Sorry, not sorry

I need to stop agreeing to be the plus one to friends for a wedding they’re going to. There is no shame in being single at a wedding. I mean, come on; there could be hot singles there. One of my best memories came from being at a wedding. I had a three-way with the best man and his girlfriend. I ended up breaking the pair up and dating the girlfriend, sorry, not sorry.

“You look beautiful, Cathy. Do you really have to wear the same dress to every wedding you go to though?” My date for the night, Jonny whined, the ungrateful oath. I am not wasting my good, earned money so I can please other people. “Accept that I am wearing this or go alone, either way, I don’t care.”

My friends call me a ball-buster. I never take anyone’s crap. Of course that has it’s downsides. I’ve not managed to hold down a girlfriend for longer than a year for instance. Now, I’m thirty-three and single. Mostly I just cop off with strangers or am a third in some relationships if they want to experiment. I don’t mind. I don’t need a partner to be happy. I’m working for a promotion that would take me abroad anyway.

Jonny and I arrived at the venue early, apparently, he’s in the wedding party which he neglected to tell me. If I would have known, I would have backed out. I have better things to do than wait around for hours until the ceremony in five hours. I would go and drink if I knew I would end up drunk and a liability at the ceremony… I am not talking from experience, at all. Okay, maybe it’s happened once…twice… Okay three times.

“Hello?” I turned my head from the chair I had plopped myself on.

“Hi?” I replied to one of the bridesmaids I’m guessing due to the bridal party silk dressing gown and hair up with a band, probably getting ready for makeup. “Who are you?” Rude.

“A groomsmen’s date. He didn’t exactly warn me I’d be here on my tod for hours.”

To my surprise the girl invited me to join the girls whilst they got ready. Okay, she might not be as rude as I initially thought. To be fair to her, I judge quickly and easily, it’s come from so many unpleasant reactions to my sexual preferences. “I’m Jeanie by the way, the bride’s sister.”

“Cathy.”

Jeanie went on to introduce me to the four other bridesmaids: Lisa, Marigold, Molly and Grace. The bride, Jenny is running late, the poor thing. I’ve been to enough weddings to know how stressful the day can be for the bride.

Thankfully, all the girls are welcoming and friendly. They’ve been taking an interest in me and finding Jonny’s need to bring me amusing. They recon it’s because Jonny used to date Lisa, awkward. I probably shouldn’t have mentioned I was a fake date. It’s never been a problem before. It’s why I’ve never minded, I get to check out those in the room, mostly girls. Yes, I’ve slept with guys, but I’ve only had relationships with girls.

“Are you sure you don’t have any feelings for Jonny?” Lisa asked with a slight distain directed at me. I scoffed. There is no chance I’d ever go for Jonny. I could have laughed at Lisa’s tensing; she is so not over Jonny. I wonder what happened there. “No. I like women.”

Jaws dropped at the revelation. “But, you don’t seem gay.” Marigold commented which I snorted at, especially as the others scolded her. It was okay though, she’s not the first to have made comments like that one. I’m a full-on girly girl. I love having my hair and make-up done. I hate getting all mucky and I am squeamish as anything. I dress for fashion more than comfort and have a flirty nature, no matter the gender. I’m blonde with a sleek figure. Behind my makeup I’m pretty, but with it I’m stunning.

“Oh my God, that was a nightmare.” Jenny stumbled in, dress in it’s bag and over her arm. She rushed to get it on a hook as the bridesmaids swarmed her to help. Me? I sat with my jaw on the floor as I watched the bride. Yeah, she’s matured, yeah, her short brown hairs changed to long waves rather than the bob, but that is still the same Jennifer or Jen as I called her that I was with for a year before she broke my heart.

“Jenny, I hope you don’t mind but I invited Jonny’s date to join us.” I noticed Jen’s teeth clench as she tensed at the mention of Jonny having a date. Her green eyes shifted to Lisa who laughed. “It’s okay. Cathy’s gay.” Lisa grinned making me laugh. Jen turned at the sound of my laugh and as our eyes met, all the air was sucked out of me. Jen’s jaw fell for a brief moment, but she quickly recovered and forced a warm smile. Something tells me that her fiancé doesn’t know about me and definitely not about our three-way that made Jen try a relationship with another woman.

I am confused though. When we were together, Jen was adamant that she was gay and not bisexual. Jen never told a soul about us for months, and when she finally did, the reactions of her parents is what led to my heartbreak. Oh nuts… Her parents have met me before. Note to self: No more going to weddings as someone’s plus one.

The second I could, I got Jonny to meet me. “What is so urgent that we have to meet up. We’re getting ready.” I narrowed my eyes at Jonny. “You’re a guy, you won’t take long. That doesn’t matter now. I need to leave.”

“What? Why?”

