Merry Wedding Bells??

"We should do a green card wedding."

Lucio just about chokes on his drink; he spits half of it out ― fortunately back into his cup rather than his computer ― and barely manages to swallow the rest.

"Say what now?"

"We should get married so I get a green card," Hana says, just as casually the second time around.

"Hana, I'm not even an American citizen," Lucio reminds, wiping his chin.

"Would it give us both citizenship or whatever if we got married in the states?" Hana muses, tipping her head back to look at him upside down.

"I don't think that's how that works."

"Hm. Too bad." She goes back to her game. "Can't use it as an excuse to propose then."

"An excuse?"

"Yeah," Hana answers absently, engrossed in her game already. "I've thought about proposing before. Figured, since you're ace and I'm demi, it'd be a good way to keep others off us, you know?"

"Did you forget I'm dating someone?"

"What, you can't have multiple spouses?"

"Not in the US!"

"Huh. Oh well." Hana doesn't say anything else, and Lucio is too floored to know how to respond.

This is absolutely not how he expected his Christmas Eve to go.

"I need a drink," he mutters, saving the music file he's working on and grabbing his cup.

"You have one," Hana points out.

"No alcohol in this one."

"Oh grab me a beer, would you?"

Lucio waves absently on his way out, going straight for the mess hall, where he finds Reinhardt, Zarya, Winston and Mei sharing a conversation over drinks and some pie ― probably one of Rein's test attempts for this year's Christmas feast.

"Hi, Lucio!" Mei greets, catching sight of him as he enters. Reinhardt looks up and grins, seeming a little less than sober.

"Lucio!" he booms eagerly, standing.

"Hey," Lucio chuckles. "Just getting a drink for me and Hana."

"I have a question for you," Rein says, joining him in the kitchen. He lowers his voice for once, and Lucio wonders if the old crusader is actually shy about certain things. "First, I must thank you for answering all of my incessant questions about your sexuality, and for... demonstrating." So he is shy; Lucio can't help the little bubble of pride that he helped the man understand himself better.

"Hey, no problem," he beams, taking and squeezing Reinhardt's hand. "People aren't taught enough about aces, and I'm just glad I could help you figure out how much you're comfortable with."

"I... have something to ask you," Reinhardt says carefully. For being a massive bear of a man, you'd think nothing would scare him, but he definitely looks a bit worried. "I know there is quite an age difference between us, and a proper proposal would be... questionable, so I wanted to make you an offer instead. I'm sure a popular musician such as yourself is hardly strapped for cash, but surely there must be something else I could do, as a... a sponsor, shall we say?"

Well fuck.

"Rein," Lucio says, not sure he's actually hearing what he thinks he's hearing. "Are you asking me to be your sugar baby?"

"That's such an uncouth way of putting it," Reinhardt protests, but his expression is absolutely guilty.

"What brought this up?"

"Well..." the man glances sheepishly back toward the others. "You didn't hear this from me, but Mei asked for Zarya's hand. They plan to announce it at the feast tomorrow. It's the holidays; spirits are high, and love is in the air." He hesitates and then sighs. "Maybe I just got caught up in the mood. I apologise."

"It's fine," Lucio assures. "I'm just not sure I'm exactly... like, marriage material, you know? Or sugar baby material, for that matter."

"I understand. If- If it isn't out of place, the offer stands." Reinhardt stands awkwardly for a split second, like he can't decide whether to wait for a response or leave it at that, and then nods and leaves the room.

Lucio downs his drink, and then another, and a third before grabbing one for Hana and taking it back to her. He avoids looking toward the table where the others are gathered, except to give them a quick wave on his way out.

In the hall to the dormitory, he runs into Genji, almost literally; the ninja grabs his arm to steady him when he jolts back in surprise.

"Easy," Genji hums, amused.

"Damn, Genji!" Lucio huffs, pressing a hand to his chest as though he can slow the frantic jump of his heart. "You know we're not in a warzone; you can make a little noise when you walk!"

"Sorry," Genji chuckles, squeezing his arm before letting go. "How is your new song going?"

