I'd do anything for you

"Can you keep a secret?" Luke said as he swayed side from side, with a shining smile stretched across his face.

Janus knew this would happen. Whenever they went out, Luke would go home wasted, he never knew how to say no to pretty people, and she was usually the one dragging him to his house.

They've been thick and thin for as long as she can remember. Ever since Luke and his little sister, Abby, became friends, the three became inseparable. And when the three of them became two, he dragged her through her pain.

Now, she happily drags him every other Friday and always around in the morning to hold his longish hair out of the way.

"Sure, but your pretty drunk, so it probably won't make too much sense. But, it's fine if you want to get something off your chest." She said, driving him to his out-of-the-way house. She would probably have to make a pitstop at hers after she got him to bed because he never has any real food at his place.

"When I was-" he broke off, trying to contain his laughter, "I killed Abby." He proclaimed, going from his laughing fit to morbidly apathetic in a few seconds. Janus tensed and quickly looked over to see that her friend was still. 

"Hey, you probably won't remember this, but that's just your drunk brain talking. No one knows what happened, and you can't blame yourself for Abby's disappearance." Janus said, trying to console him. The thought that Abby's death was her fault had plagued the small girl for years before her therapist had spoken sense to her.

He had been fifteen when she went missing, Janus had just turned eleven and Abby was still ten. In the absence of his sister, Janus had somewhat filled that role. 

Janus was always asking him to come to her therapist, just once, because he was slowly closing off to her, and she didn't know what to do if he ever left her life.

Luke looked thoughtful for a few minutes before his smile became more apologetic. She had only ever seen him look that destroyed once before, right after Abby went missing.

While the adults were running around looking for the ten-year-old, Luke and Janus sat on the couch. The little girl was growing increasingly scared as everything became more frantic, then Luke grabbed her hand and smiled that apologetic smile.

"There's no reason to be afraid nobody's going to hurt you." His voice sounded calm, soothing even. But Janus wasn't scared for herself, she was afraid for Abby. Janus had been the older one she should have protected her little friend from whatever danger she's in right now.

"I'm not afraid! I just want Abby back!" She screamed, feeling tears start to collect in her eyes. Luke's face scrunched up, his eyebrows furrowing in before he nodded his head in understanding.

"I know you liked her, but you still have me! I'm sure she'll turn up, eventually." He said with a bright smile that looked distorted in her memory now. 

'No, you're just tainting old memories because your best friend thinks he killed his little sister. You need to comfort him as he comforted you in the past.' Janus shook her head before looking back at Luke again. He's still got his mournful face on. He seemed trapped in memories.

"I'm sorry that I hurt you so much back then," Luke spoke before she could get a word out. He had turned his face to the side so that she couldn't see his expression, Janus couldn't think a single time Luke had accidentally hurt her.

"Luke, you didn't kill Abby, you didn't hurt me. We need to get you home and into bed. You probably won't even remember this in the morning." Janus tried to get him away from his thoughts, but he didn't move the entire time she was speaking.

"I just wanted your attention, but Abby always had it. I don't think you even liked me as a kid. You only liked Abby. I wanted you as a little sister, not her. I didn't think you liked her as much as you had. If I had known, I would have made you hate her before I buried her." Luke had moved to look her in the eyes before he went on his rant. His expression was one of sorrow, the one he pulls for sad apologies where he knows he's in the wrong.

Janus pulled the car over because this was becoming a little too detailed for her liking. Instances where Luke had glared at Abby when Janus chose her or when she thought Luke was a little too creepy to be comfortable around started running to the top of her head. 

How could she have missed it?

He was always trying to get her to go against Abby, to like him more. The anniversary of her friend's death was in a couple of days, Janus usually spent that time eating chocolate ice cream in bed and crying.

Luke always looked weird on those days. Janus would assume that was his form of grieving but now she can tell he was guilty. Not for murdering his sister, but for hurting her.

She got out and puked, Luke was trying to come and comfort her, but he couldn't get the seatbelt off. 

Janus breathed before going back to the car. Reassurances fell from her lips when Luke started to apologize again, and she explained that it was just a lot of information and that she would never blame him.

The car ride to his house was silent. Luke was watching the lights pass as she pulled into his road, and he was able to walk slightly when he was free from the belt.

She dragged Luke to his bed and made him drink a glass of water before she went to grab the few things she needed from her house. 

 She called some of there other friends, who were still up, and asked them to hang out at his house. She did warn them that he was drunk in bed and would probably sleep through the encounter, but they just laughed and called her a worrywart before going to find Luke.

It was a crisp morning as she made her way through the long lines of graves in search of the spot she vacated every Saturday. 

When Janus was comfortable, she looked at the two headstones in front of her. When her friends found Luke drowned in his bed, she swore up and down that she had left him on is the side she even put pillows on his back so it would be harder to flip over.

With the pillows where she said they would be, her explanation, and a pill pf Ipecac in Luke's bloodstream (and only his fingerprints on the bottle); the man's death was ruled an accident. Janus became known as the poor woman who had lost everything at such a young age.

People she barely knew came up to her to say how sorry they were. For how many people she had lost or how they had seen the sibling bond she had with Luke. Or just telling her to 'be brave.'

Janus can't help but think that this is what Luke must have felt like when he was ten like he had somehow outsmarted everyone around him. The woman knows, begrudgingly, that playing the victim can be quite rewarding. 

As she sat in the dewy grass, she reminisced on simpler times. When the three of them would run around on the grass playing tag or when her mom took them to the zoo, and they pretended to be their favorite animals.

She smiled, basked in the warm sun in a lonely graveyard as she talked with her siblings. Mischief bloomed in her eyes as she prepared to tell them all that had happened between them.

"Can you keep a secret?" She whispered and pretended to hear the voices of her loved one's whisper hyperactive responses.