From Boy to Man through Bird

I'll be the first to admit that as a young, average man, I'm far from anyone’s first choice. Over my 24 years, 12,877,200 minutes and 56,864,000 seconds of life I've had but a couple girlfriends, a few good friends and more bullies than I could count using all the teeth in my mouth or hair on my head. I want to say I'm depressed to excuse my bland cycle of sleep and work, but I dont think I'm even that. I get up every morning and do the same damn thing until my fucking head hurts. I crawl into bed each night wishing to be something, anything other than the middle. I reek of average, the kind of man a mom urges her daughter to marry to avoid risk. Unfortunately for me, a daughter's worst nightmare aside from becoming her mother is to believe she is right. So I live in this cycle, spinning and spinning like a blind bat on a merry go round, feeling the wind of each turn, yet all I can taste is the bugs I swallow. 

When my mother called the sunday before Christmas I regretted answering, I wouldn't have remembered Christmas otherwise. Though It would have hurt her I didn’t show, I could have avoided the shameful holiday questions surrounding my lack of a life for such a “handsome, respectable young man with great work ethic”. I planned to make a quick stop in, retreating home by 8 so I could lick my wounds. Before leaving I cleared a nice place next to the window for yet another plant I was sure my mother was to gift me, even though they always died. I threw on a sweater and swooped up my car keys, preparing myself for battle. 

When I opened the front door to my mothers house 30 minutes past 6 and saw a young woman talking to my sister, part of me died. I shouldn't have come, I should have known my mother was gonna set me up and I should run now. Her hair was blonde, pin straight and hung to her waist. I lingered behind her, flabbergasted. Mostly, I felt bad my mother had sucked yet another beautiful woman into the idea of meeting me, soon to be disappointed. When my sister’s gase shifted to me and I watched her eyes grow, I flinched. “John! You old bat what took you so long! Why do you self harm and deny yourself of my adiqet presence?” I hadn’t seen my sister since march, and when she threw herself at me for a hug I caught myself straightening out, l hated myself for changing my behavior for the mysterious woman, even though her back was turned. She turned to face the excitement my sister brought on, my sister Bella has always been loud, from her purple hair to the way she carried herself. When the woman and I met eyes, I could feel myself holding in air. Why did I practice self harm and deny myself air for yet another pretty girl, with long blonde hair and big brown eyes, to ultimately lead her to disappointment? She smiled, and my sister smiled, and for a second everything felt okay. “John! How are you my baby you’re so late I thought you might skip!” oh no. I turned to face the familiar voice, my short mother stood behind me like a predator, she clearly had been waiting to speak and saw the whole interaction including my stiffening over the blonde woman with big brown eyes. If my mom had noticed, had she? “Hey mom, uh no I wouldn’t uh skip for the world.” I chuckled painfully. “Oh John you goof! I worry about you sometimes, you know. All the time. How’s work? Oh I see you've met Julie. I see you also spoke to your sister, thank god you're here she's been up my ass all night about you!” my mother spoke so fast jumping from thought to thought I felt embarrassed, I didn’t know which part to respond to. Julie. What a pretty name. “Oh well uh work is fine mom you know I’m just getting through,” I chucked some more to hide my struggle to put thoughts together, and out of the corner of my eye, I saw Julie giggle. She knew. 