"Almost done," Lucio grins. "And right on time for a Christmas debut. Wanna come listen to it? I'm just fixing the last couple tunings and making sure I didn't miss anything."

"Maybe later. Bastion had a question about something to do with the carolling you are doing tonight."

"Uh oh; better go see what he needs then."

"I will walk with you."

"Sure; lemme just give this to Hana real quick." Lucio ducks into his room, where Hana is still sprawled out on his bed playing her mobile game.

"Thanks, babe!" she chirps, winking when he rolls his eyes.

"I'll be right back; Bastion needs some help."

"After you've done that, we should play something together."

"Maybe; gotta finish my song first. Be right back!"

Genji leads him toward the training centre, and Lucio wonders absently what Bastion is doing there. The answer is apparently 'setting up a surprise,' because the moment he enters, Bastion jolts upright with a clatter, his machine parts creaking slightly with the unexpected strain.

"Hey, big guy," Lucio greets with a smile, peeking curiously at the small wrapped present nestled between cookies on a platter. Bastion hastily sets a neatly tied ribbon bow at the front of the platter. "What's that?"

"For you."

Sometimes, Lucio still marvels at the expressive voice built into Bastion's translator. He really shouldn't be surprised, since Hammond, Winston and Torbjorn spent nearly six months straight building the thing, using Hammond's translator and Echo's vocal programming as parent devices. But it's hard not to find it awe-inspiring and even a little incredible sometimes that the translator can pick up on any emotion in Bastion's chirps and beeps and carry it over into the translation.

"You know the present thing is tomorrow, right?" Lucio grins, hiding his curiosity but not his  interest in the cookies.

"Yes. I want to thank you for helping me. I did not have the confidence to sing tonight, or ever. You have been so kind to me and I was informed that this was a way to show you my gratitude." The mild embarrassment is adorable, and Lucio resists the urge to hug him.

"Well, I'll take the cookies, but the present can wait until tomorrow, can't it?" He reaches for a cookie. "More fun opening them all together with everyone."

"No!" Bastion bleeps, a mix of terror and embarrassment in his simulated 'voice.' "If it goes wrong, the others will laugh at me!"

"Nobody's gonna laugh at you, buddy," Lucio chuckles. "But if you really want me to open it now, I'm cool with that."

"Yes," Bastion answers without hesitation.

"Okay." Setting the uneaten cookie back down, Lucio picks up the present instead and turns it over in his hands, wondering what would be in a box not much bigger than his fist.

Inside is another box, this one made of thin metal plates with a hinged top. His first thought is a music box, and he grins when he lifts the lid and music starts playing. The fact that it's one of his songs is surprising, but less so than the little polished stainless steel ring in the middle of the box.

"Uh... Bastion... You're not, er, asking me to marry you, are you?"

"Oh no... I should not have done that, should I?" Bastion slumps sadly, very clearly regretting everything, and Lucio closes the box, setting it on the platter.

"Why?" he asks. "I mean, why propose? I didn't think we were that close... Did I do something to make you think...? I'm not- We're definitely friends, but I didn't think- I'm not the marriage type anyway, I don't think. And this is just..."

"Oh... I am sorry," Bastion whirs softly. "This is a bigger deal than I thought it would be. Marriage is only for certain people?"

"Uh... I guess? Wait, why did you try to propose if you don't even know what marriage really is?"

"I asked around about what to do to show my gratitude, and I was told I should marry you already."

Relief floods Lucio's veins and he breathes a shaky laugh.

"Oh thank God... Bastion, buddy; someone was messing with you. They weren't serious, see? It was just a joke."

"It was?"

"Yeah," Lucio nods, grabbing the cookie and taking a little nibble. "Some people have weird senses of humour. But, if it makes you feel better, I love that music box, and I will definitely take that. You can, uh... You can keep the ring."

Although still obviously embarrassed, Bastion agrees, and Lucio takes the cookies and the music box when he leaves.

Genji is seated across the hall from the door and stands when Lucio comes out.

"How did it go?" the ninja asks. Suspecting shenanigans, Lucio gives him a narrow side eye.

"You put him up to that, didn't you?"

"Put him up to what?" Genji asks, far too innocently to really be innocent.

