He could have been the 13th

The seasons change and so does my place. My rod keeps moving me forward and my dearest sheep follow my every step. Slowly we move forward towards the hills that lay between this and my goal. Despite the hill being more steep than necessary we have no big issues. This excludes my youngest sheep. I saw it moving upwards, the knees bend, coughing. With my dearest rod firmly in my hand I move faster towards this sheep. The sheep breaks down. It rolls downward. Its head now stuck. Two branches around its head keep the whole body paralyzed. I hear it screaming for help. As fast as I can, I run towards it.

 I am close to reaching it, but then my rod falls out of my hand. It turns into a snake. "By the 7 heavens, what is this?" I scream instinctively as I see the snake jump on top of my sheep. It takes its eyes, tongues and finishes it off with a deep bite into its neck. In shock and with my mouth open I stand there. "What?" I don't even know what to say.

A light blinds me.

"The eyes were taken so that there will never be a view that doesn't come directly from me, your LORD. The tongue was taken so that there will never be a word that doesn't come directly from me, your LORD. The neck was bitten so that there will never be something that keeps your head high that doesn't come directly from me, your LORD"

I throw myself on the ground. "The highest Heaven! Creator of the earth and the waters. King and Judge of the world! I don't understand... why is this happening"

I got my answer in an indirect way: "You will now be named Ban Meshiyash Et-Elohim - a son of putting-to-shame-God - because you will fail as my prophet. Leave your sheep and move towards the merchant street in the north."

"King, bringer of my Water - I will! I vow to you to be your prophet. And I pray that my prayers change my direction away from my failure. From now on I will be known as Ban Meshiyash Et-Elohim"

The light disappeared, and I start to wonder: "Do I really have what is needed to not end as a failure?". I dwell on this thought for a minute but then lift myself up from the ground, grab my now non-snake rod and start going. In the background I hear my sheep screaming for me. Some move towards me. I just close my eyes, nervously hum some psalms and move forward with the hope that this is the right thing to do.

 Bang. I open my eyes with shock in my bones. Looks like I reached the street... and walked against a camel. I nearly fell to the ground. Around me are several merchants and on the camel sat a child. The LORD falls on me: "The LORD roars from Zion,…" My vision goes dark. I fall sideways to the ground. "Shut up!", a young voice shouts, "we don't care about your prophecy blabla! Go get your money somewhere else, we are honest people - unlike you!". I act like I am done for a while, hoping that they will leave soon. With my eyes closed I wonder: "Is this how my life as a prophet will always be? Started as a nobody, got a chance and got instantly beaten down? How is this justice?". With such more sad than angry thoughts I feel that it is getting late. The cold walks up my body. I open my eyes, sit upright and wait for a sign - in vain?

It got colder, my body is shaking and there is... nothing. My head moves frantically around, looking for some form of sign. Eh, with slight annoyance I stand up and simply walk in the direction the merchants came from. "What else am I supposed to do?" I think, "the LORD isn't helping me now, and he said I fail anyway. Looks like I have to do it on my own!" Now, filled with enthusiasm, I am nearly running along the street.

My rod changes. The head now gives of a warm blue light, something I haven't seen before. "Is there someone?" I hear someone saying. "Yes, yes, here!" I answer and move toward the noises. "Not now", I think as I already see the next misery happening to me. The LORD speaks through me: "The LORD is the LORD who sees everything. He sees what is visible for all and what is hidden for everyone. He sees the dark and erases it with the light. He sees your children and what you did in the dark. He sees that you are a virgin and so is your wife. What gives you the right to end a bloodline? What gives you the right to end one of the LORDS people? The LORD says: Just as you took away someone's blood I will take away your blood. Tomorrow, like empty shells, you and your wife will smash into the ground"

I don't hear anything that could be called an answer. Still, no answer. "Hello?" I speak towards the dark and turn around a few times. I light the way in front of me. There is only one camel - where is the rest? To my surprise the camel now runs towards me and bites me in my shoulder. "What does this mean?!" I shout. "Sorry!" I hear from the darkness as a man comes with full speed out of it. He tosses his arm around the neck of the camel and pulls it away from me. "I hope it didn't hurt you. It went astray, and we didn't see or hear you". "Oh well," I started, "I am for sure hurt, so I would be happy if...". A thought pops into my head: "He didn't see or hear me?" "No problem, I will heal you with this cloth that is filled with healing liquid" and with this comment he stops my train of thought. He puts the cloth with his left hand on my shoulder. His right hand puts a long knife deep into my chest, my lungs. "So many false prophets around", he starts, "can't let them wander around and sully the name of Yahweh." He smiled happily.

A female voice: "Is there any problem?" "No, quite the opposite. One problem is solved. I got the camel." "Tomorrow there are even two more problems solved, says the LORD", I add with dry humor as I fall forward. The female voice rejoices: "Thanks the LORD for that!"

I sight deeply and with several tears in my eyes I say: "My last question is: God, why? Was my calling meant to be such a pathetic thing? Am I so detestable?" 

"When Israel abandoned me, I took them back once they turned back. When Israel abandoned me again, I took them back again once they turned back. When Israel abandoned me another time, I took them back again once they turned back. I, the LORD, are a jealous God. I, the LORD, are a generous God. As I threw my seeds below the thorns I commanded: May you only use your thorns when he abandons me! So did they and so did you. Didn't you say that you wanted another fate? Didn't you say that you will pray to me so that I change your fate? I didn't see you changing your fate. I didn't see you praying to me. You started your journey by closing your eyes and moving away. Why did you close your eyes? Didn't I, the LORD of Hosts, tell you that I already took the eyes of your sheep so that you can only view what I see? Didn't you doubt that I can help you? Didn't you just wait for a sign instead of praying to me? Didn't you feel annoyance when I give you a prophecy? Me, the LORD of Hosts, the King of King, was treated worse by you than Israel treated me before I send Babylon in. For such arrogance I will purge you from the book of life. You have no faith in me and I have no faith in you. You rejected me for the world. You could have been the 13th, but now you will just be an unknown short story even less known than the book of my prophet Obadiah."