Fraud "N Fiction

Fraud ‘N Fiction

By Heather Ann Martinez

Busted.

No way! Maybe I can talk my way out of this one? Officer. Officer, oh what is your name?

I kept looking at the floor, then the ceiling, then back to the floor. I kept trying to roll the caramel from my fingers. I knew I had powdered sugar all over my bangs. I was in the middle of baking a new recipe at home when the bakery alarm went off. To my knowledge, nothing else was stolen. All of the cake ware was accounted for. Nothing else was touched except for the secret ingredient for my semi-famous Christmas pie cookies. The number one December seller four years in a row. The officer kept looking at me. He wanted me to tell him what was missing. I told him all he had to do was interview all of my current employees who signed non-disclosure agreements. I told him that no one else could possibly know the secret ingredient. I told him my lips had been sealed except that...I don’t remember karaoke night all that well. The officer was actually in the audience when I was singing on stage. He said I muttered a lot of confessions into the microphone during the song. He said a lot of people weren’t sure if I was going to sing the song or continue telling them my whole life story.

That’s why I’m busted. Maybe it slipped out? Maybe I had one too many and it just slipped out?

The officer keeps looking at me. He started mirroring me and looked up at the ceiling.

“You know, you should probably have that water stain looked at. You don’t want any mold to grow over your dessert case.”

Great. Now he’s trying to get me to spend more money.

“Yes, I will look into that.”

“So, are you going to tell me what the secret ingredient is?”

“Do you really need to know? It’s been stolen and it’s not all that easy to come by. Look, all you need to do is talk to my employees.”

“Are you certain you haven’t been at any other karaoke bars? I can’t tell you how many times you said your name and the name of your bakery while you were um, singing on stage. Any one of those people could have heard you or followed you on social media. Your “song” was reposted over a thousand times.”

“What?”

“It’s a small town. Anyone caught going on like that is more than most folks around here are used to hearing about. Most people around here are a little more reserved. Is it true you danced on Broadway one night to cover for a friend who broke her ankle ice skating the day before?”

“Well, yes. No one noticed I wasn’t her under that wig and make-up. She only had a few scenes and didn’t have to talk too much. I knew my way around the theater and one of her friends covered for me when the director started to suspect something was afoot during the second act. It was actually during that spring that I developed the Christmas pie cookie. The costumes were red and white in one scene. Yeah, this all started in New York City.”

“So, not when you were helping your cousin deliver her baby in Salt Lake City or when you went sky-diving in Peru?”

“No, this all started in New York City. Everything in here was inspired from my travels, to be sure. But the Christmas pie cookie is special. It is the reminder of what Christmas is about. You know, people come from all over just to smell them baking in the ovens. There was a customer who actually wanted me to sell candles with their scent.  She said they remind her of home away from the city. One of the food critics said they reminded him of mistletoe and mystery. You bite into one cookie and you taste it. But you can’t point your finger on it. It is so familiar and foreign and you never thought the flavors would go together but they do. It is just this intimate experience you have with a food you have waited all year to eat. You just know it is worth the extra five pounds that you will convince yourself you will work off after the new year.”

“You’re still not going to tell me, are you?”

“No, but I will tell you it is organic. It is not a chemical or an artificial flavor. It is naturally occurring. It is just really hard to come across in this small town in nowhere Colorado.”

“Did you have it shipped here from New York City? Maybe I can trace the shipping company and see if anyone else ordered it in the area.”

“No, I didn’t have it shipped here. I brought it with me. I don’t need very much for the cookies and I only bake them in December. I go back to New York City every spring to replenish my supply. I’ve only been baking them in this quantity for the last two years after the food critic’s review. I think he knows what my secret ingredient is and where to find it, but I don’t think he revealed it to anyone. He has just teased in his column every December.”

“All right, maybe I will track him down after I talk with your employees. Are any of your employees trying to take over your business?”

“What? I don’t think so. None of them have a lot of ambitions that they’ve shared with me anyway. We aren’t like a family here. We all work hard and as quickly as possible. I haven’t promoted anyone to being a manager or anything.”

“And all of them have worked with the secret ingredient?”

“Yes, I believe all of my employees should be cross-trained but I don’t think any of them wants to run an operation like this.”

“What about selling the secret ingredient or the Christmas pie cookie recipe to one of your competitors? Are your employees that loyal to you?’

Tears welled up in my eyes. I knew they weren’t that loyal to me or to the bakery. I knew most of them were trying to save up some money to leave town. Not everyone wants to leave the city and relocate to somewhere in Colorado. The truth is anyone in the world could make a Christmas pie cookie if they really wanted to with or without the secret ingredient. It might not taste the same. It might not remind you of your childhood or mistletoe, but you will have all these things come back to you. I should just tell him what it is. In the end, I did not.

In the end, one of my employees did admit to taking the secret ingredient and burned down her kitchen trying to make a new cookie with it. That Christmas, I did not have any Christmas pie cookies in the bakery. I did, however, receive more than a thousand pre-orders for the following March when everyone knew they would give up on their first of the year resolutions.