Wicked Lies Will Only Get You So Far

‘Ah, David, thanks for coming!’ His friend Anatoly said, after opening his apartment door. David reached forward eagerly to shake his friends’ hands, before kicking off his shoes in the hallway.

‘Let’s play some Anachrony.’ Muttered Anatoly, rifling through a glossy stack of boardgames. But David began to feel like he was being driven into a corner. The game took hours to play, and without fail he always managed to finish with half the score of his friend. His mind frantically began to look for solutions to the impending problem.

‘We always play boardgames, let’s do something different.’ He said.

Anatoly raised an eyebrow. ‘Well, if we don’t play a boardgame, then what are we going to do?’

David was silent for a moment as he grasped at different ideas, all fruitless, till at last, vexed and flustered he offered:

‘What about that crazy idea I had last year that we never got around to doing?’

‘Crazy idea? Which one?’

‘Let’s put on some suits, go to the city and spend time in a bar pretending like we just finished our day and were regulars.’

‘Oh, that one…’ Anatoly scowled.

A while ago, David’s friends used to have a regular outing planned every 3 months, which they each got to take it in turns planning. David remembered that every time Anatoly picked what they were doing, they had gone bushwalking, which had gotten old. He had wanted to do something completely different, something that involved going to the city. He felt that he and his friends did not really belong there in the city, and wanted to simulate the experience of life on the other side.

‘You’ve got a spare suit right? I didn’t bring mine. Were about the same size anyway. Hey don’t look at me like that.’

Anatoly turned away from David, saying nothing for a few moments.

‘I did say I would do whatever you suggested… Of course, the others aren’t here, but maybe that’s for the best…’ He said with an air of finality.

‘Excellent, alright let me see what you’ve got.’

Eventually, there were both suited up, and waiting at the train station for the express to the city.

Anatoly looked sullen. ‘So were going to have to lie, a lot. I don’t know how that’s going to work. You and I are both unemployed… I can’t imagine were going to be very convincing as businessmen.’

‘Yeah, but what have we got to lose? You don’t like bars anyway. That reminds me, you’re definitely not going to drink?’

‘You know I don’t drink.’

‘But wasn’t there that one time at a house party when I saw you drinking a vodka cruiser?’

‘I’ve told you; I’ve never drunk before. I don’t know how you think you saw me with alcohol in my hand.’

David was sure he had seen Anatoly with a drink at that party, but there was no point arguing about it now. ‘Alright well if you’re going to stay sober, just try not to make it too obvious.’

The train began to pull up.

While sitting in silence as the train smoothly made its exit from the station, David began to fidget with his suit. For him the city was a hub of people, sound and lights, the centre of human endeavour, concentrated into one grand spectacle. And for Anatoly, who had always expressed his displeasure with the ‘concrete jungle’? For him it was just chaos, a world he had no desire to understand.

David leaned towards Anatoly. ‘So, I was thinking we could say we are consultants. I feel like they are everywhere, but nobody really knows what they do.’

Anatoly smirked. ‘Great, I’ll tell them I consult on the best way to avoid social situations.’

Anatoly laughed and slapped him on the knee. ‘Just don’t bring up your board gaming win streak.’

Undoing his top button to his shirt, he began to wonder if this had been a good idea after all. And was it really okay to lie even if it was just harmless fun? And how successful would they be? Could they really pull this off? – no! – nothing was going to ruin this night.

Within an hour they were standing outside the train station in the heart of the city. He had a suitable place in mind, the Three Wise Monkeys pub. It was an old establishment, just near the banking district in the city, the sort of place two businessmen might stop in after work to cut loose. Within minutes they were outside, and the bouncer was giving them the eye.

Anatoly ran a hand through his hair. ‘How do I look?’

‘You look good, how do I look?’

‘Like your about to fire me and you wanted to keep things professional.’

‘Is that good or bad? I can’t tell.’

Anatoly shrugged.

David said nothing, and instead, walked past security into the establishment, giving the guard a nod as he walked in. Anatoly followed.

