He Died Numerous Times by Debbie Ealer

“You thought he was dead, but he is right in front of you, on the street, smiling at you.” 

We buried you! It came out more of a question than a statement. What are you doing here? I bought the coffin; I bought the plot. We lowered you into it and we had a service where everyone cried, and I bawled out my eyeballs for days. How are you alive? How are you standing there looking at me? What the hell Matt?

No response? Nothing to say. Okay well get ready to die for real this time. Matt took a deep breath and said, “Lunch?”

I did not know what to say. I stood moored to the concrete floor of this sidewalk. He gentle took my arm and let me to a café where he proceeded to order for me. We were together five years before he died. He knew what I could eat. Christ, I thought, he did not die obviously. What the hell?

We sat at our table, our waitress took our order, but I heard none of it. I was in shock staring at Matt. Finally, I managed to yell, WHY ARE YOU ALIVE?” Everyone looked at us and then looked away as I did not have a knife up to his throat. He swallowed hard, took a long sip of his water and began a story that I have yet to believe.

Matt spewed out this story of being undercover as he was a cop. Saying that high priced hits were placed on his head and the department needed him dead to catch the people trying to assassinate him. I just looked at him and loudly said, “ARE YOU KIDDING ME?” You couldn’t have told me; you could not have given me a sign and I am sorry but how long have you been back out of hiding? Matt swallowed hard again and said six months.

I got up so fast I knocked our waters on the floor and screamed this time, “ARE YOU KIDDING ME?”

Matt tried to calm me down, but I was livid. I was seeing our lives flash in front of our eyes and then I fainted. Down, down, down I fell, and the waitress told me later he caught me before my head hit the pavement. When I looked around, he was gone, again! She handed me a note he had left with her to give to me saying that I could not handle seeing him and he would not make contact again.

I walked out the restaurant with steam coming out of my ears. Who the hell did he think he was? Dying once, vanishing twice. I was going to find him, hunt him down, and really kill him this time. Who the hell did he think he was, choosing if I knew he was alive or dead? Oh, he was going to be dead now. Five years I waited for him, five years I waited to be engaged. Five years of sure honey, in time honey, any day honey. I knew where to start my search, the police station.

I walked in and everyone knew who I was. They started their sorry for your loss bullshit and I said, “Boys the truth will set you free.” The sergeant nodded toward his office and I followed him in. I sat down waiting to be told what was going on and he just said, “We cannot talk about this.” I informed him that he was hello wrong! He told me Matt is being hunted. He had a new name and identity. He was not supposed to reach out to me or anyone from his past. The sergeant knew Matt had to say a final goodbye to me and understood why he did what he did, but I would get nothing from this man about Matt now. Everything was top secret and Matt was no longer in town but in a plane bound for his new life and identity.

I stood up ready to fight back with my words, but the hurt I had been carrying weighed me down and I fell back into the chair hard. I tried to regain my composure as he went to get me a glass of water. I gulped it down in one swig and knew our meeting was done. I got up again, walked out, climbed into my car and cried for the death of Matt once again, this time though he was alive and gone. I knew I could tell no one about evening seeing him. I arrived home, parked my car, and decided instead of going in, to go for a walk instead. I needed to clear my head, to re ground myself. I started walking toward the park and felt like I was not alone. I notice families out playing, but also one single person. A woman who seemed to be on my tail. I tried to go toward all the families playing and when I turned around again, she was gone. I relaxed and thought about the day and that my mind was playing tricks on me. I sat on a bench and the woman walked up behind me and said, “Excuse me, Are you Matt’s girlfriend?” I just froze and not sure how to respond. Is this person a friend or foe? Did she know me from a friend? I finally nodded yes. She climbed up on the picnic table with me and said her name was Ally. She knew Matt from High School and their reunion was coming up and she was trying to reach him. I informed her that he was deceased, and she could visit his grave site at the cemetery down the road.

I got up to walk away and she gently, but firmly grabbed my arm. She said you and I both know he is not buried there. I began to cry saying he was and that I buried him. I grieved for months and months on end for his death and the loss of a five-year relationship and that she was nuts if she thought I did not know who I buried. She backed off and apologized. Just then, one of Matt’s work colleagues came up to me with a Frisbee asking if I wanted to play. He was in the park on his day off playing with his kids and noticed my strained interaction with this woman. I did not want to play, but it got me away from this woman, so I told Chester yes. He asked if I was okay and I nodded yes.

Once away from this weird woman, Chester threw the Frisbee a few times with me, but when we could no longer see her, we sat and talked. He told me people were asking questions again about the death of Matt and that she was not a coincidence. She was up to no good. He believed she was part of the group trying to kill Matt. He said they put a high price on his head. I nodded, but finally asked, “How high?” Chester told me more money then any other hit he knew of. I knew Matt had risked his life to come say goodbye to me. Chester said Matt insisted, he handed me an envelope from Matt and told me to tuck it away and read it at home with the doors locked. Then I was to burn it in the fireplace so no trace of it remained. He also informed me that since that woman came looking for me, that they would put a unmarked car on my premises 24 hours a day. He saw the panic on my face, and he said just for added protection. The house had a massive alarm system and I lived behind a coded gate, but with her showing up after I had lunch with Matt, the PD was taking no chances on my life.

I fretted around the house all night. I looked out repeatedly to make sure the car was still there watching my house. I slept on the couch, the recliner, the floor, my bed, my guest bed, I moved about the night like a ghost leaving no trace of where I had been, but I knew danger was coming and I could not sleep. I called the PD in the AM and told them I appreciated the unmarked car, but I could not sleep with it out there. They asked if me if someone living with me would be better. I said NO! The sergeant said Chester had volunteered to move in if it was ok with me. I contemplated this. Chester was Matt’s best friend. I trusted him with my life. I said that, that would work fine for me. The next night, Chester moved in.

