The sun that saw forgiveness

It takes more than an ordinary sunrise to paint life on a pigment of darkness. Indeed, this one was unique in the way that it brought out a plethora of colors in a landscape merely composed of three notes: the many white hills, pine trees dressed in snow and the clear blue sky that oversaw them. It began with the sun ascending from the horizon as it met a little cloud that by all means had no business in such a vast sky all on its own. The sun kindly asked the cloud to disperse, for the land it would shine upon today was reserved for a rather special occasion. The cloud, acknowledging its insignificant nature, complied and decided to assist the sun by bursting into millions of droplets which were carried by the soft winter wind, high above the land, freezing them just enough to be a prism for the fair light, transforming it into shyly dancing rays of color and character, with the sky’s blue enveloping them.

Laughter and greetings emerged from one of the hills below, and two figures embraced lovingly. After many years, the two have finally managed to meet up again and spend a day in the snow to reminisce on times past and make future plans. The taller figure brought with it kindness, sorrow, wisdom and a great wooden sled made of willow, intricate in craftsmanship and sturdy in construction, the likes of which this world had never before seen. The shorter one, energetic and pure as it was, could not contain its excitement any longer: “Mommy! Mommy! Come on, let’s go slide already” the little boy cried out as his mother controlled him with cheerful hugs and kisses. “But you’ve been complaining so long that you wanted to see me, why are you now in such a rush? You are all mine for the whole day you know, and you’re not getting away easily” the mother replied playfully, pausing her words every so often amidst countless kisses while her boy flailed as if he didn’t enjoy her attack. “Then, can we sit on the sled? I don’t want to get sick if I sit in the snow” the boy thoughtfully added as they calmed down. “Oh silly, I know you are trying to act capable and responsible. Fear not, my love. If you like, we can even lay down. No illness will dare befall you here, I promise you” she said graciously, soothing her son’s mind and whisking his worries away.

And so, mother and son lied on a bed of fluffy snow, which refused to chill either of them. It knew not to disturb them out of respect for the sun, which had just about reached the middle of the sky and was eagerly observing the delicate reunion. Through both their eyes they gazed upon the lively and vibrant blue and expressed their marvel at being there again, together, one’s voice vibrating into the other’s ear, and they rejoiced at how marvelous the landscape was, and chatted about their lives, their experiences, and all of their worries. They did so in a manner that seemed to freeze time forever as the music they brought with them was their heartwarming laughter with some funny, teasing voices here and there. Perhaps what they spoke to each other is as frozen in time as this snow that covers all this land and its trees, with its gentle winter wind, unwavering in the sun’s presence. Their hearts connected deeper than any ocean inside the abyss, and they thawed and healed, and that fervor briefly overwhelmed the sun, which seemed like it took forevermore to reach the white horizon. “Hey mom” the boy called hesitantly. His mother silent. “What is your greatest fear?” he asked with the bravery he acquired throughout the day.

His mother turned to him and looked into his eyes, still silent like the echo-less winter wind, as she realized what must be said. “Fears are a tricky thing” she replied stoically. “You can either be afraid of fear, which will gift you with paranoia, or, you can create for yourself an ultimatum which you will inevitably face one day and be fearful of that inevitability”.

“What?” Her boy replied puzzled and bewildered.

“I don’t get it” he added.

His mother took a deep breath, recollecting aspects of her own past: “Well, there has been one fear that tormented me ever since I came up with it, long, long ago. But it’s pointless to discuss because you, my love, don’t have to worry about it. I’m strong enough to carry its weight-“ she paused, turning her eyes up toward the sky again: “Your father really admired that in me…” she went on, drawing in with her stare the endless clear blue. But she turned and faced her son again, this time with a somber smile: “Oh… I regret losing him a lot, but I regret losing you a lot more. That is why we met here today. So I can defeat that fear before it defeats you.”

“How are you going to do that?” the boy asked.

“It depends. Can you help me?” she answered, returning the question.

