Gazpacho Vendetti

Gazpacho Vendetti

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In the unforgiving summer heat of Spain, a cool respite can be found in this refreshing dish, full of rich, sweet flavor you can savor long after. 

As with any dish, the traditions and techniques of the old world will always lead to superior cuisine. Taking short-cuts can get the job done, and even often lead to succulent outcomes. But to ensure the most satisfying meal, one must always cook with intention. You do not simply cut, you slice, score, chop…. You don’t smash, you crush, grind, press… To some diehard traditionalists, the blender is not an acceptable replacement for the mighty pestle and mortar. 

Vendetti is most commonly served for two. I would strongly discourage anyone from preparing this dish for large groups, although the recipe can be adjusted to serve more. If you have already decided whom you will be serving this deserving entre, think of them as you prepare it. See their face as you sink your knife into the red flash of the tomatoes, hear their voice as you peel the skin from the cucumbers, imagine their expression after they take their first bite. Think of the look in their eyes as they come to realize what they are eating… and don’t forget the croutons!

GAZPACHO VENDETTI INGREDIENTS

When introduced to heat, toxic compounds have the tendency to, at the least; become unpredictable, at the worst; lose all efficacy whatsoever. And that's only one of the reasons Gazpacho Vendetti is such a perfect dish for revenge!

• Bread: First things first, the bread. The roots of this recipe lie in ancient Rome, where no bread was to go to waste. To allow even a morsel to spoil would be a crime. Some say one to two days old is adequate. I would argue that the baked remnants have not yet fully realized their flavors until the third day, and certainly not developed the coarse crusts that grind with such satisfaction under the pestle.

• Garlic: The importance of fresh garlic in almost any recipe cannot be understated, although I have sprinkled my fair share of garlic powder, either out of laziness or to add that little zazz. I have a pretty straight-forward rule, one clove per person. Gazpacho Vendetti for two? Two cloves. 

• Oil: Many varieties of oil have been used over the evolution of gazpacho. In my opinion, olive oil, the supposed oil of its origins, compliments the flavor profile beautifully. A major benefit of a cold dish is that it allows more delicate oils to be used, although I prefer to add a blend of both low, and higher acidity olive oils.

• Wine Vinegar: Red, white, sherry or balsamic, you can’t go wrong. Want a more irreverent response? Go with the sherry. An intergenerational grudge? Balsamic. If you want to keep it light? How about a splash of red wine vinegar, followed by a splash of red wine.

• Onion: Red onion is traditionally used, although white onions, and even shallots can add an intriguing complexity. Traditionally the onion is added unskinned. I prefer to buck the onion down to its soft core before pulverizing.

• Pepper: In the north they use a hot pepper, hoping the spice will entice, in the east the acidic green, In the south we use the sweet red bell. All three have their own qualities. I prefer the color and scent of the red bell. 

• Tomato: Heirlooms and slicers will still make a fine dish, although the rich flavor of a plump Roma, after its skin has only begun to wrinkle, is unparalleled. I always select my fruit three days before the dinner, giving the tomatoes time to ripen to perfection.

• Cucumber: The more fresh and plump the cucumber the smoother the broth, although aged and even thirsty, bitter gherkins can add a delightful dimension. 

• Salt, pepper, cumin: I recommend going light on the salt. Let the vegetables speak for themselves. Go heavy with the pepper, its coarse black specks and bite bring the soup to life. Finally, and I can’t stress this enough, use only a hint of cumin. It needs to be there, but you shouldn't even notice it.

• Croutons: Topping the bread-based dish with a bread-based garnish adds the ring of justice and irony. Make sure to let the croutons cool completely. Personally, I love croutons. If someone were to prepare this dish for me, and forgot the croutons, I would be deeply hurt.

• Poison: The main ingredient. This really boils down (no pun intended) to personal preference. Do you want a long, drawn out, painful death, prolonged and gruesome? Maybe strychnine is for you. Or would you prefer a quick and jerking end, violent and contorted? How about a dose of arsenic? Maybe you’re the compassionate type and you just want to watch them go to sleep and let the end settle silently. Try a healthy punch of morphine. My uncle once said, “A body’s a body.” Especially in this day and age you can’t just poison someone and call the police and explain it away as an unknown death. Ever since I can remember I’ve always had to dispose of the body myself, that’s why I never saw the sense in poison. Why not just shoot them? What’s the point of ruining good Gazpacho? If you don’t find the need to adhere to tradition, consider using a firearm as a healthier substitute. 

