.He gave a smile and for the first time they had a mating.Next day Lyla came back but Susan was feeling very shy.
.After a month ,They went for a Medical Check up.The whole way Lyla was praying and tears were pouring down her rosy cheeks. After a thorough check up of Susan,,doctor gave them the report .It was“Positive”.Both husband and wife hugged Susan.They all were happy. Days were passing on and one night, Susan felt severe Labour pain, Both the husband and wife took Susan to the Maternity hospital.At 2, o’clock ,in the morning Susan gave birth to a baby boy.In the Morning Mr Ebanzer's parents came to the hospital, went straight to the Lyla's room ,a baby was lying in the cot next to her.Parents became over joyed but Suddenly Mr William Johnson said what happened to Susan? The Doctor looked towards Mr Ebanzer and said .”Susan gave birth to a dead baby.””Oh very sorry” Mr and Mrs Williams Johnson expressed their grief.Next day all came home.Huge function was arranged.when every thing became to normalcy, Susan asked Mr and Mrs Ebanzer for leaving.They tried their level best that Susan should stay but she didn’t agree.”But when you’re intending to leave” asked Lyla.”Now just now”.Susan replied very thoughtfully.I never depend on tomorrow, today is every thing to me”.Susan replied with tears in her eyes.went straight to the Airport and flew .
Auntie Alan was cleaning the house,She saw Susan and ran towards her and hugged her.”I told u that day I will go by bus but I’ll back by plane.”Said Susan smilingly.
. About twenty years has been passed but Susan didn’t marry, She always says” There is only one husband in life”.
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Greetings !!! It's a nice story and i enjoyed it. Although it's a new concept yet its entertaining too. Thanks for sharing such marvelous stories and keep us busy in literature.
Thank you reedsy for the approval of this story.
Le partisan ,send me some critical analysism.
Thank you Deborah,I would definitely go through your story.Your writing is always acceptable.
I enjoyed the concept, Tariq! As others have said, a couple of issues with the punctuation, but I'm sure you are working on it too :) P.S: would you mind checking my recent story out, "Yellow Light"? Thank you :D
A new idea. Great.
Very interesting story weldone
This was a very entertaining read. I enjoyed reading it. There are some issues related to grammar, sentence structure etc. As I can see, Charles has explained them in detail here. Keep writing!
Thank you Roshna,you read my story.I really appreciate it.
Hi tariq,I enjoyed your story. The flow was really good.just one tiny point re punctuation eg auntie Alan was cleaning the house,She....., it doesn't need to be a capital or maybe two separate sentences? Hope this helps
Thanks Vicky,I really enjoying your comments,you all are very helpful like a family,I appreciate your words.
Thanks Vicky,it's good you all are taking interest in my stories.I like these types of commenting.
Very entertaining read of a life changing event. Looks like you received some advice on your dialogue to make it run smoother. You can also go to “grammarly” to help you out. Reading other great writers on reedsy will help to. Over time your stories will become masterpieces.
Yes Corey,I'm working on these issues.I really appreciate your comments.Please every week read my stories I like healthy criticism.
First thing I noticed was the need for line editing. the first "paragraph" is akin to two brief scenes. A line editor would make it look like “Susan you are now a grown up girl. For God's sake don’t dream so much; especially during the day," Auntie Alan warned Susan. "You must go to work. I'm tired. My bones are weak. I don’t understand that why You dream so much. Life is something very practical. These dreams will not full fill your needs," Auntie Alan said very concernedly. "The animal sleeps but man dreams,” replied Susan. ”You mus...
Thank you very much Charles,I appreciate it.You read it very closely,that's what I want.just click it yes is nothing.By the way have you story this week?.