Cupid's Arrow and the Blind Archers

Cupid’s Arrow and the Blind Archers

Henry was smitten in mere moments. He likely would have secured a prominent position on the pages of the Guinness Book had records been kept on such matters.

“She’s a friend of your sister’s, Cal. Katie must have her phone number.”

“What? You think I’m Match-dot-com?”

“Just get the number. ”

“Ok, ok. What’s her name?”

“Margie, Marvelous Margie. I’m telling you, Cal, she’s the most beautiful girl I’ve ever seen.”

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“Hey, sis, Henry is all googly-eyed over the girl you introduced him to last night at the ‘Y’. He wants to give her a call. I guess her name is Margie.”

“Close. It’s Marcie. If he’s going to call her, he might want to get her name right. She’s in my aerobics class. I might have her number. Yes, here it is, Cal.”

“Thanks, Katie.”

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“Have you called her yet?”

“I’ve come close a few times, but I keep chickening out. She’s so beautiful. It’s a little intimidating.”

“What’s the worry? The worst that can happen is she shoots you down… maybe laughs in your face… you’re humiliated and go into some sort of deep depression. But they’ve got meds for that kind of stuff.”

“Very funny. Listen, I was thinking… maybe you could talk to Katie and get some info on Margie… “

“It’s Marcie.”

“Oh, yes, Marcie. Like, maybe find out what she might like to do, you know, what kind of movies she likes, or does she like going out to dinner, or bowling, or…”

“Bowling? Oh, for Christ’s sake, Henry. Why don’t you ask her if she’d like to go over to your grandma’s house and watch her knit one of her quilts? What the hell is wrong with you?”

“Just thinkin’ off the top of my head.”

“That’s what’s called not thinking. You’re lucky you got me around. I’ll talk to Katie, and we’ll come up with something.”

“Thanks, Cal.”

“Bowling… gees.”

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“Did Katie have any good information for me?”

“Yep. I’ve got some good news and some bad news. What do you want to hear first?”

“The good news.”

“The good news is I was able to find out something she really likes.”

“That’s great, Cal. And the bad news?”

“It’s the opera.”

“Oh, my God, the opera?”

“Yep, but there’s some other good news.”

“What’s that?”

“The annual fundraiser ball for the Chicago Opera is next month. Katie says Marcie would love to go to it.”

“You mean like a dinner and a dance, and no opera crap?”

“Correct.”

“Well, that sounds perfect!”

 “Don’t you want to hear the other bad news?”

“What’s that?”

“The tickets are $500.00 apiece.”

“Crap.”

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“Hello, Margie? I mean, Marcie.”

“Yes, this is Marcie.”

“This is Henry. You may not remember me, but I’m a friend of Katie’s. I met you last week.”

“Yes, I remember. You… ha, ha… were wearing that Three Stooges T-shirt.”

Henry’s confidence quotient slipped a notch as felt he may not have made the best first impression. 

“Yeah… that was me. Katie tells me you like the opera. Well, I happen to have an extra ticket to the big fundraising gala coming up, and I thought you might be interested in going.”

“You have tickets to the Chicago Opera Gala Dinner and Dance?”

“Yes, I do.”

“Wow, yes, I’d love to go.”

“Great.”

 “You like the opera, Henry?”

“Heck, yeah. I’m a big opera guy.”

“Wow, that’s great. A connoisseur of the arts! There aren’t many of us. What’s your favorite opera?”

Henry could not have named a single opera if his life depended on it.

“Oh, I kind of like all of them.”

“You must have a favorite.”

“Uh… I guess it would be the one with the big fat lady in the helmet with the horns on it.”

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“You got a limo lined up?!”

“I’m all in, man.”

“And you rented a tux?”

“I’m going to impress her socks off.”

“A big fancy ball like that? I don’t think she’ll be wearing socks.”

“You know what I mean, dummy. This will be the best night of my life.”

“With all the dough you’re putting out, I sure hope so.”

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“Henry, could you get the door? That should be Marcie.”

“Well, I finally get to meet the Marvelous Marcie.”

Cal opened the door and froze. He thought he might have just opened the gates of Heaven for he was looking at an angel.

“Hi, I’m Marcie. Is Katie here?”

For the moment, Cal lost the gift of speech.

“Excuse me, is Katie here?”

“Uh… Katie? She’s my sister.”

“Oh, you must be Cal.”

“Uh… ”

“Is Katie here?”

Saved by his sister entering the room.

“Oh, hi Marcie, come on in.”

“Hi, Katie.”

There are times in life when nothing happens the way it was supposed to happen. Two things topped Cal’s mind at the same moment- Marcie’s stunning beauty, and why in God’s name had he assisted Henry in arranging a date with her? Two young bucks and one doe. Generally speaking, nothing good comes of it, neither in the wild nor in the suburbs of Chicago.

“Cal, will you entertain Marcie while I hop in the shower?”

Cal, in a near zombie-like state, and Marcie sat down on the sofa.

“Katie is awesome. You’re lucky to have her for a sister.”

 Cal’s mind was still floating around somewhere between befuddled and total shock.

“Katie’s my sister.”

Henry was right. Marcie’s radiant beauty was intimidating, and sitting so close to her was interfering with his ability to breathe. ‘When the going gets tough, the tough get going.’ Cal gathered himself and spurted out the only topic that came to mind.

“Katie says you like the opera.”

“Oh, yes, I love it. In fact, I’m going to the big Chicago Opera Gala Dinner and Dance next week with a friend of Katie’s- Henry. I believe he’s a friend of yours too.”

