Run For Your Life

I could still hear my ears ringing. I really hope I will not have permanent damage from this. I also just feel so bad. I fired a shot to get the girl's attention who was the only one in the place. Now she is just panicking and ducking behind her counter in front of the cash drawer. I had no idea what to do to make this go quicker. My voice trembled and I could barely speak. 

“Ma'am. Excuse me ma'am. Please open the drawer.” She gave me no reaction. I tried to speak louder “Excuse me! I need the money. I need it now!” I felt a tear roll down my cheek as I looked at her still in shock and unresponsive. I reached onto the counter and grabbed a blue colored cloth bag and ran. I thought ahead to wear a jogging suit. It was a nice name brand suit that I bought at a thrift store and was lucky enough to get matching sweats with the sweater. I ran through alley ways and parks. I continued winding around buildings and streets. I felt my neck throb and could hear my heart beating in my ears. I finally stopped and sat down at a bus stop.

I looked around while catching my breath and realized that I had no idea where I was, but I didn’t care. I was alone enough to peep into the small zipper bag and saw eight rolls of pennies. Fifty pennies in each roll. I got away with four dollars. I threw them into the trash next to the bus stop along with the cap gun that I had bought at a party store for three times as much. I sat back down at the bus stop and waited while in shock.

When the bus arrived, I scanned my pass and sat in a seat in the back of the bus. I sulked in seat and gazed at the screen of my phone. I flipped through random photos pages and tried to calm my racing thoughts. I saw pictures of my friends, their families, their pets, their new homes. I never thought that I would have gone from being the smart guy in high school to a failed robber.  I reached in my pocket and swallowed the last pill. I laid back down and looked around. I was alone so I dialed a number on my phone. I really don’t have anything to lose at this point.

“First Choice Credit Union this is Jana speaking!” a woman answered. “Why would you answer your phone at a time like this!” I replied. “Tell us what you want.” She responded. “Listen. I know this is a cop. I am sorry. I am calling to say I am sorry. Tell the girl that I am sorry.” I proclaimed. “Listen to me clearly. I want you to…” I hung up before she could say anything more. I looked around the bus confused as a warm wave caressed my body. 

I really am a good person. I really am. I did not use a real gun for crying out loud. It was a toy cap gun that I bought at a toy store for kids. Kids play with the thing. I never meant to hurt anyone. I am such a nice person that I am a crappy bank robber. So many other people would have done far worse things like beat the piss out of a teller until they opened the vault. I really feel like a bad person.  But now it is too late to really do anything about it. I don’t want to make excuses but if there was just one damn clinic in town I would have shown up there, got a cup of liquid, then went out and looked for a job or something. I know it is just my fault though. It is my fault for not being stronger willed. I really do feel like I am better off in prison sometimes. 

I looked out the window and thought long and hard about fate. Should I just turn myself in to the police or should I just wait it out and let them come to me if they ever do? I wore a mask, but what if they find my shoe prints? What if they have some crazy device that can recognize my face through the mask? Either way I am damned if I do and possibly not damned if I don’t. Maybe I will turn my life around. Maybe this will be the last fucking pill I ever take. Maybe I will become something so great that I will make up for this wrong that I have done. What if I am bound to be such a good person that it is better off for society that I just never get caught. I will just have some deep dark secret that looms over me for the rest of my life but when I said sorry on the phone to the cop, I did mean it. I meant every damn syllable of it. What will punishing me accomplish? Will it not just make that poor girl who was scared in a heap on the ground just pay more money each year in income tax to lock me up? What will throwing me away accomplish? I am a good person. I really am. I think I am.

I gazed out the window and saw a car ahead of us frantically swerving in and out of the lanes. The bus driver honked the horn at them. When we caught up, I saw a boy putting a comforting hand on a teen girl who was gripping the wheel of the car with a frantic look about her face. He was probably teaching her how to drive. She followed along us jerking on the brakes cautiously as we moved forward. I looked closer and to my surprise it was the girl who was the teller at the bank. I looked away quickly and moved to another seat on the other side of the bus.

I felt like a coward. I buried my face into my hands. I clearly did not hurt her too bad. I mean she is with some guy learning how to drive a car. She is with a boyfriend learning to drive while I am freaking out on a bus. By what power did she go from a heap on the ground to wanting to learn to drive several hours later? Who is this girl?