Will cut you, for free...

“Is he in there? I can’t wait any longer, the silence is deafening”.

“Just wait Sindy, ‘patience bears good fruits, if you will just persevere and wait’ you know that old European Proverb…”.

The young ladies could barely stand waiting, peering inside, with their cheeks pressed firmly against the stores window glass.

“Maybe we should pull down our pants and press our bum cheeks up against the window, to see if it will tempt him to hurry and open up already” Sindy said chuckling.

“Oh Sindy, you’re so full of sin, have some self respect, it’s almost noon, he'll open up in a minute or two”.

The man they were waiting on, was well worth the wait, he was notorious for his practices. He owned the only salon/barbershop in town that had a full spa and steam room for its customers. Who’s this mysterious man were talking about? It’s the one and only, famed family man, Mister Pill Kosby, professional hair stylist. Mr. Kosby, was world renowned, for his one of a kind exclusive cuts and styles, for both women and men alike. His work has been featured in some of the most highly touted magazines and films. Mr. Kosby also garnered the moniker/nickname as “Mister Pilly Fingers” because of the outstanding level of detail, he was able to accomplish, in his hairstyles, by using only vintage clippers. The particular scissors Mr. Kosby uses, are a 125 year old, family heirloom, passed down by his grandfather Mr. Pillington Kosby Sr. Mr. Kosby would always arrive very early in the morning to the salon to make sure everything was perfect, for his arriving customers. He would spend at least a good 2-3 hours in preparations most days. Mr. Kosby use to only exclusively style for clients privately, however that changed, due to recent economic downturns in his town of Bootie Falls, California, US of A. Mr. Kosby now charged a premium price for his exclusive cuts to the public. The average person had to save up for weeks, just for one chance with the magical Mr. Pilly Fingers himself. Finally, the clock struck twelve o’ one and down “Mr. Kosby run” over to the door to let the girls in.

“Good afternoon Mr. Kosby, how are you, did you see us waiting for you all morning?” questioned Sindy.

“Stop right there Sindy, you know that, Mr. Kosby, is my father’s name, just call me Pill or Mr. Pilly Fingers to be exact!”.

“Okay, Mr. Pilly Fingers, not a problem, you know you are my favorite hair stylist and I love you dearly… ” explained Sindy, as she took a step inside the salon with her friend.

“Umm, naw naw naw, what are you girls doing, you know only one client is allowed in at a time?” said Mr. Kosby.

“Oh sorry Mr. Pilly Fingers, we almost forgot the ancient salon rules”.

“I’ll forgive you girls this last time, but you know rules maketh the man and woman, rules are the foundation of a bustling society!” exclaimed Mr. Kosby.

Sindy motioned to her girlfriend to wait outside and told her that she wouldn’t have to wait long, since they were the first ones there today. Mr. Kosby gave Sindy a hug and she sat down in the stylists chair, ready for her usual trim.

“Do you remember what style I want Sir?”.

“Yes of course Sindy, how could I ever forget the special style I do for you. You are one of my most beautiful and best paying clients. I may be getting old, but never doubt the memory of your dear Mr. Pilly Fingers!”.

“You’re so silly” Sindy laughed.

“And of course before we start, I have to ask, what drink can I get for you Miss Sindy?”.

“I’ll have the usual, a “Long Island” raspberry cooler, on the rocks please”.

“Coming right up princess Sindy” chuckled Mr. Kosby.

You see, Mr. Kosby’s salon, was the only one in town, that had the mandatory rule that “customers must have a fancy drink while they get their hair styled”. This mandatory rule was put into place, as soon as the salon was opened for business. Mr. Kosby wanted to create the most friendly of atmospheres. However, the alcoholic beverages were rather pricey, but Mr. Kosby worked that into the total price for the hair styling. Mr. Kosby then prepared the drink with his “special sauce”. Unfortunately, this is where this story takes a turn for the worst. Mr. Kosby has an insatiable lust for sensuality. Due to his complex condition, Mr. Kosby uses “special aids” to fulfill his dark desires. Unfortunately when preparing Sindy’s drink, Mr. Kosby secretly put a pill of a detrimental substance into the drink. This pill would ultimately allow Mr. Kosby to take full advantage of the intended victim, in this case Sindy. Mr. Kosby has a long history of committing these devious acts to the unsuspecting woman or man. He is a consummate professional in this dark art of allurement. Now skipping over to Sindy with the “enhanced” drink, Mr. Kosby apologized for taking so long.

