Like Breathing

The alarm was sounding, you had set the tone to the Howler Monkey because you knew that it would wake you. It also was funny to see people jump when it went off as your ringtone. Stretching you reach for your cell on the bedside table. Sliding the icon over to silence your alarm you groaned, Christmas Eve. Shaking your head you toss your warm down comforter off. Sitting up you place your feet on the old solid oak floor, the chill jolting you fully awake. Getting up you wrap your thick red terry cloth robe tightly around you. Heading downstairs you needed coffee. Preparing your Bialetti Moka pot you smile remembering finding it in a small shop after you had ended your ten year marriage. After everything that had happened, you took time for you. 

Sitting down with your coffee you watch the world outside. You bought the older farm after the divorce. After gutting the inside down to the studs, you began to rebuild it, while you began to rebuild yourself. Bringing in the animals came along the way, each had been abandoned or discarded, left behind from ones who once loved them. Smiling as your old Jack Rusell Terrier happily named Jack comes walking in you get up opening the backdoor to allow him out. Staying by the door since it had snowed all through the night you close your eyes as the cold air courses into your lungs. Seeing your breath in the still dark morning Jack comes rushing back in. Shutting the door you crouch down rubbing behind his ears, “Time to start the day.”

Walking into the coffee shop that you love, Katerina smiles, “Angie, what are you doing here?” Laughing you cock your head as you smile, “Getting coffee, what are you doing here?” “Working. I mean why aren’t you somewhere, doing something amazingly selfless?” Shaking your head you let out a breath, “I am not amazing.” Laughing Amy brings your drink over, “Yes, you are. Where are you off to?” “To do some stuff.” Raising an eyebrow while smirking Kayce comes walking over, “What stuff?” Rolling your eyes you shake your head, “Acts of kindness.” Walking around the counter Katerina grabs your hand, “Will you just marry me already?” Tilting your head back you laugh. Looking back at her with that playful smile you hug her, “Sorry no dice.” “Come on our babies would be beautiful.”  Shaking your head you pull away taking your coffee.  “I love you guys. Be safe and Merry Christmas.” 

Walking out the door your cell rings out the twinkle tone for Riley. Opening up the message you smile, 

R: What happened to my good morning?

A: Sorry. Good Morning Sunshine!!! Better?

R: Much (: Plans?

A: The usual for today. You?

R: Usual. Are you coming to shred tonight?

A: Always. I love you!

R: I love you too!

Putting your cell back in your coat pocket you smile. Riley has always made you smile. She used to work at the coffee shop. When she first started she maybe would say two words to you at a time. Then when the world lost it for that year, she became someone who gave you glimpses of happiness when you had no light in your life. She was the second brightest star in your night sky. Getting in your small SUV you lean your head back against the headrest, time to do some good. 

The group home was somewhere that you began visiting when your world fell apart. Seeing these teens, the struggles that they had gone through, or were still going through made your heart ache. Walking in the cheer that went out made the grin on your face widen. Watching Gabe bob and weave through the kids cause you to bite your bottom lip trying to hold in the laugh. Wrapping you in a big bear hug he kisses the top of your head, at six-six he had a whole foot on you, his carmel skin, deep brown eyes and jet black hair was like looking at the specimen of the perfect man. Taking the bags from you his smile widens, “Angie, what are you doing here?” “It’s Christmas Eve, I had to come.” “Please, tell me that this is all?” Biting your bottom lip again you shake your head, “No, a truck will be coming about eleven tonight.” Stopping in his tracks he looks at you nodding towards the office. Once inside he sets the bags down, dropping onto the couch he looks at you shaking his head, “What did you do?” Taking in a deep breath you let it out with a little laugh, “You do so much for all of them. I just want to help not only them but you.”  Standing he walks over to the desk opening the drawer pulling out a small velvet box and places it down next to you. Moving in front of you he gives a weak smile, “Marry me? You make all of us so happy. Angie, marry me?” Closing your eyes you shake your head, “Gabe, I love you but I am not in love with you. You deserve someone who is in love with you so much that they can’t breathe without in their life. When you find her, everything will fit.” Nodding he kisses your forehead, “Can’t blame a guy for trying, beautiful blue eyes, killer body, brilliant mind, and a soul that this world is not ready for. Whoever they are or were they are stupid to not be with you.” “Maybe. I need to go. I have a few other stops today.” Walking around you he takes the small box putting it back in the drawer. “Come on, I will walk you out.”

