I'll Always Pick Up the Phone for You

“I’m sorry to call so late, I really need to talk.” 

“Never apologize. You know I’ll always answer the phone for you. What’s up?”

“It’s my daughter. She has the absolute worst judgment when it comes to choosing friends. You know her “bestie”, you’ve met her. She’s nothing but trouble and I have had enough.”

“I have met her and…”

“My daughter is nothing more than her servant, always running to be at her side like some obsessed fangirl.”

“Ok, but why is this, …..”

“It’s been annoying me for years, but somehow, the situations are becoming more frequent and it’s time I let her know this is just wrong.”

“What happened to……”

“I raised my daughter right and the last thing I need is for her friend to undo all the good I have done. Don’t you agree?”

“Well, first things first. Am I just here to listen or may I complete a responsive sentence?

“You can comment, but I know what you’re going to say.”

“Oh, really, what exactly am I going to say?”

“We’ve been friends for over forty years, don’t you think I know you well enough to predict your thoughts?”

“I’m sure you do. So, tell me oh wise one, what am I thinking?” 

“You’re going to tell me that my daughter is an adult, and she is capable of choosing her own friends and I am too involved and should back off.” 

“Close.”

“But remember, you don’t have a daughter, so your perspective is vague at best. You’ll never know what it’s like to be a mother to a daughter. Raising her is completely different from raising our boys.” 

“Ok, first of all; Ouch! I may not have a daughter, but that does not diminish my ability to love yours as if she were my own. Second, I am a daughter, and that certainly counts toward my perspective.” 

“True, but…”

“Listen, you know your daughter, and you know her friend very well by now. Hell, the last time they visited, I really enjoyed their company as well as their dynamic. Honestly, they remind me of us.” 

“I just don’t see it. You and I have so much respect for one another. We don’t hurt or use each other.” 

“Has your long-term memory failed? We weren’t always the friends we are today. Our friendship grew and matured as did we. There are plenty of examples over the past forty years which literally illustrate an imbalance of respect. Is it possible, you’re concerned about their relationship because you are aware of the mistakes we made, the problems we had and the hurt we inadvertently caused? Not to mention the obvious competition between us over the years.”

“I think I need to step in and say something to my daughter. Every time her friend gets a hangnail or has a bad hair day, she goes running as if we were experiencing a national crisis.” 

“Don’t you wish we still lived close to one another so I could come over and fix your hair, or your hangnail for you?”

“Yes, I do.”

“So, tell me, what is the difference here?”

“The difference? She’s my kid and I don’t love the way her life is going. It’s my responsibility to intervene.” 

{audible laughter} “Oh, and how did we react when our parents thought they knew better and grounded us, literally forbidding our friendship.” 

“We snuck out anyway.”

“Yes, we did!” 

“We were much younger than the girls are now, so I’m struggling to see your point.”

“My point is, we were younger. Our parents still had the right to ground us, even if their reprimands were ineffectual. They were trying to teach us to make better decisions, be more responsible and mature. You’ve already accomplished that, now it’s your time to trust she can use those tools in her everyday life. And, let’s be honest, my parents loved you as much as yours loved me. I doubt they would have intervened if they knew we’d become as close as we have.”

“That may be true, but I’m the parent now.”

“You are, so give some consideration to the future. Don’t you want your daughter to have a friend who will always pick up the phone for her?”

“Yes, but I fail to see the contribution from her friend now, why would I believe she will be there in the future?”

“Maybe, her contributions are not obvious, but that does not mean they aren’t real.”

“But I cannot stand when my daughter flies out the door in the middle of the night on some rescue mission because her friend got into a situation she cannot escape on her own. It’s ridiculous, and so one-sided.”

“Much like the time I had to pick you up from that party, the one at your other friend's house, you remember, there was a huge tree growing in the middle of her road. I remember you calling me, drunk and a little scared. I had to tell my parents where I was going and why and I would be bringing you home with me to sleep it off. Any recollection of that night?”  

“Yes, I do remember. But, again, we were so young.”

“Not so young, I was driving, so at least seventeen. Actually, I believe we were about nineteen or twenty. I showed up in my pajamas and had to drag you out of there.” 

{uncontrollable laughter} Oh my God. That was one for the books.” 

“What about the time I had to sprint across the parking lot to keep you from eating a burger you had dropped on the ground? You were with another group of friends and very wasted. I had to throw you in the car and drive you home that night as well.” 

“Stop! I cannot breathe, I'm laughing too hard.” 

“Then, there was the time we were at that bonfire, and you had to pee. You made me walk into the woods with you and hold you steady while you squatted. You peed all over your shoelaces!” 

“I did! Oh, I’m crying from laughter.” 

“I have at least a dozen more stories I could remind you of, but so many more after those days where our friendship wasn’t reliant on me saving you from yourself.”

