Pound Sterling

It's December 31st. I open my checklist with New Year's resolutions I created exactly a year ago. Completing my goals and winning the right to place a little tick next to the task brings me joy like nothing else. I glide my eyes over everything I've achieved this year- I am more than satisfied with myself. As I am doing a little happy dance and reading over the small wins of the year, my eyes narrow down one line...missing a check mark. "Lose 10lbs." I gasp. Not wasting any time, I rush to my bedroom and get on the scale. Steady breaths. I jump off the scale in horror. I have gained A POUND. No, no, no...

New Year's is my favorite time of the year. It is the time when you start a brand new chapter in the book of your life. People say one minute does not make a difference in the grand scheme of things. I completely disagree- it is like opening an untouched journal for the first time. You get to start over and write a completely different story. I CANNOT and WILL NOT meet the new year with the bitter feeling of failure.

"Okay, I need to come up with a plan- it's going to be fine!", I try to calm myself down.

I do what any responsible adult would do in my place- I get on the internet and start researching. It's possible. I can make it happen. I look at the time- it's 9:07am. Perfect! If I don't eat or drink anything for the rest of the day, I surely can lose 10 pounds. I quickly change into a set of leggings and a workout top. I head over to my living room and turn on the TV. While YouTube is loading on the screen, I come up with key words for my search: "immediately lose weight". I press enter and click on the first workout that comes up.

After 30 minutes of excessive sweating, I sit down defeated. I am thirsty. NO. You weakling... I push the thought away and grab my phone. My best friend Natalie is supposed to come over in 10 hours. Our tradition of spending New Year's Eve together has never been broken. What better way to close a chapter than wine and dancing all night with your best friend? I have plenty of time before she arrives. I turn off the notifications- no distractions. I get off the couch and press "Next". I work out for the next two hours. Realizing I'm in a horrendous physical shape, I give up and decide to burn calories by going for a walk.

I walk out of my apartment building. It's snowing. Ugh, I hate winter. I head over to the park. I start reflecting on everything that has happened so far this year. Suddenly, I remember a book I read- "A Thousand Boy Kisses". It was poorly written and I did not like its repetitiveness but the message struck me. I remember thinking "Even when life is not what I want it to be, I get to breathe each day. I get a chance to be anything that I dream of and feel everything- no matter good or bad." I worked on being appreciative of life immediately after reading it and then fell back to complaining and never being conscious of the little things. I'm annoyed with myself and decide to give it another try. I look around and see the trees covered in white. It is like a fairytale. Warm lights are shining from all sides. Parents taking an afternoon walk with their children. All of them laughing and looking lovingly at each other. I've always felt like I didn't need love, I didn't need a family. I wanted my freedom more than anything else. But how could I claim I've made the most of my days when I haven't experienced every emotion humanly possible? When I have never known what it is like to fall in love and be consumed by it? A snowflake falls on my lips. I lick it. I burst into laughter and stick my tongue out- I am a child again. And I don't care. It's getting dark outside, so I head back to my apartment.

The second I close the front door, I go to the shower. I crave the warmth. Once I'm done, I change into my formal pink dress. I try to make a note in my head of how happy the sparkles on it make me feel. Natalie will be here in less than an hour. While I'm waiting for her, I take out my checklist with resolutions for the incoming year. I scratch out the last line on it I wrote a few hours ago- "lose 10 pounds". I replace it with "let yourself fall in love". However, a commitment is a commitment, and I still need to be able to complete the entire list with goals for this year. I am anxiously waiting for my best friend to come and support me once I get on the scale again and see the numbers' verdict. I don't think I would be able to face the disappointment by myself...

The doorbell rings and a few seconds later Natalie is rushing in, two bags in her hands.

"Happy New Year's Eve!", she screams once she's put the bags down and wraps her arms around me.

I laugh at her never-dying enthusiasm.

"Nat, I'm going through a mini crisis...", I tell her.

I catch her up on this morning's events, as we head to my bedroom.

"You're crazy!", she exclaims. "I can't believe you haven't had anything to eat or drink all day! You're going to pass out before the clock strikes 12!"

"It's on my list- what am I supposed to do???", I respond slightly offended.

"Fine. But we're eating once you're done with this nonsense."

"Deal."

I brace myself. I take a deep breath and get on the scale...Oh god.

"I've lost 5 pounds," I sigh in defeat.

"You know you've technically lost nothing, right? It literally your body being dehydrated right now...", she says with an accusing tone.

I squint my eyes at her.

"I'm fully aware, Ms. "I-went-to-Princeton". I just really hoped I could end the year on a good note.", I say deflated.

She looks at me sympathetically and nods her head. Then she turns and starts walking towards the kitchen.

"I'm making spaghetti carbonara, I know it's your favorite," I hear her say from the other room.

"Thank you! I love you!," I exclaim excitedly.

I get my phone and decide to check on the notifications, since I've had it silenced all day due to the aforementioned circumstances. I scroll down and see an email from my bank- there has been a suspicious charge on my card. No, no, no...

"Could this day get any worse???", I exclaim beyond frustration.

"What happened?", Natalie asks.

I don't answer her, as I frantically go to my recent transactions.

"My card got hacked! It says the last transaction was made from Lancaster, UK.", I raise my voice in frustration.

"What?? NO WAY. Oh my god, how much did they take??"

"It's $12.10... I guess it could've been worse but I know they start with small charges to test if it works..."

"Wait," Nat cuts me off, "Did you just say $12.10?"

She bursts into laughter. I look at her, not understanding what is it she finds so funny. She folds in half, holding her stomach and laughing even harder at my perplexed expression.

"Are you psychotic? What's so funny??", I say beside myself.

"That...", she tries to take a calming breath which frustrates me even more, "That's exactly 10 pounds sterling."

I stare at her, not being able to assimilate what she just told me. Then the realization hits me and I start laughing myself silly.

"Pull out your checklist," she says, "I guess you did lose ten pounds after all."