Face your Fears

Fears. Everybody has them. Some big, some small. Some rational, some irrational. In the Shudder House people faced their fears. All of them. Tomorrow Rell had to go through the house. After all, he was 13 now, he had to. He didn’t want to refuse and become a Jilt. Someone who was rejected by society. Who couldn’t hold a rank, and lived very poorly.

Rell slipped on his red shirt. He was getting sick of red. Since he hadn’t gone through the Shudder House yet he could only wear red shirts. This was to mark him as rankless. Jilts are also restricted to this color, since they too are rankless. But once he made it through the house he could finally get his first rank, and get a new color of shirt.

Rell walked down stairs to the kitchen where he found Litus, his Father, who was wearing a blue colored shirt. Blue was rank seven, a hard position to get. Litus did good in the Shudder House. Not many people get to blue, and if they do they rarely make it any higher. Blue was where Litus was likely to stay at. Litus was making some scrambled eggs for breakfast. Rell said good morning to his father making sure to make eye contact. Everyone is expected to make eye contact with people of higher rank. Even if that person is your best friend, or father. Litus said good morning back, not bothering to make eye contact. Rell walked past him, grabbed some bread, and put it in the toaster.

“So,” Litus said in his deep voice, “Tomorrow is the big day, isn’t it?”

Rell thought about tomorrow. He was trying not to think about it. It scared him.

 “Yeah I guess it is.”

“Are you getting tired of those red shirts? I remember when I got my first rank. I was so happy to wear a different color.”

Rell looked down at his shirt, “Yeah I am kinda getting tired of red. But I will get a new color tomorrow!” Assuming I even make it through the house. He thought.

“What rank do you think-” Litus got cut off by a loud crash on the side of their house.

Litus cursed as he went to see what it was. Rell followed. When they got to the side of the house they found a Jilt. He looked around 30 years old. He was wearing an old red shirt that had a few holes in it. He was going through their trash cans. One had fallen over causing the crash.

“Hey!” Litus bellowed, “Get out of here, you dirty Jilt!”

The Jilt jumped at the loud voice and ran away with something in his hand. Probably discarded food or something that had caught his eye. Rell and Litus walked back into their house. Litus started to move the eggs over to a plate and turned off the stove.

Litus looked at Rell, “You know to never give anything to a Jilt, right?”

Rell looked into his Father’s eyes, “Yeah of course. They are cowards. They couldn’t make it through the house. They deserve to be Jilts.”

Litus smiled a little, “That's right,” he picked up the plate of eggs and set it next to Rell, “Jilts get what they deserve.”

Later that  day, after lunch, Rell heard a knock at his door. He opened it to see Trik, his best friend. Trik was also rankless but he would be going through the Shudder House in the next few weeks. Trik enterd and the two of them walked to the living room. He looked nervous, almost scared.

“Is something wrong Trik?” Rell asked.

“I'm just nervous for you,” Trik said, “I mean you’re going into the Shudder House tomorrow, and what if you don’t make it through? You be a Jilt for a year!”

If someone doesn't make it through the Shudder House when they are 13 then they get one last try a year later. If they still fail to make it through then they are a Jilt forever.

“Trik, I'm going to be fine,” Rell reassured him. Part of him agreed that he would be fine, but the other part was terrified of failing. He didn’t know what to expect in the house. No one was allowed to talk about what it was like inside. It was strictly forbidden.

“What do you think it will be like in the house?” Trik asked.

“Um, I don’t know. Scary?”

“Well that’s the point. I mean like what will it feel like?”

“I don’t know. We will just have to wait to go through.”

“Easy for you to say. You are going tomorrow. I still have weeks.”

“Well it’s not like i'm excited to do it. You are literally facing all of your fears. You seem to be anticipating it,” Rell gave Trik a weird look.

“Maybe I am.”

The two friends continued to talk with each other for a while longer. At one point they decided to go to a park and stretch their legs. This park was one that was available for rankless people. Most parks were like this, but nicer ones required rank one or two. By the time they were walking back to Rell’s house it was the evening, and Trik had to leave. Rell spent the rest of the evening playing games with his father. The games helped him not to think about tomorrow.

That night Rell went to bed with too many emotions bouncing about in his head. He was nervous to enter the Shudder House, scared to fail, but excited to potentially get a new rank. Every time he thought about walking through the doors of the Shudder House he would get a sick feeling in his stomach. Like he was about to puke. He had seen the Shudder House before. It was big, and ominous. Rell felt a chill, then fell asleep.

