All the Right Reasons

We’ve had enough twenty-three year old girls looking for a lifetime guarantee of brand deals on their instagrams while exploiting the vulnerable hearts of handsome men looking for love. Year after year we have contestants on the show who aren’t here for the right reasons. If they’re not here for our Bachelor they shouldn’t be here at all. This decision is not one we have made lightly - we’ve sacrificed Bachelor in Paradise by making this call. But we are certain that this change to the way that we run The Bachelor will not only produce more successful relationships, but will certainly raise ratings.

Hi, I’m Chris Harrison, and for the past twenty years we have been running a show where thirty beautiful eligible women in pursuit of true love and commitment vie for the heart of one handsome, heartthrob bachelor. At least that was the premise we set out with with the best of intentions at the onset of the show. Of course, you run certain risks airing this type of program on television. Over the years we’ve unfortunately seen relationship after relationship run its course post show despite our best intentions of producing couples that are made to last a lifetime. When we put our heads together to see where we might be going wrong we found ourselves in a catch 22. How could we air this show on television and not come across young women who are on solely here to reap the benefits of reality tv notoriety? We came to the conclusion that too many women came on this show for, well, the wrong reasons.

How are we supposed to combat this? Well, we at abc have put our heads together to think about how we can make sure that these women really want love and commitment with our bachelor. The conclusion was to raise the stakes. So this year in a bachelor first, if you do not receive a rose, you will not only be eliminated from the show and lose your chance at love with our bachelor, but you will be executed. Decapitations, hangings, electrocution, even guillotining, all of these things will be happening on this next season of The Bachelor. That means these thirty women are not only beautiful and passionate, but they will do anything for love, including risking their lives. This is sure to be an emotional nine weeks for our bachelor as he is forced to play executioner in order to find his wife - but he too will do anything for love. I have never meant it more when I say that this promises to be the most dramatic season of the bachelor - ever. This is The Bachelor, All the Right Reasons.

This must be a testament to how fine the line is between desperation and insanity and how dangerous hope and optimism can be. Thousands of women signed up for this season of The Bachelor knowing full well the magnitude of the risk they would take. All of them certain they would be the one to come out of there with a fiancé. None of them paying any mind to the approximate 3% chance they had, not only of finding love, but of actual survival. Yet here we are, five television weeks into the show with the hopes and lives of these women shot down.

Of course, with time and observation a handful of women have made the decision to leave voluntarily after realizing how in danger they were with their connections growing all too slowly and without the reassurance of their name on a one on one date card. Luckily for the viewers, the stereotypical villains are the most confident in their connection with the lead and America tunes in every week to see how they will finally receive their life-ending comeuppance. They watch with bated breath as they root for their favorites and feel the agony of knowing that their support of one contestant means the implicit hope of another one’s death. And of course, they fear the worst, because in the history of the show it is not entirely unlikely that the villain is the recipient of the final rose.

But the show is just as much about love and romance as ever of course. We root for the relationships that make us feel something and revel in the reality of what love might be; reminded that these are real people unlike the characters we comfort ourselves with in romantic comedies. Because what they’re going through is real-time and genuine, which can’t be said of scripted media. No matter how autobiographical Woody Allen’s Manhattan might be, the men and women of The Bachelor are sincerely experiencing what we see on screen each week. 

This whole season the stakes have been high, as has been the viewership as the drama intensifies. But this week everything reaches a climax on the highly anticipated two on one date. Genevieve and Ashley, two women one rose, one stays, one goes reads the date card. Genevieve has spent the past four television weeks tormenting the other women with her cheap tricks to spend more time with the bachelor - faking injuries and stealing him away multiple times during any given cocktail party. Not to mention, Genevieve has a way of using her body as a weapon, which most women on the show don’t have the confidence to do. 

Scandalously enough, on the night of the last rose ceremony the cameras caught her slipping her panties into the bachelor’s suit pant pocket. In all of her ITM interviews Genevieve seems more than confident that her strategy will pay off in securing her the final rose, no matter how many enemies she’ll make by the end of all this. They’ll all be dead by the time we’re engaged, she even remarked in a controversial moment of air-time. 

The bachelor himself in his ITM interviews never shows enough distaste for Genevieve to suit the viewers’ liking, which makes the audience uncomfortable as they see her go up against Ashley on this two on one date.

Ashley no doubt is there for the right reasons, to find love that will lead to marriage. Her intentions for coming on the show were so pure that her desperation is thinly veiled and the audience has seen her cry on many occasions that she felt she did not have enough time with the bachelor - usually due to Genevieve’s antics, whether it was going to his hotel room unannounced before a cocktail party to try and get a head start on fantasy suite week, or trying to get him naked under the guise of a massage at a cocktail party. 

