Bring your God to work day

INT: OFFICE GROUND FLOOR HALLWAY - DAY

The ruins of an office building, rogue wires, sparking vending machines and water damage abound.

On the hallway cork-board clings to the wall, a poster on the upcoming Christmas Party and some vouchers for Just Eat. A sudden gust of wind causes them to flicker, giving a clear view of another poster underneath. It reads: “August 5: Bring Your God to Work Day”

A PHONE CALL VOICE-OVER begins, chaotic and overlapping.

BOARD MEMBER (V.O.)

What do you mean you don’t know?

TREVOR (V.O.)

I mean, I don’t know. It wasn’t in the management meeting notes—

BOARD MEMBER

What are you a child? (Talking over him) The policy is very fucking clear.

INT: BOARDROOM - DAY

A very serious SUITED WOMAN stands in front of a group of equally serious suited people as she runs through a slide show.

The suited woman flicks to the next slide. It is split into halves with a thick dividing line. On the left it says “Church”. On the right, it says “Real Estate”.

BOARD MEMBER (V.O.)

So how the fuck did this happen?

INT: MOVERIGHT OFFICE - DAY

Aurora (30s, permanently frazzled receptionist) sits at her cluttered desk. Half-eaten biscuit packets, tissues and dead plants litter her workspace. Her emails are open and her inbox counts 2783 unread emails. From the email preview, we see they are all marked “urgent” The current open email reads: Advanced notice - Company Restructure

A little AI-generated version of Trevor, the office manager, appears on her screen. It waves. A speech bubble appears: Hey there, you’ve spent 10 mins with 0% productivity. Shall we change that?

AURORA

The hell is this?

The count ticks up to 2784. She sighs and clicks on the new email, the subject reads: URGENT New employee benefit. Aurora rolls her eyes and drags the email to her ‘To do’ folder without clicking. Immediately, another email pops up, it’s now labelled: DIVINE IMPORTANCE New employee benefit. She sighs and clicks on it. The body of the email is the poster from the cork-board - no further text.

INT: OFFICE GROUND FLOOR HALLWAY - DAY

Aurora staples the poster to the corkboard.

INT: GROUND FLOOR HALLWAY - THE NEXT MORNING

Aurora is wrapped up warm and stands in front of the lift expectantly.

A man in a high-vis jacket places a board in front of the lift: Out of order.

HIGH-VIS MAN

Issue with the wiring. Someone’s coming to fix it at lunch. Until then, can’t have anyone touching it in case it sets off the water supply.

Aurora sighs and glances at the staircase. On her way to the stairs, she passes the cork-board.

AURORA

Good start.

INT: MOVERIGHT OFFICE - DAY

The office is buzzing.

One OFFICE WORKER’s laptop flashes up a message- low battery. They reach for a charger, but before they get there, a bearded man in robes (ZEUS) lazily taps the laptop with his finger.

Sparks fly, and suddenly, the laptop is at full power. The office worker’s hair stands on end, eyebrows slightly singed.

Meanwhile, AHMED, the office accountant, flips through accountancy books. Behind him, an Ibis-headed man (THOTH) taps his staff, and the books flip to the correct page.

Aurora watches this all unfold from her desk. She looks round as if waiting for her god to appear.

INT: OFFICE BUILDING ENTRANCEWAY

Aurora stands in front of VENDING MACHINES. Golden threads representing LUCK and red threads of yarn representing FATE dance around the numbers on the machines - the threads bite at each other.

Aurora presses button 7. A packet of rainbow SKITTLES begins to move, but the coil holding it back stops, and it sticks.

CILLIAN (Mid 20s, Irish, soft-spoken) appears behind her. He carries a little PUZZLE KNOT, effortlessly untying and retying it.

CILLIAN

Well, this is fun.

Aurora laughs dryly. She bangs on the vending machine.

AURORA

So where’s yours?

Aurora bangs the machine again.

CILLIAN

Here.

Cillian places a hand on the vending machine. In the glass a reflection appears: LUGH (Irish god associated with connections and craftsmanship, holding a spear). Lugh’s hand mirrors Cillian’s. The metal ring turns; the Skittles drop to the bottom.

