The Great Picnic Episode

   The Great Picnic Episode

Suzanne Marsh

“Hey, let’s go on a picnic.”

“It has been years since I was on a picnic, I would love to go. Where to?”

“Still Water Park.”

“Great, what day and time?”

“How about tomorrow I will pick you up at nine o’clock in the morning. We can spend the

day.”

Words of wonder or words of doom. It had been at least twenty years since I was on a picnic. I hoped it would be enjoyable. We drove along in silence taking in the beauty of the day. Speeding is never a good idea; but we were late. My husband was driving when I noticed the blinking lights and heard the siren. Sure enough we were pulled over:

“Sir do you have any idea how fast you were going?”

“Officer according, my speedometer I was going fifty five.”

“Yes sir you were then you picked up speed you were doing sixty five in a forty five.”

He said as he was writing the speeding ticket. This day was not going well or as planned especially with a ticket with a fine of three hundred and fifty dollars. By now the blue words were arriving. We continued toward Stillwell Lake.

Finally, we arrived, we were both shocked to see the lake. It seemed to have increased the size. We found a parking space close to the lake. My husband who was still agitated with having gotten a speeding ticket; promptly hit a large barrel of trash. Garbage began to fly in all directions. We clamored out of the car; began to picking up the garbage and putting it back into the barrel. The couple we were waiting for arrived in time to watch us picking up the trash.

We unloaded our cars. I had brought a real honest to goodness picnic basket. We spread blankets. There was a nice picnic table right in front of the car. The barbeque pit was beckoning. We brought the charcoal. Lighting the charcoal is not for the faint of heart; at least not when my husband is lighting it. He squirted, what seemed like way to much charcoal lighter fluid. Flames rose up over the pit surprising it did not start a fire any where else. My husband turned a rather odd shade of red; he must have been embarrassed by the sight of the flames. Most of the people in the area were watching and snickering. Once the fire died down to a dull flame everyone returned to their picnics. Swimming was not an option since I had no idea how to swim. Our friends went swimming; we sat on the beach holding hands.

What is a picnic without ants? That is a question I have asked myself repeatedly since our encounter with two different species of ants. While waiting for our friends we decided to take a hike. That was the first mistake. I am one of those people who can’t walk and chew gum at the same time. We found our first mound of red ants not far from where we began our hike. I missed their nest. However I did manage to find a hill of carpenter ants. Both of these species are dangerous. I brushed off the carpenter ants while screaming and doing my hysterical dance. My husband tried very hard not to laugh but I must have looked funny. We walked along the perimeter of the lake then I found a mound of red ants. I stepped right in the center of the mound. That of course aroused the ants. They began biting, I began screaming. Somehow my husband got them off of me. So much for a walk in the woods.

We began our walk back to where our picnic table was. The charcoal was ready when we got there. Much to my chagrin I had forgotten the hamburgers; leaving us with nothing but the rolls. Our friends shared their hamburgers and hot dogs with us. All was calm until this huge mastiff dog smelled our dinner. He came loping over to us, swiped the hot dog out of my hand and made off with it. I wasn’t sure at this point; whether to laugh or cry. I had not even gotten one bite out of the hot dog when that beast swiped it!

The day was very humid, it felt as if it was going to rain. I pointed out to my husband the dark clouds gathering in the west. The wind began to pick up. Rain began to pour down on us as if there were no tomorrow. We ran for the shelter of the cars. The rain began to pick up; we sat in the car attempting to dry off. My husband thought if he turned on the heater we would dry faster. Things simply do not work that way. The temperature outside was ninety seven degrees and the inside of the car was more like a furnace. I was already cussing that damn meteorologist; it was supposed to be a nice sunny day. Liquid sunshine maybe. By this time I was mumbling to myself. The sweat was pouring off of me. I was drier than when we had gotten into the car; but that really did nothing to aide my disposition.

Once the rain cleared a double rainbow appeared; that was awesome. We decided that we would have a bonfire. I think we were attempting to relive our teen years; that was not exactly the smartest thing we ever did. There was all sorts of driftwood on the beach; what better to have a bonfire with? We soon discovered that the wood was still wet from the rain. The guys had the idea that we could still have the bonfire; providing we used newspaper to start the fire. Wonderful! It may have seemed like a great idea it wasn’t. My husband and his friend went back to the car to get some newspapers we had on the back seat. Then, only my husband could think of using charcoal lighter fluid it start the fire. My eyebrows will never be the same; they were singed when the bonfire sort of got out of hand. Fortunately a police officer came along and helped us put out the fire; he then promptly hand my husband and his friend two tickets for starting a fire illegally within the confines of the park.

Do I ever plan to go on another picnic...not hardly.