On one occasion, Genevieve used Ashley’s romantic set up of rose petals surrounding a picnic blanket for her own one on one time with the bachelor - which left Ashley in tears and prompted Genevieve’s comment of how all the women would be dead by the time she got engaged. The tension between the two, their conflicting personalities and their abhorrence of each other’s style come to a head tonight on a trek up Mount Everest. 

“I’m just going to pretend like Ashley’s not there,” Genevieve states in her ITM interview. “As far as I’m concerned this is a one on one date with me and him.”

Meanwhile Ashley is much less confident in the situation, more easily perturbed by Genevieve’s presence. 

“I just wish Genevieve wasn’t here,” she admits. “I think I’d be having a much better time if it were anyone else but Genevieve.” Prompted by a producer, she continues, “I don’t know, she’s just so nasty, I feel like she’ll always be making digs at me and I won’t feel comfortable enough to be able to use my time wisely with him. But I guess I feel more comfortable with her on the date considering the nature of the two on one. Let’s face it, Genevieve’s time is up here. He’ll see right through her by the end of this date.”

The helicopter drops the threesome off near the top of the mountain, giving them an easier hike to the top than the typical two months it takes to climb the entirety of Everest.

“This is so romantic,” Genevieve remarks to the bachelor. “Thank you so much for taking me on this date, I love being adventurous.”

“Thank you ladies for being up to this,” the bachelor diplomatically responds in order to include both women in the conversation. “I think it’s important that my wife be willing to always try new things with me.”

“Oh trust me, I’m all about trying new things,” Genevieve assures him with her stubborn willingness to believe that only she will claim the title of his wife.

“How are you liking this date, Ashley?” The bachelor asks.

“I’m finding it hard to deal with the change in air pressure up here,” Ashley admits. “But I’m just so happy to be able to spend this time with you.

At the top of Everest, a romantic picnic is set up and the three of them toast with champagne.

“No matter how the rest of the day goes,” the bachelor states, champagne flute raised, “it’s been an honor to get to know both of you ladies.”

“Here’s to many more hikes like this,” Genevieve chimes in before they clink their glasses.

“Can I steal you away first?” Ashley asks the bachelor after a brief sip. He obliges as they find a more private area at the top of the mountain. Genevieve occupies herself with her champagne and looks out pensively beyond the peaks of Everest, cognizant of the camera zooming in on her.

The bachelor and Ashley have a brief moment of small talk about the beauty of Nepal and whether she is warm enough. But it isn’t long until they get into the meat on potatoes of the conversation.

“I don’t know about Genevieve and her life,” Ashley disclaims, “But I’ve sacrificed a lot to be here. I might not get to see my nieces grow up, much less have children of my own. But I came here because I really think I have a lot to offer and I think you’d have to be crazy not to give me a chance.”

Ashley is shedding a few tears as she says this, and although the audience is used to seeing this from Ashley, this is a side of her that the bachelor has not yet seen in the combined total of fifteen minutes of quality time he’s spent with her over the past four television weeks.

At home, the viewers are on the edge of their seats, hoping that this display of emotion does not deter the bachelor but rather endears him to her. He rubs her back as she delicately wipes away the few escaped tears while they’re still close to her lower eyelids. Then Ashley continues with her thoughts on Genevieve.

“And Genevieve,” Ashley resumes as she collects herself. “It’s a little strange, it’s like she’s here because it’s a game she wants to win. Like she wants to prove that she can survive. Everyone was super sad when Sarah was decapitated on the group date last week because we had really gotten to know her very well in the house, even though you guys didn’t have strong enough of a connection - but then Genevieve was like… singing.”

“She was singing?” The bachelor presses.

“Yeah, like she was cooking eggs in the kitchen just sort of singing under her breath while we were out by the pool spreading Sarah’s ashes.”

“Okay um… wow,” the bachelor says. “I’m… I’m really shocked to hear something like that about Genevieve. I mean, I heard that maybe she wasn’t integrating as much with the other women but that really…. paints a picture.”

Upon hearing this bit of information the bachelor swiftly concludes his one on one time with Ashley in order to steal Genevieve away next. Ashely is cautiously optimistic about her chances on this date now. Judging by the bachelor’s reaction to Genevieve’s morbid breakfast tunes, she finds it hard to believe that she’ll be able to survive the night.

