The knotted tree

The car’s tires thrummed and sang as they pressed against the road and traced against the rough edge. The music, sparking into the air from an old, dusty speaker set, caused the hands gripping a steering ball and the wheel to tap and flex with the rhythm. The scenery flashed by as the speedometer on the dash reflected his confidence. The needle hung on the edge of the limit, the limit that the disappearing sign in the rear mirror had announced. Then the needle crested and broke into the red, the tires and car thrumming and vibrating louder. His tapping went off beat going away from the melody and pacing its own. Faster, more intense. The scenery inconsequential now, his eyes paying it no mind, focussing only on the stretch of aged, weathered road in front. 

His focus remained only on that stretch, the weathered cracked surface didn't seem to change. The LED on the radio player suggested he was about twenty minutes into the journey, though the creaking and rigidness of the seat that he kept twitching away from suggested that maybe the clock wasn’t to be trusted. The Corolla, a relic from a past that he didn’t want to revisit, still somehow held and remained steadfast. A comfort. The opened letter announcing expected news but strangely that hadn’t upset him lay in the back. His great aunt, dead at age seventy eight, alone in her cabin in the desolate woods. Family, those that had been too late or not privileged enough for the top pickings, had already descended upon the cabin, he was late. Days even, from the letters date, images flashed through his mind of what he might find. 

A scene, undisturbed, maybe even his aunt still undisturbed in her final position. Her cabinets and cupboards filled with trinkets, the odd craft item by him or another younger family member on the side worn on one side as if touched regularly.

He shook his head, welled up with tears shaking free. That wasn’t what it was going to be. The house would be picked clean, shelves barren, the doors probably all left ajar, for who would care.

 He’d be lucky if he even got a box, though what did he really want? A bag of stuff he could sell or use, would that really make up for what had happened? For the time that had slipped away, for the impenetrable barrier that came with death.

A bump in the coarse road, shifted his focus back to the stretch in front of him. A knotted tree, its branches twisting in whirred past as his eyes swayed from side to side. He felt a shift in his arms, hair tensing, that tree was a landmark he’d remembered from years ago, from driving or being driven in the backseat, that it still looked the same as a miracle. But it should have been miles back. He reached for his phone in the holder and checked, no signal. He slumped back slightly. The LED clock suggested a new time, an hour into the journey. The scenery should be different, a river running wild on the left and more clearings on the right, maybe even some deer or other wildlife. Yet all he saw was thin tall trees with thin needles and the odd, standout one that was the knotted tree.

He turned to look back at his blind spot looking for an exit sign. Had he missed something?

The music was reaching the end of the album, an odd glitching, a skipping seemed to be more common. The music was like that, the album a bit surreal anyway, Frank Ocean liked to add segments, play with settings and what not. But this wasn’t that, this seemed to be, skipping, words, whole sentences. The melody seemed to stay consistent at first but then it got stranger and stranger. Whatever pattern, he thought he could hear, seemed to switch up, vanish or remain just long enough till he was nearly certain about what it was then disappear. The only constant was the stretch of road in front and the thin tall trees either side and god. What? He verbally swore, the knotted tree was appearing just on the left. Barely in view and his hand itched and the left wheel slid off the cracked surface and collided with a bang with the tree. 

“Damn”. The word escaped alongside a hiss of breath. The LED clock happily displayed that it was now two hours after he set off and he should be on the final approach. Rolling hills and a large lake should have been his companions. Yet that damn knotted tree was the only one leering at him as the tyre shuddered.

The wheel arch was dented, but the wheel could still move. He felt a sigh of relief, he could keep going and put the whole experience behind him, he couldn’t miss his turning this time. 

He got back on the road, hands clenched and pressed forwards up against the glass, eyes flickering left to right, no exit in sight just more trees, and the sounds of wildlife. Then, a hut. His heart raced at the sight, an old brown shack, the roof chipped and a board hanging disjointedly off at the side. A light was on but a thin set of net curtains hid whoever was inside. Surely whoever lived here would know the way, how many roads could there be?

As he reached the hut, he saw a bright flash overhead, a glistening orange streak that made him flinch, raising his arm as the light blinded him, lighting the darkening sky. Has it been this dark for a while? He rubbed his eyes and the stars twinkled in his vision as he did, remnants of the orange streak. He craned his head and rolled down his window and looked around, as quick as it had appeared the orange streak had vanished. Faint clouds rolled in the dull darkening sky. A rapping on glass got his attention. He turned, jumping slightly in his seat and the noise and a large brown bear wearing a large brimmed cap waved at him. He screamed and rolled up the window, yanking at the stuck old switch, the window jolted up, coming finally to rest at seventy five percent closed.

