Me and those days

I'm talking about a memory from the history of my life that is still on the one hand obscure and on the other meaningful to me after 40 years later.Those days began with my father's voice, who woke up earlier every morning and made breakfast for everyone, and ended with his voice arguing with my mother.We went to class with great enthusiasm,Not to study and learn science, but to see, play and talk to my classmates, and of course there were people closer to me whom I liked.It was more fun for me to be in the crowd and see the behavior and hear what my friends were saying, than it was instructive,Most of the kids in my class liked me because I studied and got good grades, and I was clean and tidy.But unfortunately I did not feel that way about them,Except for a few of them, our teachers were people who were still in disbelief and confusion, because in my country there had just been a revolution, and they had entered a new path from a special and regular life, which was not known.On the other hand, in the news and among the family, there was talk of a revolutionary government and extensive changes that had taken place in government organizations.I, who had just become acquainted with the books on chemistry and physics and advanced mathematics, just memorized them, took the exam, and got a passing grade.But I never understood the true meaning of these sciences, not because they were difficult to learn or did not like, but because my focus was only on playing.In high school, unlike previous courses, I met people who were in the upper classes, and talked about politics, political philosophy, the state of the world, powerful and poor countries, and the importance of fighting for freedom.They all made political gestures, and at that time all the attention was on whether the left parties were telling the truth and were right for the country, such as Marxist, socialist and communist governments, or right-wing parties, and capitalist and democratic governments.I and most of my classmates at the time were thinking of nothing but football, reading textbooks, going to parties, and going to the gym.But some did not think so, and instead of a normal high school student, like a series of robots or dolls, they did things that were injected into their minds by adults.Although I had no study of society and political cultures, I did not feel good about those people, so I distanced myself from them.After a year, educational facilities, such as high schools and universities, became centers for recruiting political parties.And the more our teachers, and not all of them, told the students not to get involved and continue to study,But few listened, it can be said, that when a ship is sinking, and no one listens to the cries of the main captain, and whoever plays the role of captain, nothing can be done with a mistake, and only It must be said that history repeats itself, or even higher, the pre-designed plan of some was successfully executed to defeat others.At that time, fathers used to say to their children: Study, be a good child, do not lie, be polite, do not smoke, do not make friends with bad people, and become a doctor or an engineer, and the like of these models of education.But they did not know that this little information could not protect the thirsty and curious minds of young people from mental pollution.Of course, this is not surprising, because the grandparents did not teach them anything else,We have a proverb in Persian that says fish rot from their heads, not their tails.With the mentality I had in my simple, small family life, I kept myself mostly with painting, sports, and movies, because I had not learned any other way,I could easily understand how talented and young minds could easily be determined and perished by imported thoughts,Unfortunately, I could not figure out what I was talented at, or even what I was interested in.Worst of all: I had a teacher, Mr. Therapist, who talked to me during class breaks, and I asked him for guidance in thinking right and moving in high school to succeed.But unfortunately, despite listening to him carefully and with interest, I did not perform them, or I could not act,What was more interesting was that at that time I had good communication with most of my classmates, even those I did not like.We did not pay any attention to the analysis of their personality, and the social status of their family,I looked at everyone with a certain simplicity, and at that time I felt more relaxed and comfortable than I do today,Those days are like a big ambiguity for me, because at a certain age, there was no one to teach me how to think and learn properly, and I think I was asleep during those years, and that was a heavy sleep,And it was meaningful, because my life and the lives of millions of people like me were in a special position and path in the history of my country.Whatever I am today is the product of what has happened to me over the years.Sometimes I wished I could go back to those years, so that I could redefine life for myself, and sometimes I do not have the desire, but what makes me go back to the past are very disappointing predictions for The future, and the bad conditions of the present,Fears and worries are a deterrent, but not liking something or someone is a choice, looking at the past in some ways is unpleasant for me, and in most cases remains like flipping through the book of my life.I remember many days that were full of moments, and I spent a lot of time figuring out what to do with all these opportunities,I remember the decision days, and a few days later, the actions I wrote down to do, and for a few days I was faithful to them, but I went back to my first point, where I was again. I had to design another program, and to my surprise, I guided others carefully, giving them a plan and purpose, but I was incapable of managing and directing myself.I remember a movie from high school that kept me thinking for a while, and that was the story of the Titanic,Today, when I have largely distanced myself from past mistakes and bad habits,I have come to the conclusion that I am also a passenger on a Titanic, the only difference between this story and that incident is that the passengers of the Titanic at the time did not know and did not expect it to hit the iceberg, and To drown.But I know that soon we will collide and drown, the people on the upper floors of the ship will have a great chance to be saved, and unfortunately the rest, most of whom will lose their lives,In such a situation as clockwise, going back and forth may be because there is a chance of hope to prevent this accident, it is a possibility of hope that the wind does not blow so that the small candle flame goes out in the dark desert.The name of my high school was Bamdad, meaning morning light, and the thousands of hopes that shone in that light and went away.