Sending a Message

"What? I can't hear you!"

Mika's voice sounded muted, underwater, lost in the seascape of screaming fans. She gestured a circular motion with her hand and pointed to the stage. After this. Already smiling, our grins both widened. I gave her a thumbs up.

Ring ding dong. It’s ringing in my head..

Fitting. And even as SHINEE, the kpop artist currently onstage, sang their famous song, I still couldn’t get It out of my head. I jumped and swayed with the crowd, as if I could dance away the incessant haunting song that’s been stuck in my head for over a year. 

What started as beads of sweat were now rivers cascading down my face. I could feel the liquid cast off into the crowd as I blinked and shook my matted hair from my eyes. Mika was still behind me, following closely. We shuffled our way through the fans, packed like sardines in a tin - albeit more like live ones - dancing and flailing in the maelstrom of something much larger.

"Water?" She offered with a laugh, our words finally audible to one another. "You're drenched!"

My hand traveled to the back of my neck bashfully. "Hey man. I've been waiting to see ... for months, I can't believe they're only the headliner."

The club was a sprawling multi-story complex, which had been recently officially converted from an abandoned warehouse-turned-rave venue in the early 90's. Glitter from decades past shone like diamonds in the porous concrete as the spotlights swept up and around the room. The main stage was on the bottom floor, with a second floor of upper seating around the perimeter. 

We made our way to a table upstairs. I collapsed into a nearby chair and tilted my head back, chugging the rest of the water and splashing the last few drops on my face. 

"Johaaaan!" She drew out my name in annoyance. "I wanted some of that!"

I sat forward, resting my forearms on my thighs, and flashed a grin. "Sorry! I'll get you a-"

Suddenly, Mika's hand shot out. Clutched the sleeve of my damp t-shirt. I began to speak but froze when my eyes met hers. She was looking past me, over my right shoulder. Fear. Just as she began to duck, a sound like fireworks erupted to my right. Flashes of light. It was hard to distinguish from the sensations of the concert, and for a while those around us partied on, unaware. 

But we, unfortunately, were used to this by now. Time slowed down and the seconds felt like minutes as I dove left, toward and beside Mika, keeping my feet under me but crawling, clawing, through the bodies to the fire escape. Back left corner. Bright red sign. Between the bar and the bathrooms. 

By now the patrons near us were screaming. Dying. The pops continued. The assailant was following us. I pushed a body into the metal door handle, the cold night air bursting into my lungs as the door released onto the rusted iron platform. The body I pushed turned toward me to reveal the face of a young man, high-school age. Blood pooled between his lips. Vacancy already taking over the terror in his eyes. 

Mika was already over the edge of the fire escape, which was quickly filling with panicked club-goers and threatening to topple. I hesitated. We were at least 20 feet from the ground. If I jump, I could die. But it was the only option I had - there was no other way out and staying to fight was almost certainly a death sentence, if not for myself then for more of these innocent victims of circumstance. I released my knuckle-white grasp on the railing and hurtled my body forward, curling, rolling and scraping my back against the asphalt before stumbling into a run. And still, the song lingered between my ears, my constant companion. 

------

Two years ago, I was in a coma. I awoke to a brand new world, a new body - or at least, that's what it felt like, because I couldn't remember a thing. They told me I was the sole survivor of the crash. My mom, dad, and baby sister all had died at the scene or shortly thereafter. I had no next of kin. I was totally alone.

Sometimes, when people have amnesia, little bits and pieces, flashes of memory, will come back. The doctors offered me this, reassuringly. But as the months passed, so did my hope of remembering who I was. I couldn't remember a damn thing. 

The only thing I did have was the Sound. At first, it was like white noise. Indiscernible but ever-present. Every day I tried to listen to the Sound, to inspect it directly, but it was like trying to remember a dream after waking up, just always out of grasp. Until one day, I heard It. 

I was on the afternoon blue line, a short walk from my 옥탑방 (oktabang). These rooftop apartments were the only cheap housing left in Seoul. Even still, my paycheck from Buldak, the Korean fried chicken joint, barely covered rent. I was on my way to my afternoon shift when I boarded the blue line and found a seat to myself facing the back of the train. Recently, they had installed huge screens that played news on the back and front of each of the train cabins. So many screens. One of the many things in this world that felt jarring to me. 

A woman's voice accompanied a picture of an unconventionally attractive man with dyed hair and dark piercing eyes. "...and he'll be performing for us tonight at the ballroom in the Gangnam district, if you're one of the lucky few who snagged a ticket! For the rest of us, here's his latest hit over the airwaves, ..." the woman announced in Korean, her excited speech making it hard for me to pick up every word.  

