Arranged

I should have known better.

There he is against her lap. Hushed voices and quiet tones. His face looks like it has tears on it, and she looks down at him lovingly.

“Don’t cry, Baby. It’s almost over. We won’t be apart any longer,” she says while stroking his cheek with her right hand. He smiles and relaxes a bit. “Xanny…never leave me,” he says quietly. She gets up from the chair and then kneels to be at his level. “Baby…I could never.”

They share a passionate embrace and then start kissing. One kiss turns to two turns to a full make-out session. My stomach does flips, and I quickly put my hand over my mouth to prevent myself from gagging.

I’ve seen enough.

I get up quickly, but quietly as not to be seen. I’m surprised with as many wedding caterers, groomsmen, and workers there are slithering about that no one has spotted me behind this giant aloe plant. My wedding dress is shapely and not at all slender. If they had looked over, at any time, I’m sure they would have seen white tulle, lace, and silk poking out from every angle.

Although I’m storming away, I make sure my glass heels don’t make too much sound until I get further away from the back room. I look up at the clock as it beats in time with my steps. Twenty minutes to showtime.

Click-tick-click-tick.

It compels me to go faster.

Click-click-tick-click-click-tick.

I wish I could teleport somewhere far far away from this wretched façade. But I can’t. There is only one option available to me. I make my way out of the cramped building, past pale pink walls and sickeningly sweet furniture, and into the great outdoors. People start looking at me, confused, one by one. I ignore the whispers and anguished shouting of my name. They didn’t see what I saw. They didn’t hear what I heard. My Father, who was previously getting drunk with my Aunt, is now staring me down. I feel his presence drilling its way through my skull, but I press on. After twenty-four years of being a victim of its assault, I finally have an iron will. Go figure.

I make my way down the pink velvet aisle as I stare down my target—the outdoor stage. There are only twenty minutes left before this wedding starts. I must get the truth out before then. No one will stop me. The guitar singer looks at me nervously as I climb the creaky wooden stairs but keeps playing. I don’t stop walking, and swiftly, I’m right beside him. He stops and looks at me in fear as I rip the microphone from his hand. People gasp as my hand trembles a bit. I’m amazed myself, but I can’t stop now. I continue to glower at the singer until he gets the memo. He and his bandmates quickly make their way off the stage, and I audibly sigh.

“…Hello everyone. Many of you know me as Amma Ahmmad. Today many of you expect me to become Amma Khan-Ali. I’m sorry to disappoint you. My fiancée is…”

---

A liar. A cheater. A playboy. His heart knows no bounds; his love knows no limits. Every night he goes around various clubs and bars and swoons all the women in a 10-kilometer radius. The slogan people made of him was, “He Khan do it to it.” I had never seen him, so I always pictured a greasy slimeball instead of a man. The thought of him was abhorrent to me. So, I wondered to the universe, what did I ever do to have my Father arrange a marriage with him?! I spat out my water all over Kendal when our Father first broke the news.

“Father…I’m going to be a counselor.”

“Amma, you’re going to be a wife. I need a true heir.”

There were only two things Kendal and I had in common: Our mothers died young, and we could never be our what our Father wanted. Due to Kendal’s condition, our Father always treated him delicately. However, you could always tell the slight disappointment the way he interacted with him. He wanted a rugby player, an entrepreneur, a legacy. I was the picture of health but unfortunately the wrong sex. I also take a lot after my mother. Another strong-willed tomboy, with a slightly demure attitude. A fountain of chocolate waves frames hazel eyes and dark caramel skin. I was a walking reminder of his one true love, so he hated me.

Regardless, we were always just…there. Sitting around waiting to die in nowhere, Oregon. I had grown up with one real friend. Selena ‘Sally’ Victore, a girl from a different time. Despite how bland our town is, her family pranced about with a Sixties aesthetic. Look no further than Sal’s dirty tightly coiled dirty-blonde bob and her collection of floral A-line dresses. When we were kids, I used to imagine her family time-traveled to make sense of everything. Since we were both outcasts in a lifeless town, it was a forced acquaintanceship that evolved into a lifelong friendship. Before college…we had an oddly intimate moment, but even that couldn’t ruin us. We had talked every day up to that point, and instead of a happy reunion, I found myself drunkenly crying about my predicament in her room.

“…I wish I hadn’t graduated. I knew as soon as I crossed that stage, Father would find me a husband.”

“Don’t say things like that, Ammy. I’m not happy with the news…but I’m sure your Father means well.”

She gathered me in her arms, and I held her tight.

“Ammy,” she whispered. “I’ll always be with you. If your fiancée treats you bad, I’ll kill him.”

I wish I could have married you, Sal. You’ve always treated me right. But unfortunately, there was nothing either of us could do to resolve this situation. After a couple of nights passed, my Father invited my nightmare over for dinner. I was greeted with a silk suit and a cat-like grin.

