Meet Me Then

DAY 1:

I couldn't take the pain anymore. I just couldn't handle living in a world that just couldn't accept me. I would never be at home here. The only person who even remotely cared about me lived three-thousand miles away and was three and a half years older than me. But I doubted I could keep this secret long enough to be able to leave my home that I can't call home, and see him someday.

So, I decided, if I couldn't have him, then there is no point to life anymore.

I came up to the door to my bedroom, and it slowly creaked open as I pushed the doorknob forward. That was when I saw a little girl standing at my window. She looked...familiar; her hair was the same wavy dirty blonde as mine, and had held some sort of necklace she was wearing tightly. Close to her chest. It sounded as if she were crying. That theory had been confirmed when I saw a tear drip down from her quivering chin, and land on the ground.

I had been so confused. Why was this kid in my room? What was she doing?

My question had once again been answered when she put one knee on the windowsill, and one hand began to open the window. I wasn't sure why at the time, but to my disbelief I yelled, "W-Wait!! Don't do it!!"

The girl turned to me, with a startled look, tears still streaming out of her bright blue eyes. But wait... those were my eyes. And my glasses. As much as I seemed to recognize her, she didn't seem to recognize me. I wasn't surprised.

"Who... are you?" The little girl asked nervously. I didn't answer. I couldn't. I wasn't sure if I knew how.

But after a moment of silence, I asked, "Why were you about to do that?"

She sat on the windowsill, fully facing me now, and sighed as she wiped her tears. "It's just that... all I wanted was to be with him. But when I told mommy about him... she said he was three years older than me, and that was too old. And that I'm too little to love someone, anyway... but that made me hurt. I loved him..."

That's when I knew for certain who she was. But I asked this simple question just to be sure.

"How old are you?"

She responded with, "Five."

Before she could ask why, I quickly changed the subject by going over to her, kneeling down and saying, "You can't do this... that's just such a stupid reason. You're so much luckier than other people. And at the very least, you weren't robbed of the chance to meet someone that made you so happy..."

The little girl smiled, gave me a hug and said, "Thank you...I feel a lot better, now." She let go of me, wiped a final tear from her eye, and trotted off, closing my bedroom door behind her. I closed my eyes, and suddenly, I was outside my room again. I let out a short gasp without knowing why.

Had I imagined that entire conversation? I wasn't really sure. Too freaked out to go back to my room for now, I took my hand off the doorknob, which I had still apparently been holding, and walked back downstairs.

DAY 2:

I came back to my bedroom door after lunch, thinking today was the day I could finally end the pain. But of course, I was wrong. I entered my room, only to find a girl only slightly shorter than me now, (which was still pretty short), standing by the window. Wavy dirty blonde hair, blue eyes and endless tears streaming down her face. I surprised myself once again, told her, "Wait!! Don't do it!!"

She turned to me and asked, "Sorry, do I know you?" I simply shrugged.

She told me, "I don't fit in anywhere here... I was hoping that maybe the universe would give me a second chance in life. I just need to end this one, first..."

She took a step toward the windowsill, the window wide open now. I grabbed her arm and yelled, "Are you serious!? Do you realize how lucky you are, compared to some people!? At the very least, your family still loves you and actually has the decency to cook your meals and take care of you like a family should!!"

The girl smiled, teared up a little, and hugged me. "I am pretty hungry. Thank you."

Before she even exited the room, I suddenly woke up again. I was outside my room again, wondering how this possibly could've happened a second time. I couldn't tell if I had just been spacing out, or if I was just going insane. Once again, I decided to just wait 'till tomorrow.

DAY 8:

There had been a girl there every day. She told me of her sorrows, and I stopped her again and again. I listened to their tales. I gave them happiness. If only someone could do this for me. But they couldn't. I couldn't tell anyone of my pain in the first place because then they'd be too worried about me to focus on their real lives. And I would be getting myself and everyone around me into trouble.

I came to my room again, and I saw the girl again. Only this time, she was now my exact height. She had the same woes as I. And I couldn't bare the pitiful look on her face when I screamed what I had screamed to the girl all those times before. "Wait!! Don't do it, please!!"

But when she took the time to tell me her tale, she didn't stop today. Suddenly, now I was the one crying. I fell to my knees, sobbing like a child. I couldn't find anything to say to her that would make her feel better. Her woes were my own, so I couldn't find a way to make either of us change our minds.

She put a hand on my head, gave me a smile and said, "I suppose today's just not my day..." and she left.

Suddenly, I blinked and was in the girl's same walking position outside my room. How did I keep getting back there? What was happening? I peeked back in my room. No one was there. But my puddle of tears still remained on the floor.

DAY 9:

Today, no one was here. Finally. I could be alone. Just me, myself and I. I could finally do it. I undid the braids in my hair. I took off my shoes. I took off my glasses and hoodie. I pushed open the window and waited a moment. A few moments. I waited twenty minutes now, and decided that today, no one would be here to bother me. Not this time. I could finally jump. I could finally be free.

Then suddenly, just when I almost leaped from the windowsill, everything turned white and a blue, glowing arm grabbed me by the shoulder, stopping me where I was. I was frozen in place. What the hell was happening??

I heard a faint whisper in my ear. A guy's voice. I could barely hear it at first, so I said, "Wh-What?"

The voice repeated, "Don't do it..."

Whoever it was, he wrapped his arms around me from behind, hugging me, mushing his face into my hair.

"Don't...do you have any fucking idea how sad I'll be...if you go through with this?"

I couldn't take it anymore. I burst out crying. I knew who this was. He was trying to warn me...that entire time.

"I-I'm sorry...!! I'm sorry!! I'll never try to do it again!!"

He gently stroked my hair as I cried into his chest. I couldn't tell if these were all hallucinations or not. But he made me realize how much I loved him. I would never try to do this again. My past and my present taught me that life is precious. And I should cherish every moment that I live.

The final words he mumbled in my ear were, "Don't worry...we'll see each other someday. Just never do this again..."

I woke up still crying outside leaning against my door, sitting down on the floor and hugging myself.

He didn't want an "I love you" then.

He wanted me to love me, too.