Don't Judge a Book by its Cover Kids

Don't Judge a Book by its Cover Kids

I met Mr. Grapes an anomic individual (a state or condition of individuals or society characterized by a breakdown or absence of social norms and values, as in the case of uprooted people), when I was around ten years old and he changed my young life completely.

I had skipped school or as they used to say, I played hooky from school. 

Far beyond my house was a paper recycling plant where Mr. Grapes happily resided. On the outside above his doorless frame a sign that read: Trespassers will cause me to be exasperated. Well, I didn't exactly meet Mr. Grapes or know the printed black paint sign above where a door should have been meant. I was caught red handed breaking away from that door-less cardboard and paper shack. If ever the term as one being a hoarder Ole Mr. Grapes rugged face would appear next to the word in Webster's dictionary. The paper thin walls were lined with more books than in the Library of Congress in my befuddled mind. I seriously wondered where he slept, there was so many books. The only thing that looked out of place was a small table and chair set with an ancient typewriter atop of it.

Suddenly, a rat the size of a Texas Armadillo and its 7 pups appeared out of nowhere as I dashed out of there faster than Jesse Owens, (James Cleveland "Jesse" Owens was an American track and field athlete and four-time gold medalist in the 1936 Olympic Games. Owens specialized in the sprints and the long jump and was recognized in his lifetime as "perhaps the greatest and most famous athlete in track and field history". He set three world records and tied another, all in less than an hour at the 1935 Big Ten track meet in Ann Arbor, Michigan. A feat that has never been equaled and has been called "the greatest 45 minutes ever in sports"). I ran smack dab into Mr. Grapes. I’ll never forget the look I received from those blood shot devilish eyes. I could smell the repugnant aroma of stale wine upon him as he held on to me as if I was there to steal his last bottle of bottom shelf wine. When he finally released me from that purgatory smell. I fell to the paper filled ground. As he offered me a grimy hand to pick me up he drunkenly asked me why I wasn't in school. I didn't want to tell him that I came to the paper filled dump to shoot rats with my new trusty homemade sling shot. I lied and said that I was looking for my calculus homework assignment my mother accidently tossed out. He purposely let my hand go and once again I was buried in paper debris. That's the day Mr. Grapes changed my life forever.

Maybe I'm getting a little ahead of myself as I reflect on that day more than 30 years ago.

As I continued to lay on the paper that felt softer than my own mattress. He went inside the shack and brought out a stool while carrying a large book. Sit down boy, he shouted in his sandpaper sounding voice. I'm going to first tell you how I got the name Grapes and then secondly and most importantly why I whined up living in this recycled paper tomb filled world. 

You see boy, just like you I never went to school or took constructive advice from anyone. I got my nickname Grapes from being a connoisseurs of cheap wine called Thunderbird meaning, I drank myself into poverty, shamelessness, despair, depression, denial, trust worthlessness, chaos, skull doggery, anti-social behavior, schizophrenia, unscrupu[ousness, tomfoolery, peccadillo and a host of other uncharacteristic behaviors. 

I'm sitting there thinking to my frighten self that this drunk dude surely knows a lot of big words. He's still clutching to that book as if it was the Holy Grail designed especially for winos. He bent over all of a sudden and he let out the most frightening cough I had ever heard from any human being. Greenish/purplish snot ran from his red nose and his eyes appeared as if the devil had took over them. Just as I was about to bolt away he grabbed me and told me to sit down. Because Ole Mr. Grapes wasn't done giving me the facts of his life. 

I was just about your age when I decided to run away from home. I met a man just as you have, and he changed my life in a bad way. He had me stealing, looting, pilfering, he had me breaking into people homes and pan handling in the streets of Harlem, New York City. As I grew older he gave me a gun to protect myself. I used that gun one day and robbed and killed a man for 33 cents. From that awful day to this pathetic day I will live with that thought. The police finally caught up with me and I spent 28 years in prison asking God for forgiveness. 

When I finally got out of prison I couldn't find a job because no one would hire me. I began to drink and drink and drink until I landed here in paper world. I want you to stay with me so that I can teach you how to destroy your life and hopefully the lives of others. Take this book and we'll begin. 

When he handed me the book? He went into another one of those coughing jags. I got off that stool before he recovered and ran as fast as my short legs could carry me, never looking back. 

When I got home I vowed that I would never play hooky from school again. About a week later I discovered the book that Mr. Grapes had given me. It was titled 10 Ways to be Successful in America. After reading the book he had written it changed my life forever. You see, Mr. Grapes was a famous writer and storyteller and the owner of that paper recycle plant.