In the known.

It has been one week since I know three weeks since I been. I could already imagine feeling the life force grow inside of me. How did this happen? O wait, I remember, back in Michael’s club. How could I have been so stupid?

The first day I realised I was so shocked I grabbed a cigarette and went outside and smoked it in less than 2 seconds. Then I remembered what my mom had told me. “Smoking is bad for a baby.” O mom how I wished you were here now, but you can’t be you had to leave for Tony’s sake. My little brother he was four at the time and so miserable. My dad used to beat him to a pulp and mom decided it would be best to leave. I could leave though I had to finish college. What would mom think now I am in my second year and now I am pregnant? 

P-R-E-G-N-A-N-T.

Already it feels as though I want this child inside of me to be happy and to never feel pain like I had felt. This being in my belly, although just a pea, needs me now more than ever and I should think about him/her. My belly shows no signs yet and I begin to wonder if the home pregnancy test could have been false. Just as I thought that I feel a wave of nausea hit me aggg not again it is not even morning yet, its only 6 pm at night. I quickly rush to the bathroom and puke. Eww no, no, no! I forgot to put up the seat. Now I need to change again. I swear people got this morning sickness all wrong it’s more like all day sickness.

As I begin to undress to take a long much needed bath I can already see changes in my breast they are darker than I remember. I touch them out of curiously.

“Ow” I groan

Damn they heard. It is even sorer from the pain it was when I was on my periods.

After the bath I decide to call the doctor’s office and arrange for an appointment to find out if I’m really pregnant.

“Good morning, Doctor le Roux office how can I help you?”

Uggg can she be any less joyish.

“Hi its Anne Darley speaking I want to arrange an appointment to see Doctor le Roux in 4 days.”

…

Mom has called me a couple of times in the last few days since I spilled the beans. It’s nice of her to check up on me, but I yearn for her love and affection. Giving the circumstances I understand why she is not by my side. Dad has threatened her and Tony again. I haven’t answered yet, because my moods are so odd lately my appointment is in an hour. Then I’ll know. I decided to make a mental note to call Mom back after the appointment.

It’s just been confirmed I’m pregnant.

Emotions are pilling in and before I know it I’m crying my eyes out. I’m crying for my mom, for my little brother, for Michael, for myself and for my little pea.

The doctor only gave me a side glance and requests the sister to go fetch me some water.

“Back to the main subject you are going to have a baby. I may not know the reason you are crying now, but you need to be strong for the baby your next appointment is in four weeks. Remember you have a life inside you that needs you to be strong.

I have a life inside of me. I need to be strong. I sob. How can I be strong? I have no one to help me. I am going to be strong I’m going to give it my best just for you my little pea.

As the weeks passed by and I near my 8 week check up a lot of things has changed. Firstly Dad was arrested for assaulting Mom when she tried to visit me. Secondly, and with much joy I say this, my brother is living a mostly scare free life and are getting good grades at school. Thirdly my Mom’s been a real champ she is helping me around the house till the baby’s born. As for me a lot has happened and changed.

At the 4 weeks mark I felt bloated, had mild cramping and had a few spotting.  Luckily my Mother were there to ensure me that everything is normal the baby is not dying, because of the blood coming out of me. Morning sickness were still a huge issue for me, I swear it was every day. I felt tired and my breast still hurt like hell.

At 5 weeks I started to pee more and more each day. It was like I was a hose that keeps on dripping.  Everywhere we went I had to pee first and when we arrived at the place again. I felt bloated and my moods were so bad, I mean really bad. I feel sorry for my mom, but I just can’t control it. She soothed me with foot massages and back massages.

At 6 weeks Mom almost left of my terrible mood swings. One moment I were crying the next I was happy. I worried so much about my little pea and what life he/she will have. Will I have enough money? Will I be okay being a mother?

Week 7 I started gaining acne spots and feeling bloated. I had such a bad self-esteem that I just ate and ate and ate. From peanut butter with banana to chocolate with cream late at night. My mom thought I was turning into an obesity chick, because of all the wrong foods I were eating.

I’m now at week 8. Today is my sonar screening with the doctor and I find myself just mesmerized with my belly in the mirror. I push it out and then sigh.

“O my little pea, I will protect you with all I got.”

On the drive to the hospital it was pretty quiet in the car. My mother and I didn’t utter a word and I was surprised when she opened the door for me to walk into the doctor’s office.

The doctor office smelt like lavender and wood. The receptionist asked me to wait for the doctor till my number is called.

“Number 23”

….

“Number 24”

…..

“Number 25”

That’s me.

As I walked into the doctor’s office the doctor asked me tons of questions.  Luckily my mother answered most. I lay on the bed and the doctor applied some cool jelly on the lower half of my tummy.

“Ooo its freezing.”

The doctor moved a long like telescope thing on my tummy and in moments I heard the sound.

Di doomf di doomf di doomf …..

“Is that…”

My mother said and the doctor just nodded its head. My mother started crying. Wait what is that sound and then I realized it’s my little pea’s heartbeat. I started crying as well.