Absent the rubbery little WWJD bracelet his Mother forced him to wear as a child, the temptation to perform a little self-serving mischief quickly dispatched Cal’s better angels. Henry was Cal’s best friend, but Marcie was so beautiful.

“Henry? Really?”

“Does that surprise you?”

“It’s just that Henry is enga… I shouldn’t say anything. Never mind.”

“Were you going to say Henry’s engaged?”

“Well… he was, but she probably broke it off again because of his drinking.”

“He has a drinking problem?”

“Big time.”

“Oh, that’s too bad.”

“I’ve tried… so many times…but he just won’t listen. It breaks my heart. I feel for him, and I hate to see how it affects the people around him. There have been some pretty ugly incidents.”

“If you don’t mind me asking, what kind of incidents?”

“Like just last month at his parents’ 40^th Wedding Anniversary party, Henry got so blotto he climbed up on a table, dropped his pants, and mooned the Priest during the opening prayer. Then he went over and threw up in the punch bowl. It was bad.”

“Oh, my goodness.”

“It seems to happen whenever he feels pressure, like at a big event, you know, like the gala dinner thing you guys are going to. Oh, listen to me. I talk too much. It should be ok.”

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“Dammit, Cal! I can’t believe it. I don’t understand it. Marcie called me and told me something came up, and now she can’t make it to the big opera thing.”

“Huh, that’s too bad.”

“And everything’s paid for… the tux, the limo, and a freaking thousand dollars for the tickets! I can’t believe it.”

“Bummer.”

“I’m going to try to sell the damn tickets on eBay or Craigslist. Maybe I’ll put the tux on that night and just ride around in the limo for a while.”

“I feel for you, partner.”

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Having pushed Henry aside for the moment, Cal needed to find his own way into Marcie’s heart. Courtesy of his good buddy Henry, it was already all set up for him.

“Hey, Henry. Listen, I really feel bad about you getting stuck with those tickets, and I was thinking. Katie’s birthday is coming up, and she sort of likes that opera stuff too, so I thought I could take her to that big gala thing. I can’t afford the thousand, but maybe we could go halfsies on it. We’re about the same size, so we could even split the cost of the tux. And the limo too.”

“Gee, Cal, that’s a great offer, but I’ve already got a guy who’ll give me $800.00 for the tickets.”

Cal could almost hear the cry of anguish coming from his checkbook. A thousand dollars, plus half the cost of the tux and the limo, would about wipe him out, but… Marcie was so beautiful.

“Well, I forgot Katie’s birthday last year. She deserves something really nice. I’ll give you the thousand dollars for the tickets.”

“Wow! That would be great. Thanks, Cal. You’re a good friend.”

“No worries. That’s what friends are for.”

“And, Cal.”

“What?”

“I got a guy who might take the limo off my hands.”

“Uh… ok, I ‘ll pay for the limo.”

“And, Cal…”

“Alright, I cover the cost of the tux too.”

The cash register in Cal’s head was working overtime. It suddenly dawned on him that he was cruising in the $1500 range for a night out, rarified air for a guy on his salary, but… Marcie was so beautiful.

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“Hello, Marcie?”

“Yes, this is Marcie.”

“This is Katie’s brother, Cal. Listen, I hear how you bagged out on Henry… no, I totally understand… yes, that would have been too risky…you’re right, there’s no telling what he might do at an event like that. I’m a big fan of the opera, so I ended up buying Henry’s tickets. It should be a great night, and I was wondering if you’d still like to go.”

“Oh, boy, would I?! That sounds wonderful. I hear they will even perform scenes from some of the great operas after the dinner.”

“How special.”

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He did it! Cal made a date with the beautiful Marcie. He ran Henry off the track and now had the road to himself. But the time for congratulating himself for a hand well played was short-lived as he had a sticky issue to deal with. Cal had professed to be a true aficionado of the opera, but he knew nothing of this form of theater.

He knew it would take more than a $500-a-plate dinner and a limo ride to win her heart. It would be their shared love of the opera that would plant the seed of a blossoming relationship. Cal would wow her with his knowledge of all things opera.

He bought a book on the opera and committed the terms and meanings to memory- aria, vibrato, libretto, cadenza, and diva. He figured he should watch a few operas, and he felt a brief sense of relief when the first film he downloaded was “A Night at the Opera.” Unfortunately for Cal, that 1935 Marx Brothers movie featuring the antics of Groucho, Harpo and Chico had little to do with the true art form.

 Hour after hour, Cal sat in a darkened room, alone and taking notes, as he viewed opera after opera- the Barber of Seville, Madam Butterfly, the Marriage of Figaro, Carmen, and on and on and on and on. It was painful, but he was willing to put in the effort to impress the beautiful Marcie.

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The big night arrived. Take Marcie out of the picture, and it would have been the worst night of Cal’s life. The tuxedo was a tad too tight, and the people were more suffocating than his shirt collar. The sheer number of eating utensils confused him, and the diminutive size of the filet gave new meaning to the word “petite.” Cal nearly had a stroke when Marcie ordered her 3^rd glass of a wine he couldn’t have pronounced even with an assist from Rosetta Stone, and he came close to passing out sitting through the endless offerings of mind-numbing vocals after dinner… but, Marcie was so beautiful.

“Cal, what a wonderful night! I met so many interesting people.”

“Yeah, me too.”

“I can’t thank you enough for inviting me.”

 It was time for his financial investment and those endless hours of watching operas to pay off.

“Marcie, I’m having some people over tomorrow night, just a little get-together. I thought maybe you’d like to join us.”

“I’m sorry, I can’t. My fiancée’s plane comes in tomorrow afternoon. She’s been in California for the past month helping take care of her mother.”

Fiancée? She? Damn.