Today’s the day. Rell thought as he sat up in his bed. He got up and changed. Rell slipped off his white shirt with red sleeves. Those were reserved for sleeping only. Of course it wasn’t pure white. That was saved for the highest and most pristine rank, number ten. Some say that they are fearless, and can walk through the Shudder House without a flinch. Rell didn’t believe that. He thought that everybody had to fear something.  When he walked down stairs breakfast was ready. His sister, Silk, was sitting at the table eating, his mother, Thalia was getting a cup of water, and Litus was cleaning a dirty pan.

“How was your guys’ trip?” Rell asked. Silk and Thalia had taken a few days to have a Mother daughter trip. They had likely gotten back late last night.

“It was really fun,” Silk said. Silk was wearing a light blue shirt, rank four. She was three years older than Rell.

“We went swimming in the Pure Lake,” Thalia said. Thalia was wearing a dark green shirt, rank six. One below Litus. The Pure Lake was a popular tourist attraction. It’s known for its warm temperature, and clear waters.

“Oh wow, I can’t wait to swim there one day,” Rell said.

The family ate, and talked. Before long breakfast was gone. It was time to go to the Shudder House. Rell could feel his heart pumping faster and faster as they walked closer. He was very nervous. But there was nothing he could do. He had to go through the house. They turned a corner and he could see the house at the end of the street. Nobody stood outside of the house. Nobody was there to instruct or guid him. He knew what he had to do just walk through the door and try to get to the other side.

He walked to the large brick mansion-like house. There were no windows and only two doors. One to go in and the other to come out. Leading up to the front door were ten steps. They represented the ten ranks in their society. Orange, yellow, light green, light blue, pink, dark green, blue, purple, black, and the highest being white. He walked up each stair, steps heavy. He stood only inches away from the large brown door. His family stood at the bottom of the steps.

He reached out for the golden door knob, grabbed it and opened the door. It opened smoothly and without a sound. He looked inside but couldn’t see anything. It was too dark. He stepped inside and closed the door behind him. It clicked shut, but it remained dark. He took another step forward but his foot didn’t hit the ground. He started falling. Rell screamed. His mind raced, and his heart was beating out of his chest. He didn’t know what was happening. He looked around again but couldn’t see anything. It was still dark.

The wind around him got colder the longer he fell. Colder, and colder. Rell’s mind started to get fuzzy. He got more and more light headed the farther he fell, and the colder the air got. He couldn’t keep his eyes open. Rell passed out.

Rell snapped his eyes open and sat up in an instant. He felt like he was lying on the ground for hours. Maybe even days. He looked around to see darkness, again. But not entirely. Straight ahead he could see light leaking through cracks in what must have been a wall. They outlined a door. Rell got up from the cold hard ground and started to slowly walk towards it. As he was walking he noticed he would frequently kick, and step on rocks. Some were small but others felt like the size of a fist.

Rell reached the supposed door and felt around for a door knob. After a moment of searching his hand hit it. He turned it, needing a surprising amount of force, and pushed the door open with a grunt. Light poured into the dark room, Rell had to shield his eyes with his hand. Once his eyes adjusted he looked to see where he was. Rell couldn’t believe what he saw.

Destroyed. Everything was destroyed. Everything that he had ever known lay in ruble and flame on the ground. Some houses still had a wall or two still standing, but only barley. It seemed like he could push them over. Rell turned around to look at the room he had woken up in. He didn’t recognize it. Just an empty room with chunks of concrete on the floor. Rell looked back at the ruined landscape. It’s all gone, he thought. He has had nightmares of something like this happening. Nightmares of everything he knew gone.

His family and all of his friends, dead. The order and structure of the society, torn down. The ranks, meaningless and gone. Everyone and everything, destroyed. It was an apocalypse. Rell gazed out into the destroyed scenery terrified. He didn’t know what to do. He was living his worst fear. He finally snapped out of his trance like stare, and started to walk around. He saw a particularly large pile of wreckage, and started to climb to the top of it. Maybe he could get a better view of the area at the top.

Rell looked around looking for something, anything. Anything that isn’t just destroyed houses and buildings. Maybe another person, just as confused and scared as him. Or a building that isn’t blown to a million pieces. His search came up with nothing. Just destruction all the way to the mountains lining the horizon. The mountains, Rell thought. Maybe survivors, if there were any, fled into the mountains.

Rell climbed down from the rock mound he was on and made up his mind. He was going to go to the mountains. Specifically a canyon. It would be the most likely place people would flee to. With no time to waste Rell started walking. It would take a long time to get there. Maybe a day or two by Rells guess but he didn’t know exactly. All he had was his red shirt. No food, no water, and plenty of fear.

