Between the Shelves

The room was massive. The shelves knew the quietness like the loneliness of all the tormented around the world. The floors were shining and I walked among the shelves. Admiring the stillness of the knowledge around me.

Hearing nothing among the words of so many. I exhaled among the books. A release of a still sadness. A call to the void eternal.

I looked up at the glass ceiling. Among the storm clouds. Was the twinkle of distant stars. No matter where you are. The sky always blinks at you. The shining stars brought back memories from someone I meant a while ago. I remembered then, a melody I haven’t remembered in a long time.

As I song the tune, my voice echoed through the halls of the Library.

“Twinkle twinkle, little star. How I wonder what you are.”

When I walked to the front desk, the front doors opened. The thunder and rain outside threw their roars into the Library.

“Excuse me” the figure said in the doorway. The blackness of the outside shaded the figure. Then a bolt of lightning showed a glimpse of the figure. A woman with long black hair. Eyes the color of a green emerald. She walked in on shaking legs. Soaked through with the sky’s tears. Like the tissues of memories wished forgotten.

“Excuse me Miss, we are closed” I said. The woman was exhausted. She bent down and rested her hands on her knees. Her breaths leaving and returning in short violent trips. When she raised her head. Her eyes showed me the sorrow that could only have been delivered by the love of another. “I’m sorry about this, but I…I don’t know where I am”. She cried out.

I smiled. Another lost soul among so many. Another person seeking guidance among the sadness that I have brought among them. I smiled at the woman. “Please Miss, come with me, let’s get you dried off.” The woman seemed pleased with my help. I should have told her why she was here. But loneliness is not a feeling that should be dueled with exhausted and wet.

I got the woman some towels and when she looked in my eyes to say thank you. I see all I had to among the shine in her eyes. Stars are not the only light that twinkle at midnight after all.

The woman seems to shuffle with a silent show of uncomfortableness. In my chair among the files and papers that I do my business on. The woman dried her hair off and looked around my glorious Library. If she was not confused, afraid even. She may have noticed that one of the sheets of clean paper, bared her name.

I knew this woman’s name. Her memoires. Her many fates among the earth. All of it written neatly on her sheet. I also know why she is here. She is early of course. But that is not uncommon. Free will does seemed to get in the way of all of our plans it seems.

I grabbed the woman’s hand gently. She stood up slowly. Looking around she seemed to get more confused with each passing second. “Is this a Library”? the woman said. Her eyes screaming to be told she is safe and ok. Anxiety fueling her sudden shock of not knowing what is going on.

“Yes, this is my Library” I said.

“Where am I…Who am I”, the woman asked.

“It’s okay, why don’t we walk around. Get your mind cleared a little”. I started to walk away before she could protest. Like many before her. Confused and scared. She fell into steps behind me. For a time, we walked among the shelves. The woman swiveled her head. Her eyes scanning for threats. She looked at the titles of the books between the shelves we passed. I think I could hear her mind asking herself questions she could not answer.

“Do you remember anything yet”? I spoke.

We reached back to the main desk and I sat in my chair. The woman came up and sat in the seat beside me. She looked at me with an odd look. The look you give to a dog after watching it lick its butthole for the first time.

When she spoke. Her voice was small. A trait I have seen in many pained souls.

“I remember going to bed. I remember struggling to sleep, I remember…”. Her eyes widen and again she started looking around her. Her eyes gleaming with terror and a hint of wonder at the reality of her situation.

“Am I Dreaming?” the woman said softly.

I smiled at that. You have no idea how many times I have had to walk people through so many hoops trying to get them to remember their life before they made it to me.

“Well yes, and no. You are sleeping, but you are not dreaming. Not really.”

The woman hugged herself. A tear streaming down her face. “Am I dead”? Her small voice asked.

I laughed and the woman near jumped out of her chair. “If I had a penny for every time someone thought they were dead when they came to me. I could buy half of earth.”

I looked over to the woman. She was biting her lip. She was digging her nails into her palm. A classic reaction of many people when they meet me. She was trying to wake herself up. Even after I told her she is not dreaming. “Listen Samantha”. The mention of her named broke her out of her feeble attempt to break herself away from me. Her voice shook as she spoke, “How…How do you know my name”?

“Well, I know a lot about a lot of people I guess”.

The memories of so many people. People who sat where this lone scared woman was now sitting flooded around me. Their scared voices and confessions of love and loss all waving through me. Their waves of sorrow and joy smashing into my protective walls.

“So, what is this place”? the woman asked again. Her voice cracked and she looked up at the high ceiling and glass windows. The art work on the ceiling. The depiction of the forming of stars and the starting pictures of the beginning of life on a thousand worlds. The art was flashed with the lightening outside. The light brilliant in its effect on mortal and immortals’ souls alike. Twinkling in the most powerful way.

