LAURA'S LONG DISTANCE LORRIES

“Hello. Is that Mr. Hammond? Barry Hammond?”

“Yeah.”

“Ah, Mr. Hammond, It’s Laura from Laura’s Long-Distance Lorries. Can I call you Barry, Mr. Hammond?”

“Yeah.”

“Ah, well, um Barry, I just received your application form this morning to join our marvelous team of drivers. I must say you’ve had an impressive amount of experience according to your cv. Been driving lorries for ten years, I understand. That’s just what I’m looking for here at Laura’s Long-Distance Lorries. Someone with considerable expertize. Is there anything you would like to ask me about the job?”

“No, don’t think so. I’ve had that much driving work, it’s water off a duck’s back, really.”

“Yes, I quite agree Mr. Hammond, Barry. Water off a duck’s back. Just one thing here that you ought to know. We’ve fully equipped all our lorries for sleeping in overnight. Now some companies will not allow this and then you have to find a motel or somewhere to stay before you collect your return haulage. We, on the other hand, don’t mind this at all. I see from your application form that you were hoping to sleep in the lorry accommodation overnight. So that will be fine with me.”

“Yeah.”

“Now Barry, you omitted to answer one question.”

“It’s a long paper -more like a book than an application form.”

“Yes, I do agree there, Barry,” Laura chuckled.

“I don’t suppose you deliberately let the question go. After all, it is well hidden among all the other questions a bit. It’s on page twelve, part B, section three. You’ve filled everything else in nicely.”

“Yeah, took me a while -half a day or more.”

“Yes, Barry I quite understand but we do like to be thorough here at Laura’s Long-Distance Lorries. We do like to be confident with whom we are employing as drivers. It’s a responsible job, you know. I’m sure you’re the perfect candidate. You just need to answer this one question.”

“Yeah.”

“I was hoping you could start on Monday as we are so short of men at the moment. Look, Barry, I’ve got a driver who’ll be in your area later today. I’m going to send him over with the form. Can I leave it with you? Just answer that question and you can start on Monday.”

“Yeah. I’ll be at home. No-where else to go at the moment.”

“Lovely, really lovely. My driver can collect it again tomorrow when he’s back out there with another delivery and we can get you sorted to begin work with this amazing company next week. Does that sound great, Barry?”

“Yeah. Great.” 

#

“Is that Mr. Hammond, Barry?”

“Yeah.”

“Look, sorry Barry but I’ve got your application form back here from the driver and you’ve still not filled in question B, part three on page twelve. It’s a very important question. I know it’s tucked away among all the others, but it really does need answering. It’s a police thing, you know. Nothing to do with me.”

“I looked through the paper, to be quite honest, but couldn’t find what to answer. It looked to me as if I’d done it all, anyway.”

“Yes, Barry, I know it can be confusing. You’re not the first. But I really do need to have this part filled in with your own handwriting. I was looking forward to you starting with your first delivery on Monday. What if I ask you to come into the office tomorrow morning and we can go over the form together and make sure I haven’t missed anything and neither have you? I can show you the question then.”

“Yeah, okay.”

“Mid-morning?”

“Fine.”

#

“Ah Jack. While you’re here can you look at this form from Barry Hammond? I’m hoping he can start as a new driver on Monday, but he hasn’t filled in all the bits. Look here. Is it me or not? He hasn’t filled it in, has he? Though he thought he had.”

“No Laura, you’re right. You’re not dreaming. Easily done with those forms. Why don’t you make them shorter? I know I hated filling all mine in. It got so boring after a while. That’s probably what happened here with this bloke.”

“I expect you’re right, Jack. Yes, I’ll see if I can cut out some of the questions in future. Thank you. Thanks for your help.”

“No problem Laura.”

#

“Ah Mr. Hammond, Barry. Pleased to meet you face to face at last. Please take a seat. How are you today?”

“Fine. Thanks.”

“Good. Would you like a coffee?”

“No thanks. Don’t want to be too long today, I need to get some stuff sorted out if I’m beginning here on Monday.”

“Ah, yes, I quite understand. I’m really looking forward to you starting work with us next week. Look, here are the keys to your lorry and your logbook.” Laura jingled the keys and lay them back on top of the blue logbook.

“Now here’s the form. Page twelve, question B, part three. Have you ever been convicted of a firearms offence?”

Barry suddenly stood up. The chair made a grating noise as he forced it back across the wooden floor.

“Barry? What’s up? What are you doing?”

“Nothing Miss Laura of Laura’s Long-Distance Lorries. Nothing at all. You’re the one who’s going to be doing something, and that is to open the safe right now. If not, I’ll blast your head right off with this firearm. And the answer to your question is, yes, I have been convicted of firearms offences. Three, to be precise. But this time I’m going to get away with it. OPEN THE SAFE!”

Laura fumbled in the drawer for the key. Kneeled down by her desk and placed the key in a small concealed lock and lifted the floorboard. Then she turned the dial and opened the safe door, revealing wads of notes. She stepped back up against the wall. Her face ashen.

Just as Barry was putting the money into a bag Jack came in through the door. Laura screamed. There were two shots, hardly a second between them. Two people lay on the floor. No movement. Barry put the gun and the money in the bag and went over to the desk.

“Thanks for the keys but I won’t be starting work on Monday. I’ll be miles away, kipping in my lorry out in the sticks.”