Birthday Shenanigans

“Thank you everyone for coming here today, it’s not every day you turn eighty. A special thank you to my daughter Janet, for opening up her home to us today and my other daughter, Carolyn for helping her plan it” Mary pauses to look at them each in turn. “Cheers girls.”

Her two grey-haired ‘girls’ raise their glasses in her direction as a cheer erupts. Mary has to raise her voice a pitch or two to get over the top of the exuberance.

“I love you kids!” Janet and Carolyn smile at their mother and blow her a kiss. 

The formalities over, everyone spreads out, catching up with friends and family. Janet moves behind the crowd of party-goers and notices a small boy wandering around sample a bit of everything on the table. It’s Carolyn’s one and only, very spoilt, grandson. 

“Hey Barnaby.’ Janet crouches down.

“That food is for everyone. Why don’t you take one of the plates and fill it up. Here I’ll help you.” She grabs a picks up a plate and goes to pass it to him when something hits her, literally … a cream puff to  the face.

“Why you little …” Whatever came next can’t be heard as Barnaby lets out an ear punishing scream. His mother, Deirdre, comes rushing over and swoops him up. Sitting down, she holds him on her lap and  strokes his hair. Janet is left at the table, cream running down her cheek. Shaking her head she accepts the fact that an apology is unlikely. 

“You’ve got a little something there.” Carolyn laughs, pointing to her cheek. Janet grabs a serviette and wipes her face. Moving away from the table she has to stop abruptly as two children come racing inside, visibly upset. Glancing out the window Janet has to do a double take. Half a minute later she is standing outside in front of the bouncy castle that takes up most of her backyard. 

“Mother, you shouldn't be on there. You’ll put your hip out or something.” Mary’s small wrinkled face peers out from behind the mesh entrance netting. 

“We’re just sitting here,” Helen, Mary’s best friend, calls out from behind her.  “No need to get your knickers in a bunch.”. 

“It’s for the kids, not you.”

“It’s my birthday.” says Mary attempting to stand up. “We’re staying.” Janet turns to her son,James, who is standing behind her and asks him to try and get the two octogenarians off.

“How can I do that?” he asks, pulling the zip down As he goes to step on the three woman start crawling towards the back of the castle. James gets his balance and stands up.

“Come on ladies, let’s all get off this thing.” Just then Matthew, Carolyn’s son, attempts to scramble on, the rocking movement knocking James off his feet. The two ladies roar with laughter and James feels heat rising up to his face.

“They’re all yours,” he says to Matthew before rolling off. Matthew starts bouncing slowly over towards the women. The two women’s heads start bobbing up and down.

“That’s more like it,” calls out Helen and they both burst out laughing again. Matthew reaches the women  and sits down. The onlookers can’t hear a word over the swoosh of the air pump but whatever he says works as a couple minutes later all three of them climb off the castle.

“Kids, it’s all yours.” Matthew declares. Kids appear from everywhere and dive onto the mattress of air.

“What did you say to them?” Janet asks. 

“You don’t want to know.”

Inside the party is calmer. People are standing or sitting around with drinks in their hands chatting. Janet sighs with relief and then makes her way into the kitchen to check how the food is going. She had ordered a catering crew to try to make things less stressful but she wasn't too sure it had worked. About half an hour before the party had started one of the caterers, a young girl with wavy black hair tied back in a ponytail, had mentioned that Janet’s mum looked pretty good for sixty.

“She’s not sixty, she’s eighty.”

“Are you sure?”

“Of course I’m sure, she’s my mother. This is her eightieth birthday party.”

“Oh,” the girl’s eyes searched the room.

“Maddox,” she called out in the direction of a man who was hanging up some balloons. He started to make his way over to them.

“Maddox,” the girl said quieter this time. “It’s an eightieth birthday party.”

“Oh,” Maddox’s eyes grew wide. “Are you sure?” he looks at Janet.

“Why do you keep asking that?” 

“Well,” the girl squirms uncomfortably. “The cake says sixty.”

After some quick phone calls it was established that there were no ‘80’ cakes available so Maddox had scraped off the ‘60’. Janet had found some chocolate chips in her cupboard. And the girl, who’s name Janet still didn’t know, had arranged the chocolate into an ‘80’. It didn’t look great but it would do.

Thankfully now, everything in the kitchen is looking orderly. Feeling please Janet goes back into the lounge. Straight away she wants o turn around, for directly in front of her is Helen sitting on some old guy’s knee. Their heads so close together that it looks like they are kissing.  Janet looks around for her mother, but she is nowhere in sight. There’s no point in sighing, she’s already done enough of that today. She’ll just have to get on with the uncomfortable task. 

“Excuse me Aunt Helen.” Helen turns around with sparkling eyes and a huge crooked grin.

“He’s all mine,” she turns and winks at ‘her’ man. Janet ignores her, a plan forming in her mind.

“Aunt Helen, can you come and help me find mum. I can’t find her anywhere.” Helen sticks her bottom lip out.

“I’ll be back, don’t move,” she giggles pressing a fingers to the man’s lips. With a bit of a struggle Janet manages to get Helen standing. Helen blows a kiss to her guy and then clutches on to Janet’s arm. 

Leaning in close she whispers “I was getting a bit sick of him anyway. A bit too boring for me.” 

“Oh, Aunt Helen. You are trouble.”

“I know,” she grins. 

Mary is standing in a crowd of well wishers. Janet escorts Helen into a gap beside her.

“Can I trust you two to behave?”

“Not a chance.” Mary quickly responds.

Janet grabs a glass of wine from a waiter and proceeds to find someone to talk to. She sets about flitting from group to group.  Most people comment on how lovely the party is and what a great job she’s done. Janet lets the compliments slide. She knows they were just trying to be nice. Suddenly a gleeful cry rings out.

“Food fight!” 

A crowd quickly forms in the living room and Janet has to push her way through. Her heart sinks when she sees the culprits.  Helen and Mary. They are covered from head to toe in cream puffs, tomato sauce and dip. There are chips and peanuts stuck in their hair. Children are whooping  their way in and around the tables, grabbing handfuls of food and throwing it. Parents racing in to intervene are being pelted with food. Next minute everyone is in on it. Janet puts her head down and sneaks out. What is the point? All her lovely food’s wasted, all the hours of planning the perfect party have gone down the loo. Now there os food splattered all over her walls and floor. Somehow she has managed to organise the party from hell. She plonks herself down in the kitchen and pours another glass of wine.

The kitchen door opens slowly. Carolyn looks over towards where her sister Janet sits, staring into space.

“There you are, I wondered were you had got to.” Janet wipes away a tear that is trickling down her cheek.

“This party is an absolute disaster.” Her bottom lip quivers as she holds back tears. “I ruined mum’s 80th birthday.”

“Why do you think that?”

 “Did you not see what happened out there?” Janet snaps.She wants to leave but she can’t, it’s her house.

“I saw mum and Aunty Helen having the time of their lives.” 

“But everything was ruined.”

“It’s been my best party ever,” pipes up a voice behind them. They swivel round to look at their mother.

“I ‘ve never ever been on a bouncy castle before and I’ve never been in a food fight before. I am having so much fun and it’s all thanks to you my precious daughter.”

“Really?” 

“Absolutely.” Mary hugs her daughter tightly and Carolyn wraps her arms around them both. 

“Carolyn,” says Janet’s muffled voice. “Next time the party’s at your place.”