The Ghosts of Yesterday

The day seemed to be stretching on for hours as I awaited the arrival of my best friend, Sutton. The sky was a hazy blue, white fluffy clouds floating lazily amongst the backdrop. I was back home for my 21st birthday and he had told me he had something in mind for us to do for the night. He had told me nothing of the plans, only that he assured me that I would love it. I waited on my sister’s front porch for him, smoothing out my wide legged pants, and adjusting the book on my lap. I was engrossed in the apocalyptic world when I heard a throat clear come from behind me. I jerked around and discovered my best friend standing there. Dressed in a black and white striped crew shirt, matched with baby pink shorts that contrasted perfectly against his smooth brown skin, he looked impeccable, as usual. A smile lit up both of our faces at the same time.

“Dawn!” he cried as I shouted “Sutton!” at the same time. I leapt from the porch and raced forward to give him a hug. I hadn’t seen him in years, not since I had moved halfway across the country. It had been the hardest thing to go through, a long distance friendship was the absolute worst. I had ached longingly for our days in middle school, back when we attended the same school and could see one another with no deterrent, such as miles and miles of space between us. The day we graduated, I remembered us walking through the halls quiet and solemn, knowing that we were going to have such a short summer ahead of us. It was the summer I was to move, to never come back home again and see my best friend in person. I know my mom couldn’t afford such trips, and I know that she wouldn’t let me go on my own either. Being an adult now, I did what I wanted. And I had a surprise for him up my sleeve.

“It’s so good to finally see you,” he gushed, tears pooling in his eyes. We hadn’t seen one another in person in nearly 7 years, but had maintained such a strong bond despite never being able to hang out in person. So many facetime calls and texts between us, but not one single personal visit since middle school. It had sucked being away for so long and I couldn’t wait to break the news that I had rented an apartment and was to stay here for good. It had been my gift to myself, after having saved up for nearly 5 years, I knew what I planned to do with the money when I had the chance. And I had taken the chance and told my best friend I’d be coming back for a visit. I was so excited to reveal I’d be home for good.

“So what’s this surprise you’ve got planned?” I smirked at him and he wiggled his eyebrows at me.

“Ah! I knew you were going to ask. I’m not telling you a thing, Dawn. But we’ve gotta go by the liquor store on our way there so let’s go!” He tugged me along the street and I laughed aloud, squeezing his hand then dropping it as we fell into comfortable silence. It was as if the seven years apart hadn’t even happened, like we spent our high school years together and this was simply another day for us to be hanging out. There was a soft breeze whistling in our ears and making the trees along the sidewalk dance to the motions. Not too far along came Dale’s Liquor Mart, a blue roofed convenience store. It was about 600 sq ft and was dingy on the inside, the fluorescent lights set to low to hide how dirty the store was. But it was close to my sister’s house and was apparently vital to his plan. And afterall, it was my 21st. I picked out a large bottle of Skyy Vodka, along with a couple bottles of Sprite and Tropicana raspberry lemonade. The bored cashier barely glanced at my ID before scanning the bottles and rattling the total off to me, to which Sutton tossed at me 15$ and said “my contribution!” 

It wasn’t long before we were on our way, taking sips from our Sprite and lemonade bottles until there was enough to mix it all up. He told me to save the alcohol and I said nothing, just smiled and nodded my head as we continued forward. After a couple left turns and a right, I realized what the ‘surprise’ was.

“Are we going to Elm Grove?” I asked him and his sly smile gave it away. I hadn’t been there since our last day of school. So many tears had been shed, from both of us. I had thought it would be the last time I would ever see my best friend and I had long ago accepted that fact. I felt that he’d move on and find better friends, people he could actually hang out with and talk to in person. Conversations were always so much more meaningful and beautiful when they occurred in person. I had accepted the fact that I would lose him, as heartbreaking as the thought was. Though we’d only been friends for a couple of years at the time, it felt like we’d known one another for years. As if he’d been there for the entirety of my life. There was such a bond between us that I had been grateful to my middle school for. It was where we met and had also been one of the best middle schools in our small town.

