But Miss Editor -

Foreword: If you're looking for literary skills, this story is not for you, but if you're looking for a bit of fun and some nonsense, then I am happy to say look no further; You've come to the right place.

Hey, Miss Editor, I don't think that's fair. (I had to warn them somehow, didn't I?) It's making fun of my 'literary skills'. (Your literary skills? I'm the one writing this.) That's insulting! I may be just a character on paper right now but I have feelings too you know! You think you just created me out of thin air? (Where else would you come from?)

I have a life! I'm only doing this because of the pay! (Pay??) Don't you know? I get 10 percent of your royalties. (What royalties? I don't get royalties.) You're lying. (*groan. Oh, there goes my phone again. Excuse me for a moment -) Well I might as well start the story now I suppose.

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'Hello, who is it?

Honey, it's me, Dylan.

Sorry Dilly, but I'm writing right now, you can call me back later.

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Hi, my name is – (I'm back.) Miss Editor, you interrupted me! (I have every right to interrupt. And stop calling me 'Miss Editor'. I'm the author, not the editor. I don't have an editor.) Miss Editor, Miss Editor, Miss Editor. (Argh.) Now can I continue? (Please do.)

Hi, my name is Mandy Syrel - (No it isn't.) Yes it is. (Not for this story. Your name is... Celani Bright.) Alright. But where have I heard that before? (Nowhere. You've never heard that name before. I invented it. It doesn't exist.) Are you sure? (Sure. Wait. My phone's ringing again. Think up a story while I'm gone.) Oh, um, okay.

-

Hello?

Honey it's Dylan again. I need to talk to you -

That's really sweet of you Dilly but I'm busy right now.

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(Got it?) Yes but – (Well, start then.) O-Okay...

Hi, my name is Celani Bright, and I'm just your average 12-year-old (No, no, stop.) What now? (That's not right. You're 16.) But Miss Editor, I'm not 16. (Yes, you are. How many times do I need to tell you? You're 16 if I say you are, and stop calling me 'Miss Editor'.) B – (Yes?) Nothing. (Good. Now carry on, my phone's ringing again.) Here we go again.

-

Hello?

Honey, please stop hanging up -

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Hi, my name is Celani Bright, and I'm just your average 16-year-old. I live in - (Little Hampshire) – Little Hampshire, next to a river. No objections I hope? (None so far. Argh, what IS it?) What? ( - ) Oh, the phone again I suppose.

Well,

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DYLAN.

- Excuse me but is Paul there?

Paul?

Tell him it's John.

I'm sorry but I think you've got the wrong number.

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one day I was walking along the river, admiring

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Yes?

Honey, it's important.

Look, Dylan, this is really stressful for me okay? I need to finish this story in 2 weeks and I haven't even started yet.

Are you sure that's what you're doing? You're not with - Jayden?

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the way the water rushed over the rocks and thinking how nice it would be to swim in when

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I didn't know that boyfriends were so possessive! Of course I'm not with Jayden. Why would I be with Jayden?

No I didn't mean it like that Honey I -

I agreed to be your girlfriend so you would stop pestering me! And look where that got me.

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I spotted someone walking along in the opposite direction. I recognised them (Stop.) as my (I said, stop.) brother, with (WILL YOU SHUT UP.) … (Look, your story is terrible. Your plot is terrible, your character is terrible, your writing is terrible.) Miss Editor, I think that's just a little unfair, don't you? (Start from the beginning.) After all, it's you who are writing – (Start at the beginning.) Humph. Fine.

Tip, tap, tip, tap, went the hail on my bedroom window as - (I should call Dylan back and apologize.) - I shivered by the radiator, hugging a blanket close

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But Honey, if that was why then -

No I didn't mean it Dilly I'm sorry I just -

But that's what I wanted to talk to you about -

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to me. I couldn't understand all the hail. Snow would be much

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Yes, you had something to say?

Honey, I need to tell you that -

Just a moment.

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more fun, though colder. I stared grimly out - (That's a better start.) Thank you. - of the window, but I couldn't see a thing. Then suddenly the hail cleared for a

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Back.

- to tell you that -

Wait.

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second and – (Stop.) What've I done now? (Nothing, nothing, you haven't done anything wrong.) Then

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Honey, you need to know... We're breaking up.

We - what?

-

what's all the fuss about? (Nothing! Just carry on.) No. I

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I like Lilly and... and I never see you any more... I'm sorry -

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don't think I will. (What?) I said, I don't think

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I need a moment.

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I will. (I heard you the first time.) Then what was the 'What?' for?

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Okay.

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(What do you mean, what was the what for?) What? (What?) What? (Arrgh stop. Just... tell me about your story.) Alright.

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You mean... Really?

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Basically, it's hailing, I look out the window (of.) What? (you look out of the window, not out the window.) Humph. Alright Miss Finicky Editor.

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Yes.

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Miss Editor? (What?) Can you tell me about yourself? (No.)

Why? (Because I don't want to.) I can't write unless I know who I'm writing for. (Since when was that a rule?) Since now.

(Look, I – You – Argh. Fine.) Give me a moment to get comfortable.

-

You really - want to do this?

Yes.

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(Okay. My name is Honey and I'm 16. There, happy?) Hm... No.

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You mean - Really?

I'm sorry Honey.

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(How about this then? My boyfriend's just broken up with me. Happy now?) I'm – sorry. (Mhm. That's what he said.)

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I -

I'm really sorry.

I love you Dylan.

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Miss Editor – (Shut up.)

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I know.

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Miss Editor – (I give up! I'm not writing this story. It can go as it is. All it needs is a title.) But Miss Editor – (Your titles are just as bad as your stories. Oh well, if you insist. Now if you'll excuse me I'll just go and cry in the bathroom for a few hours.) - I posted your complete story yesterday.

Miss Editor?

Miss Editor?

Honey?