A Mental State of Affairs

I'm walking in 4 feet of white snow with a pinch of yellow here and there and I can no longer feel my toes. My face is frost bitten and I’m feeling like a human Popsicle. 

Yeah, being homeless on the coldest day of the winter in Cleveland is as serious as a homeless panhandler trying to swindle a Chiquita banana from a homesick lonely orangutan monkey at The Franklin Park Zoo in Boston.

Cleveland the big mistake by one of the Great Lakes. I'm trudging on in spite of a wind chill factor of 22 below zero. 

I got to thinking about Eskimos igloos and President Donald Trump for some odd reason.

What a mental state of affairs I’m having.

Then suddenly I got to thinking about throwing rocks at a police car so that I can get out of the cold, but I couldn't see through the blistering snow whiteout and besides, they were all at Dunkin Donuts gawking at a waitress who has been arrested 4 times in that same week. They're never around when you need them most.

Now let me go to Giant Eagle Supermarket and just smell one of those succulent rotisserie hot chickens off the rack and they're be there faster than me walking bare footed pass Walt Disney's Mansion in Beverly Hills. 

I shake my head slowly because I don't want my frozen neck to snap like a pretzel. I gotta think for real. What would an Alabama Deer Tick do in a critical situation like this? I know what an alcoholic would do, because I had to be one to be out here in this frozen tundra. 

I'm not a quitter, I shouted into the 47 miles per hour’s winds. If only the little bit of vodka I had at my disposal wasn't frozen in my back pocket I surely would have found a non-sensible solution. 

Get out of my head President Donald John Trump!

What a mental state of affairs the 190 proof vodka had played on my mind.

It was said that in an extreme crisis such as this one I’m experiencing first frozen hands I should be thinking about God, not about some thin haired orange looking Oompa-Loompas dude who is not only a racist and a recovering addicted womanizer or someone who is hell bent on running this country into the ground, right after he builds a monumental wall to keep Mexicans off the Whitehouse lawn, that will make the Great Wall of China look like the gate around Mary Poppins yard.

Who’ gonna pick them California grapes and sleep at noon time, if he bans them from crossing the border?

I can't help it if I blame him for everything that befalls this country, like all the other Russian constituent’s computer nerds who gladly voted for him just because, no one ever wanted that lying e-mailing sagest profoundly wise person and person famed for wisdom.  Hillary in the oval office. She can't even run her own household, husband having daily summit meetings with any 22-year-old female White House intern from Washington DC to Arkansas.

Have you ever awakened from a nightmare and you feel relieved that, that's just what it was? A Mental State of Affairs! The Elephant man John Merrick had the same feeling I bet.

Well this wasn't no nightmare this was real and my frozen hands and beard could testify in any court of the land, that it was the truth and nothing but the truth, so help me President Donald Trump.

The strangest things do materialize in your frozen mind when you keep imagining that your Leonardo DiCaprio in the movie The Revenant when that giant grizzly bear beat "our" frozen bodies like the cops beat Rodney King.

Just when I got to thinking that we were no longer in a nightmare, that deranged grizzly bear beat our frozen almost dead carcass again.

 I swear Donald, if you let me live through this I'll never drink again and allow my ex-girlfriend to put me out in the bitter cold, right after I sold the last of my food stamps so that her twin boys could have a change of diapers.

Now I may not remember being drunk because I believe she tried calling the not so busy police at least 21 times because they only come  after the fact in domestic disputes before she pulled out that big French knife in which must have immediately brought some clarity to my alcoholic mind. 

It was funny how my clothes froze in midair before landing to the concrete pavement from her 19th story window ricocheting off the 14 inches of snow and ice covered concrete as well.

I find myself at the railroad depot. It must have been a sign from Donald Trump because the box car I jumped into was empty except for one dead frozen cow. I wanted so badly to ask the train conductor in what direction we would be headed in my assumed 5th or 7th class accommodations.

I was beginning to understand what those poor people must have been mentally experiencing when the Titanic went down faster than Harvey Weinstein, Kevin Spacey, Roman Polanski, and Matt Lauer careers.

The train suddenly stopped. 

I brushed all the hay and fodder and unfrozen dung off my naked body. Naked body! I thought how could that be? When suddenly I remembered Pee-Wee Herman climbing aboard my semiprivate car. He looked like Bozo the Clown and Carrot Top combined as he continued to flash me and my blood shot eyes. 

I could faintly hear the train detectives nearing and didn't have time to make a fur coat out of that Texas Longhorn bull!

It was a good thing that I put that bottle of 190 proof vodka up his male derrière because that angry bull head butted me over three trains out of sight of the train po. (Police) I soon discovered that I had seven broken cracked ribs and an NFL football player’s concussion, but I held on to that bottle of 190 proof vodka. 

What would a diabetic hypodermic needle user do in this pathetic situation? I ain't puttin no needle in my frozen veins besides, I don't have none left from giving to many times at the plasma bank. Gotta keep movin if I stop, they'll find me standing erect like the  of Malcom X in Oakland, California, again the things you seriously think about when the expiration date on your frozen mental TV dinner was about to expire.

Some Good Samaritan or train Hobo must have found me lying on a set of train tracks and called 911. 

Three days had passed and I could now feel all my extremities, well except for my right ear in which must of falling off in the subzero climate.

In my drunken in a blackout state of mind I subconsciously wanted to go to a much warmer climate. Thinking that I hit the Lotto.

When I finally got released from that Thaw out hospital in Florida.

Wouldn’t you know it that I had immediately to try and adjust through five sweltering days that resulted in approximately 700 heat-related deaths.

The temperature reached 120 degrees and record humidity levels made things worse for a man who spent his entire life in the cold. I had a heat stroke on that 5th day and actually died for a few hours.