I looked up at the massive and breathtaking ceiling “This is a place of knowing and deciding Samantha. A place your soul brings you when a decision has to be made. A place where your subconscious transports you as your consciousness struggles.”

The woman’s tears streamed down her cheeks. “I don’t understand, what does that mean”?

I looked the woman in the eye. Her fear was brimming on the edge. “Listen Samantha, I know about Andrew.”

The woman’s eyes became as wide as saucers at the sound of that name.

“How do you know that name”.

I smiled at her, trying to calm her mind. “I know all about every person who comes to me Samantha. I am a guiding light within your mind. A guide for the billions that need to know where to go to make them happy. However, free-will is your gift Samantha, and also your curse. Your consciousness won’t remember me when you wake Samantha. But your subconscious will try to guide you with the knowledge and advice I give you.

Samantha looked to the ceiling and environment around her and then looked back at me.

“I just don’t understand”.

I smiled and laughed under my breath. That is the most common response I hear. I don’t expect anyone to understand. For mortals among the earth. My existence is one that mortals can never know in the real world. Old rule I’m afraid.

I could see Samantha staring at me. Her mind bubbling up questions. I already know what she is about to ask.

“How is that possible?”

“Where is this place really?”

“What is the meaning of all of this?”

“How do you that? You were not there to see that.”

I have heard it all once before. I wish I could explain what I am and why she is here with more precision. But time is precious after all. I can already feel her slipping.

“Listen Samantha, I know that you have always wanted to be with Andrew. I know that you think his jokes are corny, but somehow charming. I know you like that he plays the piano in his free time. I know that you are afraid to ask him out because you are coworkers. I also know how your last relationship ended. The way you tried so hard to make it work. But he just didn’t want to. He belittled you. Told you that you were not worth it. I know the pain you feel and the fear that controls you.

Samantha’s again lowered her head and seemed to shriek where she sat. A lone soul, beaten and broken. A sight as common as a star filled night sky.

I knew I had some work ahead of me. Like always, all I can do is say what I know, and hopefully her soul can be happy again.

“Listen Samantha, I know the pain in your past. But Andrew has always had eyes for you Samantha. Over the last two years of you two working together. Andrew has fallen in love with you. Your fate, and Andrew’s fate. Where made to be together.”

Samantha seemed to stare at her hands. Her past pain dancing on her emotions. Her eyes filling with tears that she will feel when she wakes up, but not remember where they came from.

“He…he loves me”? She says looking back at me. Her face showing the confusion and hope that I have seen so many times. “He loves me”?

I smile at her. “Yes, he does so much. Even now, as you sit Infront of me. He is dreaming of you.”

Samantha’s eyes gleamed. “But if I don’t remember any of this when I wake up like you said. I will not know that Andrew loves me.”

Good question and she is not going to like the answer.

“Yes, you will not remember what I am telling you. Also, there is no promises that Andrew and you will be together at all. Many have learned what you have, but for one reason or another. They do not take the risk or an open chance. Then, they missed their chance and life goes on. No matter what. However, your chance is coming up Samantha and you know it. At the gale on Saturday. Andrew is going to ask you for a dance. For the fate that you will favor. You must accept this offer. Your past will assault you. Will tell you not to get involved. Your ex-boyfriends voice will echo in your mind. Telling you that you are not worth being happy. In the end, you will have to overcome your past pain and fear. Without remember this conversation.”

The lightning outside flashed and a loud boom echoed within the quiet Library.

“Looks like are time is up my dear”.

Samantha’s shot up from her chair “WHAT, I still don’t understand any of this. Who are you really, where is this? I still have so many questions”.

I smiled at this scared and strung-out woman. Time is precious and hers, is now up.

 The doors of the Library exploded open. The woman lifted off her chair and started hovering over to the doors. The wind and roar of the never-ending storm outside boomed in the massive space. The finally battle, before the decision of one soul is decided among the mortals of earth. The land I am cursed to never walk on.

Her body was getting ready to wake up. Which means that her sub-conscious and conscious have to meet up.

The woman screamed and looked at me “Wait, I need to know more, I can’t leave yet”!

I laughed again, so innocent. Yet so not ready for the decision she will have to make.

“No, my dear. Your time is up here. You have all you need. Now it is up to you to decide your fate. Choose well and live happy my dear.”

I waved at her as the doors closed. The last I see of this scared woman is her bulging eyes. Begging to remember what she has learned. Remember the choice she has to make. So her life can become what she always wanted. Scars and pain be damned. 

The End