The night carried on the same way, and though I hated the awkwardness and felt pain through each interaction, at least I was feeling pain. I felt myself wanting to stay longer, at least until my short mother stood up and joyfully declared it time for presents. My mother passed presents out and I watched everyone smile, laugh and tease as gifts were opened. I could feel anxiety growing in my stomach like I had eaten bad cheese. There were candles, art and candies all over the place, and just as I threw a chocolate piece in my mouth my sister had gifted me, my mother stood. She turned to me and announced she had reached the end of her gift giving, apart from me, and for a slight moment I prayed she had a plant behind her back. “John oh John. Do I have a gift for you.” My anxiety had turned into perspiration, what if she had gotten me something horrible I was to open in front of Julie? My mother turned to my sister and nodded, Bella disappeared into the laundry room. I turned to Julie trying to hide my fear and though playing it cool had never been my forte, I was sure I had her fooled until Bella emerged from the laundry room and my lack of courage was now visible on my face. In Bella’s two hands was a cage, and inside the cage, a small blue and yellow bird. The bird chirped and chirped like a little politician, it clearly had a lot to say about its situation, and so did I. “Mom. A bird?!,” I rose from my place on the couch. “How am I supposed to care for a bird? I can’t even keep my plants alive!” Immediately after yelling I felt regret, I was so ashamed at the attention, at the nerve, at my mother and to Julie. I was acting like a child. My mothers face shifted from excitement to worry, and dear god, If I could do anything to prevent what she said next, I would without even thinking. “John you've been so lonely. No girlfriend or friends and you never come by! Plants can't talk back.” My face filled with red, hot heat. I was absolutely mortified. Julie shifted in her seat to face the wall out of discomfort, and Bella quickly threw on the hat my mother had gotten her to distract the family from the whole situation. My mother lowered her voice to fit my ears, “John you're gonna take this bird home, you're gonna name him and you're gonna love him!” Out of complete humiliation, my body went into fight or flight and I caved. To hopelessly heal what I had done I turned to the group, “You're all now looking at the proud owner of a bird. A bird named um,” I glanced at the quilt my sister made for my cousin, “Patches. His name is Patches.” I tried my hardest not to sound sarcastic. Unlike Julie, who definitely knew I was a childish mess, my mother’s face changed as she had bought my reluctant acceptance. I sat down and placed the cage on the floor and stuck my finger in between the bars to show everyone I was in concurrence, Patches quickly bit me. Holding in all the cuss words that spilled like a tipped toxic waste barrel in my mind, I smiled bitterly. 