Champagne Supernova, by Oasis was playing loudly over the speakers, and the bartenders were busy shaking cocktails and pouring drinks. David gave Anatoly a quick glance, and decided that they’d both be more comfortable with a drink in their hand. He waited for the bartender to finish with a customer.

‘Can I get a whisky on the rocks, and a lemon lime and bitters.’

Standing next to him was a man in business attire, alone for the moment, waiting to be served.

‘Thank God it’s Friday, am I right?’

The man smiled. ‘I’m working tomorrow, but I hear you.’

David regarded the man sombrely. ‘Then let me get you this drink, what do you want?’

‘It’s fine, just another week for me.’

‘No, I insist. What can I get you?’

The man relented. ‘Alright, can I get a Balter IPA?’

David ordered the beer.

Just then, Anatoly joined them. David introduced his friend. ‘This is Anatoly, my wingman for the night.’

Anatoly extended his hand. ‘What’s your name?’

‘Clancy’  replied the man, seemingly at ease. ‘Your friend was just buying me a drink.’

‘That’s David.’ Replied Anatoly. ‘A real charmer.’

There was an awkward silence.

‘So, are you here on your own?’ Continued David, picking things up where they left off.

Clancy picked up his drink. ‘Actually, I normally meet up with some guys every Friday here – ah, and here comes one of them now…’

A man in navy blue business pants with an expensive looking, purple, long sleeved shirt strode up to them.

‘Clancy, sorry I’m a bit late. Who are these guys?’

Clancy gestured at the two of them. ‘This is David, and this is his friend Anatoly. David was kind enough to get me a drink.’

The man cocked his head slightly. ‘Really? It only took one drink? I didn’t think Clancy was so easily bought over. Anyway, my names Steve.’

Anatoly forced a smile, picking up his lemon lime and bitters, while David shook Steve’s hand.

‘I can’t imagine the others will be too long, how about we get a table somewhere?’ Said Clancy in a nonchalant tone. The party moved in search of a vacancy. Soon they were all seated.

‘So, what was your name?’ Said David to the man in the purple shirt.

‘It’s Terry. Did Clancy mention that there’d be a few of us coming tonight?’

‘He did, when they get here, if you guys want some space to do your thing, just let us know.’

‘Your alright.’ Said Terry in reply. ‘So, what do you guys do for a crust?’

‘My friend Anatoly and I are consultants.’

Anatoly smiled. ‘And were pretty good at our job.’

David hoped Anatoly did not push things too far with their alibi.

Terry looked intrigued. ‘Oh yeah? What firm do you guys work with.’

David replied swiftly, not wanting to risk Anatoly screwing things up. ‘Mayfair. Its down the far end of Macquarie Street. What about you, where do you work?’

‘I’m an Analyst for the National Australia Bank. Been with them for about 5 years, but I’m thinking I’d like to work somewhere else. Just need to get myself to start the whole process of submitting applications again. It’d be nice if I got headhunted by a recruiter, but I guess a lot of things would be nice.’

There was a pause, as a group of women entering the bar caught their eye simultaneously.

‘So, what do you guys like to do in your spare time?’ Said Anatoly, as though the rest of the conversation had been completely boring.

Clancy put his drink down. ‘Well, I know it’s unusual, but I’ve been getting into playing golf. There was already a group of guys and girls at our workplace who were doing it on Sundays. I talked to them and decided I’d give it a try. It’s been good. But I’ve still got to get a lot better.’

‘What about you Terry?’ continued Anatoly.

‘I don’t know. I don’t have that much time off, and a lot of it gets used up spending time with my girlfriend. I guess if I had more time, I’d like to get around to reading the classics. I’ve heard a lot of good things about Russian literature.’

Anatoly was himself a Russian, and David could see the subtle cues of increased interest.

‘Nothing good comes out of Russia.’ Said Anatoly flatly, though David could see he was enjoying himself.

Terry looked surprised. ‘Isn’t Anatoly a Russian name? And how can you say that with writers like Tolstoy and Dostoevsky, being so well known? Are you taking the piss?’

Just then – thankfully – Clancy waved at another man standing at the bar. ‘Hey look, Terry. Its Michael! Micheal, get over here!’