“Sorry princess, I momentarily forgot the secret recipe” he chuckled.

“You’re so silly, that recipe is super easy, you must be up to something fishy Mr. Pilly Fingers?!”.

“Who me? Never, you silly girl” he retorted.

Sindy took a big gulp of her drink and Mr. Kosby began the hair cut and style. Two minutes later, Sindy mentioned to Mr. Kosby that she was feeling funny. As Mr. Kosby then rotated her seat to face the mirror, Sindy made sudden revelations about Mr. Kosby.

“Oh my, what’s wrong with your face, what big eyes you have Mr. Pilly Fingers!?”

“The better to see you with my dear”.

“Oh, what big ears you have Mr. Pilly Fingers!?” she said as she started to doze off.

“The better to hear you with my dear”.

“Oh, what a big nose you have Mr. Pilly Fingers!?”.

“The better to smell you with my dear”.

“Oh, what a big mouth you have Mr. Pilly Fingers!?” Sindy said as she completely passed out.

“THE BETTER TO TASTE YOU WITH MY DEAR!” he replied as he began to grope and take advantage of the now unconscious client.

A huge explosion of glass was then heard. The salon window was busted open and shattered.

“FREEZE, BFPD (Bootie Falls Police Department) BACK AWAY FROM THAT WOMAN, YOU LOW-LIFE SCUMBAG DEVIANT!” screamed Sindy’s friend.

Yes, the tables had turned on Mr. Kosby. He was stunned like a dear caught in the headlights. The friend Sindy initially went to the Salon with, was actually an undercover Detective and 5 star Police Officer. She had been investigating Mr. Kosby for years, after she began to notice how her friend Sindy, would always come back ravished and unstable after one her encounters with Mr. Kosby. That morning when the two ladies were waiting for Mr. Kosby, Sindy’s detective friend, put a wireless camera in the top corner of the salon window unbeknownst to Sindy. Later when she was denied entry into the salon by Mr. Kosby, she went over to her sting van. That is where she and a group of Officers streamed the encounter.

First, Mr. Kosby began to cry begging for sympathy, however then he turned violent yelling all types of epithets at the law enforcement Officers.

Mr. Kosby, also known as, Mr. Pilly Fingers was tried and convicted. This was after a recorded number of his previous victims, all came forward to testify against him and his charades. Most notably, during the trial, Mr. Kosby some how miraculously was able to get one of his special pills inside the courtroom. Then while handcuffed and with the whole world watching, he still tried to slip the pill into the prosecutions drinks. He failed. This also further incriminated him and left the jury flabbergasted. Finally, after that final spectacle, Mr. Kosby was sentenced to, two lifetime back to back terms, with no chance of parole.

After hearing what he had done, the inmates at his prison took an especial liking to him. They liked him so much that each and every inmate, short or tall, slim or obese, weak or strong, would give Mr. Kosby’s bare butt a spanking everyday, all day. They collectively beat his @$$ until it was beet red. Within months, he needed a butt and hip replacement due to all that sustained damage. As a result, he had to wear a diaper, with two peaches inside (for his diminished self confidence) for the rest of his years in the clink.

In conclusion, the man once known as Mr. Pilly Fingers is now known as Mr. Soft Bottom.

Due to the nature of his crimes, a documentary was later created about him called “The Kosby Show” with all proceeds going to his victims.

The moral of the story is this “Always bring a friend or video camera when going to salons, hairdressers or barbershops” :D.