To Be Awake

I found myself walking in the silent corridor of the building. The second floor was too quiet. It is only me and the hushing wind. All classrooms and dormitories were empty; all were messy. I try to walk and walk until I reach the side stairs. I suddenly stopped. I do not know where I am going. Likewise, I do not know where I started. My mind is in blank space; there is nothing to hide, there is nothing to be seen. I had goosebumps because of the place. I felt cold, and it gets more intense as the wind passes through me. The last mark of winter is gone. Flowers started to bloom, which is the beginning of the new season. The slowly heating sun beamed through my hands and made the aura of the place scarier. I am in trouble right now by what is going on. I looked back again inside and, still, I found nothing. It is just the sound of silence that creeps out my whole being. There is no one in this compound except me, that is what I think. I have to move somewhere. I got back inside and proceeded to the main stairs of the building. Suddenly, I heard a voice.

Wake up. It is like a whisper but, it echoes through the whole floor. It is more horrifying now since I heard that voice. Who is it? I wonder who that was. It might be in the ground or, it must be somewhere. I hurriedly ran to the ground floor, hoping to cope up with that person. I looked left and right on the ground floor corridor, thinking still of the words from the mysterious voice. Why is it "wake up" when I’m not sleeping? Is it possible that strange voice was referring to me? This imponderable question makes me sick. I choose to leave the building while having the want of catching up with that someone.

Wake up. I heard it again. It is now the second time. I ran and ran until I reach the benches surrounded by dry leaves where I saw some people laughing and happily talking to each other. Wait. They are my friends, what are they doing here? Am I dreaming, or is there something that is going on?

“Oh, there he is. Come on, Russ.” Called Jason.

“Where have you been, man?” asked Adam. I think they were waiting for me for a long time.

I barely describe this ambiguous situation where I am right now. My friends called me and asked me to join them with their chitchatting. After few minutes, I heard something. Wake up. It is the third time already. I stood up and, try to look around, wondering who that might be. No one is around, which makes it spookier to think. It is like there is someone who calls me trying to wake me up. My friends gazed at me and asked what is going on. I don’t want to open up this one to them because they may think I’m crazy, but they might help me. I hushed them, and they became silent. I broke it out by asking them if they hear something.

“Did you hear that, guys?” I asked. They just laughed at me. Did I say something funny? No, I’m not kidding around here. I’m freaking, seriously.

“There you go again, Russ. Just stop your journey in your world full of fantasies.” They start to mock me now.

“No, It’s true.” I pleaded.

“What is it? What can you hear?” asked Adam.

“I don’t know what it is or who it is but, it says ‘wake up.’” At this point, they laugh again.

“Wake up?!”

“C’mon, Russ. I think you need to ‘wake up.’” Jason quoted the last words in mockery.

“Never mind. I just--”

They suddenly grabbed me and continue to mock me, saying, “Wake up. Wake up.” I want to leave but, they hold my hands tightly. I can’t bear it anymore, so I tried to silence them by striking rigidly the table where we are. It does not affect them. They continue. I can hardly move. Their laughing slowly turns into a devilish laugh. I shouted for help, but I don’t think someone can hear me. They cover my mouth and, one of them raises his hand, slowly approaching towards me, ready to get my eyes. What’s happening? Why am I in such torment now? I can feel how they pulled off my eyeballs. No.

***

Snap. I almost fell out of my chair. I fell asleep in the middle of the class. So, it’s all a dream. That’s a relief. My teacher is already in front of me with her crossed arms and scary glares which look likes she wants to eat me. She’s beautiful though, but I don’t want to see her being angry. She’s like a monster.

“Mr. Alvarez, see me after class.” I’m in real trouble right now. It’s already the last period and I feel exhausted plus that unexpected dream. I need to wake up now. I still need to face my greatest fear: talking with my teacher slash ‘I don’t know. It’s all worth it now. I would be glad if she’ll reprimand me; it’s a plus point. But, keeping the distance is still on my mind. I don’t want to cross the line. Time rushes and it’s late when I realize that dismissal is done. I hurriedly fix my things and prepare for another memorable event. I walked out of the building nervous and scared of what will happen. I hope my teacher won’t go much and report me to the Prefect of Discipline Office. I saw her waiting for me at the bench near the mango trees. The afternoon breeze keeps me warm over the coldness of the situation. Coldness. I know this feeling, it’s in my dream. I’m starting to ponder again.

I approach my teacher, and she asked me to sit beside her. A silence broke out between the two of us for a long time. I don’t know why is it this awkward. I’m waiting for her to start reproaching about my mistake during her time. This presumption did not go its' way. I’m shocked by her starting lines.

“Do you like me?” she asked.

“What do you mean? I like you as --” I did not finish my statement when she interrupts.

“That’s not what I mean. I already heard it from others, and I partially believe it.”

“Then, what’s your comment about that?”

“If it’s true, I want you to stop it. I need you to wake up. I need you to realize the truth and live in reality.”

Wake up. These words rang to my ears again. I needed to wake up. But, what’s the point of this? She knows that it’s not too obvious, and that’s on my perspective.

“Okay.” This short reply and a slight nod made her shocked.

“What?! Are you sure of your answer?”

“Why? Is there something wrong? Do you want me to pursue my feelings for you?”

I don’t think she was happy with my reply. I don’t know the reason, though. She raised her hands with full force and ready to strike me. I can’t move my hands to blocked hers. Ahh... No.

***

Beep. Beep. Beep.

The sound of the defibrillator spreads in the whole room. I was in a hospital bed. I have a bandage on my head and a tube in my mouth. I can’t speak so I roam around my eyes. There is someone beside me having her nap. I move my fingers which made her awake.

“Oh. You’re awake.” She said with a careful voice. She is my best friend, why is she here? Where’s my mother? My father? Where are they? What happened? The flooding questions in my mind cause me a headache. I don’t know what happened. Why am I in the hospital?

“Wait, I will just call your mom.” My best friend said. I waited, still puzzling by the situation. I don’t clearly remember what happened. I gazed into the ceiling of the room and it’s like my soul is somewhere out there. After the call, she approached me and asked, “How are you?” I cannot speak because of the thing in my mouth.

“Please don’t do it again. I’m so worried about what happened.” I want to ask her what happened and the reason why I’m here in the hospital lying dead.

“I know that you can’t speak right now that’s why I want you to listen to my pleading. If you’re depressed or burdened with problems, please consult help to those you know you can rely on, like me, or your mother, or your father. Avoid doing some reckless decision.” As I listened to this, I can’t stop thinking of what happened. I don’t know what kind of decision I made.

“I don’t want to see you lying here for a month like the dead.” She continues. “I’m asking for a miracle to happen. Thanks be to God you’re awake now." After these, she sat down and stare at me with begging eyes.

Tomorrow then comes, when I already have the opportunity to speak, I asked her what happened. She said that I committed suicide but luckily survive. That’s the time I remember everything. I got hit by a truck and was thrown away. That was awful. But still, it’s worth it. I want to end my life at that time because of the pressure brought by problems. It kills me now that I know I have to live again with those difficulties.

After few minutes, my parents arrived and I can see their happiness of me being alive. I think I must live with those difficulties again and spend my life to solve them. I don’t want to worry them again — if there’s a chance.