What a mess, but what a story

All of the kids had left the house, it was Saturday evening and Jacob, (that's my husband,) had bought me a dozen roses, some bubble bath, and a new silk robe. Jacob reminded me about that bottle of wine in the garage, and it felt like the perfect occasion for it. He said that he planned to go to the butcher and bring home two steaks to grill for us that night. I planned on soaking in a hot bubble bath, and them putting on my new robe, with matching slippers. What a nice evening in store for me, no one to interrupt, no kids and their group of noisy teenage friends to mess up my clean towels and leave them all laying by the pool side for me to clean up. The house had just been cleaned by "Proper and Tidy," maid service. My kids were great, I suppose making all those snacks, while Jacob grilled 27 hot-dogs and us washing a couple of extra loads of laundry while they entertained there guests earned us a house-cleaning.

I was just about to read my romance novel when things started to happen. Our power went out, and my cell phone was in the car. So I got out of the bubble bath and threw on my my bath robe. Next, I got the keys and went to my garage. Where was my car? I reasoned that one of the kids took it and forgot to tell me. I thought, "Oh well, I will go back in the house and read my book using a flash-light, and open this bottle of Cabernet Sauvignon." Next I walk towards the door leading back to the kitchen from the garage, and just before I could turn the knob, I hear it lock from the inside. I am bewildered, and in disbelief of the current circumstances before my very own eyes. My eye-brows raise and my lips purse as I begin to ponder the question, who could it be? Surely it's a family member come back. So I knock on the door, and say, "I'm in here." No one answers. Now I'm beginning to get nervous. An intruder, what could they possibly want that is in my house? Could it be Jacob? Rachel looks for the truck to use the car-phone to call Jacob. He always said that old outdated phone might come in handy one day. Jacob never liked to part with things, if they might serve a use one day. To her astonishment the truck is gone too, and she lent her jeep out to her daughter for a canoeing trip. Well, what to do, she thought. After a few moments she hears glass breaking, kitchen cabinets being opened. She didn't know what was going on in there, or who was doing it. But it was time for some quick thinking or else the visitors might open the garage door and find her inside. Who knows what kind of experiments they might do on her? Did they have a ship, or would they simply beam her up through some kind of time warp, or would they capture her and put her in a glass container in chloroform?: like we humans do to them? Oh she wished they wouldn't cut her up, she had her first breast augmentation recently and it hadn't quite healed. What a shamed, the aliens would ruin Dr. Kevorkian's good work.

What kind of visitors were they, maybe they were visitors from outer-space and had tentacles for hands. She reasoned: that must be why she heard all those things falling. She even heard glass breaking, books fell out of the book-shelf, and she could hear cereal boxes falling out of the cabinet. She also heard the sliding glass door being hit, and scratched on. Did these aliens from outer space have claws, had they never seen glass before? Maybe they are the mermaids she had seen on The Discovery Channel. Maybe the mermaid's had caught one of the humans and performed a leg transplant.

Rachel decided to be quiet, because Jacob would be back before dark, he had promised to cook steaks for just the two of them. Jacob had never broken his word to her in 45 years of marriage. Rachels imagination was running wild, the noises she heard were to outlandish. After she spoke she heard a chittering, and mewing noise. Was the visitor communicating? She dared not say another word, actually at that point she dead-bolted the door from her side. Jacob hadn't known why he bought that door with a dead-bolt on both sides of the door, he just got it on sale and it made sense because he had thousands of dollars worth of tools in there. Rachel could now tell him the other purpose it served.

Rachel suddenly remembered a gun case Jacob had out there, and she knew where the key was to open it. She had been hunting many times with Jacob, and he had taught her her to load the gun. Agh... yes she would blow a hole straight through any old alien, or intruder. "Lock me out of my house, break my dishes?" she thought as she remembered hearing the noises. She got the 12 gage, and loaded it and aimed for the lock. She spoke real loud, "Alright whoever or whatever you are, I'm gonna blow a whole in through the lock in my door my door right in the kitchen, then I'm gonna blow a hole straight through you, if you don't get the heck out of my house by my count of three." She quickly unlocked the dead-bolt and grabbed the extra ammunition just in case she had to take a second or third shot. She aimed straight for the door knob. Rachel began to shout, "One................two..........................................,,three-BOOM!" She had pulled the trigger.

Immediately after the trigger was pulled, not only did the blow-back from the gun nock her down, but something worse happened next. She distinctly heard a noise came from outside. Was it their ship, Rachel surmised in fear and dread?

Next a set of bright lights appeared as the garage door magicly raised by itself. She turned around as she turned she saw green slime oozing out from under the door that she had just blown a hole in. If that wasn't scary enough the next turn of her head would unveil the reality that yes there ship was there and most likely she would suffer at the aliens hands for killing that green slimy alien with the tentacles. She had to turn her head, and face the deadly astronomical facts. As she turned her head, out of the corner of her eye, she saw a trickle of red blood in the crack of the doorway back into the kitchen. But the lights, the lights! They were so bright and the noise was so loud, it sounded like a diesel. There she lay on the concrete slab in her bath robe right next to what looked like an oil spill. Rachel was trying to re-load the gun, but the blow-back had knocked her to the ground.... and her back-up ammunition was missing. Soon, just moments after the lights had appeared her beloved Jacob had scooped her up and was bringing her in the house. Rachel screamed, and cried, "No Jacob, the aliens!" "Rachel, what kind of non-sense are you talking about? As he turned with her 110 pound body in his arms, she saw the two lights from the space ship were really two lights from his diesel fueled pick-up. He stepped over a dead raccoon, that had been blown to smithereens. There was silver-ware laying about the floor, and a broken glass gallon of pickles on the floor. The bright green juice had run down the hall out of the garage door. The blood puddle in the kitchen came from a poor hungry little raccoon scavengering her pantry, and refrigerator. What a mess, but what a story Rachel conjured up in her imagination.