Though I knew where we were going, I said nothing for the rest of the walk. When I saw the tall brick building looming in front of us, surrounded on ¾ sides with trees that towered to the sky, I felt the rush of old emotions pouring forth. It was the last day of eighth grade all over again and I felt like crying, but laughing at the same time. How silly I had been then. I had truly felt I would never again see Sutton, or even hear from him, and now here I was, back at the very place that brought us together. It felt like coming full circle. He saw the look in my eyes and his face fell.

“Oh, jeez no! Do you not like the surprise?” he asked, concern flooding his face and I laughed then, so loud it echoed off the nearby houses and trees to bounce right back into our ears. He seemed shocked at my response but waited for me to say something.

“No, god, no it’s not that. It’s just...come on let’s go to the back first,” I said and made my way into the concrete grounds the school held. In the back was a large field, surrounded by absolute wilderness. It was where our field days had been spent and some gym classes, if the weather permitted it. Strange though it was to be there, it felt right to be there with Sutton. We took a seat on the wooden bench that was built next to the small baseball field and he drew out the bottle of vodka and began to pour it into our bottles. It was a small amount but it still burned going down my throat and I gagged slightly at the bitter taste, but I felt the warm rush over my belly and relaxed.

“Sutty, this was really cool of you to do, genuinely. It’s just...Do you remember our last day here?” I asked him, biting down on my lip and he looked at me with a duh! expression. “OK, so that day, I really thought I would never see you again, in all honesty. I had already told myself that you’d be finding new friends and you weren't going to bother with me anymore. It’s kind of why I was so distant during that summer and I can see now that I was wrong about you not bothering with me, which I am so grateful for. You’ve had such a positive impact on my life and really I can’t imagine not having you as my best friend.” I looked at him with sincere eyes and in his I could see a flood of emotion. Tears were building in his eyes and began to smile which turned to laughing and soon he fell into hysterics.

“I can’t believe you’re actually here. It’s been seven years, Dawn! SEVEN. There were so many times when I just looked over, wanting to tell you something funny or point something out to you and you just weren’t there. It was pretty much modern day torture. It killed me not having you around these last few years and I wanted to make your birthday fun which is why I chose our middle school. We had such great memories here and I only wanted to create more, not dredge up old feelings. Let’s go.” He went to stand up but I grabbed him by the wrist and plopped him back down.

“No,” I said. “I want to be here. Those feelings were of the past, obviously I know better now. And we definitely had great memories here, especially how we met.” We both chuckled at the thought of our 12 year old selves meeting. “But look, we can create more memories here. Especially now.” I paused, wanting to see if he knew what I was getting at but he looked at me blankly.

“Especially now what?” he asked and I smiled.

“Sutton, I’ve rented an apartment here. I’ve secured a job. This isn’t just a visit, I’m here for good. I live here now.” The news burst forth out of me, as if I was a dam holding too much water and exploded. His eyes widened and his mouth dropped.

“No way. You’re...you’re kidding right?” My giddy smile was enough to answer and he let out a peal of laughter then leaned forward and crushed me in a tight hug. I could hear the tears in his laughter but stayed silent. I knew they were happy. I felt the same way and as we both pulled away, his hand made a grab for the vodka bottle behind him.

“I think this calls for a celebration, don’t you?” Again, his eyebrows wiggled at me and I laughed but didn’t protest as he poured more into our barely drained bottles. We both took giant swigs, refilling our bottles each time it got to the halfway mark and by the time the vodka bottle was almost drained, we were on our way to being slightly more than buzzed. The sky above and the nature in front of me seemed to go hazy; it looked almost like a dreamscape. Not necessarily in focus, but at the same time just recognizable enough. I had a sudden urge to jump up and run in the field, to just twirl around and be careless. I felt so free to be here, to be home and reunited with my best friend. So I stood up and began to run, ignoring Sutton’s cry for me. I laughed as the wind rushed by my ears, filling my sense of sound with nothing but its mighty roar. I felt like screaming. I felt more alive than I’d ever felt.

