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Funny Inspirational Happy

Frieda Frasier stirred her tea as her little sister tried solving her murder.

“But we know that she went to the convenience store after stopping to get money out of the ATM. If there’s one thing I can tell you about Frieda, it’s that she NEVER went to convenience stores.”

Frieda went to convenience stores all the time. Who didn’t? What person was able to avoid going to convenience stores? Where else would somebody buy gum or a scratch ticket or those shareable size bags of Peanut M&M’s?

The cat jumped up on her lap and she tenderly set him back down on the ground. Rupert hated it when Frieda listened to the podcast. Either he could tell that it rankled her or the sound of Fanny’s voice got under his skin. Possibly both.

“The cashier at the store says he doesn’t remember Frieda, but is that true? Subscribe to the Fan Club if you want a deep dive on what he may be hiding.”

That poor man. Just doing his job and he has the bad luck to stumble into somebody else’s disappearance. Now some nosey woman with a microphone and a laptop is digging into his personal history as though she has every right to.

Even when true crime became a national sensation, Frieda never imagined her case would one day be the subject of one. After all, there wasn’t really a crime. She woke up one day and decided that she’d had it--with everything. Her job, her apartment, that miserable man she’d been dating for three months off-and-on. Even her sister, her only family, who she had great pity for, had become more than she could bear.

Leaving Fanny behind was the only part of her departure that caused Frieda to feel guilty. At least, it did until she was scrolling through the news one day and saw an article about a hot new podcast all about a sister’s quest and a missing woman and all episodes from the first season being readily available.

“Fanny,” she said out loud in the middle of her kitchen, “Tell me you didn’t.”

But she did. She had. Her little sister, who could never follow through on anything--jobs, relationships, or even keeping a cactus alive--somehow found the time and energy to put together an investigation into what happened to Frieda and document it once a week for three years. Frieda thought about sending her some kind of message letting her know that she was fine, but please discontinue that horrendous invasion of privacy where one whole episode did nothing but discuss what kind of birth control Frieda used.

The only reason she didn’t is because (and this was hard to admit), she didn’t trust Fanny not to use the miraculous reappearance of her sister as content for the show. It was clear that this podcast was the only thing Fanny had ever been good at, and one had to wonder how willing she would be to give that up.

What put so much worry in Frieda’s mind was the idea that Fanny might actually manage to find her one day. That was why she started listening despite her own resistance. Luckily, it became clear early on that while Fanny may have had an enthusiasm for true crime, she wasn’t particularly skilled at solving anything. She went down every rabbit hole known to man and chased leads that led nowhere. Frieda began to wonder at the start of season two if she was doing it on purpose. After all, if she ever did manage to solve the mystery, that would be the end of her meal ticket. It was the same reason Frieda didn’t pick up the phone after finishing the episode where Fanny confronted Frieda’s poor dentist. Her sister had been indoctrinated into the cult of people-with-too-much-time-on-their-hands. Who knew how difficult it would be to speak sense to her?

“Next week, we’re kicking off a five-part series where we look into whether or not my sister may have been--wait for it--abducted by aliens.”

Frieda nearly threw her phone into the fireplace.

After vanishing without a trace, she’d found an adorable little home for rent about two hours from where she grew up. The woman renting out the place listened to her made up story about a deranged husband for about five seconds before she smiled at Frieda and said “Honey, as long as you slip the rent under my door on time every month, I don’t care who you used to be.”

She got a job teaching private piano lessons to anyone who could pay in cash. She took up golfing. Money would have been tighter if not for how well she’d done at saving up her whole life. It was as though she’d always known she was going to disappear. When she finally did it, nothing would have made anything think foul play was involved. Frieda thought disappearing was the right of every human being on earth, but it seemed that nowadays people didn’t want to believe that somebody could just cut ties and run.

Now, if you forgot to return a text message, they sent the FBI out after you and hired Toni Collette to play you in a limited series.

Couldn’t people just leave well enough alone?

“I will not stop until I get justice for my sister.”