A man in cream blue long sleeve shirt walked over from the bar with a drink in his hand, and joined them at the table. Terry looked like he wanted to say more to Anatoly, but with the new arrival, things had taken a turn.

‘Terry, Clancy, good to see you. And you gentlemen are…?’

‘Uh, yes! I’m David, and this is Anatoly.’

Michael signalled to a lady who was just ordering a drink. ‘Natalie was just here with me, Natalie! Come sit with us.’

Natalie waved at someone, left the bar and strolled over.

Micheal leaned forward. ‘Natalie, these two new guys are Anatoly and David. Their consultants too.’

‘Oh yeah?’ Intoned Natalie, sounding politely bored. ‘I do management consultancy for Slater and Gordon at the moment. What’s your area of expertise?’

David felt himself wilt a little inside. ‘Strategic… Growth… Initiatives.’

‘Ok.’ Replied Natalie. ‘And who do you work for?’

‘Mayfair.’ Said Anatoly, shooting David an unaccountably pleased look.

‘Mayfair, huh?’ Replied Natalie, seemingly bemused. ‘Haven’t heard of them. Whereabouts in the city, are they?’

‘Down the end of Macquarie Street near the financial district. It’s a small company, they only just expanded to the city.’ Replied David, gripping his drink tightly.

‘And what’s their business?’

‘Stocks.’

Natalie stared at David, smiling, while he felt himself beginning to sweat. Anatoly, either not noticing or not caring, cut in.

‘Would you say your good at your job Natalie?’

Natalie laughed like she’d been asked a question with an obvious answer. ‘Yeah, I think I’m pretty good. What about you?’

Anatoly was looking more and more like he was enjoying himself. ‘I’d say I’ve got the hang of it.’

David decided not let things go any further. ‘So, it’s too bad for some of us that were working tomorrow. Anatoly and I have the weekend off. Were you guys planning on staying out late?’

Terry answered him. ‘It’s just Clancy who’s working tomorrow. But yeah because of that we’ll probably only be here for about another hour.’

David continued. ‘Well if you don’t mind my asking Clancy, what will those who have the weekend off be getting up to?’

Clancy smiled. ‘No problem, mate.’

‘Well, I have Pilates to go to in the morning on Saturday, and I usually go for a run, but I haven’t made any plans as yet.’ Said Natalie.

‘I’m going to see the Sydney Symphony Orchestra on Saturday night.’ Replied Micheal.

Anatoly had a smug look on his face. ‘Well, I never would have thought it, but it seems like a lot of us are nerds!’

Terry laughed. ‘You think so?’

‘Russian classical literature, classical music. Next thing I know one of you is going to be telling me about your progress through Elden Ring!’

Why did Anatoly have to be this way? Thought David. He was ruining everything. The goal was to become a part of a world they normally did not belong. And here he was, practically blowing their cover. David decided he needed to act fast.

‘Actually, I’ve been playing Elden Ring.’ Said Clancy enthusiastically. ‘It’s really hard, I’m still figuring out combat, and I don’t know what weapon to use yet.’

David cut in. ‘Actually, Anatoly and I have somewhere we’ve got to be in about an hour. We’re going to have to cut this short guys.’ He widened his eyes while looking at Anatoly, trying to signal that it was time to go.

‘We do?’ Said Anatoly. ‘Things were just starting to get interesting!’

‘Yeah, we do.’ Said David with an air of finality.

‘Well alright guys, it was nice getting to know you.’ Said Clancy.

Everyone else said their goodbyes, shook their hands, and with that Anatoly and David left the bar. While they were walking back to the station, Anatoly spoke quietly to David.

‘I was just starting to enjoy myself.’

‘Are you kidding? They were on to us!’

Anatoly put his hands in his pockets. ‘What were you trying to accomplish by doing this David? You think these people are part of something special that we have no part in? People are just people.’

As the train hummed back toward their suburb, David leaned his head against the window. “You think you’re right?” he asked. “That people are just people?”

Anatoly shrugged. “Does it matter? We’re not them, and they’re not us.”

David smiled faintly. “Maybe that’s okay.”