When I went out, Chester went with me. He was still on the payroll and I was his person to protect. I knew Chester would take a bullet for me and I felt safer with him around. He went everywhere with me. My friends already knew him and just assumed we got even closer since Matt’s death. Chester told people his house was being remodeled and I was nice enough to take him in. We worked out a routine to answer everyone’s questions. We fell into a new rhythm with living together and I had forgotten how nice it was to have a man around the house again.

After six months and no sign of this woman again, I felt safe. I told Chester if he wanted to move back home, he could. He declined. Chester sat and told me who really was after Matt and I was instantly scared to death. Chester said he gave up his lease and put all his things in storage and he was going to stay with me for the long haul. I smiled and hugged him. He said back channels were alive with bigger rewards for Matt, but also now there was a hit out on me. Chester said not a kill hit, but to grab me to get info on Matt. I stayed in for the next week afraid to go out.

Chester was in the shower and the doorbell rang. I did not think and opened it. It was the woman from months before. She asked if she could come in so we could talk. I noticed a black van slowly rolling by the house. I damn near fainted again. What the hell was going on? I knew nothing and I kept telling people that. Why did no one believe me? Chester came out from the shower to see me standing at the front door with this woman. He did not miss a beat. He put his arm around my waist and said, “Honey who is your friend?” I said that is still being established.

Chester spotted the van rolling by at a slow pace. Grabbed me to passionately kiss me and closed the door. He apologized for his behavior and called in back up. My security system had gotten her on film. Soon we would know who she was. Right now, though I was reeling from what happened recently. That kiss Chester placed on my unsuspecting lips. I had not felt heat like that ever from a kiss. What the hell was going on? I told Chester I was going to lay down for awhile and take a nap. He said okqy. I could tell he wanted to tell me more, but he did not want to freak me out. I asked what he knew, and he said he was sent information on who that woman was. She was the head of the Italian mafia and a killer. No one could tie her hands to anything, but they all knew she was behind some of the most horrific killings New York had ever seen. A beautiful woman killer was after me?

I walked into my room and collapsed from pure exhaustion. I heard Chester in the other room making calls. They were going to move me to a safe house. I was going to have to leave my home until we knew more. I cried myself to sleep.

A few hours later I woke to a totally dark house. Chester was gone. I had presumed he went to get food or forgot something he needed out of his storage unit. I called to verify if any of this was true, but I got no answer from him. I called the sergeant who assured me he was in the house somewhere. I yelled into the phone that he was not here. He said he would send a car out to me now to protect me while I gathered items. A knock on the door, an officer out of uniform informed he was there to pick me up. I did not know him, but he showed me his badge and so I went. As I was walking with my suitcase to his vehicle someone came behind me, put something over my mouth. Last thing I remembered was the beautiful Italian mafia boss lady standing over me as I was tied to a bed. She was saying things, but whatever they used to knock me out was still in my system. I tried looking around the room and swore I saw Matt again. He had come to rescue me. He would set her straight and take me home, but then he kissed her, and I knew I was going to die.

I awoke with Chester looking at me this time. I was home. I was told Matt had really been killed this time trying to get me out of the mafia’s house. He had risked his life to save me. Chester held a ring box before me. I was confused. He informed me it was from Matt. It was a beautiful antique diamond engagement ring. Matt had entrusted Chester with it before all this happened, so that it was safe. Matt wanted me to be his wife. He loved me so much that he wanted us forever. It hit me then that the life I had wanted with Matt was gone. That I would never be his wife, we would never have children together and that life had changed in a way that I could not come back from. I had changed.

I decided to become a police office. I signed up and I went straight to six months of training and knew from then on that I would run the shots, that I would protect myself, and that I was going to be ok. I worked my ass off. I took extra classes outside of academy when I could. I struggled to jump, climb, and pummel my way through to come out top of my class. I worked my street beat, I worked on horses, I did everything and anything I could. My sergeant said I did not have to prove I was as good as Matt, but I informed him I was proving I was the best.

After working for months, I was told I would be doing a stakeout with my partner. I would be watching a home where a woman just pressed charges on her man that had beaten her repeatedly and he had vanished. This entire case hit home with me and I knew it would be a struggle. Chester was my partner now and the couple had been fighting, she kept ending up in the ER and had finally pressed charges. The perpetrator was in the wind and the woman needed guarding. We had police out back of her house, we had us in the car in front of her house, but somehow, he got in. We heard the woman streaming and within seconds four cops stormed her house. He tried to flee but the two cops that were in the backyard nabbed him, cuffed him and took him away. We stayed with the victim and we suggested a safe house. I thought to myself that no house was safe after my ordeal, but I kept that to myself.

My mind kept going to Matt. My phone kept getting calls from a blocked number. I knew Matt was alive. I knew he was watching out for me. I knew he still talked to Chester. No one confirmed it. I do not know how he got out of the mafia’s queens home, but in my heart, I knew he would always be looking over me and Chester was there by my side through out my police carrier to make sure I made it to the other side alive. My life had changed so much. I realized I had this strength to carry me forward from there on out. I was alive and thriving with no more mafia visits. I would call my own shots now and I would help other victims thrive as well.

I thought he was dead, but there he was in front of me, on this street, on this day, smiling at me! My whole life changed on that day. I would no longer accept what happened in my life. I would take charge of it and thrive without him. I knew in my heart he was ok wherever he was and that if he truly did pass away, that Chester would break the code of silence and let me know in some form. Today was better than yesterday, but tomorrow looked brighter. Right now, on this street, working my beat, I smiled and remembered Matt fondly, and I took a step and moved into the rest of my life without him.