“Damn”.  His Breathing was quick, rapid. “Ok, ok”. “Brown bear, get down”. He slowly unclasped his seatbelt, twisting his waist round to lay back in the gap, reaching to try and pull himself more into the back. His ankle wouldn't turn the muscle too tight, the boot refusing to turn and follow his shaking body. He heard gentle scraping and a few taps. Also a gentle voice speaking, low and deep but happy and friendly. He twisted and grasped the edge of the back window. “Hey, hey be careful there’s a bear, help please”. 

The words trailed off as a large silhouette rounded the side of the car. He remembered the documentaries he’d seen as a kid, be calm, say slow and friendly. “H..Hey bear”. 

The silhouette paused then he heard the door gently open and he stared out at the large shaggy form. The fur looked soft and smooth and inviting and he felt an overwhelming urge to hug the bear, but a stronger sense forced him to recoil slowly tensing up on the far seat as the bear doubled over and poked its large head in the door.

“Hey there”.

And his eyes rolled back, and he slumped against the door.

“What.. what’s happening?”

The bear looked at him quizzically, turning its large head and its amber eyes widening.

“Oh I kinda hoped you’d know, they weren’t really very clear with instructions, you know, just watch for fires, guard the portals, don’t look directly at the phoenixes kinda thing. Then you showed up!” The bear looked back in the shack. “You’re my only visitor in hmmm, sixty thousand years”. 

“I’m not really sure of the protocol at this point, so I’ll tell you the basics and then you can go on your way if you’d like. I was gonna suggest cards, I know a lot of games, kinda hard with paws but you know you figure it out”. The bear shrugged and a toothy approximation of a smile came across its face. “Ahh you’re one of those, lost in your thoughts, in the past, not sure on what happened kinda folk. That clarifies things, a bit, let’s get your car a bit patched up, I’ll get you some snacks and we’ll get you on your way”.

He opened his mouth uselessly a few times. “Wait what? I.. I thought you were going to explain what’s happening, why I keep seeing that knotted tree or that I’m lost, I should have been there by now. Should have been there..” His voice trailed off as he thought back to how things had been left off with his great Aunt.  The bear sighed, and awkwardly leant against the car, the car rocking as it did so. “They didn’t really teach me much about this, that’s Astri’s job but you’re not on this road to make up for the past. This road isn’t that, it’s a random cosmic occurrence and it’s completely random if it’ll ever finish and if you make it to your stop, there’s not a guide for this bit, I’m supposed to be that but not yet”. 

He sobbed, tears flowing now.

The bear cursed under their breath. Gently and cautiously they reached a paw in and placed it gently on his shoulder. The touch made him shiver and recoil slightly but he also leant into it, feeling the smooth warm touch. 

“There, there, we’ll see each other again. That's a certainty but you have to keep moving. There’s much to see and I’d guess all the time in the world to do it but I don’t want to assume”.

The bear grinned again. “It’s one of those things, here are your snacks, out of their fur they seem to pull oranges, crips, and other random snacks. Snacks he hadn’t seen since his childhood.  

Liquorice and Turkish delight caught his eye, both sweets he’d hated and made him grimace. He gestured. “You can keep those, not my kinda bag”. 

The bear shook their head. 

“No can do, you gotta take everything, that's just how it works”.

Sighing he reclaimed the front seat, the bear taping the front up, they patted the side. 

“All good”.

And he was off. The sky was turning purple, darkening and orange streaks shot across together in groups, swooping, sweeping. At the last minute they arced down and swooped around his car, orange feathers falling through the vents. He coughed and went to cover his mouth and nose but instead the aroma of the lake and the cabin came through and the dust evaporated from the vents and the dash. The phoenixes sweep around, scraping the sides and together they skirted the road, the gauge never falling, the LED clock the only measure of time. The stretch of road was now pinned in by the crowd, the soft glow lighting his way. He couldn’t see anything outside of the amber glow, he peered through at the sides trying to see out. And he saw scenes, saw the amber glow shift and twist.

His great aunt motioned, gesturing angrily, mouth contorted in a snarl, him looking small and feeling smaller. He saw himself rushing out in floods of tears, felt the rush of worry hit him and the golden shield around him reactively comforted him, shifting around him, holding the car straight. The scene rushed to the windscreen, playing out. His panic and past him holding in the car in case she came out, came to the window to show anything, any sign of emotion that wasn’t rage. How could she ask him to put aside his desire, his need to be more than his disability, his limitations, to not strive to achieve all he could but to sit in the background away from the attention she found uncomfortable. He held for what seemed like an age, but the silhouette never appeared by the window. 