AURORA

Handy. Mine must have got lost in the mail.

CILLIAN

Maybe it means they have faith in you. You are, after all, the glue that holds this place together.

It’s a nice moment, broken by SEAN (Social Media Officer) walking into the hallway.

He selects a VITAMIN WATER from the machine.

Sean’s reflection in the VENDING MACHINE splits in two, with the second turning into NARCISSUS, who pats Sean on the back.

MARIA (30s, Human Resources Manager) pops her head round her office door.

MARIA

Ah Aurora, there you are. Shall we have a quick word?

INT: HUMAN RESOURCES OFFICE

Aurora and Maria sit on opposite sides of Maria’s desk.

An obsidian-hued Xoloitzcuintle dog (The Goddess Chantico) coils at Maria’s feet by the heater.

Aurora fans herself gently.

MARIA

Look, between you and me, Trevor is under a lot of pressure from the board to cut costs.

Aurora stares blankly.

MARIA

You know Trevor, all about streamlining our processes. You should see some of his ideas; it’s amazing what AI can do these days.

A moment of quiet reflection.

AURORA

Sorry, you think you can replace me with an algorithm?

MARIA

Oh my god, not replace. No, I think the word Trevor used was reoptimise. But obviously, we value your contributions so highly, so I just wanted to give you this teeny little heads up. Let you get ahead of the situation.

Maria slides a piece of paper over the desk. Aurora unfolds it and raises her eyebrows.

AURORA

I thought you valued my contributions.

Maria smiles sweetly.

MARIA

I notice, you don’t seem to have a-

She mouths “God”.

MARIA

- here today

She strokes the dog at her feet.

MARIA

That must be really hard. Let me know if you want to chat about it.

INT: MOVERIGHT OFFICE, DAY

Aurora picks up the phone.

AURORA

Welcome to MoveRight, how can I help?

Trevor appears back on the screen. A little voice bubble appears: Did you know you immediately sound friendlier when you smile? Want me to demonstrate?

Aurora clicks: No, thank you. She glares at the Trevor icon.

AURORA

Sir, I’m delighted to say you’re already speaking to a real person.

Aurora hangs up and angrily shoves a handful of Skittles into her mouth.

CILLIAN

So, um, I’m taking the severance deal. Today is my last day.

Aurora chokes on the Skittles. Cillian panickedly pats her on the back. When she recovers, she wheezes.

AURORA

But you’re basically like a human AI - I thought Trevor would be worshipping at your feet.

Cillian chuckles wryly.

CILLIAN

That is very sweet. You also clearly don’t know what I do.

AURORA

Are you stressed? You don’t seem stressed.

CILLIAN

Well, I didn’t need much of a push to leave. It’s good money. To be honest, I think you should leave, too. We can embrace the unknown together - take this as a cosmic sign.

AURORA

I don’t know, doesn’t feel like the cosmos wants to speak to me today.

CILLIAN

Seriously, having a god’s not everything it’s cracked up to be.

He glances over at an adjacent set of desks. A group of six, three humans and three slight alterations of the traditional Christian God. The humans look uncomfortable.

CHRISTIAN GOD 1 stares judgmentally at CHRISTIAN GOD 2 as the latter eats a packet of prawn cocktail crisps

CHRISTIAN GOD 2

Everyone knows it’s not real prawn.

He crunches down on a crisp..

A footballer on the office TV screen picks up the cross around his neck and presses it to his lips. Christian God 1 blushes slightly and blows a kiss at the screen. The footballer goes on to take a perfect penalty.

AURORA

Wait, you thought it was good money?

INT: HUMAN RESOURCES OFFICE - DAY

Maria sits at her desk - she holds a thermostat and absent-mindedly turns up the heating.

Aurora barges in. Maria holds up a hand, anticipating the question.

MARIA

I can’t discuss our offering to other colleagues with you.

AURORA

You’re giving Cillian double the severance pay you offered me? I’ve been here twice as long. I am the gl-.

She breaks off, wiping her brow.

AURORA

Why is it so damn hot in here?

She takes off her jumper awkwardly.

AURORA

(Muffled through her jumper) I am the glue that holds this place together.

MARIA

Cillian is a data analyst.

