Secret

She couldn't believe it. She couldn't believe that she was seated here, in the boardroom of the biggest rock band this side of the Sahara. She couldn't believe that she was seated in the boardroom that was in the private jet of the biggest rock band this side of the Sahara!

It took all her will power not to go into full fan girl mode.

Right in front of her were faces that she had admired from afar for most of her teenage years. In all her twenty-one years, never would she have imagined that the day would come when she would be seated in front of her mentors.

It was almost perfect, almost because one important person was missing. He was the reason she was seated here, facing the band, facing a fabulous, fame-filled future, facing a one million dollar bonus just for signing ...

"Before you sign, I want to reiterate that if there is anything you would like to tell us, anything that would jeopardize this band, now is the time to speak up.

She broke out into a cold sweat.

Because there was one thing.

But was it any of their business?

This was the opportunity of a lifetime, a chance for her dream to become reality. She had been chosen out of thousands of applicants. All of them wanted to be in the coveted spot she was now in. It was just a little, harmless secret. No big deal. Right?

"Let me remind you that being in this band is not all parties and big bonuses and designer clothes. It is emotionally taxing, as the person you are replacing would probably tell you. Your personal life will be under scrutiny. So if there is anything you would like to share with us, now is the time."

She fidgeted. She wondered whether this scary woman already knew. This woman was just that kind of badass. She had connections from here to all the seats of power around the world.

"Are you currently in a relationship?"

Her heartbeat skyrocketed. The scary woman knew! The scary woman knew!

"You might as well tell us. Because if you are in a relationship, he will need to be briefed on the band's security procedures."

To tell or not to tell. Which was the lesser hell?

"Do you have a boyfriend?"

She had worked so hard to get to this point. She had wrestled with her self-doubt, tied it up then locked it in an undisclosed location, just so she could get the nerve to really look at the noticeboard where the call for auditions was posted, her favourite band's unmistakable logo emblazoned prominently on the poster. She had deliberately not told her mother where she was going because that would have just sparked a long and pointless argument.

Her phone rang. The ring tone was of course her favourite song, which happened to be one of the hits of this band she had just auditioned for. The caller was her mother.

She fumbled with her phone, trying to switch it off. Why oh why hadn't she left it on airplane mode?

“I’m so sorry. I’ll just…”

“No, no. Don’t mind us. Go ahead and answer it. We might as well take a short break. We can reconvene in ten minutes.”

They all filed out, leaving her alone in the meeting room area.

Her mother was just calling to check up on her. Must be that famous mother’s instinct.

“How are your studies coming along?”

It was all so surreal for her, having such a mundane conversation, in a private jet, with her life about to change forever - regardless of how the meeting ended.

“Just fine Mum. All A’s.”

“Is everything okay?”

“Depends.”

“On?”

“Your reaction.”

“My reaction to what?

“I…”

“You...?”

Her mother was going to know about the auditions one way or another. The press and social media were going to be ablaze with the news in a few hours anyway. It was best to just rip it off quickly, like a band aid.

“I auditioned to be in a band.”

“Oh! That’s great! Congratulations! I’m glad you are finally sharing your beautiful voice with the world.”

“It’s a rock band, Mum.”

Silence.

“Mum?”

“A rock band. As in sex, drugs and rock ’n’ roll?

“Don’t panic! I might not even be -"

“No daughter of mine is going to parade around in her underwear in front of a crowd of drunk people!”

“Mum, it’s one of the biggest bands in the world. Can’t you just be happy for me?”

“I don’t want to hear another word about that audition. The answer is no. I forbid you to join that band.”

“I’m twenty-one! You can’t forbid me!”

‘I just did.’

‘We’ll see what Dad has to say about that!’

‘Very mature, miss twenty-one, running to daddy whenever you don’t get your way. Just accept that he’s too busy with his new family!

“He’s never too busy for me!”

Silence. She could almost feel her mother glaring from across the vast physical and emotional distance between them. Then, she heard her mother take a deep breathe and slowly release it.

“You have your whole life ahead of you, your studies. Do you want to throw it all away?”

She burst out laughing.

“You think this is a joke?”

It took all her will power to stop laughing. She knew uncontrollable sobbing was going to follow the hysterical laughing if she didn’t stop.

“Sorry about that Mum. I just remembered the words of a song by a British band. I really shouldn’t put my life in the hands of a rock band. I may throw it all away.”

“So don’t.”

She sighed. She was so tired. What had the scary lady called it? Emotionally taxing. And she hadn’t even signed on the dotted line yet.

“Mum, I don’t think you have anything to worry about. They won’t pick me. Not after I tell them my secret.”

“Secret? What secret?”

The others filed back into the meeting area.

“Mum, I have to go. I’ll call you later. I love you.”

The others sat down. They were so close to her. She could reach out and touch them. She wanted it. She wanted all of it.

She was only human so she quickly sent a text dripping with cowardice and avarice:

Let’s break up.

Sent. She switched off her phone then faced the firing squad with confidence.