Then, right there, there it was. The Sound. The Sound! I wasn't sure at first, but after a few seconds, I knew I wasn't mistaken. The Sound I had been hearing for months since I first awoke was a song. It was this song. What had thus far been white noise in my mind lifted like a fog to reveal a soundscape of a soft beckoning rhythm, accompanied by a deep, lilting melody. My heart leapt into my throat. Tears welled in my eyes. It was the most beautiful thing I'd ever heard. 

-------

I sang the words to myself as I sprinted towards Mika's silhouette ahead of me, twisting and turning down alleyways, farther away from the nightclub. I could feel the cold spring air bite into my sweat-soaked shirt, but it felt far away in comparison to the words in my head.

나의 두 눈을 감으면~

I saw Mika disappear around another corner and followed suit, only to find the alleyway empty. My brief panic was interrupted by her hand. Shot out, clutched the sleeve of my damp t-shirt. Pulled me behind an old vacant food stand, which had, by the looks of it, sat here for a very long time indeed, and had since corroded to reveal a small opening in the aluminum base, just big enough for the two of us. 

We sat in the dark, shaky silence. Police sirens echoed in the distance. The gunman was gone, leaving our adrenaline-wrought, fear-stricken, but otherwise unharmed bodies in the wake of tonight's events. 

"Are you hurt?" Mika asked breathlessly.

"No, I'm alright," I said, shifting slightly, noticing for the first time some scrapes from the fall. "You?" 

"I'm good," she replied. We sat for a few more moments in silence, our heartbeats retreating from our heads, slowing back down to a reasonable pace. 

I respected Mika, and cared for her deeply. We'd spent so much time together in the year since we first met. And in this moment, the thought caught me by surprise: I love her. I need her. I must protect her. I-

"I think we're onto something." Her whisper, less shaky this time, derailed my train of thought. 

"꺼져버리던 희미한 불빛…The faint light was turned off.. Just like the song. The next stage was supposed to happen tonight. I know it doesn't feel like it but I think we prevented something much worse from happening," she said.

We had been working together for past year in what started as a mutual quest of curiosity: Why did we both hear Stay With Me in our heads all the time? Both of us could ignore it when we needed to, but without the direct gaze of attention, it precipitated back up into consciousness, relentless, beautiful. Like her.

"Yeah," I replied weakly. An awkward silence. 

"Are you OK?"

"Yeah," I stuttered. "I'm just..." My voice cracked and I found wells of burning hot tears under my eyes. I blinked them away in the darkness of our hideout. "Meeks, this shit is dangerous. Maybe we should-"

"No," she said forcefully, cutting me off. I was taken aback. "We can't stop now. We're SO close, Johan. Please," she said, and I felt her hand on my arm. "Please," she repeated.

I nodded in the darkness. Maybe for myself. "Yeah, you're right."

We emerged from the decrepit food stand to a cold and rainy night. The pavement glistened with Seoul's city lights that bounced their way into the narrow alley like pinballs, finding their way to the pooling water at our feet. Falling you…. 

I thought about the next stage. Exansor was trying to stop us. Mika was right - it meant we were onto something. It started with a hunch - a hunch that someone was trying to communicate with us, through the song. Next thing I knew, we were being chased by men with guns at k-pop concerts. 

"I think we're going to have to go to HIS concert," I said finally.

"They will anticipate us there. It will be our deadliest mission yet"

"Wait, WAIT. What if... what if they're setting us up? They knew scaring us like this would lead us there." Mika stuffed her hand into her pocket and revealed something small and glowing. It emanated a soft blue light, that pulsed gently in the palm of her hand. It was about the size of a postage stamp, shaped similarly, its features otherwise difficult to make out in the night. 

I shot a her a puzzled look. "I nabbed it," she said, grinning. "When that asshole was chasing us. In the mad dash I think he got knocked over. Anyway, this went flying off of him. So I nabbed it." She tossed it to me.

I immediately chucked it as hard as I could. Her eyes shot me with daggers of anger and bewilderment. "DUDE what the fuck?" She ran off towards it and I followed her. "Meeks! Mika - " she kept running, unhindered. "What if it's tracking us or something? What if-"

It crackled. It trembled and vibrated, flipping to orient itself face up. A cone of light burst open above it, and a small hologram appeared. "Mika. Johan. If you're hearing this...We've finally made contact!" 

I turned to look at Mika, meeting her gaze of equal confusion. My heart pounded in my chest. Was this the answer?

"Exansor created this device - I nor you have much time - chhh - they're already on their way. Follow the song. Go where the song takes you. Do what you were sent to do - I believe in you. Save us from this horrible fate. Save us. Save humanity. Save-" The holographic image sputtered and faded. 

Save...humanity? I blinked, staring at the device, wondering if it would give us anything more. The blueish light faded into a soft gray, and then dimmed out of existence. 

"Well," Mika began, walking away towards the street. "If we're gonna save humanity, we're going to need the k-pop stans."