It could get worse

People actually want to be alone? I've heard there are humans who prefer to live by themselves. This amazes me. I can understand brief periods of time when you need to be alone but I don't comprehend how you'd want to live a life with no one to talk with and share thoughts and ideas.

This is now my life. It wasn't by choice, mind you. Now I'm in my little apartment where I have all the freedom and privacy that I could desire, whether I want it or not. All that's missing is someone to talk too. But it could get worse.

Before I moved in here I was staying at a place with a whole lot of people to talk too and bounce ideas off. Very diverse too. However if you valued privacy, you were out of luck here. You see, when you put 150 homeless guys in the same building there will be a fundamental lack of alone time. My 5 months in the homeless shelter was quite the experience. What really baffled me was the number of young men with very modern phones and service! How the hell you afford that and not have a job and be homeless? Of course, you'd never say this directly to anyone there unless you're looking to maybe get stabbed by some crazy dude. But it could get worse.

I was in a rehab center for 6 weeks of IV antibiotics after surgery before I was homeless. I know what you're thinking...easy life. Lay around in bed, nurses bringing you meds, people cooking and bringing food to you...easy life. Except...

I actually missed 4 IV's because they "forgot." I went a week without pain medication as, "their pharmacy had run out." I was once given someone else's medication and only noticed because I didn't take pink or blue pills. (I was kinda curious though). Too many times to mention, I didn't get the meal for which I had asked and 3 times my freaking, old-ass roommate stole my dessert! Yea... I know. But it could be worse.

I was living with a VERY close relative whom I had taken care of several times before. (and everyone was an 'enry)(sorry) Anyway...I had a nice little private room set up in the unused basement of a loved one. Life was good. After about a year though, things began to change. The older babysitter of the children, a future distant relative at best, actually came to my room and screamed at me. I remained calm and did my best to understand her tirade. But I could feel the winds of change. This is where I was living when I had to go to the hospital for the surgery that required me to go to the shitty rehab for 6 weeks. When I was in the "care center" is when I was informed that I was evicted and could not return to my home. Thus...homeless shelter. But it could get worse.

The apartment my wife and I shared in Tennessee was very nice. We had some birds and a loving little dog named Popcorn. She and I would sit on the patio in the warm sun and watch the people walking by. She being Popcorn. My loving wife never sat with me. She would spend most of her day at her daughter's house. This was probably a good 20 miles away. The daughter is actually the reason we moved from Pennsylvania. The wife wanted to be near her and support her in her life's endeavors. Very admirable. I did not realize that this meant my life partner being gone for most of the day. When the daughter first moved there my wife would fly down to see her... more often than she saw her when she lived close! I had a lot of trouble with this and tried to discuss it but to no avail. But we did sell the house and move to an apartment in Tennessee! But it could get worse.

We had a nice little house tucked away in a very wooded area with few neighbors who kept to themselves. There were plenty of trees on the 3 acres of property, a creek near-by and tons of wildlife. If you're an outdoorsy person like me, this is paradise. Chop down a tree and make a campfire or just lie in the hammock and watch the squirrels and listen to all the birds. Whatever I felt like doing that day. We had pets galore. We had peacocks, geese, ducks, goats, dogs, cats and the wildlife. Hell we even saw some cranes, rattle snakes and bears... on the property. It was amazing to me and I couldn't be happier. Just enough weirdness to keep life interesting and a lovely woman to share every little goofy thought and seemingly clever idea with. True, sometimes hunters were a problem and the actual upkeep on the property could be tiring at times but that's all a part of life. Going to work everyday while she just sat at home and did nothing was kinda disturbing to me. I was always taught, if you could work, you did! It's how you survive. I can not imagine how anyone would ever try to depend on someone taking care of them. But it could get worse.

Driving home from work on a winding road in my little white coup I come around a curve to see a car coming in the opposite direction. However, passing that car...in MY lane... is a red pick-up truck. Now way back when I was a mailman we had to learn defensive driving. This is where I was taught to avoid collisions (duh) and that it was better to hit something still rather than something coming in the opposite direction and directly at you. I remember swerving off the road...and the rest is a blank. The collision with the oak tree was on April 19th. I woke up on June 2nd without a clue. I knew I was in a hospital. I learned the date later, by the way. I didn't magically awake and know my birthday was in 3 weeks. It didn't take me long to realize that I was now paralyzed from the waist down. It took a while for everything to set in. No more sports or hiking. But it could get worse. I could now be considered a burden by the people who once "loved" me. My wife could sell our house and move us out of state for her benefit. She could abandon me and force me to move back to my hometown and my family. Of course they too could eventually consider me a an unwanted burden and force me to resort to the only, last ditch resort available. A homeless shelter. Everything happened so fast. In the span of 5 years I went from ideal life to a lonely little cripple living alone in my tiny little apartment. But it could get worse.