HOW TO MAKE GAZPACHO VENDETTI

Traditional Gazpacho Vendetti is a labor of love. Remember to take your time. The richer the dish, the more savory the final moment.

1. Pulverize. Combine soup ingredients in mortar in order. Bread, garlic, oil, vinegar, wine, onion, spices, pepper, cucumber, tomato. Grind, pound, and muddle until a rustic consistency is achieved.

1. Cool. Cover and place in a cold area until chilled.

1. Serve. plate, poison, garnish and enjoy!

TOPPINGS

Don’t forget the croutons!

HOW TO SERVE

I was fourteen when, under my grandmother’s constant supervision, and strict direction, I prepared and served Gazpacho Venditti to my first enemy. My grandmother strongly stressed that setting and plating was as important as the dish itself. Ever since the clay bowls that held my first creation, I have served it in fine China, rustic wood, and even disposable paper. The key is to attempt to capture the sentiment of the occasion.

Whether serving in crystal bowls or dixie cups, be aware of the ambience. Do you want them to wriggle nervously from beginning to end? Consider low lighting. Create small mechanisms that generate creaks and thumps in faraway parts of the house as you dine. Maybe wait for the forecast of bad weather before setting the date. Looking for more of a surprise? Bright lights, loud art, some swinging music and a strong cocktail are a disarming greeting.

VARIATIONS 

There are innumerable ways to put your signature on this dish. The secret ingredient depends on you. What is at the heart of your grudge? 

In the north Betrayals tend to be familial, and so tradition is strongly adhered to, as if to do anything else would be dishonorable. Poison is always used, with no exceptions, and garnish is seldom offered. 

In the west, the culture flies fast and loose. Often a knife is the main ingredient, the meal ending with a vigorous stabbing before the guest’s soup is eaten over them as they die. Dressings run the Gamut. They use everything from fruits to nuts to seafood. If you're serving in the west, take the opportunity to be creative.

Here in the south, we’re pretty liberal, poison to be artistic, a stabbing if you want everyone to think you're crazy, or a gun, if it’s just business. Although, we are traditional when it comes to the topping. Croutons! I know more than a handful of chefs, who take their croutons as seriously as the dish itself.  

Gazpacho Vendetti

✫✫✫✫ 3.9 from 2 reviews

Author: Maki A ’Velli 🕣 prep time: 3 hours - a lifetime

🕧 cook time: 0 mins 🍽   yield: 2 servings

DESCRIPTION

A rich, cold tomato soup, perfect for any adversary, deadly competitor, or family enemy.

INGREDIENTS

• 6 large, ripe Roma tomatoes, whole.
• 1 cucumber, broken.
• 1 red sweet pepper, whole.
• 1 small onion (red or white).
• 2 thick, aged (3 days) bread heels. 
• 2 tablespoons extra virgin olive oil
• 2 tablespoons olive oil.
• 2 tablespoons red wine vinegar.
• 1 splash red wine.
• ½ teaspoon sea salt.
• 1 teaspoon fresh ground black pepper.
• 1 dash ground cumin
• Croutons.
• 2 sprigs of basil
• Poison. (optional: 1 gun)

INSTRUCTIONS

1. Grind paste. In a large mortar combine bread, oil, and garlic. Pulverize into a thick paste. Add vinegar, wine, and onion. Continue to grind until smooth and consistent (paste should still be quite thick).

1. Season. Add salt, pepper, and cumin. Grind until mixed.

1. Build soup. Add red bell pepper, grind until flesh and skin have separated. Add cucumber, breaking it into two before muddling. Finally add the tomatoes. Continue to pulverize, pounding until the crushed seeds begin to float to the top.

1. Cool. Cover and let stand in a root cellar or icebox for a minimum of 1 hour.

1. Croutons! While the soup cools, prepare the croutons. Cube center of bread, drizzle with olive oil and sea salt, bake until golden brown. Allow to cool. 

1.  Skim. Uncover and skim, removing seeds, tough flesh, and skin.

1. Plate, poison, and garnish. Ladle soup into bowls, stir in preferred poison, top with croutons, basil sprig, and a drizzle of olive oil.

1. Enjoy!