Frieda wanted to write apology notes to everyone Fanny had been harassing. The cashier and the dentist and, most of all, her ex-boyfriend. As the podcast became more popular, Fanny wasn’t the only person breathing down his neck. She managed to get the police to bring him in for questioning even though he was so dull the only thing that ever went missing around him was a woman’s affection. Pretty soon, he had to move out of state, and that just made even more people hop online and insist that he must have been involved in some dastardly scheme.

“Don’t forget, Fan-ny Fan Club, you can now purchase ‘I Think The Boyfriend Did It’ t-shirts on my website!”

She told herself that eventually Fanny would run out of things to talk about. Frieda’s life had not been all that interesting--hence her checking out of it. The police had long since given up, and despite hints on last month’s episode that there might be some kind of serial killer connection, Frieda could tell that her sister was beginning to spin her wheels.

At this point, even if she did start to miss Fanny, she knew that going back would cause more hurt than joy. After the initial hugs and tearful displays (and a seventeen-part exclusive interview leading directly into a book deal), Fanny would come to understand why Frieda had left, and her heart would never recover. Not being enough to keep someone around when everything in their life is dreary is nothing to be ashamed about, but contributing to that dreariness is something else entirely. Fanny always held a high opinion of herself and her value despite all evidence to the contrary, but most of that, ironically, was based on her high opinion of Frieda. She assumed that because Frieda had her act together and was a respected musician and teacher that anyone related to her must be respected and admired as well.

The truth was, this had probably worked out the best for the both of them.

Now, Fanny had a legion of fans who hung on her every word. She was a businesswoman who had won several awards for podcasting at awards shows held in places like Reno and Sarasota. People bought tickets to see her in person when she did live shows around the country…also in places like Reno and Sarasota. Even when the podcast dried up (which would hopefully be soon), she’d have (again, hopefully) have made enough money to spend the rest of her life relaxing by a pool or a lake somewhere knowing that an entire community of busybodies thought that she was their queen.

Frieda would enjoy the new life she’d made for herself. It wasn’t that it was more exciting than her last one. It just involved far fewer people. She had her students and the people she played golf with and her new dentist. The other day while getting a cap replaced, he asked her if she had any family. She tried saying “I have a sister” but her mouth was numb.

“What was that,” he said, only half paying attention as he looked for one of his sharper instruments.

She managed to eke out the word “Nothing” and then closed her eyes.

Better he didn’t know.

And better if he never had to find out.

April 07, 2023 22:23

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21 comments

Geoffrey Saemann
19:13 May 12, 2023

I very much enjoyed reading this one. Fascinating idea, telling the story from the perspective of someone who disappeared. I guess the one thing I didn't follow was if everyone loved her and she was such a respected musician, what couldn't she take anymore? I understand you've only got so much space on this site (I've had to submit abbreviated versions of many of my own stories), but I'd be interested to know how her life could seem so perfect to everyone else, but at the same time, she was completely miserable

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Story Time
22:28 May 12, 2023

I think there can be a lot going on inside us that isn't the result of anything other than our own restlessness, so I'm guessing that might be the cause of her self-imposed exile.

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Amanda Lieser
21:20 Apr 24, 2023

Hey Kevin, Oh I love a good story that examines a pair of sisters. I thought this was a great take on the prompt-very à la “Gone Girl”. I liked the way this story left some mystery for us since we ultimately don’t know why this character ran away. I also really liked the way this story played into the fandom culture as well. I think I’d love a sequel from the sister’s perspective. Nice work!!

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Story Time
00:27 Apr 25, 2023

Thank you, Amanda. I think I was intrigued about why she left as well, but then she sort of sums it up with "People just used to do this kind of thing," which is true. I wonder how many people who would normally disappear don't because they feel like they can't?

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Wally Schmidt
19:11 Apr 15, 2023

I love the premise of the story.. a tantalizing idea to explore at times, but I can't even imagine the organization involved to not leave your DNA anywhere. The story is so charmingly written that even though you know it's complete fiction, you want to read on and find out about the characters. I did wonder if Frieda's disappearance was a 'gift' of sorts to Fanny who probably would have just floundered in Frieda's presence. So you met the prompt perfectly and it is a delightful take on it. The only error I found in your story was the mentio...

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Story Time
19:11 Apr 16, 2023

The number of times I've absolutely devoured two bags of "shareable" M&M's all by myself...

