"Memories"

10 years ago I had woken up from surgery after I got my appendix removed with no memory of who I was or where I was. The only thing I seemed to “remember” was an unknown woman who had curly ginger hair smiling at me. I couldn’t make out the setting whenever I thought about it but as my life progressed, so did my “memories”. I went to a thrift store and saw a wedding dress and I saw the same women all dolled up with the same dazzling smile on her face as the first memory. Same white dress, same matching veil and a mixed bouquet of white and light pink roses being tossed over her head to a faceless crowd of folks behind her. I didn’t understand who this woman was or if she was a wife that I once had, but it all sort of made sense one afternoon when I was out walking on the sidewalk in the snow. 

I was just out to get a few things from a nearby market when I crossed paths with someone, I wasn’t paying attention who, just watching my feet to make sure I didn’t slip on any ice when our shoulders knocked into each other. It was a combination of the narrow sidewalk and me not looking up for long though that caused us to collide and fall onto the ice. They landed on their front and I happened to land on my butt, and good grief was that ice cold that afternoon. I was sort of disoriented for a few seconds but the smiling face of a ginger, curly haired woman whose cheeks and nose were a soft pink greeted me with an apologetic “I’m so sorry!” mixed with a light laugh. 

“I-” I was staring up at her in awe. This was the woman I've been seeing! She was real, and it wasn’t some bizarre deja vu either. “Is your name- is your name Melody, by chance?” I didn’t know the name before but it just popped into my mind like I recognized an old friend. 

“Uh, yeah? Melody Hopkins…” she paused “Do I know you?” she asked slowly 

“No, you don't. I’m Tai- uh… Tai Fujioka? I’m so sorry I sounded so creepy for a second, I’ve never met you before in my life but I know you, if that makes sense?”

“That makes absolutely no sense, but it's nice to meet you Tai” she offered me a hand to help me up off the cold ice and I just didn’t know what to say. She was real, she was actually real right in front of me. I should’ve just played it off as a lucky guess. 

“Are you going to explain how you knew my name?” she asked

“Lucky guess?” Look its hard to explain. But the look on her face says that she doesn’t buy it for a second. 

“If you’re stalking me, I won’t hesitate to shoot you when I find you” and she was off, clearly uneasy but who wouldn’t be? 

___________

I thought it ended there, that I was never going to see her again and that the wedding “memory” was just a fluke, and the one where she enters a door in an unrecognizable home with an tree sapling in her arms, and another where she’s holding a small dog while in light blue scrubs. All those memories are just flukes. Right?

I thought they were flukes until I entered the thrift store about 3 weeks later and saw her looking at plant pots that were up for cheap and I froze, quickly ducking to hide behind a bookshelf. She must’ve seen me because soon I saw her shoes standing with her toes facing the side of my feet. She was wearing the same shoes as she was when I knocked into her. 

“You know, the entire saga of Twilight isn’t the best thing to hide behind,” she didn’t sound mad or upset, just mildly amused as she grabbed a copy of one of the books off the shelves. “in these books the main chick’s stalker was her defined boyfriend and a very cute vampire.” 

I watched as she started mindlessly flipping through pages of the book. “I’m not stalking you, we just happen to live in the same town so of course we’re going to end up in the same buildings from time to time” 

“Yeah I get that, but you knew my name. You said “I’ve never met you but I know you”. Do you remember that?” of course I remember. The scene played back in my head like a flashback and I felt instant embarrassment. 

“Yes, yes I remember. Its really hard to explain but I promise that I’m not like… looking into your window at night or something, I don’t know” she started to press for answers, I guess I had to explain. I had her follow me to the wedding dress that was still hanging up for sale. 

“Would you wear this on your wedding day?” I asked 

“What does this have to do with-” I cut her off by repeating myself, being a bit more stern “Yes, I probably would. Why?”

“Because I’ve seen you wearing this dress in like… in like a vision, I guess.” 

“A vision. Really?” she sounded skeptical, why was this so hard to explain. 

“Yes! A vision. And in that vision you had a white and pink rose bouquet, and your hair was down but with the hair on the sides of your face tied back to show your really pretty face and to hold this veil” I was speaking frantically and I tugged the veil a little to emphasize what I was talking about. I looked crazy, I know I looked crazy but I was desperate. 

“You think I’m pretty?” she asked after a little pause 

“Is that really the only thing you heard out of all of that?” she laughed a little and shook her head ‘no’ 

“I’m just messing with you,” she said “all of that sounds scarily accurate to what I’d wear on a wedding day so I was trying to crack a joke so I wouldn’t freak out” 

“So do you believe me?” Again, I was desperate and hopeful. But she just shrugged. 

“Yes and no, its really unbelievable but also believable at the same time.” she shifted the book she was still holding to sit under her arm as she took the veil from my hands to look at it closer. 

“Didn’t you say that the vampire- whatever stalked the girl? Being a vampire is like a super power, being able to tell the visions is also a super power and if you’re okay with that then you’re okay with me” ironclad logic. 

“This is also a fiction novel” okay not so ironclad. “But I see your point. I still wont hesitate to shoot you though if I find out you’re actually some super stalker.” 

___________

From there things went rather okay, she had left shortly after that interaction, wedding ensemble, book and plant pot of choice in hand meanwhile I went back to buy the entire book collection she was talking about to be able to understand something that she seems to like and to make more analogies if I have to. 

We ended up running into each other again sometime later, I can’t even remember how long after the thrift store encounter and we got to have a normal conversation together. We ended up spending the time getting our groceries together and chatting as we took up whole aisles with both of our carts side by side. From there we began to talk more after we traded numbers, and meeting up more often. I also started to gain more “memories” ranging from learning that she was going to be a vet, she was currently a vet student, to that she was going to turn the entire backyard of our future home into a garden or flower bed. In my mind it looked beautiful, and in real life it looks gorgeous. A small greenhouse in the corner of the yard so we had vegetables all year, the beautiful apple tree she brought home shortly after we got married being cornered by a cherry and pear tree, a colorful flower bed lining the back fence and benches placed in areas with shade or right next to the pond. It truly looked like a wonderful dream. 

We have two children, a duck we named Bella whom we adore and our toddler, Carla Fujioka who loves to chase Bella around the yard even if it means losing her balance and falling into the pond. I’m writing this as a reminder to myself. I have to undergo surgery again and I’m afraid that I’ll forget everything like I did the last time and I don't want to forget completely. But if I do forget, then this is a reminder of my past self. It will probably feel like I’m reading something from an unknown person if I ever do read this, but hopefully it will jog some real memories and past experiences. 

To remind myself of who I really am,

- Tai Fujioka