“Ms. Amma. A pleasure,” You said as you bowed while kissing the back of my hand.

None of your famed romantic tricks worked. Despite that, every night for two months, you came over. Kind words one night and roses another. A stuffed teddy bear the color of my favorite flower. I’m not like those other girls. I want to be stimulated mentally. Let’s talk about ancient books, rewritten history, uncharted discoveries, untold stories…anything but the nonsense that spews forth from your pristine lips.

Soon, the nightly visits stopped, and my Father trusted you to take me on day dates. Carnival rides, ferry boats, and free horse rides through the market were the “most romantic attractions.” After a solid month, I still hadn’t budged. I remember that it started to change. You looked as dejected standing in line for cotton candy. When you returned, instead of offering me some, you slumped down on the nearest bench and sulked. Grabbing a large handful, you said, “…Is there anything I can do to make you smile? Truly smile. I’m trying to make this work, Amma.”

“That’s the problem,” I reply curtly. He sighs and shoves another fistful of fluff into his mouth. “…I never had an unenjoyable experience at this place until today.” I was standing a few feet away, looking over the river. My hair and my dress tickled my skin as they flew up behind me as I looked over at him, surprised. “Well, that’s the first thing we’ve had in common.”

“No, it’s not,” he replied indignantly. “We both hate your Father’s long stories. We both think his mannerisms when he’s drunk are abhorrent—though I’m not one to talk—and we both hate your brother’s disrespectful remarks. The list goes on, Amma…I think we’re more alike then you’re willing to admit.” I spin around to face him fully while the blood was rapidly flowing up my cheeks.

“Excuse me?! We’re nothing alike! I’m not a womanizer, chronic flirt, or simple-minded human being! I didn’t go to college just to turn into someone’s obedient little wallflower. I don’t want to marry you, nor do I want to make this work. I’m just here because…”

“…Because you’re afraid of your Father. The same reason I’m here. Well…at least it was at first. I like you, Amma. You actually have a brain. You have goals, dreams, ambitions. I want to know more about you, but it’s like talking to a brick wall.”

I look at him in total disbelief. He stops eating the cotton candy, and quickly stands up. “Amma, I’ve always thought the best cotton candy has two colors. They spiral and blend perfectly to form something new. Maybe this is too forward, but I would like to be like that with you. I know I was a shitty person in the past. My father forced me to get married to help me change my ways. And I’ll admit it. I’m not ready to get married—but I am ready to do right by you. Let’s start there.” He holds the cotton candy out to me with a giant smile. There’s still cotton candy bits stuck to his long beard. I can’t help but laugh. That corny line. That child-like smile in his eyes. The earnestness in his voice. Maybe…I’ve been the slimeball.

A genuine laugh breaks out. My fiancée takes me home, leaving me with a smile on my face. I find myself being able to take his arm. The smell of the cologne isn’t the worst. His humor is dark, like mine. We grew up on some of the same myths and were interested in the same periods of history. He can recite all of my favorite sonnets. He hasn’t told my Father about my collegiate…misadventures no matter how intoxicated. He’s stopped going to the clubs and bars.

 It’s going well. There are still seeds of doubt, however. Rumors still swirl around him, despite Sally telling me not to worry. My friends from college chatter excitedly in my ear about him. Everyone, I feel, is behind this union now—except me. I’m still unsure. Kendal also seems to be on the fence. Six months from when I first met my fiancée, I find myself picking out vintage dresses and wedding venues. My fiancée smiles more, and I find myself longing to be in his presence—to watch him—nothing more. Catching myself grinning from ear to ear and my heart skipping a beat occasionally means nothing.

My wedding was predictable like I said before. What wasn’t anticipated, is that watching my relationship blossom compelled my Father to get married. He asked Kendal and me to help him get on dating sites and was smitten for our red-headed neighbor that had just moved in.

“Father, she barely looks older than me.”

“Amma, Kendal…you’ll understand one day. Love makes you do crazy things.”

“You mean lust?”

“Go to your room, Kendal.”

Soon after, Father started bringing over a lot of baked goods and flowers to the woman next door. Her wavy red hair and bright hazel eyes bewitched him. Her hourglass figure made him stay for days at a time. Her somewhat-seductive and somewhat-nasally voice kept him up at night. He announced he would be marrying her after a month of meeting her. Kendal and I protested to heaven and back. He wouldn’t hear it. We knew his reputation proceeded him. She was thirty and newly single after the end of a six-year relationship. Our Father was a rebound at best and a victim at worst.

“Amma, dear, let me know if you want some help wedding planning! I’ll have plenty of experience now,” She exclaimed right after their engagement was announced. Roxanne Spencer-Lewis. A saint to my Father. A gold-digger to my brother. A thorn in my side.

