Zealous

I watched her as she laughed her heart out. She moved closer and leaned next to him. I could see their hands touch. They stood there under the dark sky and the bright stars. The lights of the city illuminated them. Looking at a distance, anyone would have noticed how close they were. In fact, they could have easily been mistaken for lovers. He seemed to enjoy her company, and she seemed to enjoy his company too. My heart burned with jealousy. I felt my heart, burn. You could see my face burn. I breathed in and out with fury. I continued watching them from a distance. But as I continued to watch them, I felt easy. I finally had a reason to cry. It had been so long since I cried my heart out. Tears seem to heal every wound of the heart. All I wanted to do was to Cry my heart out. I had been watching him for a while. I hated myself for that. I had become a spy. I had become something I loathed. Time after time, I contemplated whether to ask him about it. About what I had seen. But I knew that he would lie. He always did. How did our relationship become this? We had become strangers. Only we were strangers who lived together. My love for him was turning into poison. I wondered whom it was going to kill first. But my heart, the passion it burned with, was the same passion it had when it came to jealousy. And as the saying goes, “jealousy, let it go, results could be tragic”. I went back home and cried a few tears. Not the way I would have loved. I wanted to shed tears. The kind of tears that live you exhausted until you go to sleep. But I didn’t. I had to find a reason. I needed one. The affair had been going on for a couple of weeks. The first time I noticed, I asked him about it, and as usual, he denied it. I did not have any proof, so I let it go. And then I saw a text message on his phone. Every time I touched his phone, I always found something to be mad about. I had promised myself never to go through his phone again. But this time, I couldn’t resist. I wanted to prove to myself that I wasn’t crazy. The thoughts of him with another woman were killing me slowly. The messages went back and forth. Messages only lovers would share. Messages at odd hours of the night. He knew that I saw them, and he started acting all lovey-dovey towards me. I hated him for making me think that I was crazy. I felt betrayed. I felt like a fool, but only fools fall in love. Worse than feeling betrayed were the thoughts that I had to compete for love. What? No way I was going to do that. If I did not satisfy him anymore, then he better move in with her. I wasn’t about to waste my energy fighting for him. No way I was going to do that. I’ve got my pride. He started explaining himself to me about the text messages that I had seen. He said they did not mean anything; he was just fooling around. That gave me satisfaction. To know that he was only fooling around. Do you think this is a joke? I thought to myself. Did he actually think, that I was going to believe any of his meaningless words? No way I was going to. His words meant nothing. Everything that came out of his mouth was a lie to me. He had broken the trust I had for him. They say forgiveness is easy. They say that forgiveness heals the heart. But do you know what is worse than death? Forgiveness. I would rather be dead than forgive him for breaking my heart. Sure, my heart was going to heal, maybe, but I wasn’t about to forgive him. Just to keep the peace, and for the sake of our long relationship, I decided to let go slowly. They usually say that if you can’t forget, then you haven’t forgiven. I don’t know if that is true, but I never forget. He always said that was my problem, not letting things go. Then I saw him and that woman, as she leaned closer to him, as she got cozy, and I knew the time had come. This had been going on for so long. It was now time for me to make a decision. I decided to leave him. I’m not a quitter. But this time, I had to be. I needed time from him. I needed space to think. Therefore, when I got home, I only took my laptop and left. I had no idea where I was going. But one thing for sure was that I wasn’t going back home. I did not even say much as a goodbye, I never packed any clothes, just my laptop. I knew he would know. Because that laptop meant the world to me. As I sat on the bus, listening to music, I remember a resort that I had always promised myself to visit. Therefore, I decided to go there, I paid for one week but ended up staying only two days. It felt like a prison. I don’t know why, but I felt imprisoned. So, I left, the name of the resort was “The Lost Village” and believe me, it was lost. It was located in the middle of nowhere. There was nothing close for miles. For those two days that I had stayed there, he never once tried to contact me. Nothing. That answered my question and made my decision all the easier to make. To me, it meant that I no longer meant anything in his life. As far as I was concerned, I was dead to him. That thought made me sad. After all the love we had shared! But what do you know, people fall in and out of love all the time? The problem was, I wasn’t going to find another. To me, he was the only one. I don’t think I was going to fall in love again. But life can be full of surprises. As I left the resort, I decided to walk to the bus station, it was located like 2km away. The resort manager kept insisting to call a cab for me but I declined. Walking gave me peace. It helped me to think clearly. As I walked, along the muddy path, with nothing but shrubs everywhere, a few cactuses, and scorching sun, I met no one, the place was deserted, but then, I saw a bushfire. Kind of like the one Moses saw, but instead of fire, it was just glowing with what seemed like mystic powers. I moved closer and it kept burning. Well, I had my heartbroken, I had nothing to live for, so, exploring the mysterious glowing substance, was at least an adventure. So, I touched it and felt my hand being sucked away. “Mmmh! this is interesting” I thought to myself. It was some sort of portal, I think. A portal to wherever. So, I went all in and what I saw at the other side excited me. It was like a lost village. I guess that was where the resort took its name from. People were buzzing with activity. Constructing thoughts. I closed and opened my eyes and the reality was different. New world. New rules. I took a deep breath and thought to myself, what if, snakes aren’t poisonous. What if?

“You should mind your thoughts!” it was more of a soft whisper than a command. But somehow, it felt like a command. I looked behind and saw the man himself. Standing there, just looking. Always staring.

“Excuse me?” I said in return

“I can tell you are new here, and in this world, people mind their thoughts.” He said in return. I don’t know what I was expecting, but somehow, I didn’t like the feeling. The feeling of shiver those words threw up my body. But you know what they say, “The fear of the lord, is the beginning of wisdom. Maybe I was right to fear it. To fear him.

“And, you should fix your issues with your husband.” I didn’t even want to ask how he had known. I was terrified. I felt like the earth would shake up and swallow me. Somehow, I feared. I felt the shock it sent up my body. I couldn’t keep my eyes off him. That was the problem. And, problems need to be solved. Or do they?