Pinching the bridge of your nose as you sit in your car trying to pull together your thoughts. Katrina you can understand her proposal. Gabe, maybe but he should know that he’s more like family than anything else. Christmas Eve had always been a screwy day for you but this years was taking the cake.

Pulling into the animal shelter you let out a deep breath. Hearing the twinkle tone on your phone makes you smile. Digging your phone out of your messenger bag you open up Riley’s text.

R: Did Katrina propose again?

A: Yes. she did.

R: How many times is that now for her?

A: Twice.

R: Heartbreaker. (;

A: Well you know me. 

R: Where are you now?

A: The shelter.

R: How was Gabe?

A: Interesting at the very least. I will tell you everything tonight.

R: Fine. I love you!

A: I love you too!

Rubbing your hands over your face you rub your temples, time to do some good.

Walking back with one of the oldest residents at the shelter you scratch behind the white german shepherds ears. Feeling calm wash over you, you know what you have to do. Walking back into the building with him Aaron smiles. “What do you think? You think that he will get his Christmas Miracle?” Nodding you crouch down, “I know he is, because I want him.” “Angie, come on, he’s not able to be with other animals. You know this.” “I know that he belongs in a home with someone who loves him. He only doesn’t get along with the others because he doesn’t know that he’ll ever be loved again. Love changes people for the better." “Are we talking about him or you?” Tilting your head to the side you smile, “Him.” Stepping forward Aaron takes your hand, “What if I told you that I love you and ask you to marry me?” Stepping back inside your head you are screaming. Looking up at the ceiling you let out a deep breath, “Aaron, I love being here and taking the dogs out and bringing them things so their lives here can have a bright moment every time. You and I however, whatever mixed signals I have given you, I’m sorry. I enjoy being here but you and I would never work.” The smile he gives you is slightly broken. Swallowing hard he nods, “Have you given him a name yet?” “Falkor.” Nodding he smiles, “Of course that would be his name. You can take him, next time you come in I will have the paperwork ready to go.” “Thank you Aaron.” “Never a problem for you Angie.” Walking back towards the entrance with Falkor in tow you look over your shoulder, “Merry Christmas Aaron.” “Same to you.” 

Driving to the NICU you send Riley a text. Hearing the howler monkey call through the speakers Falkor whines. Accepting the call you don’t have even a chance to say hello. “What do you mean that you aren’t coming?” “Why hello to you too.” Hearing the sharp breath being let out, you smile as you reach over rubbing Falkors head, “I can’t leave Falkor home without me on his first night.” “You finally did it?” “It just didn’t feel right leaving him today.” You know that an eye roll is happening, which makes you smile, “ Stop rolling your eyes. Do you want to come over after?” “What’s the point of going to shred on Christmas Eve if you aren’t with me?” “Because you love it.” “Not as much as I love you. Besides, we decided long ago that Christmas Eve was our night since we are each other's family.” Letting out a deep breath you pull into the parking lot,. “You do know how stubborn I am, right?” Hearing her laugh you turn off the engine, “Angie, do not pull any of your cards. I am not going without you.” “Do I need to call Kaden?” “Fine, but I’m only going for a bit. Then I am coming over for our tradition.” “Okay deal.” Hearing her let out an exasperated breath you lean back against the seat. “How are you going to do your final stop at the NICU?” “How do you know I still have that left?” “Please, I know how systematic you are. The kids are always the last ones, so can give them the most time.” “Courtney, is going to watch him when I drop stuff off.” “I will be there at seven. I love you.” “I love you too.”

Rushing over Courtney hugs you tight. Stepping back you look her over, “How are you doing?” “Good, I keep on missing you when you come. How are you doing?” “Great, happy actually.” Walking over to your SUV she opens the back door. Falkor looks at you and then to her and begins wagging his tail a mile a minute. “Who is this handsome fella?” “Falkor.” “Foster?” “Maybe.” “Maybe?” “I just felt like he needed me to take him home today. I don’t know. He feels like he’s not meant for me but I had to take him.” “Go and take what you brought while I hang out with this handsome good boy.” “Thanks.”