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Wally Schmidt
19:19 Apr 16, 2023

I always like a guy who knows what he's talking about 😉 re: the M&M's As for the ending, yes, I concluded that the siblings needs to be apart, but in the most loving, forgivable way. I couldn't imagine living apart from my brothers either

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Story Time
19:12 Apr 16, 2023

I had a writing teacher who always talked about "degree of difficulty." How hard is it for an author to reach a desired outcome? I wanted to get to the end of the story and have the people reading go "Yes, it's probably for the best that these two sisters never reconnect again" which is unthinkable to me as someone who lives my siblings so much. I'm glad the takeaway seems to be that they're better off as they are.

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Susan Catucci
13:36 Apr 15, 2023

This is great. How many people at one point in their life hasn't considered running? The tie-in to the prompt is really funny and relevant. It's impressive to note how your pieces fit together and how it all works. And you weave social media's role in providing way more information than anyone really needs, especially when you don't wish to be exhumed. Clever, fun and real - great combination, Kevin. I'm such a fan!

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Story Time
19:15 Apr 16, 2023

Thank you so much, Susan. I'm glad my shameful true crime obsession finally came in handy.

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Susan Catucci
19:42 Apr 16, 2023

Everyone's got one - whether they admit it is another matter. I wear mine like a badge.

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Delbert Griffith
09:50 Apr 15, 2023

The concept of the story is fascinating. Can one hide from the world? Tough to do nowadays; one has to practically disengage from normal payment methods, forgo getting a driver's license renewal, not pay taxes, etc. That Frieda was so committed as to disappear says volumes about her dissatisfaction with her life. The relationship between the sisters is interesting. Frieda seems to understand her sister very well, yet Fanny seems to not understand anything at all about Frieda. The convenience store part really shows this unbalanced dynamic....

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Story Time
19:15 Apr 16, 2023

Thank you, Delbert. I must have been on a roll and slipped up a few times. I need to stop writing pre-coffee :)

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Michał Przywara
20:40 Apr 14, 2023

A naturally intriguing opening, very much pulls us in. The story's both funny and sad. Sad, because Frieda felt she had to disappear, and stay disappeared. It's also sad - and this might be related - because of how clueless Fanny is. "If there’s one thing I can tell you about Frieda, it’s that she NEVER went to convenience stores" - is this just fuel for the podcast, or is it possible that Fanny didn't really know her sister, and this contributed to driving her away? "Frieda thought disappearing was the right of every human being on eart...

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Story Time
23:25 Apr 14, 2023

You're right, Michal. And one of the things I'm struck by looking at the story a week later is how Frieda could be so much more put off by her sister using what she believes to be a tragedy as content, but she refrains from that. She's actually showing her a lot of grace by not writing her off as this attention-hungry loser who is capitalizing off a family tragedy. I don't know if that's because of her personality or because that's just what people expect now. Everything becomes fodder.

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Mary Bendickson
23:41 Apr 11, 2023

Amazing in this tech world one can become famous for so little. Freida cause she disappeared and Fanny cause she was looking for her.

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Story Time
00:01 Apr 12, 2023

And how she realizes at the end that it's actually better for the both of them if they don't reconnect.

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Michelle Oliver
04:02 Apr 09, 2023

Well, I think checking out sometimes is perfectly reasonable. To stay permanently checked out, well that takes skill and dedication. I liked the tone of this story, that impersonal disconnect with her previous life and the way she justifies her new life to herself. It’s as if it is a perfectly reasonable step to take and everyone can just butt out and keep their half baked opinions to themselves. -Frieda thought disappearing was the right of every human being on earth, but it seemed that nowadays people didn’t want to believe that somebody...

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Story Time
23:03 Apr 09, 2023

Thank you so much, Michelle. I struggled with her at times, because she seemed unfeeling, but it was interesting giving a voice to a character who I didn't always agree with, but felt a deep compassion for.

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08:58 Sep 05, 2023

https://exampledomain.com/?u=XXXXX&o=YYYYY

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Graham Kinross
23:44 Jun 29, 2023

Was she under too much pressure and that’s why she disappeared? Fascinating story Kevin. Even people who seem to be doing well can struggle with self esteem or the need to do well or be the best. Great stuff.

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