“The baby seems healthy and look it looks just like a little chai seed. Your next check-up is at 20 weeks. Rest and take care.”

…

I’m at Week 19 now of my pregnancy and everything seems to be going good. Mother and I have a stronger bond now more than ever. We constantly complain about Elena from Vampire Diaries choosing Damon, but I secretly like Damon more. Mother has a new job and is happy about it.  My brother Tony and I am now sitting on a bench eating chocolate chip ice cream and then we are going to go do some shopping since mother is at work. 

Its then that I spot a familiar face.

Michael.

What is he doing in town? Thought he went to his girlfriend’s family.

Just then my little pea kicked. O my little pea that’s your Dadda yes, but his a mean one.

My brother senses my concern and asks me:

“Sis are you okay?”

I just look up and say nothing.

“Let’s go shopping.”

My brother always knows how to cheer me up and I ruffle his hair. Yes I nod.

Tony my little brother has grown so much over the last couple of months from a scared little boy to a now confident child with curious green eyes and brown fluffy hair.  O I wish my child could have his lovely eyes.  They are so innocent to the world. I’m so in thought that I just walk on straight to the Lego shop Tony so adores. Must be, because I want to thank him for being there for me.

My body and my moods had changed so much over the last couple of weeks.

My breast started growing bigger and bigger the same with my tummy. I’m constantly tired, morning sickness is still an issue and hell eggs smell weird. To add to that list I had constipation for the first weeks then came nasal congestion, headaches and gas. I swear I couldn’t even walk to the door without letting out a fart. Week 12 I just started feeling so dizzy with times and Mom told me it’s because I’m too much on my feet. I soon felt that when my feet began to swell.  My appetite grew and soon after that my back started to get sore real fast, resulting in me having a shortness of breath.

The plus side to all this were indeed that I had the pregnancy glow that everyone was talking about and that I have more shinier hair than ever. How could I forget my pea?

He/she started kicking as well and indeed the best part of this whole process is that one day I’ll get to meet him/her.

We just finished at the Lego store and with my luck I’m so glad for it, since I left a fart in aisle 2.  Damn pregnancy can’t keep anything in nowadays.

We walk on to the Beauty shop when I accidently bump into someone. O just my luck with this big hippo like belly it’s not uncommon to not bump into someone.

“My, my bad.”

I hear the stranger say. How come the voice sound so familiar.

As I look into the stranger eyes to apologise realization hits me and him.

It’s Michael.

“Anne? Is that you?” He looks down at my belly his eyes go huge.

“Hi Michael”

“Wait your pregnant?”

“No I’m just fat. You idiot what do you think?” I get frustrated and walk to the bench closest to me I gesture Tony to go into the shop and buy Mom something special.

“Anne wait is that mine?” Michael hurries to my side.

I just start to cry.

He takes my face in his hands and lifts my chin up. I almost think he is going to kiss me.

Then pregnancy hormones kick in and I have a daydream of that night.

….

“Take me Michael , Take me.”

Michael rips of my panties with his teeth.

“Im going to make you mine.”He growls

….

“You’re disgusting you’re my biggest mistake.”

I hear Michael say and that makes me snap back to reality just as I’m about to say something in return Michael strides away.

….

Few Weeks later

….

“Agggg Mom help aaaa Mom.”

“What is it child?”

My mother comes rushing to my side.

“I think my little girl is coming.”

Mother looks at me confused.

“It can’t be child your only 36 weeks now.”

Just then another wave of cramp hits me.

“I swear Mom she’s coming. If you don’t help me she’s going to fall onto the floor.” I scream.

My mother then quickly hurries and calls the hospital. In few minutes the ambulance appears. They carry me inside the van and then I started to day dream about my beautiful girl.

How would she look like? Would she have Michael’s eyes or mine? Would she resent me for not trying with her father?  Would I be good enough for her?

Just then another wave of cramps hit me and the hospital staff quickly rushes me in to the hospital on a hospital bed.

The doctor comes into the room and just before he wants to question me I scream out in pain. The doctor then rushes to my side and tell me he is going to check if the baby is ready to come out.

“False alarm.”

That is the last words I hear before I fall into a deep slumber.

…..

Week 37

…….

Mom has everything ready for when the baby finally decides to come. I have high hopes for me and my little one and have painted her room a light shade of pink.

…..

Week 38

…..

The baby is going to be the death of me I can’t stop eating.  She kicks all day long if I don’t eat and when I do she is quiet. I look like a genuine hippo. Tony is staying over at a friend’s house till I have my baby and Mom is always busy making me something to eat.

…..

Week 39

…..

I’m in the hospital now. I’m feeling so frightened. The doctor has already shaved me and I’m busy pushing now. 

“Push”

I hear the doctor say.

“Push”

I hear my mom say that I am out of breath and then the doctor says:

“Last time push.”

I push for my Mom for all the years she was scared, I push for my brother to never feel worry again, lastly I push for my pea.”

Then I hear a baby’s cry.

“There’s another, push Anne push.”

I’m in shock yet a push again.

Few seconds later I hear another babies cry.

“It’s a boy.”