Genevieve and the bachelor make their way to yet another corner of the mountain, and this time the small talk is driven by Genevieve and hardly entertained by the bachelor.

“You look really handsome in your hiking gear,” Genevieve purrs sensually. Her strategy has not shifted from acting like the date is solely between the two of them, despite the bachelor just having come from his conversation with Ashley.

“Thanks,” is the bachelor’s blunt response. “Listen Genevieve, I think we’ve been building on somewhat of a connection since night one.”

“I would definitely say so,” Genevieve responds in that same sensual tone, almost in defiance of the bachelor’s hardened attitude.

“But I have to admit I’ve had a few concerns,” the bachelor continues, and Genevieve has no response to this. “I think we’re having a lot of fun at this point but what worries me is that our connection might be a bit shallow. I don’t know if you’ve really taken the time we have together to open up to me. And when I hear from the other women that you seem to have this cavalier attitude towards this whole experience I worry that maybe I’m getting played.”

“You think I’m playing you?” Genevieve acts out of defensiveness first in order to bide time and collect herself for a more reassuring approach.

“Well what is this I’m hearing about you singing in the kitchen while the girls were spreading Sarah’s ashes?” The bachelor questions.

Genevieve is absolutely taken aback. It is in her character to believe that she is untouchable, that her actions do not have consequences; and as she reveled in her villainhood in that moment over her scrambled eggs she never thought the incident would come back to bite her.

“Listen, babe,” she says with as much affected calmness as she can muster, “I can’t afford to attach myself to these girls when I know that they’re in the way of my objective: to find love and get engaged to you. If I were to allow myself to become friends with Sarah and then have to spread her ashes in the pool, then I think I would grow to resent the process by the end of it all and that would affect our relationship.”

America is rapt by their television screens at this moment. Will the bachelor fall for this?

“But it worries me that you’re the only woman in the house that seems to have this attitude,” the bachelor protests.

“Well in my opinion,” Genevieve responds with a bit more difficulty in veiling her irritation, “I’m the only woman that matters. If I’m the one who’s going to come out of this alive then I need to take these emotional precautions while the rest of the girls sing kumbaya.”

Like Ashley’s tears, although familiar to the viewers, this harsh side of Genevieve is new to the bachelor, and this new facet of her personality is not warmly received.

“I have to tell you,” the bachelor admits, “it worries me to see this side of you. It’s one thing to hear it from the other women, but what you just said…”

“Well I think you have to understand that these are extenuating circumstances,” Genevieve says. “This is a very high pressure situation for me to be calm and collected all the time.”

The next night on the loyal YouTube channels and other platforms that dutifully recap each episode of this franchise, many personalities will express their empathy for what Genevieve has just expressed. Still, they will find their reasonings for somehow justifying her inevitable fate and their implicit support of it.

The bachelor himself doesn’t have much to say about this, or if he did it was left on the cutting room floor. He walks Genevieve back to where Ashley is waiting, next to an ice tray that holds one rose that will be awarded to one of the ladies and symbolize their survival. The bachelor and Genevieve take a seat and the bachelor picks up the rose.

“This is definitely not an easy task for me,” the bachelor begins by saying. “Coming into this date I really had no idea of the outcome.”

Turning to Ashley, the bachelor continues, “Ashley, thank you so much for opening up to me and truly showing me that you are here for the right reasons.”

A smile and a nod makes it through Ashley’s anxious expression as she waits with bated breath for the bachelor to finish his speech to find out where her fate lies.

“Genevieve,” the bachelor addresses her, “We’ve been growing a connection for a while now and tonight I learned some new things about you.”

Genevieve can’t help but display her worry at the wording he chose for her as compared to what he expressed to Ashley.

“Unfortunately,” the bachelor says, still turned towards Genevieve, “I think there are some things I just can’t get past.”

Now the bachelor turns to Ashley and says, “Ashley, I would love to continue getting to know you and building a connection. Will you accept this rose?”

With relief Ashley says, “Of course.” And pulls him in for a hug and a polite kiss on the cheek so as not to offend Genevieve beside them.

A Helicopter comes down to pick up Ashley and the bachelor, and Genevieve is left alone on the mountain until Chris Harrison appears suddenly into frame and approaches her.

“I’m sorry Genevieve,” Chris Harrison says. “Unfortunately this means that you will be left here on the top of Mount Everest to die. Without any food or other resources, and with it being at least a two month trek back down to civilization, it is only a matter of time until you succumb to the elements.” 

And Chris Harrison boards another helicopter with the rest of the crew.