I’ll say it again. I should have known. Something was…off about how Roxanne and my fiancée acted. It never felt organic. Like they were tiptoeing on eggshells for no apparent reason. My Father noticed it briefly, but just claimed they were both trying to impress the family while not trying to steal the spotlight from one another. “They’re both new to the family, and things will be a little awkward at first. It’s nothing a beer and some quality time can’t fix, Amma.” Father married Roxanne a week later.

…Or so we thought.

The day of my wedding arrived quickly, and Sally arrived early to help with the last-minute preparation. Five of my girlfriends from college came shortly after. After a joyous talk and some mild teasing at my expense, did the “beautification” process begin. Roxanne was supposed to be taking care of my hair, but she didn’t show up. As the time for the event approached the hour, I finally hear murmurs asking where both Adam and Roxanne were. Sally drums my shoulder, gently bringing me back to the present.

“Ammy…you look just like Cinderella,” she exclaims with a slight blush on her face. I smile at her lovingly. Sal always knows how to flatter me. “Oh, Sal…thanks so much for everything you’ve done. I promise nothing will change between us.” I stand up and embrace her. I finally let her go before nodding towards the door. “I don’t want to break tradition, but…well, I don’t like the rumors I’m hearing. You know my specialty is sneaking around. She smiles again and nods. “I’ll cover for you. We all will, right?” She sends a stern glare to my other friends who nod sheepishly. They know better than to double-cross a Maid of Honor with an iron fist.

I sneak out of the tiny dressing room and make my way towards the parking lot. From there, I see…Roxanne and my fiancée. Standing very close to one another and exchanging dirty jokes. I sneak behind a stack of wooden chairs for cover. At first, I can’t quite make out what they’re saying. Then their voices become louder. More people must have gone outside to wait for the main event.

“Xanny, my Love, I’ve missed you. I’ve missed this.”

“I know, I know. I have too Adam. You know…I wasn’t sure we could pull off a stunt like this. But here we are.”

“Aren’t you always the one saying not to blow our cover? Are you sure we won’t be—”

“Adam, Baby, I’ve got Ham wrapped around my finger. The man is a shell of his former self. This was much easier than I thought it would be. After this weekend, we will make our move and never have to deal with these Ahmmads. I feel bad for Amma, though. Sweet girl.”

“Yeah…yeah. Me too.”

“Don’t tell me you actually loved her. You’re my husband remember?”

“…Yeah.”

There is silence as they walked through the building, dodging and weaving between all of the workers. I couldn’t believe what I’ve heard. Kendal and I were right. Roxanne was a gold-digger…and worse…Adam was one too. I follow them speechlessly to the back room. God…what have I gotten myself into?!

---

“My fiancée is…already married.”

The whole room falls silent.

At that moment, Roxanne and Adam walk out. People turn to look at them, but many gazes are still locked on mine.

“You see…I’ve just found out that we all were betrayed. Adam is already married to that traitor.” I point directly at Roxanne. She and Adam turn ghostly white. Eyes big and stutters escape their mouths. Their reaction has sealed their fate. I see my Father pass out from the corner of my eye.

“I’m sorry for doing this, but I can’t marry someone who is already married. There will be no wedding today. I am not heartbroken. I never wanted to be here…I never…” My voice starts to break. Tears began streaming down my face, but I press on.

“I wasn’t ready for marriage, and neither was Adam. I’m not sure if I’ve ever been ready for something like this…or if I ever would. But I…”

At this moment, Sally rushes on stage and grabs my hand. I look at her as she cheers me on with her gaze filled with determination…and love.

…Maybe that awkward intimate event wasn’t so bad after all. We were drunk in her room. Lying about and talking about high school memories. I can’t remember everything that was said…but I know she kissed me first. I kissed back…I think out of confusion. I never was attracted to many people…

…But I’ve always loved your smile. You smell like strawberries and honey. You move smoothly and swiftly like the waves. Your smile can power a whole building. You’re at your best when you’re full of confidence. You’ve never let me down a moment in our lives. There’s nothing you can’t do.

And now it dawns on me nearly six years later…that to some degree you must feel the same way. 

That awkward moment has saved me. I have buried my feelings down deep. So deep, I refused to have acknowledged them. But they were always there…

Thank you, Selena, my love.

“…I don’t think I’ve ever loved anyone more than Selena. We’ll be taking our leave now.”

With her hand still in mind, I yank her off the stage. We run out of the building and don’t stop until we reach Sally’s pink corvette. I give her a second to catch her breath before she floors the engine.

“…So, what now?”

“Sally. I think I still want to get married. To you.”

“…You sure you about that? I mean I’m down, but--”

“We’ll be fine. Someone once told me the best cotton candy has two flavors that weave and blend perfectly. That’s you and me, Sal.

We’ll reach our dreams hand in hand.”

Now and forever.