Realistic Fiction

    It was a normal day and I- “No! You are not going to create yet another story about me, narrator! And stop talking as if you are me when you aren’t!”

    “Well how else am I supposed to make a living?”

    “I don’t know, maybe get a normal job rather than impersonating people!”

    “Well that’s no fun!”

    “Just leave me alone and find someone else!”

    As he walked away angrily- “I said stop didn’t I?!”

    “Well you seemed to be upset that I was talking as if I were you, so I’ve started referring to you as an individual rather than myself.”

    “That doesn’t help! I don’t want a story written about me!”

    “Just continue with your day and ignore me and you will be happy enough.”

    “I don’t need some voice following me all day, thank you very much!”

    “Too bad.”

    “No, not ‘Too bad’- Oh! Come on! You’re beginning to attract attention to me! People are giving me weird looks now.”

    “Well whose fault might that be?”

    “Yours!!! I’m just going to ignore you now and continue with my day, so PLEASE, just go away!”

    As everyone gave him weird looks, someone walked up to him asking him if he needed help- “No they didn’t! Where do you see someone confronting me?”

    “Oh, well now you’ve gone and ruined it! The story doesn’t need to be true for it to be a story! Your world is what I make it, no matter how much of it isn’t true. I could say a unicorn just flew from outer space and my reader would be forced to believe it!”

    “Who would want to read such a story!?”

    “Millions or more!”

“Why would anyone want to read a story about things that aren’t real? How do they tell the difference between reality and these stories that you decide to create?”

“They don’t! Only when they are older do they really see that it is all fake, yet they still enjoy reading these fictions and fantasies.”   

    “Why our world though?”

    “No one can reach this world except for the characters in these books, you for example, and therefore they can never prove us wrong. For all they know there could be flocks of hippogriffs, and a real Narnia!”

    “What are hippogriffs and Narnia?”

    “Unless you have read fiction you wouldn't understand.”

    “Who created this idea of fake creatures and worlds?”

    “A long time ago someone named Cervantes created it. Ugh! You’re making me put real facts in this book now!”

    “You’re going to turn this into a published book!?”

    “Most likely, yes.”

    “You must be required to get legal permission from the characters!”

    “Not in my world, and since your world isn’t technically real, I can do whatever I want.”

    “So you have no real power over what happens to this world, yet you pretend you do? Why do writers enjoy playing God?”

    “No we don’t really have power, and we don’t necessarily play God. Like I said, we don’t have power, so us playing God would be pretty stupid but in a sense it probably gives some writers a sort of happiness when they get to create fake worlds.”

    “How would you feel if I narrated your life?”

    “I would understand that it is your living and let you do your thing.”

    “So you would be fine hearing someone constantly narrating your life?”

    “Would you like to switch places so you can understand my position?”

    “Yes.”

    “Then continue”

    As the narrator gave the character the writing tools, the narrator walked to the store and bought- “No no no no no! You are terrible at this! Where’s the fiction! How can this be a successful fiction story if it has no fiction?”

    “I’ve only just started, you can’t doubt my abilities already!

    “But I can and I will. I’ll be taking those back thank you!”

    “No! You’ll have to catch me if you want them.”

    Luckily I have a non-automated writer’s toolkit

    As the character ran away from the narrator, the narrator and his magnificent powers created many fictional beasts to stop him. Dragons breathing fire, burning his feet and forcing him backward. Hippogriffs clawing at his face, blinding him as he takes the blows.

    “Are you still writing about me as we speak!?”

    “Yes I am, so can you please give me my automated tools so I don’t have to write this stuff physically.”

    “I will not make this process any easier for you. Besides I prefer this silence that I get to have while you write it down rather than have it automatically typed for you.”

    “Everything you say is being recorded by that toolkit, so all of this will be going in the book. A story about a character who decided to rebel. Interesting…”

    “...”

    “Oh, come on, you can’t just stop talking and expect it all to end.”

    “...”

    “Ok fine, give me the silent treatment then.”

    “...”

    “You’re making this book a lot less enjoyable than it needs to be!”

    “...”

    “What do you want from me that will make you talk!”

    “...”

    “Ok, I am just going to take that automated toolkit back from you… Stop resisting! Just give it to me!”

    “...”

    “Uggh! Why must you make this so much harder than it really has to be! If you would have just let me write about you in the beginning, then this wouldn’t be so much of a problem!”

    “If you stay silent then you may continue to write about me as you wish, and I will give you no more problems. As long as I don’t have to deal with seeing or hearing you, then I will allow you to lie about me.”

    “Why didn’t you just say so from the beginning! If that is what it takes for me to be able to write about SOMETHING, then I will gladly go ahead and write it out by hand rather than use voice control.”

    “Well, if we have come to a common ground, then I would like to get on with my day. And PLEASE! Never talk to me again!”