I gritted my teeth and rubbed my eyes. I can’t tell Jonny the truth. He could tell the groom and that could hurt Jen. I don’t care about how her shame of being a lesbian hurt me, I can’t do that to her. “It’s obvious that Lisa still likes you. You should just bite the bullet and talk to her.” Jonny crossed his arms and stared at me, the type someone does until you spill the truth. Jonny mastered it with all of our friends, including me. I groaned. “How close are you with the groom?”

“I’m a groomsman, Cathy.”

“Then I can’t tell you.”

“Then you can’t leave, and I know you won’t because you’re a good friend.”

“And I’m stranded.”

Jonny chuckled. “Yeah, and that too.”

I groaned and stomped my foot before storming away, finding a gorgeous garden where I’m guessing photos will be taken. I found a bench by some blue hydrangeas, beautiful. “I thought I’d find you here if you disappeared.” I glanced behind me to see Jen all dressed in a beautiful ballgown, gemmed wedding dress. The wedding is only an hour from now, what is she doing coming to find me?

Jen came to sit by me. “I’m not planning on telling anyone about us if you’re worried about that, and I’ll sit at the back to avoid your family seeing me.” Jen surprised me by resting her hand on mine. “I’m not even remotely worried about that. You are a ball-buster, but no matter what someone’s done to you, you’d never do anything to hurt them.” I sighed. Jen’s a hundred percent right. I will never hurt anyone if I can help it.

“Why are you here then?”

Jen sighed and pulled away. “I thought it would only be fair to explain. Last time we were together, despite our breakup you thought I was a lesbian. Now, I’m marrying Vinnie and I’m guessing you’re confused.” I shrugged. I am, but I don’t want to be. You can be straight and fall in love with the same sex, just as a lesbian and still fall in love with a man. I’m just struggling to accept it.

“Would believe that Vinnie and I are only doing this for our families and are going to swing or at least find a third?” I glanced over. “No. I don’t. If that were true, you wouldn’t be spending so much money.” I told Jen feeling rather numb from my words. Today is going to be long.

…

Either the entire guest list was drunk, or just don’t care about the couple; the ceremony was dull, boring, emotionless. It is so clear that Jen and Vinnie don’t love each other. They’re barely spending time together now. They’re partying with their parties other than Lisa and Jonny, who seem to have reconciled and are snogging and doing God knows what else outside.

I’m on my sixth double rum and coke now, and am partying with anyone who’s interested, mostly Jen’s and Jeanie’s cousin, Beth. Unlike Jen, Beth’s open about her sexuality. She doesn’t care about the glares from Jen’s parents who have been glaring at me since they realised who I am, the girl who turned the golden girl gay, four years ago. Well, they can shove it. 

Eight drinks in, and Vinnie was cutting in to dance with me, like he’s done with every girl of age here, perve. “And what’s your name, gorgeous?” Yuck. What a a-hole. He’s hitting on me, on his wedding day, what the hell? Oh… Maybe Jen was telling the truth before. Oh well, I deserve better.

“None of your business, groom. Where’s your bride? You should be with her, don’t you think?”

“She’s dealing with something. Maybe because she’s jealous of her cousin grinding her ex-girlfriend.” Oh. So, Vinnie knows that. I wonder who else. Ah. I know how to find out. I sprinted to the DJ and grabbed his microphone. “Hello.” No one looked so I unplugged the DJ. “Hello.” Oh. Microphone unplugged too, shoot. Oh well. I’ll just shout.

“Hello wedding people! I’m Cathy. I’m just a plus one tonight, but you know what?” I’m amazed no one’s acting on my drunk stage, not even the married couple. I am not complaining though. “This world is small, because I used to be with the bride, sexy times be with.” The majority of the guests gasped. Oops. So not many knew. Oh dear. I might have just hurt Jen. Ah. Yet, I can’t stop. “She was my girlfriend, and Jen said she was gay. You know what though? Her family sucks.” I turned to Beth. “Not you, Beth, you’re a babe and I plan to have fun with you later.” Jen’s mum is trying to get to me now, ha. “I’m talking to you, Mrs homophobic, happiness destroyer.” I hiccupped. “Jen’s mum.”

I don’t know if I was relieved or not when I was finally silenced by one of the groomsmen. I’m amazed that I lasted so long. I’m guessing I was amusing, but I think going on to share the story of the night Jen and I got together went a bit far. Now, I’m back outside with water and watchdogs. Jonny and Lisa are either side of me as I wait for a taxi. “I told you that I shouldn’t have come, Jonny.” I groaned.

“Is Jen upset? I didn’t mean to if I did.” I asked Lisa who has been laughing on and off about the situation since I was escorted out by Vinnie’s brothers. She’s only disappointed that she missed the entertainment. “No. Trust me, and even if she is, she shouldn’t be. The wedding was clearly a sham. Besides, you were the highlight of tonight.”