The scene shifted and he saw her side. Her clutching a kitchen counter, chest heaving, the thin cardigan she was wearing, shaking. Her thin bone white hair obscured her eyes as she shook and gently touched the plate he’d crafted in school as a child. The abstract wonky sunflower in the centre of the plate would be faded now but back then it was so vibrant and vivid.  He released the steering ball fixed to the wheel and drummed his fingers gently stretching them. The LED clock happily displayed a time that shouldn't be. 

Although that was probably the easiest thing to understand. The time slippage, the knotted tree and what appeared to be a crow staring blankly at him was not so easy. A crow. He slammed the breaks on, then pushed his palm into his forehead. He was losing it if he was going to a crow for company.

The crow stared blankly at him, then hopped to the edge of the road so he had to wind down the window and peer out.

“Thanks for stopping, you've no idea how rude people are around here. The name's Astri, and I'm ashamed to admit it.. I'm lost”

“Hey Astri”. The words and situation felt natural now, the bemusement ebbing away to an acceptance. “I'm Tariq, I'm actually lost too, wanna travel together?” 

It turns out Astri was a great singer and Tariq couldn't help but smile and sing along as they vibed to a more upbeat cd he'd found in the back. The bird was larger than he expected and more vibrant too.

His worries faded and he continued switching his hand on the ball as his arm grew tired. Astri watched with a sympathetic look but didn't stop singing, skipping a filler song to continue energetically singing. 

As they passed the thin trees again, Astri suddenly stopped singing and shouted. “Stop look there!”

There in the trees was the bear, waving at them. Tariq pulled the car over slowly and stepped out cautiously. It was the first time he'd stepped out since the journey started, what would happen if he did? But something in the bear’s expression made him want to get out, to see what it was they kept looking over their shoulder at. 

Astri flew to the bird's shoulder and nattered away as Tariq retrieved his jacket from the back and joined them.

“I see the road is showing you things already”. The bear said with a kind but almost teasing smile. It seemed easier than before to judge their expressions, eyes more alive and vivid. 

“Yeah you could say that, the phoenixes’”. He tilted his hands mimicking the dancing motion. 

“It's beautiful ain't it, never gets old”. The bear gestured into the woods. 

“We better go though there's a meeting you shouldn't miss”.

Walking through the forest was harder than expected, the trees more closely knit and low roots tripped Tariq more than once, his balance adding an additional sway and challenge but one that he had to overcome.

Eventually they made it to a clearing.

A log circle in the middle, fireflies hanging lazily in the air, a calming sound of a campfire mixed with a gentle wind came to Tariq. Pushing through thin hanging branches he entered the clearing.

“Tariq?” A voice nearly unfamiliar to him, cut through to him and he froze to the spot as he saw the familiar cardigan and white hair. It was neatly combed and the cardigan looked freshly pressed. 

“Auntie?” He turned but the bear and Astri were nowhere to be seen. 

“How is this possible?” He asked, rubbing his eyes.

“Don't ask me, I'm just happy to see you boy, shouldn't that be enough, you know it's not often you get the chance to make up such wrongs”.

Tariq felt his blood boil with a sudden spike, flashes back to slamming the door, of rushing down the stairs to his car, to be incapable of leaving. 

“ I won't apologise Auntie, it's..” 

She cut him off by rushing to him with surprising speed. Instantly embracing him. She was just like he remembered but there was a certain energy, an extra warmth. His adrenaline vanished and he clung to her. Afraid at first he'd hurt her, but she held him back with an iron but comforting grip.

“It's not for you to apologise dear boy, I don't have enough time I fear or all the words we'd both like to say and hear”. She paused. Her hands tracing his face. “ But you were never undeserving of love and I'm sorry it took death and all this to see it.” She gestured at the sky above the clearing. The deep blue mixes with purple and green in twisting swelling patterns.

“There, look!”. She pointed. A flock of orange streaks raced against a strong grey moon. She held him as they watched the streaks pass and disappear before she turned her pale big eyes towards him.

“I don't know what this is or how this is possible or what happens next Tariq. But if you'd have me..” She paused, twisting a thread of the auburn cardigan in her fingers, eyes turning away from him. 

“I.. if you'd have me I'd like to travel the road with you, if only for a little while, there's so much I missed and I would like to hear about”.