15 comments

Science Fiction

The sun stood, shining it's bright rays until it empowered the moon. It felt like ages, but deep inside my heart, I prayed that it would end. Three days of this torturous sun, crops failing and putting pressure on world leaders to create solutions. I dreamed lazily of the coolness of the dark sky, filled with cotton clouds. I knew I was not alone, billions are with me! Top scientists, historians, and Mathematics were stumbled by this particular event, and now I wonder who I do have faith in.

The temperature rises every day, and so did my suspicion and anger, but I kept it in, knowing pappa’s hurt expression for scientists such as himself. I knew there was no evidence or prediction of the moon's arrival. Many religions had no way to tell time, it's said that they accord it to the moon. This was why watches and clocks were made. Different beliefs have different aspects and reasons for this. Some say Jesus is coming to Earth, others say the sun may explode, but nobody knows the truth. 

Each morning I wake up appreciating the world it was known to be. The charming moon and the stars. Now, scientists, engineers, mathematics, etc, doing the best of their abilities to save humanity when it is at stake. When the world brings together for such a catastrophe, it amazes me, but all I can do for now is thank god. As this continues, I grow in need to go stargazing. My dreams are disturbed by the sun’s rays. One day I need to sleep, with the dark, peacefully. Still no evidence with the world racing. Minds are blank, and the world’s in panic. Nothing goes accordingly, the puzzle is missing a piece, making it impossible to connect. What’s happening? They all have a reason. Who can we believe? Who do we trust?

It was a memorable day. The day a random human was chosen. Chosen to enter the rocket. People hid, in terror, of the chills. The policy had outspoken us all as citizens. Is it fate, that tingle in my heart becomes louder by the minute. They used the ballot box, the box that may have had my destiny. I will be forced into the rocket. I felt the chills, it would soon be gone if I was skyrocketing onto the sun. Luckily, it’s probably too hot for the rocket to go into space. It is the end of July 2035. Gratitude filled me. Our annual ritual was on August 10th. A few days before school opened. We might hear about this in about a few days. I wonder what will happen. 

Opening the textbook “Annual Yearly MOON Ritual, and how it was made.” Reading the first page I discovered that it was made to help honor god. Eagerly I read the lengthy book, slouching in my chair.

The next morning as I wake up, I turn on the T.V. and start listening to the news with my hands wrapped around my warm beautiful brown coffee mug while sipping my coffee. Here it comes, the yearly annual moon ritual. It was coming up. It was going to occur. I grab up the remote lazily from my chair, to turn up the volume. As I glue my eyes onto the T.V, I see the ballot box. They were gonna draw the name. What, so fast. 

“3-2-1 Jessie Bybone!” 

Uh-oh. It’s me. How? In a million name ballot, mine comes out. Immediately. “Jessie Bybone, you have two days to prepare. Please be at the International NASA board in Florida. See you there. Thank you, everybody.” The old lady on the T.V channel says. Terrified, I puzzle out. How? Why, me? Questions fill my body. I don’t know what to do. Having no choice, I pack my suitcase quickly, and I realize that the Space Station is only a two-hour drive from my house. I drive there fast, with my trembling hands on the black shiny steering wheel. Worried, I speed, hoping the cops don’t reach me. 

With utter silence for a good two hours, my body tenses. Arrived at the destination. I open the door. A few men greet me as I walk in. I follow one of them into the room as asked. Over there, I receive a five-hour course on safety. Safety, safety, safety. The rocket was going to be on auto-pilot though. But still, it's scary. They said technology was going to take control of the rocket. What if something screws up? I stare at the crazy long socks that one woman wears, not paying much attention until I hear the following words, “Today is your rest day, tomorrow at 5 am, you will launch into space.” I shatter hearing these words. Petrified. The time whirled by, and it appears it is time for me to go to sleep. Quietly, I go into the reserved room they had already booked, and go to sleep soundly, tired. Knowing the long day which will await me. 

THUMP. THUMP. THUMP.

I hear thumps on my door. Look at my alarm clock, it is 4:21 am. Only forty minutes till takeoff. I gotta get ready!! I first went to look at who is thumping on my door. It was the same woman who was wearing crazy long socks the other day. I open the door. She was very strict and said I gotta wear the spacesuit now. I thought I was going to freshen up, like taking a quick shower or something. But maybe not. I do as told and head up to the rocket. I get nervous chills running through my back. I don’t know what to do. I feel as if I have a heart attack racing through me. Having no choice, I head on in with all my safety gear. It took me a long time to get situated, but I do. Now ready for blast off.

3-2-1 BLAST OFF!! 

I launch into the vast open space. Floating. I stare at all the complex controls. Time passes quickly, some in this or that. I reach the moon and walk on it. I can’t believe it, it is so wonderful. On the moon, I just wish one thing, “I wish I could see the beautiful moon, from the view on earth. Wish the phases of the sun and moon were back on earth.” Done. I grab off some souvenirs rocks from the moon, and then I head back in my rocket. So happy for the experience. Glad in joy! 