AURORA

You don’t even know what that means

MARIA

Exactly. I can reassure you that all employee redundancy packages were put together under strict artificial intelligence guidance to avoid any nasty human bias. The amount on the table is the impartial result of this consultation.

Maria picks up a tube of paprika-flavoured Pringles and pops open the lid.

MARIA

Pringle?

Aurora glares at it.

AURORA

You know what, keep it.

MARIA

You don’t like Pringles?

AURORA

No not the fucking Pringle. The money. I don’t want it. I quit.

MARIA

Suit yourself.

Maria sets the tube on the floor. The dog starts devouring them - its muzzle nestled into the tube.

Aurora waits for a further reaction, but Maria is preoccupied with the dog. Aurora briskly walks out - she leaves the door open. The dog barks indignantly.

MARIA

You’ll let the heat out.

From behind the door, Aurora yells.

AURORA.

You know you work in Human Resources, yeah?

Maria doesn’t stop flipping through paperwork.

MARIA

That sounded better in your head, didn’t it?

The door slams shut.

INT: PUB - LUNCHTIME

Dark wood, carpet - a place that feels not unlike a Vegas casino, concealing the true time of day.

Roy triumphantly slams down his glass of Guinness - the ‘G’ split. Bacchus frowns at the glass.

BACCHUS

Bah - is that all you’ve got boy?

ROY

No it’s a-

Bacchus stares at the glass and it refills.

BACCHUS

Do it again, properly.

ROY

(Pathetically) It’s a well-known-

He starts attempting to chug the full pint.

Aurora and Cillian sit at a table nearby. A cardboard box full of Aurora’s personal items is on the table.

She absentmindedly picks out a tangled mess of headphones and tries to untangle them.

AURORA

Fuck. That was stupid.

Cillian grabs the headphones from her almost unconsciously and, like magic, immediately begins to untangle them perfectly.

AURORA

I mean, it felt amazing. But what am I going to do now? I don’t want your money - what the hell was I thinking?

CILLIAN

Well, I’m proud of you.

He hands her back the untangled headphones.

Aurora picks up a glass trophy from the box: Most Valued Employee Runner Up 2021. She scoffs at it.

AURORA

This probably should have been the breaking point.

CILLIAN

We all make poor choices.

Cillian looks pointedly at the group with Bacchus, who are currently completely inebriated. They stagger to the Gents.

BACCHUS

Lightweights.

CILLIAN

Honestly, in a year or two, we’ll all just be drowning in AI, and everyone will be jumping ship.

As one of them opens the door, a beam of light breaks through and hits the glass trophy, refracting rainbows across Aurora’s face.

She drags her eyes off the scene to focus back on Cillian. A thought has dawned. She picks up the headphones again.

AURORA

Say that again.

INT: PUB - MOMENTS LATER

Aurora storms past the table of Bacchus and his followers, she pauses to swipe a shot of tequila on the way past. She glances back at Cillian, who hasn’t moved. She beckons. He points to himself, confused.

CILLIAN

You want me to...? Yep, no, sure.

He tries to down his pint as he rushes off.

INT: OFFICE BUILDING ENTRANCEWAY

Buoyed by Tequila, Aurora storms into the building, followed by Cillian. Cillian pants, trying to keep up with her.

They stare at a removed section of the lift. Inside is a horrific tangle of wires - think the knot you get in a necklace chain, times a thousand.

The mass of wires flexes menacingly

AURORA

Fuck it’s...

CILLIAN

Gorgeous

LUGH appears beside Cillian and places a hand on his shoulder. The wires spark.

AURORA

So this might sound weird, but I need you to-

Lugh and Cillian grin.

LUGH CILLIAN

Already on it. Already on it.

Cillian reaches out a hand towards the wires. They pulse, slowly uncoiling and ooze towards his hand.

MAINTENANCE WORKER

Woah, sir I’m going to need you to step back.

Like a pet cat, the mass of wires leaps up and wraps itself lovingly around Cillian’s neck.

Cillian and Aurora lock eyes, bracing.

The mass of wires shoots out a tendril, creeping up the office wall until it finds the FIRE ALARM and breaks the glass.

