Brown Skin Girl

Brown skin girl. Your skin just like pearls. The best thing in the world. I’d never trade you for anybody else. I silently sang the lyrics to the Beyonce song over and over. I listened to this on the entire bus ride to and from school. Only took my headphones out when they required it which was when I was in classrooms. The hardest things about going to school is riding the school bus, walking through the halls, and lunch period. Riding the school bus was hectic because the bus driver didn’t bother trying to stop the kids from running all over the moving bus and bullying others. Walking through the halls I have to deal with the stares and being teased by the other students. In lunch, the other students watched me eat and made jokes. Most times I refused to eat and just sat in a stall in the girls’ restroom. All eyes were on me. It sucks when you are picked on for the color of your skin. Music has got me through so much in life. A few times, it has even saved my life. 

I remember the first time I heard Brown Skin Girl. I was on the bus coming from school. The girls behind me were making jokes about me. I tried to pretend I didn’t hear them, but when they started to peak over the seat, I could no longer pretend to ignore them. The whole bus was laughing and pointing. A few people threw balled up pieces paper at me. As tears started to fall down my face, I heard someone say, “Look, Dark Chocolate is melting.” I closed my eyes tried to picture myself someplace else. I wanted to disappear. I would have done  anything to be able to teleport right then and there. That’s when I heard the song come on through the bus speakers. Brown skin girl. Your skin just like pearls. The best thing in the world. I’d never trade you for anybody else. I listened to verses filled with words that made me feel the complete opposite of what the kids on the bus was saying . I opened my eyes. I could see a few kids out of their seat pointing and laughing, but I could not hear anything from them. I was mesmerized was the lyrics. Most things out of focus. But when you're in the room, they notice you. Cause you're beautiful. Yeah, you're beautiful. Even when the song went off, I heard the lyrics in my head over and over.

When I was walking through the isle to get off at my stop, someone tripped me knocking me out of my trans. I fell in something wet and it got all over my clothes. I heard the same kid shout out. “I told you Dark Chocolate was melting!”. They all were laughing at me and calling me names. I ran all the way home. Maybe I wasn’t supposed to be here. Maybe since everyone else thought it, it was the truth. Maybe, I was ugly. I wish could disappear into night since I was so black. No one asked was I okay, nor did they try to help me up. The bus driver just sat there letting them laugh at me. Dark chocolate. Nobody likes dark chocolate. 

When I got home went straight to my room and locked myself inside. Hoping my parents wouldn’t bother me, I told them I was okay through the door when they came and knocked on my door. When they left, I laid on my bed for what seemed like hours. It was dark when I woke up. I glanced at the clock and seen it was a little after 7pm. I got in the shower and went down stairs. I was surprised to see we were having some of my favorite dishes for dinner. Green bean casserole, chicken breast stuffed with dressing, corn bread, and mixed greens. From how my parents were acting, I’m sure one of the kids on the bus told their parents and they their parents called my parents. They were being extra gentle with me and they didn’t question me too much. I ate my dinner silently and only made conversation when I had to. They made sure they told me how beautiful I was. I admit it felt nice to hear it considering the day I has was so rough. I just wanted to finished dinner so I could go to my room and go through with my plan. Which I planned to put into effect when everyone was sleep. I didn’t want my parents getting in the way of anything.

I had planned on taking a handful of pills before I went to sleep so I didn’t have to go to school tomorrow. I didn’t want to face the school after what I had just went through. I figured it would best of I left. No one would miss me and everyone would be happy I was gone. When I went back into my room, I suddenly remembered the song. I decided to listen to it to see if it would have that same effect on me as it did in the bus. Something inside of my just told me to listen to it. I sat on my bed and listened to the words over and over. After what seemed like the 20^th time of listening to it, I knew all the words. I felt like they were talking to me and made the song just for me. I went from sadness to happiness. I felt like I was seeing things from a new point of view for the first time in my life. I went to my bathroom and looked in the mirror. As I looked in the mirror, I realized that it was them with the problem. I am perfect the way I am. I’m beautiful! Brown skin girl. Your skin just like pearls. The best thing in the world. I’d never trade you for anybody else.