Hours had passed. Rell had been walking for so long his feet flared with pain. The rough terrain was hard on Rells feet, and the hot sun didn’t help. But he blocked it out, and just put one foot in front of the other. Step after step after step. Every once in a while he would check a house that wasn’t so destroyed to see if he could find anything helpful. He had only gotten lucky once, and found a closed box of crackers. But he had eaten all of them already.

One foot in front of the other. Stepping over rock after rock. Rell was going to go insane. He found a spot of shade and sat down. His feet pulsed with pain. He had never walked for this long. Rell layed down. He could fall asleep. He could just lay in this same spot forever. Die with the rest of the world. Rell knew he couldn’t give in but it was so hard to keep going. Something moved clicking rocks together. Rell sat up and listened closer.

“H-hello?” A quiet, scared sounding voice said.

“Hello?” Rell said back, voice surprisingly hoarse.

“Who's there?” A small boy, maybe about nine years old, walked around the corner. He was wearing a black shirt.

Rell stood up with a flash of hope. He wasn’t alone, “Is anyone else with you?” The shirt caught him off guard. He must have stolen it off of someone else somehow.

The boy only shook his head, “I have seen others though,” He picked up a large rock and looked at it with wide eyes.

“You have?” Rell said with even more hope, “Which way did they go?”

“Follow me,” The boy ran around the corner, and Rell quickly followed.

The boy went around a few still standing walls, and hopped over a few boulders. He was quite knimble, and still held the large rock he had picked up. Rell struggled to keep up but he managed to follow. After a minute longer the boy slowed down and walked into a half standing building. Something smelled rotten in the air.

“Here they are,” The boy pointed to a pile of three dead corpses on the ground. He looked at Rell and threw the rock at his head.

Rell barely had time to think. He moved his head out of the way, the rock barley missing him. This kid is insane! Rell started to panic. Before he knew it the boy picked up another rock and threw it at Rell again. This time it hit him on his right arm. Rell screamed and grabbed his arm. He wanted to check if it was bleeding but he didn’t have time.

Rell started to run away before the boy could through another rock. Unsurprisingly the boy followed. Rell jumped and climbed over the boulders that had fallen from the destroyed buildings, trying not to fall over. The boy was gaining on him, he seemed to be a lot more accustomed in this environment. Another rock flew by missing Rell as they ran. How am I going to lose this kid? Rell was tired, scared, and slower than the boy. The boy threw another rock. It hit Rell right in his heel. Rell tripped and fell onto the ground.

The boy ran up to Rell and looked down on him. Rells heart was racing. The boy picked up a rock bigger than his own head. He raised over Rells head. Rell just stared back at the rock, petrified. Do something! He told himself. Right as the boy dropped the rock Rell forced himself to roll out of the way. The rock slammed down onto the ground splitting in two on impact. Without thinking Rell picked up a rock that was lying at his side, stood up and slammed it into the boy's head.

The boy grunted and fell onto the floor. Blood oozed out of the gash wound Rell had made. Rell stared at the boy in horror. He dropped the rock and ran back to where he was resting before. He had just killed a child. Another one of his fears, killing. He knew he had to do it or he would be dead. He knew that the kid had likely lost his mind in this wasteland. But despite it all he still felt guilty.

Part of him, a small part, felt triumphant. He was in a very dangerous and scary situation and he managed to get out of it alive. Even if it meant doing something he dreaded. It made him think. If he could get through that despite all odds against him, then what else could he get through? Maybe this apocalyptic wasteland. Rell looked around, and suddenly he felt calmer. So tired, he thought. Rell closed his eyes and layed down. He wasn’t scared that something would happen to him. He had avoided that boy, who was faster and stronger than him, so he knew he could avoid anything else.

Rell opened his eyes to darkness. It wasn’t night, there were no stars, or moon in the sky. However, straight ahead he could see light leaking into the room. It outlined a door. Again? Rell thought. He stood up and walked towards it. This time the floor was smooth, and uninterrupted. Rell got to the door, found the door knob and opened the door. It opened smoothly, and without a sound. Light blinded his eyes, but once they adjusted Rell looked at what was beyond the door. His family stood in the middle of a small field. They were all smiling. Rell had made it through the Shudder House.

He walked down another set of ten stairs and went to hug his family. When he was done he noticed his shirt. It was light green, rank three. What? When did it change color? Rell thought. It didn’t matter to him. He made it through, and apparently did well. Going straight to rank three wasn’t very common. It didn’t feel like he did very good, but then again he didn’t know what was supposed to be average. None of that mattered to Rell at that moment. He was happy. He had faced his fears.