3 comments

Adventure Coming of Age Fantasy

"Good morning lad! Wake up! Your training awaits you!" Alexandre proclaimed, attempting to awaken the tired and stubborn boy. Cyrus rubbed his eyes and groaned loudly. He'd hardly slept for weeks and the journey to Chateau de la Foret Sombre seemed as if had lasted and would continiue for eternity.

"Alexandre, why was I chosen out of everyone in the whole kingdom? I'm not remarkable or royal, I'm just me! A boring young boy from the village! Not an heir to the throne! Why couldn't someone like that become Corbeau instead of me? Why can't I just stay an average village boy?"

"Cyrus, I do not wish to lie to you, however, I do not know the truth. Perhaps an ancient prophecy was told or a long dead relative of yours wrote you into his will to be trained as the Corbeau de la Flam. If I knew I would surely inform you but I'm just a knight with orders." The young knight had tried to give the boy a sufficient answer but Cyrus was far from satisfied. The young boy's inquisitive nature encouraged him to keep prying his mentor for an answer as to why he was being dragged to live a solitary life in the mountains.

"Alexandre, why is a new guardian being summoned to the castle anyways? Why can't Lady Bernadette stay? She's still alive! Why couldn't someone else take her place?"

"Because Lady Bernadette is getting quite old now and wishes to live out her final years back in the kingdom. She does not want to die out here guarding the flame. And her health, as a result of her elderly status has not been kind to her in recent years. She would rather live down in the dark than up here in her solitude. Now give it a rest Cyrus! Let's get up and get going! The faster we move the less time we spend on the trail." Cyrus finally stayed quiet and helped the knight take down their camp. In a few minutes they had been packed and going. After long hours of feeling their way through the darkness and gloom and tripping over untrimmed roots Cyrus was ready to give up. And just as fate would have it the frigid winter winds were blasting through the thick canopy above and freezing him from his hat covered skull to the tips of his boot covered feet. It way clear that the pathway had rarely been used. In certain areas you could not even feel that it was there, you could only hope and pray you were not plunging into the endless murky abyss of the Foret Sombre. Just as his legs were about to collapse he finally saw it. The breath taking, glowing, Chateau de la Foret Sombre. The vibrant lights of many candles stung his eyes as he adjusted. He never thought that the world could look like this. He saw the giant fortress in front of him with beautiful colorful banners and beautiful green trees and a rainbow of flowers surrounding it.

"Woah... So this is what light is like..." Alexandre smiled as the young boy witnessed the phenomenon of light.

"Yes Cyrus, now can you see what a blessing it is to be trusted with this position?" Cyrus struggled to speak as he and the knight ascended the staircase. Bernadette was waiting inside to greet them, "Hello Alexandre, young friend, it's wonderful to see you!" The old woman then gazed down at the young boy, "And you must be Cyrus!" Bernadette extended her arm to shake Cyrus's hand. Cyrus stood still, very puzzled. The knight whispered to him, "Grab her hand and shake. It's the traditional greeting between the Corbeau and the apprentice." Cyrus attempted to return the gesture, the Lady Bernadette signaled for him and the knight to follow. As they navigated through the labyrinth of the chateau Cyrus gasped as he drank in the vibrant red walls and multicolored masterpieces hanging on the walls. They stopped at the landing of a mystical spiral staircase, covered in snaking ivy vines.

"Alexandre you are not permitted to follow us up the tower. Cyrus, please kneel for the ceremony." The frail elderly woman began to chant in ancient tongues, casting a spell over the castle. She removed her dark cloak and placed it around the boy's shoulders.

"Well then, rise from your knees. Alexandre, we will leave you now but say your goodbyes to Cyrus, the new Corbeau de la Flam!" She quickly ascended the bewitched flight of stairs and Cyrus looked back at his old mentor and beloved friend Alexandre and reluctantly turned to follow. As he placed his left foot on the first step he felt magic course through him. Each step filled him with a strange sense of enchanted power. As he reached the top the glare and heat of the flame seemed to radiate an other worldly energy. When he put his hand to the flame, instead of burning him it shot up and the light of the castle shone over the Foret Sombre, restoring light above the canopy for a brief moment. He watched Lady Bernadette's face light up eve after the blast had dimmed. He was shocked and thrilled to see the power he had. He ran back down the staircase and began to blast fire from his fingertips, lighting the candles brighter that before and illuminating everything in his sights. He ran through the maze of hallways, eventually finding the exit. With the fire in his hands he saw that there were torches that could be lit along the Chemin d'honneur. He realized that he could finally restore light to his home land. With one final blast he sent burning serpents, snaking through the trees to light the torches. Lady Bernadette gasped as the young boy's magic restored the world to it's former glory, revealing everything that had been hidden by the endless gloom.

"Oh, Cyrus, Queen Solveig was right! You are truly of royal blood!"

January 13, 2024 04:05

You must sign up or log in to submit a comment.

3 comments

J. I. MumfoRD
11:17 Jan 18, 2024

Your use of dialogue is effective in conveying the characters' personalities, and the exchanges between Cyrus and Alexandre, as well as with Lady Bernadette, contribute to the story's charm. There are some paragraph issues which would help with clarity, a minor thing really. Long paragraphs can become a slog, better to break them up to keep more dynamic pacing. I particularly enjoyed the moment when Cyrus discovers his fire-controlling abilities. The imagery is a powerful and evocative. It showcases your imagination and the potential for i...

Reply

Jocelyn Keeney
18:02 Jan 18, 2024

Thank you for your feedback and advice! I'm a beginner at writing so any advice is appreciated greatly. Have a nice day!

Reply

J. I. MumfoRD
18:23 Jan 18, 2024

I only have enough knowledge to be dangerous…in Karate it’s called yellow-belt fever.

Reply

Show 0 replies
Show 1 reply
Show 1 reply
Reedsy | Default — Editors with Marker | 2024-05

Bring your publishing dreams to life

The world's best editors, designers, and marketers are on Reedsy. Come meet them.