Second Chances

   "Valentine's Day Madness! Buy One Get One Free! Matching Couples' Sets!"

    I sigh, remembering the pain of why I’m now single. 

    It all happened two months ago, on December 22nd. It was a snowy day. My boyfriend and I were walking through the park, holding hands and acting like everything was fine when just the opposite was more accurate.

    “Babe, I think we need to talk.” my boyfriend had admitted, pausing and turning to look me in the eye.

    I hid my face in his handmade cyan scarf with big eyes, encouraging him to go on with a small nod.

    “... I... I think we need to take a break…” He said, clearing his throat and looking away in embarrassment. His dark blue hair waved in the air as if the wind was taunting me. Like it knew I couldn’t run my hands through it anymore. Like the wind wanted me to just reach out and hug my now-EX as he walked away from me, his sad eyes watching the path ahead of him.

    My flashback ends when the teen yells the same phrase, holding a pink and red cardboard sign. He spins it around, making it do flips like my heart when I see my ex with someone else.

    I then get a thought. What if I asked this guy out to make Brian jealous and get back together with me? I miss him so much…

    I sigh out loud again and take a deep breath, mentally preparing myself for my next decision. Would it be one I’ll regret because of the consequences or will it be one that’ll change my life for the better?

~*~*~*~

    Groaning in my mind all the way home, I slide my key into the keyhole of my apartment and slump next to the door when I get inside. I take off my Doc Martens, place them gently on my shoe rack, then breathe in the stuffy air. 

    I stumble through the red, pink, and white decorated halls to my bedroom, and loll onto my bed, rubbing my face with my hands.

    I groan, “Why did I think asking that kid out was going to be a good idea?”

    Just then, I remember my unfinished assignment due in 4 hours. 

    I run to my desk and play the Mario kart star theme music until I finish the assignment in under 10 minutes when it should have taken us an entire week.

    I then start getting spammed by my girlfriends in our college group chat, all of them gushing over who their valentines are and how hot they are and what they got them for Valentine’s Day. I sigh again, still heartbroken.

   A knock at my door brings me out of my pitiful thoughts of remorse, and I turn on my DoorCam through my phone.

    “Hey babe, can we talk?” I see my ex’s face near the doorbell camera, and I can see him fidgeting with his zipper.

    I press the buzzer and let him in, still watching the camera as he strolls into my apartment.

    I get up from my desk and answer the door,  letting Brian inside as he awkwardly stands in my doorway.

    “So… what do you want to talk about?” I ask after a minute of silence.

    “I-I… I want to get back together with you,” He confesses.

    I stumble back a few steps, my eyes wide. I stutter, not able to find words to express my feelings. I start to fall but Brian catches me, our faces inches away from each other. I blush and right myself, stepping away from Brian as he looks down.

    “I… I don’t know what to say,” I finally manage to force the words out. 

    “What I’m trying to say is that I want you back. I know I was technically the one who broke up with you for my selfish reasons, but I regret this. Can we please go back to December?” He says, unknowingly quoting Taylor Swift.

    I stay quiet.

    “Please, I want you back. I needed time to myself. I needed to figure out what I wanted, but it turns out it was just you. I-I…” he stutters, shifting his weight from one foot to the other. Finally, he looks up with tears welling up in his eyes.

    I instantly feel guilty, but I didn’t even do anything. I look down from his irresistible puppy eyes, ashamed, and I take a deep breath.

    “I guess… I guess?” I say, still questioning my decision as I express my emotions.

    I take another deep breath and rephrase my sentence before his hopes die; “Let me rephrase that; what I mean is I want you back as well.”

    I can almost see the relief wash out of his taut face. A weight feels lifted off my shoulders, one I didn’t know was there because this entire time I thought I wanted him back when really, I also needed time to myself. I also needed to figure out where I stood and to stop my clinginess.

    I get snapped out of my thoughts as I see Brian move towards me slowly, his breath rough, and before I know what’s happening, I feel his mouth crashing into mine.

    I freeze. 

    Then, I give in to his lips on mine, leaning more into the kiss as the world melts away around us. It’s like I had always read about; a magical kiss filled with regret, loneliness, and sorrow as the couple reconcile after a rough patch in their relationships.

    The two things the authors never mentioned were that first: normally, the couple had one that cheated on the other and they were both pining for each other for years, putting on masks around each other. 

    In real life? 

    In real life, it’s messy. It’s awkward, you get clammy, your words get stuck in your throat like you’re back in elementary school again. And when you finally start to think you’re over him, you go on a date with someone else, then you realize that you can’t do it.

    The second thing authors get wrong:

    Not all relationships are girl and boy. Brain, yes, is a boy, but this entire time you thought I was a lonely, cute, heartbroken girl, right?

    In reality, I’m a soft, Asian gamer boy with a fragile heart.

    “I love you, Milo…” I hear Brian whisper as we embrace in my doorway, swaying side to side to inaudible music.

    I hug him tighter. “I love you too, Brian…”