“Like being pregnant at the same time and having our boys four days apart. Even though it wasn’t planned, there aren’t many friends who can survive pregnancy together.”

“Exactly. However, survive is the operative word here. We had completely conflicting hormonal influx reactions. I was so mean, and you were epically emotional. I made you cry nearly every day just by speaking. Just when I had myself convinced, you’d never speak to me again, you would knock on my door with a bag of bagels and a package of Oreos in tears.”

“I wouldn’t have made it without you.”

“Then, after the boys were born, you’d call me before calling your pediatrician, as if I knew what the hell I was doing.”

“I suppose I simply needed you to tell me to call the doctor.” 

“Do you see where this conversation is going?” 

“Other than down memory lane?”

“Yes, I can see you’re still hyper focused on your concerns.”

“She’s acting irrationally and it’s all due to her illogical obsession with this friend of hers. It’s been years and I don't see any reciprocation. My daughter gives one hundred percent, and her friend just takes.” 

“Can you think of a story where you came to my rescue?”

“You never needed to be rescued.”

“So, should we classify our lifelong friendship as non-reciprocal because I didn’t need the same things you did?” 

“Of course not.”

“I’m sure your daughter benefits from their friendship. It’s a matter of getting what you need, you know?”

“Fine, but she does not need the reputation she’s getting simply by being with this girl. She’s being unfairly judged by who she’s friends with.” 

“Do you remember when we first met in seventh grade?”

“Yeah, you were afraid of me. I thought I was such a badass in my ripped jeans and suede vest with my matching headband.” {more laughing} “Did we just completely change the subject?” 

“No, not at all. And, I was not afraid, but very intimidated. I remember thinking, what would possess a thirteen-year-old girl to intentionally invite trouble? My first instincts were to stay far away from you and your group of degenerate friends. I was perfectly content being a part of the geek squad.” 

“You were never a geek.”

“Yes, I absolutely was. You made fun of me all the time until we shared our chorus class the second half of the year. Our teacher didn’t tolerate teasing or bullying. She bonded us all together. Before then, I wouldn’t have chosen you to be my friend and I can state with conviction, you wouldn’t have chosen me either.” 

“I bullied you?”

“Yes! You and that pretty girl Amy you used to hang around with.”

“Oh, I remember her. She was pretty. I wanted to act like her, dress like her. I wished I had her gorgeous hair.” 

“Right, I realized that you were emulating her, rather than actually being a natural born badass. Suddenly, you weren’t so intimidating, and I wanted to be your friend. You were funny and adventurous, and I needed more of that in my life.”

“I cannot remember a time you weren’t adventurous.”

“I was a bookworm, trust me.” 

“You know, you were the one who everyone admired. You were fearless and confident, almost to a fault.”

“I am aware. I thought entirely too much of myself by the time we were fifteen.” 

“You did think you were all that. But you were bold without being a bully. I think you may have been responsible for balancing me out.”

“I was just trying to balance myself out, we all were. I am grateful we had each other while we navigated our teens. Growing up in a real-life John Hughes movie wasn’t easy.”

“You were so cool; he even chose you.”

“Oh, do we really have to rehash the Chris incident of 1982?” 

“We all loved him, and he chose you.” 

“I didn’t love him, not at first. However, as soon as I decided to give him a chance, you swooped in and got his attention.” 

“I’m sorry I did that, but he was fun!”

“You gave him a hickey.”

“Yes, I did! I really thought he’d pick me if I weren’t a good girl like you.”

“I wasn’t such a prude; I just didn’t tell you about it.”

“Obviously!”

“You tried your best at creating a bad reputation. I’ll never understand why, but for years, you succeeded. No one thought I had one simply because you and I were friends. So, your theory may very well be invalid.”

“I wanted nothing more than to be slutty. Of course, that particular trait served no real purpose in my life, other than hurting you.”

“It only hurt for a few days. I tried to act like I was above it all, but I was more than willing to concede.”

“You’d think after competing over the same guy, we would have drifted apart.”

“We did for a little while.”

“We’ve drifted many times over the years, like when you were first married.”

“Oh, but I understood. It was so fun to both be engaged at the same time, but no one could blame you for breaking it off. He was borderline psychotic.”

“He was, and after I threw the ring at him, I relished being single once again. You were newly married and of course spent all your time with your husband. You gave me space to get a little crazy and I tried not to be too invasive. I missed you, and it wasn’t long before we found a way to spend time together.”

“I think that was the last time we took a break.”

“It wasn’t easy when I first moved to Florida.”

“Thank God for a good phone plan.”

“A little Heaven and a little Hell, and here we are.”

“Yes, here we are. Now, promise me you’ll leave my Goddaughter alone about this. She deserves the same blessed friendship we have. It wasn’t always perfect, but it was perfect for us.”

“I see your point. I hate it when you’re right.”

“You should know by now; I am always right.”

{joyful, boisterous laughter}