The alarm blares. Aurora and Cillian stand in the foyer - looking at the chaos unfold.

A moment and then a stampede of footsteps can be heard.

The office workers pour into the foyer.

The mass of wires is now in the crook of Cillian’s arm. Content, the wires rise and fall - purring. He strokes it absentmindedly.

A man pushes through the crowd forming in the foyer, TREVOR. He looks exactly like a tech bro would. He addresses the group.

TREVOR

This is nothing to worry about, guys. Will just be a few seconds to sort out. And then we can all get back to our productivity. If everyone could please note the current time and add any missed minutes to the end of your day.

Aurora grits her teeth.

AURORA

Hmm, time to deliver a message

A moment of nothing happening. Cillian glances at her sideways, waiting for her next move.

CILLIAN

Not to kill your vibe. That was slightly underwhelming.

AURORA

Wait for it.

She grabs Cillian’s hand and watches the ceiling

AURORA

3, 2, 1.

The sprinklers go off. Not your standard light spritz, this is a full-on rush of water.

The Xoloitzcuintle howls and hides under the coat racks.

In the corner, Jesus frantically turns water into wine, which Bacchus dives straight into.

CILLIAN

Holy shit.

SEAN

This is going viral.

He stares into the pool of water collecting at his feet. Narcissus stares back, posing.

NARCISSUS

Make sure I’m in the frame.

CILLIAN

See, you didn’t need a god.

Aurora smiles to herself.

AURORA

Oh, she’s been here

A beam of sunlight shines through the window, and a massive rainbow appears where it meets the sprinklers.

Aurora laughs and watches the beautiful mess, marvelling at the refracted fragments of light. A full rainbow appears.

FLASHBACK INT: DAY - MOVERIGHT OFFICE

Close up on Aurora’s computer with her emails open to the Bring Your God to Work notice. This time, we notice the email signature - Internal Relations Information Services (IRIS).

BACK TO:

INT. DAY - OFFICE BUILDING ENTRYWAY

Maria appears, lightly steaming.

MARIA

What the hell is happening?

She gets sight of Aurora.

MARIA

Aurora, you’re the fire marshal. You must know how to turn this off.

AURORA

Oh, see, I just can’t remember.

She mimes thinking.

AURORA

Human brains, huh, just so unreliable! But you know, it’s amazing what AI can do these days.

A line of computer monitors all pop up with Trevor’s AI character: Hey there, I’ve detected some water damage, let’s fix this.

AURORA

Huh, or maybe not.

The water swells, and the message changes to: Hey there, are you trying to drown me? Haha?

TREVOR

Oh come on! You’re killing me here.

One by one, the monitors short-circuit.

TREVOR

What do you want?

He moves close to Aurora and whispers.

TREVOR

Is it a raise? I’ll get you a raise.

The last monitor turns off as Trevor’s AI icon splutters. Real Trevor runs over to the monitor as if mourning.

TREVOR

Noo!!

CILLIAN

What’s the plan now, mate?

AURORA

I think

She takes a deep breath and gestures to Cillian, who nods

AURORA

Yeah, I think we’ll just be leaving you to sort this.

A mounted security camera swivels to watch them leave. The sprinkler water reaches it, and it starts to short circuit- the camera goes static, a technological rainbow.

The wire mass prances alongside them - like a furry companion. Pausing to nuzzle a discarded donut.

The phone call from the start of the script continues as a voice-over.

TREVOR

Obviously, a suboptimal day. Rest assured, we are doing a full analysis of the data to dig down into the variables.

BOARD MEMBER

Variables? Why is he talking like a fucking robot?

TREVOR

Looping in Barry from legal.

LEGAL ADVISOR

Yeah, so bad news, guys.

Silence.

BOARD MEMBER 2

Huh? What?

LEGAL ADVISOR

Sorry, dropped off the line for a second. So yeah, the bad news: insurance won’t cover it.

BOARD MEMBER

What the fuck do you mean they won’t cover it.

LEGAL ADVISOR

Well, you know they have a clause for things like this.

BOARD MEMBER 2

Things like what?

LEGAL ADVISOR

Acts of god.

In Aurora’s wake, a path of IRISES spring forth.