Watching the tiny babies through the window your heart sinks a little. They are tiny, fighting so hard to stay in a world that can be so cruel at times and so extraordinarily beautiful at others.  Touching the window you close your eyes. Feeling a hand placed on top of yours you open your eyes. Smiling softly you shake your head, “Dr.Case, how are you?” “How many times do I have to tell you, call me Rachel?” “Always one more.” Stepping back you both sit down on the bench across from the window. Trying to figure things out in your mind, today has jumbled everything. Going to stand Rachel reaches out taking your hand stopping you, “Thank you. Not just for what you did today but for what you do every time you come in. I mean what you do for those babies is always amazing. What you do for us who work here, I have no idea how we are so deserving.” ”I only wish I could do more.” Laughing, she locks eyes with you, “I know that you won’t date me, but will you marry me?” Laughing you step back running your hands through your long almond colored hair. “You have got to be kidding me.” Cocking her head to the side she looks at you in a way that you deflate slightly. “You would be the fourth person to ask me to marry them today. Do I really send out that big of a wrong signal?” Smiling, she reaches out taking your hand. Exhaling a deep breath her smile is soft, “Yes and no. With how much time you spend here, usually during my rounds it’s hard not to think that you plan to be here when I am. I should ask you who has you so captivated that none of us stood a chance?” Looking up you close your eyes, “It doesn’t matter who they are.” “I am going to give you some advice. I asked you to marry me because I think you are someone worth knowing on every level. I took a shot, so should you.” Nodding you lean in kissing her on the cheek, “Thank you for believing that I’m worthy of a shot. I’ll see you after the new year.” Nodding she gives you a soft smile. “Good luck Angie.”

Walking out of the hospital Courtney comes over smiling with your keys outstretched. “Adam came to bring me lunch and fell in love. You can visit Falkor anytime you want.” Shaking your head you take the keys, “You stole my dog?” “No, I found him a forever home. Besides, you should be somewhere tonight.” Hugging her tight you whisper, “Thank you so damn much.” Turning you take a deep breath, It was time to go boarding.

Waiting at the lift opening for what seemed like forever. Finally seeing her blue jacket and god awful pink pants your who being relaxes. Seeing Kaden roll his eyes you keep your head down as they walk by. Going in right behind them you listen, “She’s supposed to be here.” “Riley, it’s Angie you know that she would do anything to help someone.” “I’m not hating on the dog, I’m just tired of being second.” Hearing him laugh you hold yourself back. “If you are second in her life then the moon just dropped out of orbit of the earth.” “Shut it!” “Oh, come on. Who else got food? Who else got Christmas and Birthday presents? Who gets a goodmorning text almost every damn morning?I bet she would even wish you goodnight every night if she didn’t think that it was crossing a line.” Watching her kick the snow in front of her you smile, you know that tell. “Kaden, I have no idea how to tell her.” “That you’ve been in love with her since god knows when?” “How the hell did you know?!” Bending over he almost falls, “If she’s transparent, you are translucent. You guys are so worried about the other one not loving you in that way, that you both are oblivious to the fact that you do.” Biting your bottom lip you wait. Her silence is cutting through you. “I have to go..” “Duh, go.” 

Turning she stops when she sees you right there. “Ha .. Hi.” “Hey.” Kadens jaw is in the snow. “I’m stealing Riley from you Kaden.” “As you probably heard she doesn’t need to be stolen by you.” “We will see you tomorrow for presents and dinner.” Not saying a word Riley walks past you.

Running after her you grab her gloved hand, “Hey, talk to me.” “Can we go to your car?” “Sure.” Walking in complete silence you can feel the tension. Getting in you look at her. The fire and fear shine through the brown eyes that you get lost in every time. Reaching over you, take her hand in yours. Finally looking at you she holds up a hand, “Five years for five years I have watched everyone fall in love with you. I have watched you break, fight, care and be everything to everyone. I watch your eyes shift from the light blue of the sky to the deepest blue of the sea. For five years I have never doubted for a single moment how much you love me. And I have been in love with you for so long that my heart hurts when I don’t see you. I don’t just love you Angie, I’m in love with you. In all honesty for the last five years we’ve been dating because I could never just be your friend. Marry me?” Watching her chew the corner of her bottom lip you smile, “Loving you Riley is like breathing, every cell in me knows that, that is what it is meant to do, it’s what they are built for. Even though you are the fifth to propose today, you are the only one I ever wanted to. I would love nothing more than to marry you." Leaning over her lips, brush yours as she smirks, raising an eyebrow, “Four other proposals?” Nodding as you bite your bottom lip, you kiss her ready to start the life you were meant to live.