Sapiosexual

I basically had a temper tantrum because I accidently burned her grilled cheese sandwiches and she was trying to give me advice and be helpful. I slammed the spatula down and told her that she could do it explicitly herself and went to our bedroom with thoughts of mentally, spiritually and intellectually killing her.

I tried in vain to explained to Mrs. Rolanda Outhouse that I have issues with me being sapiosexual. I’m someone who is sexually and mentally turned on by smart people.

Yet she’s so physically beautiful that even dudes and chicks in cars, strangers, aliens, bums, aristocrats, philosophers and especially those disrespectful men who disrespect the woman there with just to break their necks to just take a glimpse at her undeniable beauty.

I wanted to always believe that Mrs. Rolanda Outhouse is dumb as a box of rocks or when people brought mood rings. Really!

She always enjoys upsetting me any time she or I allowed her the unique opportunity. Like we still fight over who gets to pee first when we wake up together because her urine is dark purple from the Botox treatments at a cost of $1,200 per injection and her lack of drinking sink water in which she refuses to drink because it has to come from the Pelican Iron/Manganese Filter & Water Softener Alternative that I refused to purchase at a cost of $9,304 retail.

I don’t have to tell you what it truly smells like being last to use the toilet. Even a ducktail platypus would complain. Yuck! 

Then when we fought over whether or not candy corn is a vegetable, she insist upon being right about.

When she can’t even spell potato like former Vice President Danny boy Quayle. Who quoted that "The future will be better tomorrow? "It's time for the human race to enter the solar system. "It's wonderful to be here in the great state of Chicago." While the murder rate in Chicago had soared 72% compared to the same time frame, leaving 345 people murdered daily. Shooting victims that managed to survive their injuries also saw a sharp increase of 88 percent compared to his quote, leaving 676 people with gunshot wounds. He finished by stating, "The peace dividend is peace."

You probably don’t know who his boss was. Like most Vice President’s they’re just baby marionettes just like their boss.

I demanded to know who was former president Andrew Jackson vice president. I said in the heat of the many, many debates we shared on a daily argumentative basis on who’s right and I’m never wrong pretty lady?

Rolanda shouted at me that he never had a vice president.

I looked it up and that unintellectual woman who graduated from Harvard University with a Master’s Degree in Sociology was absolutely correct for the umpteenth time in our 22 year marriage.

I did quickly change the subject when she lambasted me and then she had the unobliterated gull to come back with who’s going to get back out of bed to turn the light off and why do you flush the toilet in the middle of the night when you know I need my beauty sleep?

I say its talk like that, that is going to make me a widow.

What the hell do I care about you always taking the blanket then suddenly estivating me.

Just because you happen to be going through men-o pause. Yes it’s true men go through it too. Late-onset hypogonadism or Testosterone Deficiency Syndrome a condition in me, Mrs. Rolanda Outhouse that is characterized by me having a measurably low testosterone level and the clinical symptom mostly of a sexual nature, including decreased desire for sex, fewer spontaneous erections and erectile dysfunction. I tried to explain to you that I suffer from sapiosexual tendencies. Opps! 

Pretty Rolanda it is the result of a gradual drop in testosterone; a steady decline in testosterone levels of about 1% per year can happen and is well documented in both you and me.

Rolanda my best friend in the whole wide world wasn’t trying to hear none of them scientific essentials. All the while looking at my hairy back. Then said what should we watch on Netflix tonight?

Then Mrs. Rolanda Outhouse thought about it for a few seconds as she always does, what I said about my sexual dysfunctional problems and came back with hangers! She insisted that I'm stealing hangers from her side of the closet, while I know that I was intentionally stealing her hangers from her side because I was not paying half the bills. She even caught me red-handed one day!

Even at 50 years old she still looks like Cindy Crawford even thou the former Coke commercial Hotty has been in four celebrity relationships averaging approximately 6.2 years each. Her two marriages have averaged 12.3 years each.

I’m like what are we always fighting and debating about. Of course she and I don’t know what the Uraeus (/jʊəˈriːəs/; plural Uraei or Uraeuses; from the Greek οὐραῖος, ouraîos, "on its tail"; from Egyptian jꜥrt (iaret), "rearing cobra") is the stylized, upright form of an Egyptian cobra, used as a symbol of sovereignty, royalty, deity and divine authority in ancient Egypt is all about as we kiss.

Everybody thinks that marriages are difficult to sustain but in truth there not. What you talkin about Willis?

When she was pregnant she cried because I made tater tots for dinner and she didn't like them. We fought about it for two days. What the two of us argue about or verbally debate about isn’t what the issue is most times.

She likes to refer to me as Mr. you need to be living in an Outhouse instead of me having your ridiculous last name.

We argued that it’s was a better choice for us than keeping her last named being Fokker.

 One day she came home from work and I was already asleep. She went to cuddle me while we were facing each other. I told her that she was stealing my air and went to turn over. Lo and behold, we had a fight about cuddling for over 9 weeks. Relationships!

Even on our 3rd honeymoon we had this big discussion about whether or not penguins laid eggs. This was before they banned Britannica Encyclopedias and should ban smartphones uses I was thinking.

Omg! Rolanda shouts, this idiot won't agree with me.

Why should I when her precious albino Great Dane Princess is taking up most of the bed. Talking about compromising in a marriage.

Well I did by allowing my anaconda snake cleverly named Donald John Trump in which is 5.21 meters (17.0603675 feet long) and weighs around 98 kilograms at (216.053017 pounds).

 One thing I will attest to is that whatever we argued about today is surely forgotten about the next, especially after The Donald wrapped his tender body around Rolanda and the Princess. Now maybe she’ll believe me when I told her and that giant dog that I’m sapiosexual! All’s well that ends well.