"You ass," Lucio snickers. "Poor thing is gonna be traumatised now."

"Hey, how many times can you claim to have tricked someone into proposing?"

"You're still an ass."

"You are what you eat, no?" Genji cackles.

"Then I'm a cookie. And if you even so much as look at my ass..."

Genji very pointedly stops and tips his head to very obviously observe Lucio's backside as he walks. Lucio turns around, unable to quite hide his grin when he tries to scowl at the ninja.

"Watch it, mister; I know how to disable half your body."

"Not this part," Genji smirks, cupping his groin. Lucio still wonders if the man actually has his real dick or if it was replaced with prosthetics like the rest of his limbs to save his life.

"Just keep it to yourself, cyborg ninja," Lucio snorts, popping another cookie in his mouth.

"What if I don't want to?"

"Playboy."

"I would not be so much of a playboy if I had an ass like that to come back to."

"In your dreams."

"Are you really so against it?" Genji asks, cocking his head.

"I'm ace, remember?"

"But asexuality is a spectrum," Genji points out, "and some are not against sex entirely."

"Looks like somebody's done their research," Lucio laughs.

"I had to know just how far I could get you to go."

"Playboy is too nice a term for you, slut."

"Ouch, my feelings."

"Oh no, whatever can I do to make it up to you?"

"Why not marry me?" Genji purrs, waggling his brows.

"Oh fuck off," Lucio scoffs. "I swear to God, everyone and their father wants to marry me."

"Oh?" Genji prompts, intrigued.

"You're not the first," Lucio confirms. "You're not even the second. Five people have proposed to me today, and I'm only dating one of them."

"Five?" Genji echoes, surprised and amused.

"Five. You and Bastion are just the latest. This morning, Baptiste asked me if I wanted to make it permanent, if we should officially tie the knot since we're practically married anyway. I told him I'd think about it, and went to spend some time with Hana for a little space, but then she tried to suggest a green card wedding, which, by the way, won't work since neither of us are citizens. And then Reinhardt basically said since the age difference makes marriage a bad idea, I should be his sugar baby."

Genji bursts out laughing and collapses against the wall in his mirth. He's laughing so hard he's struggling to breathe, and that makes Lucio suspicious.

"Genji... Are you responsible for this?"

"I- I di- I didn't think- they'd- they'd actually-" Genji slides slowly to the ground, still unable to control his laughter. Lucio stares at him, torn between sharing the humour and scolding him.

"Okay, first of all, rude. Second, how dare you. Third, I guess you can forget ever getting a taste of this ass." For a little payback, Lucio makes a show of turning around and sashaying away, which apparently just adds to Genji's shrieking laughter.

Funny as it was, it does make Lucio wonder, so he goes looking for Baptiste, finding him reading a book in the back of the lounge while Angela and Fareeha are watching a movie. He looks up when Lucio approaches, and smiles brightly, putting his book aside.

"Hey. Have you thought about it?" He takes Lucio's hand and kisses the back of it. "You don't have to answer yet if you're still not ready."

"Baptiste, did you mean it?" Lucio asks before he can stop himself. Baptiste frowns and sits up a little straighter.

"Mean it?"

"When you proposed. Was it just a joke?"

"A joke? No," Baptiste scowls uneasily, tugging him closer. Lucio settles on his knee. "What are you talking about? I know it was a little out of the blue, but I'm serious."

"So it wasn't just a joke that Genji suggested?"

"Genji- What? No! Did he say that? I knew I shouldn't have told anyone what I was planning..."

"It's not- A lot of people proposed to me today," Lucio explains. "I just found out that apparently Genji suggested it."

"I didn't know... I'm so sorry, Luc. If you want, we can forget this ever happened and just keep going the way we have."

"I don't know..." Lucio hesitates and then lets himself be a little bit honest. "I mean, Lucio Correia Augustin sounds pretty awesome."

"Yeah?" Baptiste grins. "What about Jean-Baptiste dos Santos?"

"Nah, mine's better." He swallows Baptiste's laughter in a kiss and decides he's the luckiest man in the world to have friends he can joke with and a fiancé who loves him so much.