I settle down in the crumpled up rocket, and head to earth with a big happy smile on my face. Hoping I can see the beautiful moon. It’s not that bad after all! 

On earth, life was wonderful. It was Wednesday, 5 am, and the moon was up. So happy. 

Now that I realize deep down, it was me. I am the reason the sun was up. I feared to go to the moon. So I hid, behind the sun. It was me all along. I just figured out the confusing puzzle!

July 30, 2020 18:42

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15 comments

Decent first story! Sometimes the tenses mix up a bit, like half the time you use past tense and the other half you use present. Second, some events move faster than it was supposed to; like after they chose her name from the ballot, it says she quickly packs. Other than that, great story. Follows the prompt almost perfectly 😊

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Ana V
17:27 Aug 19, 2020

Thank you so much for your wonderful comment! I understand that I rushed in my pacing now that you've told me. Pacing and Show not tell is a little hard for me to understand, since it is two of the major topics in writing. Is their any way I could learn/understand how to use these two major concepts in my writing pieces? Also, do you mind checking out my other stories: Burne and Truth. Sorry for not commenting earlier!

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Your welcome, and it's alright! I also have trouble with the pacing sometimes, like I want to rush through an important scene. What I do to make show not tell easier is I write down how they feel, then I think to myself: How would a, for example, a worried person do without writing the character is worried? Or what would YOU do if you were worried? Maybe clenched jaws, sweaty palms. Then I change it to that description instead of making it as "he/she felt worried." For pacing? That's actually hard for me too. I just write my first paragra...

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Ana V
14:06 Aug 21, 2020

Thank you so much for this feedback, Kendra! Don’t be sorry, I love long feedbacks to help me improve!! Mind checking out my other stories Burne and Truth?

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You are very welcome! I'll be sure to check it out 😄

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Courtney Stuart
00:15 Jul 31, 2020

this was such a cool story! you did a great job building a up the tense atmosphere when she'd found out she'd been chosen, and i also really liked the imagery you included in the first few paragraphs. i was a little bit confused by the ending, but i feel like if you ever wanted to write more about this, you could expand upon it more and maybe talk more about her time spent up on the moon. otherwise than that, this was a really great first story! please keep up the great work!

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Ana V
18:31 Aug 01, 2020

Thank you for your feedback! I will try to expand on the ending though. Do you understand the last paragraph? Just wanted to see if it was clear! I wanted to show that Jessie was scared that she was gonna get picked from the ballot box, so didn't show the moon because of her fear. And doesn't know it is her that is hiding the moon.

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Courtney Stuart
21:09 Aug 01, 2020

yes, i understood the last paragraph, and now i understand your story a little bit more now that you explained that! :)

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Ana V
01:57 Aug 02, 2020

Great! Once again, thank you!! Please be checking my profile often, because I would like if you can comment on my future work I will be posting!

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Ana V
19:42 Jul 30, 2020

I would really love for lot's of open-hearted comments, and constructive feedback to help me grow in writing. Please don't hesitate to do so, it would be greatly appreciated!

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Ranya Navarez
16:09 Aug 04, 2020

Sorry about not commenting sooner! I wanted to let your story brew in my head for a little bit before I gave feedback so that I could give quality feedback like you asked for. First things first, I loved this story; it has so much potential and a great storyline! So keep that in mind as I give my feedback. Sometimes feedback can be taken as a hate-filled comment and I don't want you to take as that. Even I need help in improving my writing, and that's what I want to do for you. First of all, part of this story felt like you were trying to...

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Ana V
20:07 Aug 04, 2020

Thank you so much! I was wondering about what information I should cut off in the beginning, and I get what you mean... At first, when I wrote this story, I told my friend to read it. She did tell me that it takes lots of time to prepare to go to the moon, and that's why I made it futuristic, a bit. I although do agree with that part. Do you know anything I could use to help make it more realistic? Also, I don't really understand the show and tell part of this. I do feel like I need to end the story by showing her realizing from some...

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Ranya Navarez
02:00 Aug 05, 2020

I'm glad I was helpful! As for making it more realistic, I forgot that it was set fifteen years or so in the future, so that would probably make it possible for the trip to be almost instantaneous. But also maybe make it so that Jessie is already an astronaut if you want it to take only two days for her to prepare, particularly if she was already preparing for something in space. No one else would be able to prepare for something like that in two days, unless going to space is like going on an airplane, which would make you have to make i...

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Ana V
22:59 Aug 07, 2020

Thank you so much for your wonderful suggestion! I really appreciate you taking your time to do so!!

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Ranya Navarez
00:53 Aug 08, 2020

You're welcome! I enjoyed giving it! It was an exercise for my creativity, which was awesome!

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