I’m sure I’ll hate myself and be beyond annoyed about what I did, but for now I’m happy I brought some entertainment to the boring wedding. “I think you would be fun on a night out.” Lisa went on to say. Jonny went on share many stories about me and my antics over the years, the good, the bad, the embarrassing and the absolutely mortifying. I’m talking about getting done by the police for being naked in public, I blame my friend, Mick who’s a bad influence and is currently on probation for whizzing on a police car. It’s safe to say that no one would believe we are in our thirties. I couldn’t help but sigh thinking about Jen and what her shame has led to. No one should feel that they need to be someone they’re not because of what others think or feel about you. I’m lucky, I didn’t even “come out” to my family. I just came home and introduced them to a girlfriend and that was that. That’s how it should be.

I took a deep breath. “Cancel the taxi, Jonny. I’ll head back with you like planned. I’ve got something to do.” I headed back to the venue. I wasn’t about to let Jonny or Lisa stop me from what I felt I need to do. Lisa and Jonny only followed me and helped me get to the stage without being stopped. Yeah, Vinnie’s chose the wrong watchdogs to keep an eye on me.

I’m happy I’m sober now. I need to be to say what I’m going to say with a level head, even if I don’t have the confidence I did when I was full of liquid courage. I grabbed the microphone and whispered in his ear. As it turns out this rockstar looking DJ is gay too, so it’s been difficult to keep working knowing the truth.

“Evening, guests. Don’t worry, I’m sober this time.” 

“You better be up there to apologise!” Jen’s and Jeanie’s mum barked at me, whilst some others held up their phones. I rolled my eyes. Damn social media rubbish.

“I am not, and you would be one of the last people I would ever apologise to, Mrs homophobic.”

No one listened to the toxic woman as she screamed for my removal. Okay… So maybe social media has it’s perks. They want the footage to share, of course I’m not going to be removed.

“I am a lesbian, that has been made abundantly obvious tonight, and I am proud. I am a proud lesbian and trust me when I say very few of us pull stunts like I did before.” The crowd laughed, thankfully. “I am probably a bit insane coming up here again, but I need to say this, because I imagine it’s not just the parents of the bride who are homophobic. Fair enough, I’m not the best example, but how I behave is about me as a person. It’s nothing to do with my sexuality. Jen’s an incredible woman and despite her insane actions by wedding a pervert today to please her family, she is a good example.”

I took a breath. It’s hard to find the right words, I know what I had said so far wasn’t great, so I took a moment. “It’s ridiculous that I feel the need to say this tonight, but no matter our sexuality, we are just people. We are all people with different traits and personalities. Our sexualities play no part in it, unlike many seem to think, and we are not predators looking for anyone of the same gender which I know Mrs homophobic over there thinks. But, guess what, bitch, I don’t need to go all predator to find a girl, I certainly didn’t to get your daughter.” The crowd roared with cheers and laughter and at that I left.

I’m not going to lie; I feel like I let the pride community down. I could have done better. I laughed when I heard the song under pressure started playing. I vaguely remember Lisa putting in that request. I shook my head and took a seat back where I’m going to be getting a taxi with Jonny and Lisa now probably.

“Some…interesting words back there.” I heard Beth’s voice by me. She laughed and bumped her shoulder with mine, making me smile. “Yeah, I may have let the LGBTQ community down though.”

“Don’t be daft, for a speech on a spot, you did well. It needed to be said anyway. I wouldn’t have been at that wedding if Jen hadn’t pushed for it.”

“That’s mad.” I shook my head and looked at the beautiful woman besides me. Now I’m sober, I could appreciate it more. Beth’s got black and purple hair wrapped and pinned at the back of her head with floral clips in, her brown eyes are innocent, and kind and her soft looking lips are smiling right back at me.

“I’m the type of person my family would adore if I was straight.” Beth seemed to think aloud. Her smile fell a little as she explained just what an amazing woman she is- my words not hers.

Beth’s a mum of a seven-year-old little boy, Logan. She chose to use a sperm doner when her last relationship fell. On top of that, Beth’s a paramedic. She’s kind, caring, does a lot for the community, the LGBTQ community and otherwise. She has two rescue dogs. Beth is amazing and yet, her family don’t see that. They don’t even have a relationship with Logan which is heart-breaking.

“Would you like to go on a date with me, Cathy?”

I smiled brightly at Beth and blushed. “I would, but I have a job promotion possibility that would take me abroad.”

“Well then, we just hold off on you meeting Logan and see how things go.”

“Happy you came with me to the wedding, Cathy?” Jonny asked, earning a playful glare. I would have easily said no if it weren’t for Beth, but getting a date at a wedding is never a bad thing. “Yeah, I like Beth, but don’t push it you oath.”

Tonight is the last of the plus one agreement. I am not being a plus one to a wedding again, not unless I’m in a relationship with that person. Yep, never again.