By the night's end, I was feeling slightly better. Though Bella was loud and often problematic with her purple hair, immature tendencies and hand tattoos, she was and still is the most wonderful person I’ve ever met. My sister was usually my main friend and though i'm not proud to admit, she always found a way to bully my bullys right back, including my mom. Bella brought me a slice of fruit cake she had made because she knew it was far from good. While we laughed over her ability to confuse salt and sugar, I began to feel color returning to my face. As I said my goodbyes to my sister and family, I saw Julie lingering outside the home like a delightful smell. Had she been waiting for me? I rushed my goodbyes and located my new bird, and maybe if I wasn’t so excited to say bye to Julie I would have dreaded picking up the cage. I shut the front door to the house and chased after. “Julie! Hey wait up!” There she was, slowly loading her things into her car. She was definitely waiting for me. Julie turned as if she was surprised to see me, her long blonde hair turning with her like silk strings in the hands of a twirling ballerina. “Oh hey John! Quite a night hm?” Had she been nervous as well? Similar words flew out of our mouths like word vomit, we shared a laugh at the fact that we both tried to apologize for night as well as my mother. The chemistry was real, I was so full of feelings, my mind was so clouded if you had walked through there would be no sun. I rushed in to kiss her, and in one quick second I was sucking her nose like a blow fish as her mouth opened in surprise. My body went into survival mode and now yes thinking back on it I cringe, I chose flight. Before we could piece together what happened I was gone like a thief in the night, like I stole every door mat from every house in the neighborhood and needed to return home to post them on Ebay. When I got home and placed Patches in the spot by the window, I wanted to do nothing more than crawl into bed and sleep forever. It wasn’t until I woke up the next morning when I stumbled to the kitchen groggily that I heard his morning chirps and the whole thing hit me. Holy shit, what was I supposed to do with a bird? Was it more like a stuffed animal or a baby? Was I supposed to feed it several times a day or once? I definitely couldn't do it by hand, he nearly took my finger off when I tried to pet him. I inched closer to Patches like he was a bomb, the closer I got the louder he chirped. I must have taken one step too close, in just one quick second Patches was flying about his cage squawking and I was taking cover behind the couch. The whole thing was like a bad board game, as long as Patches could see me, he was frantic. I ran to my room and closed the door. Sweet silence. Well, bittersweet. The silence only left room for memories of the awful night, Julie and my mother. I couldn’t stay in my room forever. Patches was just gonna have to go. I came out slowly, and while Patches had his little back turned I ran and pressed my back up as close as I could to the wall below his cage so I was out of view. He turned around swiftly, searching for me. He knew something was up. I held my breath, completely imasculated at the fact that the stupid little blue and yellow bird had brought me to such manner. When Patches turned around again to see outside the window I slowly stuck my hand up the front of his cage, opened it and reached in. In one quick move I caught Patches and he immediately squawked and yelled and cried like I had to, stolen his doormat. I jumped up and turned my fist full of Patches to my face so we could see each other. Patches began to breathe slowly and as I peered into his soft innocent eyes, I regretted all my evil thoughts and plans to ditch him outside. My eyes softened as well, and for just a small moment, we realized we had each other all wrong. Then Patches bit me hard. I squealed in pain and released Patches, he flew out of my hand and continued into the next room. I chased after, now understanding I was stuck with him. After a long hour Patches finally flew back into his cage for some seed my mom must have thrown in for him prior. I swiftly closed the cage and retreated to the couch. After some online research I answered some basic questions such as when to feed him and how to bathe him. If I really was stuck with Patches, we were gonna have to learn somethings about each other. First, I was to learn to care for him, and second, he was to learn we both live in this house. The first few days were rough, I would come home from work and there he would wait, ready to escape when I shuffled to his cage for a feeding. After a week of our awkward routine, Patches would only chirp at me if I tried to touch him. We were coexisting, and though I’ll never say it aloud, it was nice to have something to come home to. I wondered if he felt the same. One week and 4 days later, Patches let me hold him for the first time. We were starting to enjoy each other. My mother's calls became more frequent, and though I wanted to tell her all about Patches and our progress I was sure she would ask of Julie and I wanted to avoid the whole thing entirely. I almost answered once to, but after recalling the interaction on Christmas I grew too sick with anxiety to do so. I knew sooner or later I had to answer or she’d show up, I just got real comfortable soaking in my shame anxiety free. The days went on and the calls lessened, and eventually, I forgot all about Julie.

 It was soon to be February and I had just gotten home from work. I opened Patches cage and placed him on the couch next to me so we could continue our show when there was a forceful knock on the door. Shit! What if it was my mom, or worse, my angry mom? I krept to the door and peeked through eyehole to see a purple haired girl, Bella! My mother must have sent her. She stuck her eye up to the eyehole, “Open up you boring shell of a man! Mom sent me to see if you're still alive! I see you there!”. Bella knocked again, just as loud. I opened the door to greet my sister when all of the sudden, Patches flew off the couch, out the front door, past Bella and down the street. Bella and I screamed in shock, what was Patches thinking! I chased after and Bella after me, we ran down the road like idiots after the small blue and yellow bird. Just as he was out of sight, I fell onto the asphalt in a panic. Bella sat down right next to me, unsure of what to say or do to make the situation better. I placed my head in my knees. A few minutes of silence passed, and just as I went to get up, I heard a familiar voice. “Hey uh guys? What are you doing here? Is everything okay?” said the soft voice, I turned in surprise. There stood a beautiful blonde girl with big brown eyes, wearing the prettiest yellow and blue dress. Julie! 

Though I was upset about Patches, It didn’t take long for me to shift my attention to Julie, who knew she had lived so close! How long had we been going about our daily lives, so close, so far? Julia and I began to talk and once the layer of awkwardness was gone, I asked her on a real, proper date. Half to make up for the shitty kiss, half to distract myself from Patches. Almost immediately I knew she was the one for me, within months we were living with each other. I had forgotten all about Patches until one end of summer evening, Julie and I sat on our porch waiting sunset. Blocking the sun, a small bird flew into view. I recognized his obnoxious chirping first, then his beautiful coloring. Patches!

The End