“But… how can I help?” he inquired further, willing to help but unconscious as to how.

“Well, have you forgiven me?” her voice soft and reluctant.

Her boy stood with cold eyes: “For what?” he said with a half breath.

“For leaving.”

“I… don’t know.”

“My love… I know how it hurt… And I am so, so sorry. I never wished that for you, for us. It was my destiny, and I could not escape it.”

“It’s okay, mother. I know inside me; you are not to blame.”

“Then, what about yourself?”

“What do you mean?”

“Have you forgiven yourself? Or are you following in your mother’s footsteps and trying to carry the weight all on you own?”

Her words petrified him and sent a chill inside his very core. Frozen as he was, he slowly began to feel the frigidity of the snow upon which they sat together.

“I… can’t” he tried putting his heartache into words, but to no avail.

“Let go, my love. You are not to blame and I never want you to feel this way again!”

Tears formed in his eyes despite his will. A burning sensation strangled his throat. Instinctively, he darted inside his mother’s arms and embraced her with all his might and a little more. He desperately sought to acquire something from her, something elusive, unattainable, but so valuable he would even risk his life for it. She returned the gesture in kind, holding him, comforting him, a hug so powerful and full of life, it erased her self-imposed sin and washed his anguish, which betrayed his life, away. They cried in each other’s arms for an eternity, forgiving the twist of their fate.

The sun sat a tad higher than the tallest hill, above the horizon. For a brief moment it felt grief and in order to unburden itself, it released a fraction of its affection into the landscape and dressed the heart of winter in the warmest golden orange. She hesitantly looked at the sky above: “Oh my goodness, we almost forgot!” she exclaimed with excitement. He turned his pure gaze and stared into her eyes in a way that asked for an answer. She continued enthusiastically: “I brought this wonderful sled for us. It would be a shame if the night catches us and we haven’t had a chance to play with it at least one time.” To which he replied in awe: “It really is the most beautiful sled I’ve ever seen.”

“Uh-huh! You will never forget riding it down this hill dear! Come! Get in and sit tight!”

“Okay! I’ll sit in the front!”

“So I take it you are going to stop being ill?”

“What do you mean?”

“Do you still blame yourself for my absence?”

He stood silent, no answer presented itself within his mind. But, suddenly, a void emotion struck his stomach from deep within, and he realized: “You are not coming with me, are you?”

“I… cannot. You know why. But that fate does not have to be the same as yours. My dear boy you have suffered so much. The choice is yours, and I will help you either way.”

“But I miss you so much, I can’t leave without you.” He lamented, fearful of his strength.

“I am always with you. Always, my love. There’s much for you to be and do, and I will watch you and admire you and wait for you to come see me again!”

“I’m so afraid I will forget, mommy.”

“Then look up at the stars. Whatever you confide in them, I will know, and I won’t let you go.”

“Promise?”

“Promise.”

She helped her little boy on the sled and held his chest from behind, an unforgettable embrace, one that gifted a new heartbeat.

“I missed you so much!” They said together.

A parting kiss on the top of his head, and a gentle push.

The little boy rode the willow sled downhill and toward the glistening snow. Courageous as he had become, he accepted his mother’s request and decided not to give up. The mighty sled picked up speed and it felt like it slashed the snow like a sharp blade cutting the wind. Suddenly, he felt a familiar, ever so protective and comforting voice inside his head: “Take care of your father, will you dear? I expect great things from the both of you!” He instinctively turned his head, his vision partially obstructed by snowflakes flying about, and he managed only a glimpse of a white-silver figure that shone like a star, turning its back to him and proudly heading towards a rose sunset.

At long last, the sun sets blissfully. Content with what it had witnessed, it brought the darkness again, enshrouding the land. But it was ever so grateful, for it needed not carry two beautiful and pure souls beyond the horizon’s white and into the night. Rather, it needed carry only a sacrifice, forgiveness, and a heart that could beat once more, underneath a new dawn.

.

.

.

 ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎*

*꧁꧂*

*  ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎*

 ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎*