Goodbye, So Called “Earth”

Dear Diary,

Life has been extremely tough for me. I calmed myself today by looking outside at the sunrise this evening when I returned home from school. School was awful today, more than usual. Miss Carey the awful was incredibly nasty to me during the French period. I explained to her several times that I’m still a beginner, but no! She didn’t even take time, let alone a few seconds at least to acknowledge that fact. It was like I was an invisible person to her. Maybe, I should just quit French. Although I love French with all my heart, the accents, the fashion, the food and all of the fancy little things that come along with this language. Maybe I should just quit.

Dear Diary,

Today is my birthday. I’m really excited! I haven’t been enthusiastic about a single day since ages, nope, just 11 months or so. I hope to get a lot of birthday wishes at school today, and I’m more than happy to eat the really expensive cake today that mom promised me from that little bakery down north. I‘ll be looking forward to stuffing my face in a lot of goodies today, and oops- I almost forgot about the best part; the presents! Oooh, I just get more and more crazy about today the more I think of it! Bye bye for now, dear diary. I’ll update you soon!

Update: I’m really sad. None of the people at my school wished me today, not even my weirdo so called “friend”. My mom wished me through a phone text with no exclamation marks, or even a sweet message. She just said, “happy birthday.” That‘s all. I didn’t even taste cake, speaking of food- I’m actually really hungry. My tum tum is growling real bad, so guess I’ll just grab a Diet Coke from the fridge. I’m kinda foolish today, coz I wasted my hard earned money to buy a stupid soda can, but oh well, that’s the only thing I have in the kitchen that’s edible.

Dear Diary,

Hm. Today’s been really weird and really painful. Some guy slapped me in front of the hall when I was just minding my own business. I went to my locker after History, and the most popular guy at my school that literally every girl in my school falls for came up to me. I was really shocked and I looked down when he came close. He looked directly at me and said, “Punk.” Then, he slapped me so hard that my glasses fell onto the floor and shattered. Why’d he do that? He walked away from me and even kicked my books. All the kids gathered around me and started to laugh at me. I became embarrassed, and ran to the girls bathroom like a coward. I feel really disappointed with myself. I can never be able to gather up the courage and face my bullies. Everyone thinks I’m a joke, even I do. That’s it for now, see you.

Dear Diary,

I haven’t been to the beach lately to gaze at the sunrise. I think that I should do it soon. I have finals coming up soon, but I guess it doesn’t matter if I do well on it or not, because mom wouldn’t be able to afford it- I mean college, anyways. I hope that the sunrise is waiting for me relentlessly because I know that I am. Even though my life’s been a mess ever since I was born into this world, I don’t care one single bit. I have already made up my mind since kindergarten that life is meaningless. There’s nothing that I should achieve. No hopes. Zero dreams. I truly believe that it’s time for me to leave this world, through the best way possible, and if that means letting myself go into the vast and deep oceans, so be it. I want to be one with the mesmerising sunset, and wander in the deep blue waves over time. I want to look over from whichever world I go into and be at peace with this so called ”earth”. If I’m lucky, which has never been true for me, I might meet a really cool deity in the dimension I live in. Let me write the next diary entry now, if I would live to see another day; I may be not ready and write in it.

Dear Diary,

Guess I was wrong this time again. Maybe I’ve not mustered up enough courage to leave once and for all. Unlike the other days I have experienced in my life, today was the most strangest out of all. It was raining cats and dogs, and I happened to have forgotten my umbrella. My glasses were soaked in water, and my dress including my coat was drenched in water as well. I was desperate. All of a sudden a really good looking, I think the same age as me kinda guy walked towards me. He gazed at me and held out an umbrella. I shakily held it, and he removed my glasses gently. I for sure knew that he was going to break it or throw it away. He took his clean handkerchief, and wiped the water away from it. It looked good as new. I thanked him, and he smiled. My heart fluttered for the first time in my life. Whew, I thought that he was an angel sent to me from heaven. As I looked through my bag to search for my phone, he disappeared in thin air. I was thankful that he arrived at the right moment. Today was really... nice. It was the first thing in my entire life that I felt that didn’t hurt me one bit, physically and mentally. Maybe my life isn’t so sucky that much, but I still think that I’m not worth occupying space in this... world. I’ll write the entry for tomorrow as well for “hope”. What an annoying word that humans have made up.

Dear Diary,