The shackles my mom had metaphorically placed on me had deteriorated bit by bit when I had been on my way here, but now that I was here they fell off entirely. I was free to do as I chose, to live my life as loudly as I wanted. I stopped at the edge of the field, right up against the forest and I turned around to face my middle school. Sutton was barreling towards me, a grin stretching from ear to ear. Beyond him was the place where we had met. The school had been a reprieve for me, somewhere to go for five days a week where I wouldn’t be under my mom’s controlling presence. It held so many memories for me and I remembered the deep well of sadness I had felt on my last day, thinking I would never see it again. I hadn’t wanted to leave, I had wanted to stay in there. I had always been nostalgic for this place, mentally visiting in my head to remember better days. 

Sutton made his way to me and he laughed. He looked out of focus to me, even being so close to my face. I felt the fuzziness and warmth of the alcohol rushing through me. I tipped my head skyward and was shocked to find that the baby blue of the sky had faded to a magenta color, splashed over with peach pink and cerulean blue. It was breathtaking and at the edge of the sky there were a few smatterings of stars waiting to take over. A half crescent moon was hovering over us, not quite noticeable unless you were looking for it. I hadn’t realized that I had sat down with my legs stretched out in front of me, enraptured by the sky above. I looked again towards Elm Grove, the top of the brick building and the whited out windows watching us. I could see old field days, the memories playing in my head. The scene rolled out in front of me like an apparition, taking over my vision. I heard my younger self laughing, yelling out for Sutton as he raced ahead of me. Our laughter from years ago played in my ears, calming me. I looked to Sutton who had plopped down next to me and was running his fingers through the grass, a faraway look on his face. I somehow knew that he was listening to our child selves playing and laughing, not having a care in the world for at least a moment.

We sat there until the sky turned midnight blue and the stars came out to shine on us. They filled up the sky in a rush, the clouds of the day gone from the view. The moon shone her impressive beams on us, the milky white light illuminating the field and the ghosts of us that roamed it. They were carefree, not knowing that their world would come to a halt, but then begin again several years later when best friends would reunite. At that moment all they cared about was winning the field day, taking home with them pride in something that they had accomplished. Stretched between those years was the undeniable fact that something had frozen in time, something that made it feel like those years were a blip in the long road ahead of our life. A life in which we had the freedom to see each other whenever the availability came up. 

Our friendship had blossomed here, but had also been captured and kept in a safe keeping box. I had been so unsure that he’d even still be my friend, even with us still maintaining a friendship with miles between us. I could tell now that we were going to be okay; we’d already forged a lifelong friendship years ago, it had just been frozen in time. It had waited for us here, to restart what would be a friendship that lasted us till old age. 

After a while we finally got up, having to help one another up as we both swayed dizzily and giggled as we began the walk home. We talked little, but we didn’t really need to say much. We both studied the school as we made our way down the side of the building, staring up at the chipped brick walls and the murky glass windows that looked into classrooms that weren’t being used. The school had closed two years ago due to an aggressive fight being broken out and both teachers and kids had been hurt in the mix. Somehow it went unspoken that this would be our place, somewhere to go to look back on the past and reminisce on the times we’d spent there. He told me of times he visited in his freshman and sophomore year of high school, but he had told me something was off, the balance wasn’t right. I didn’t laugh, knowing he was serious. It was a place that held meaning for both of us, a school that had given us the great gift of a friendship that would span for decades. At the entrance we both turned around to give it a last look for the night and I saw our younger selves standing on the front lawn, hugging fiercely with tears down our cheeks.

“Do you really have to leave?” said young Sutton, his dark brown eyes overflowing with tears.

“I don’t want to, but I do have to,” said my younger self, their shoulders hunching down. I was turning into myself, wanting to keep distance. I’d known he’d find a new friend.

“Please don’t lose touch, Dawn. Please.” Young Sutton held onto my hand then hugged me again as my mom’s beat up Volvo drove to the front door. The horn tore us apart and I cried the whole way to the car.

“Do you see us there?” Sutton asked suddenly, the ghosts fading into the air.

“I do. We’re also here now, and we’ll be here for years,” I said with a real smile, but with tears in my eyes. His arm draped around my shoulders as we stared at the spot where we’d parted ways for what had felt like the last time. Proving our younger selves wrong, we stood and smiled at the past.